I’m a year 10 student and my senior studies are approaching faster than
expected. I’m struggling to focus on what matters when I’m on the brink
of losing all who I care about at school. My friend group, solid for
almost a year until a few months ago,...
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I’m a year 10 student and my senior studies are approaching faster than
expected. I’m struggling to focus on what matters when I’m on the brink
of losing all who I care about at school. My friend group, solid for
almost a year until a few months ago, was open to me when I joined with
my brothers, two, who look identical to me. This challenge of being a
triplet and identical is something I hear many people say must be so
cool or amazing. But, not a day goes by where I wish I wasn’t. Three
people attached emotionally to each other from birth, is a burden to any
group as its three more opinions to listen to and possibly an eye sore,
or embarrassment. I thought we were safe in that group having suffered
severe bullying from previous schools, but as the terms passed we began
being marginalised. The fact that I was always called “triplet,” instead
of my name after all these years only makes me feel like an abomination
or a failed lab experiment as I’ve been jokingly called. My brothers and
I were diagnosed with pessimism and social anxiety a year or two ago and
I can’t keep holding my head up. Most mornings I no longer want to wake
up as I know the sadness I am destined to experience until I can again
be unconscious in sleep. My days now are just a cycle, I no longer sit
with the people I once called friends, only one person I can rely on I
cower near, and all day besides the name calling, I’m forced to be
shunned, my opinions or voice means nothing, and despite the horrible
things others in the group do, my every action warrants some from of
abuse whether verbal or physical. My parents are blind to these issues
and I can’t tell people because the reaction from my “friends” would for
sure grant me out of their group. Without these people, some of whom I
exchange in hatred, and others I let belittle me, I have no where to go,
and I no I won’t see my 30’s when my mind matures if I am to still be
depressed in adulthood. I can’t keep failing to fit in despite being at
my current school for 5 years, and I can’t keep telling myself that I’ll
be free in 2 years when school finishes. Even today a simple harmless
prankster act I did (in retaliation to an identical act from a student
mere seconds prior) aimed at being funny, warranted snickers and pushing
from my “friends.” I don’t know what I’m doing wrong! Why do I fail at
being human when others do it fine every day. I’m done being classified
as something other than just a person or an individual all my life.
How do I talk to my doctor?
