Grief and loss

Support and advice following the loss of a family member, partner, spouse or someone close to you.

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Sophie_M Welcome to the Grief and Loss section
  • replies: 27

Everyone’s experience of grief or loss is unique. You might experience all kinds of difficult or overwhelming emotions, and you might sometimes wonder if the sadness will ever end. This is a normal reaction to loss. There is no right or wrong way to ... View more

Everyone’s experience of grief or loss is unique. You might experience all kinds of difficult or overwhelming emotions, and you might sometimes wonder if the sadness will ever end. This is a normal reaction to loss. There is no right or wrong way to grieve, but it can help to allow yourself to: share your grief, and let others support you. This forum category is for all discussions relating to how grief and loss has affected you, providing a space for you to express your feelings, discuss difficult moments and anniversaries, and honour the memories of your lost loved ones. Please be aware that threads in this forum may contain discussions of self-harm and suicide.

All discussions

FoxyRae Dealing with grief over the death of my mum (2+ years ago) and feeling lost
  • replies: 5

My mum passed away very suddenly 2+ years ago and at that time I was still living with her and completing my bachelor's degree. It was just her and I and our two cats, whilst my brother and sister were living with their partners. My mum and I were ve... View more

My mum passed away very suddenly 2+ years ago and at that time I was still living with her and completing my bachelor's degree. It was just her and I and our two cats, whilst my brother and sister were living with their partners. My mum and I were very close and when she passed away, it was as if a piece of my heart died with her. At the moment, I am living with my partner and am completing my masters. Whilst I thought I was finally happy, a lot of feelings have resurfaced and I am feeling quite lost. I thought I knew what I wanted in life but now I don't know. All I really want to do is talk to my mum about my issues as she was the only person who could ever make me feel better whenever I was down. Whenever I am a little down at home, I kind of feel like my partner sometimes tries to downplay my sadness because his own mum is quite an emotional person who tends to display her sadness and anger in very dramatic ways by making a scene. While I don't do that, I think my partner's response has been ingrained into him because of his own experiences with his mum. Due to this, I feel as if my sadness isn't justified and that I am being silly and should just toughen up. I guess I should approach my partner about this but I don't know how to.

7un13 Struggling going through grief losing my cat
  • replies: 5

It happened to me 4 days ago. And yes i am literally counting the days that I am away from him. He's my first cat and i take full responsibility in taking care of him. I am struggling so much from the fact that he left so sudden, quick while still to... View more

It happened to me 4 days ago. And yes i am literally counting the days that I am away from him. He's my first cat and i take full responsibility in taking care of him. I am struggling so much from the fact that he left so sudden, quick while still too young. I keep having flashbacks of that last moment, and it makes me feel so traumatised. I've been feeling rather detached throughout the day, and finding it so hard to concentrate on my uni which I have not been attending much of the classes. I think I am coping well and healthily, but the flashbacks are kind of haunting me. I still can't say his name or be the first person to mention him. I mean it's only been 4 days, so obviously I'm still struggling. Am i rushing my healing process? My sister recommends me to go to counselling so I might as well do. What is scaring me right now is the upcoming house inspection cause I'm still renting, which means I probably have to clean and put away all his stuff which I still left where they were. I'm scared. Is this normal?

H-c Dreamt about someone that passed away 5~ years ago
  • replies: 7

5~ years ago I lost someone that i dearly loved and I haven't had a dream about them for a while. In fact it's been months since I've had a conversation with them in my dreams. I don't know what triggered me to dream about them but they came into my ... View more

5~ years ago I lost someone that i dearly loved and I haven't had a dream about them for a while. In fact it's been months since I've had a conversation with them in my dreams. I don't know what triggered me to dream about them but they came into my dreams recently. I thought that I have finally accepted their passing but i guess not. In that dream I finally got a chance to tell them about everything that I've gone through these days, all the breakdowns i have and my thoughts. After that I woke up crying, to the point where i couldn't stop the tears that were streaming down my face. Am i still not done with the grieving process? everyone else seems to have moved on but why am i still frustrated and mad that they left every time I have a dream about them? I still blame myself to this day, if I had made them go to a hospital sooner maybe they would've been here today, if I hadn't listened to them saying they're fine when in fact they're clearly not.. I tried writing a letter to them and all that stuff but i still can't move on. it hurts so much my chest feels heavy but at the same time empty

Mich_pete Very sad still after lonely funeral
  • replies: 3

I'm still very sad because I couldn't get anyone to attend my brother's funeral because of covid. I had no way of making contact with any of his friends and colleagues, not for the want of trying, I couldn't get into his phone contacts. I spent a sma... View more

I'm still very sad because I couldn't get anyone to attend my brother's funeral because of covid. I had no way of making contact with any of his friends and colleagues, not for the want of trying, I couldn't get into his phone contacts. I spent a small fortune on putting advertising in the local paper's, I listed in the social media, but because I din't know his circle of friends I don't know if they knew what happened. It took the police nearly a week to find me. We had to wait a month to have the Funeral because I had to junp through a lot of hoops to get it to go ahead I wanted to meet with his friends to get an idea of where he was. But me and my husband were the only ones there. All I have is this very sad clip of footage. Sorry folks I have to vent... it's the only thing that I can do...

Theateam Grief and marriage breakdown
  • replies: 2

My husband lost his mum 3 months ago. Since then our relationship has gone downhill with lots of fights and distance. A lot of previous unresolved issues have also come up during this time and there's also no communication between us. He doesn't real... View more

My husband lost his mum 3 months ago. Since then our relationship has gone downhill with lots of fights and distance. A lot of previous unresolved issues have also come up during this time and there's also no communication between us. He doesn't really want to share much with me so I'm constantly guessing and wondering how I can best support. Obviously the death is still fresh and there's grieving involved. I've realised it's a bad time to talk about problems between us. But I'm also scared that if don't communicate about anytning the relationship will get worse. I'm feeling so stuck and deflated. I'm starting to feel a lot of anxiety about the situation as well. Has anyone been the partner of someone grieving. What was your experience? Or if someone here who has gone through grieving can share what grief was like for them so I can have better insights, I can better understand my partner's thoughts right now.

Thatrandomchick Grieving for my grandfather hasn't got easier
  • replies: 5

Hey everyone. I lost my best friend ever about 3 and a half years ago. To this day I still don't cope fully and feel like my life has stopped since he left. Everything I ever did was for him or because of him. To this day I still feel anger, disbelie... View more

Hey everyone. I lost my best friend ever about 3 and a half years ago. To this day I still don't cope fully and feel like my life has stopped since he left. Everything I ever did was for him or because of him. To this day I still feel anger, disbelief and rhe want to just see him or hear from him again. Is this normal? When will I feel normal again and not let it overcome me?

Bridget_Anne I still grieve the lost of my marriage.
  • replies: 1

Over a decade later I still am very sad that I had to not allow my exhusband back into my life. Nothing or no one has filled that void. I have done everything to keep him, myself & my adult son connected. Mainly through coming together for my son's b... View more

Over a decade later I still am very sad that I had to not allow my exhusband back into my life. Nothing or no one has filled that void. I have done everything to keep him, myself & my adult son connected. Mainly through coming together for my son's birthday drink. It is only just us when we come together. Unfortunately it does not seem to have the same significance to them. Families should always cherish each other because divorce for myself has come with the greatest grief, loss of my own family home, family times, extended relatives & friends. I was disrespected & for standing up for myself I lost the most.

Rain_Wizard So much loss
  • replies: 6

Hi everyone, I've been meaning to come on here and talk about my current situation. I'm just gonna jump straight in. So, i lost my mum to Cancer in July, when she got diagnosed, she was given about 5 months to live, so me and my family set out to do ... View more

Hi everyone, I've been meaning to come on here and talk about my current situation. I'm just gonna jump straight in. So, i lost my mum to Cancer in July, when she got diagnosed, she was given about 5 months to live, so me and my family set out to do so much with her, go to the beach, have a family dinners etc etc, anyway, she passed away after 5 weeks and didn't get to do anything with her. The last week, she was asleep, as her body just shut down. The positive i take out of this is, we got to say our goodbyes, got to say sorry for anything etc. About 2 weeks ago, my family lost a father figure to Cancer, he wasn't blood relation, but we had known him for about 30 years, the majority of my life and he became somewhat of a father figure and such an important part of our family. During this time, me and my partner had to put one of our cats down, her body was shutting down and was in pain. Then a couple of days ago, a family friend passed away with Cancer, i just saw him about a month ago and he looked fine, getting on in age, but was still getting around and looked healthy, he was a great man. I also do contract work, and got my new contract about a week ago and my pay has gone down, quite a bit, we struggled the last 2 years (due to COVID) and was looking forward to getting a pay rise and the possibility of having a holiday to kind of process every thing that has happened. When my mum passed away, my work was very sympathetic and said i could take as much time away as i needed, but due to our financial situation, i got to take a week off and i had to go back. So here i sit at my computer and all i feel is numb, i don't feel suicidal, but i don't really feel much at all, i don't care about my job, i don't really care about much TBH. Christmas is coming up and i don't care much about it. I will go with the flow, do lunch and dinner, physically i will be there, but mentally i won't be, if everyone gets what i mean. Anyway, thanks for letting me vent and talk about my past 6 months. Thanks.

RedheadBeth Loss of an old friend to suicide
  • replies: 4

My close friend took his life on Monday. It wasn't his first attempt but I did hope he would keep reaching out when he needed it. We've known each other since we were 12, almost 2 decades. We had a pact together that we made when we were young that i... View more

My close friend took his life on Monday. It wasn't his first attempt but I did hope he would keep reaching out when he needed it. We've known each other since we were 12, almost 2 decades. We had a pact together that we made when we were young that if we weren't married by the time we were 30 we would get married to each other, so neither of us had to grow old alone. We've always stayed in touch over the years but the passed year and a bit, since his last failed attempted at suicide, we've spoken every day. He has felt suicidal for a long time but he always spoke to me about it, we had a promise we would reach out to each other when we got to that place and until Monday we'd both kept that promise. I keep going through being upset and missing him and being angry - angry with him for following through this time and being angry at all of the people posting on his social media that weren't there for him (even though it's none of their faults but he put out multiple cries for help and silence). I don't know what I want from this forum but I just have a massive void and messaging his number will never be read by him.