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Sophie_M Meet your community champions!
  • replies: 10

Hi everyone, We wanted to share with you the way that our wonderful Community Champions are here to support you. You may have noticed that a few of our Forums members are labelled ‘Community Champion’. Community Champions are volunteers within the Be... View more

Hi everyone, We wanted to share with you the way that our wonderful Community Champions are here to support you. You may have noticed that a few of our Forums members are labelled ‘Community Champion’. Community Champions are volunteers within the Beyond Blue Forums who: have the time, skills and empathy to support other members regularly; help to welcome new members; are actively engaged members that help set the tone of our community. Our Community Champions are regular contributors to many conversations across the forums. They are a consistent and friendly voice that have committed to sharing their experience and expertise with this community. They are not health care professionals or clinicians. Like you, they have an experience with a mental health challenge or diagnosis – either for themselves or someone they care for. This forum is for people who understand what it feels like and have a lived and living experience of mental health challenges. Our Community Champions help everyone feel comfortable and confident by demonstrating what excellent peer support is all about. Click here to find out more about how you can become a Community Champion! This incredible team are excited to introduce themselves below, and we are sure you’ll see them around the forums in conversations important to you.

Aaronsis HELP..Am I posting in the right section?
  • replies: 10

Welcome to those who are considering posting for the very first time, welcome. Thought I would repost part of the words that Chris B posted awhile ago, (2014) as I can hear that people are unsure if they are posting in the right section or worried th... View more

Welcome to those who are considering posting for the very first time, welcome. Thought I would repost part of the words that Chris B posted awhile ago, (2014) as I can hear that people are unsure if they are posting in the right section or worried that they are posting "the wrong thing". 1.A good title makes the difference Just like a headline in a newspaper, when scanning the dozens of threads to click into, it’s only natural that people will choose the ones that resonate with them most. A title that entices the reader, or asks a question, is likely to get a better result than something non-descriptive like “Depression” or “I don't know what to do”. If you think you’re not good at choosing titles, leave it till last. Spend time writing your post, then perhaps choose a sentence from what you’ve written as the title. 2.Join in threads that have already been posted We all have our own unique stories, but part of the reason for joining a forum like this one is because you know that you will have a lot in common with others who are posting. Before starting a new thread, have a look through the current topics being discussed and see if there’s a conversation you can join in with. It can be quite common to have a handful of very similar threads happening at any one time, with members seemingly unaware that there are others right there who are going through the same thing. Talking to other members on their threads is a great way of getting yourself known so that when you post a thread of your own, people may respond quicker because they recognize your name. 3.Choose the most appropriate section for your post Many people browse the forums looking for stories specifically to do with pregnancy and parenting, employment, grief, loss, separation etc. Going straight for the “Depression” section may seem like the easiest option, but this section is often the busiest, so your post is more likely to get lost among the threads. Making good use of the different forum sections not only helps keep the forum relevant, but you’re more likely to find others who are going through the same experiences as you. Also, if you're wanting to discuss issues of trauma, abuse, suicidal thoughts or self-harm, it's really important you post in the designated section to avoid triggering others who may not wish to read about these topics. Mostly..just come and chat, we are here for you. Our amazing wizards in the background will see your message ends up in the right spot. Sarah

All discussions

Galaxy-Hunter Big feels, lonely, insignificant, unseen, unheard, unimportant and invisible.
  • replies: 10

I am feeling all the big feels of loneliness, insignificance, unseen, unheard, unimportant and invisible. That’s just the surface really. I have a partner and who is oblivious to how I am feeling. He is not the type of person to be sensitive to many ... View more

I am feeling all the big feels of loneliness, insignificance, unseen, unheard, unimportant and invisible. That’s just the surface really. I have a partner and who is oblivious to how I am feeling. He is not the type of person to be sensitive to many situations. Most nights of the week, too much alcohol has been consumed by him, although I am grateful that he is generally a happy drunk unlike my first husband. My life is boring and consists of sitting at home and scrolling social media and watching tv. I have a spinal problem that was diagnosed in the last year that has made exercise difficult and painful at times. I also have spinal stenosis where the nerves are pinched and I spend a lot of time lying down as that is less pressure on my back. Sometimes while I’m walking my back gives way. There is no real chance of fixing my back, only managing it and the pain. I do need to lose weight which would help, but thats not easy either. I don’t have any friends except for an older lady who is lovely and I visit her every couple of months and it’s usually because she has phoned me and she needs my help with her computer or phone. I don’t work but I used to have a really great job ( 10 years ago) and was the frontline face of the organisation and since meeting my husband and moving to be with him I seem to have lost my way. I don’t have any purpose. My husband comes home from work and tells me everything and I mean everything he did at work, including all the conversations he had with the team in his department. I switch off sometimes. I feel like I know everything about them. He comes home and switches on his laptop and continues to work. The days are gloomy and worse now winter is here in Vic. This is just a part of the big picture. I just feel so blahhh, teary, lonely and just sad.

quirkywords Can crying be a sign of strength and not weakness.?
  • replies: 47

Something happened to me recently which inspired this thread. I was preparing an event with a group of people I had known for a little time when I accidentally broke a full length mirror. My first reaction was to be startled and then cry as it trigge... View more

Something happened to me recently which inspired this thread. I was preparing an event with a group of people I had known for a little time when I accidentally broke a full length mirror. My first reaction was to be startled and then cry as it triggered me and it was so unexpected. Instead of people seeing if I was ok, they commented that I was weak because I was crying, they whispered that they were amazed that an adult would cry over such a small thing. Someone told me they thought I was stronger and disappointed I cried. After a few minutes I was fine but sad my crying was seen as a sign of immaturity and not being strong. So I want to know if you have experienced people reacting when you cry..? I am someone who didn’t cry much as a child but now in my senior years I can get teary quite easily which I accept. I am surprised at what happened to me and now wonder if those people will see me differently. Do you think most people see tears as weakness. .?

AnotherSadDad Introduction. How I got to where I am today…
  • replies: 3

Hi, I’m at such a loss… I am becoming more and more uneasy, sad and just regretful about what my life is turning out to be.I have a great job and without sounding obnoxious I imagine lots of people would take my position in a heart beat.Everything st... View more

Hi, I’m at such a loss… I am becoming more and more uneasy, sad and just regretful about what my life is turning out to be.I have a great job and without sounding obnoxious I imagine lots of people would take my position in a heart beat.Everything started going down hill with the birth of my son in Jan 2020. From the get go I struggled adapting to life as a dad. First it was all the lack of sleep which seemed never ending but I knew would resolve itself in time. Then my son was diagnosed as Autistic. He is now 2.5 years old and is still non-verbal. He is a gorgeous little boy but he is so frustrated and miserable. I can’t help but think what the future holds for him and my wife and I and it scares me… I don’t want this for my life. I hate to say it but sometimes I feel like I should just leave, but I don’t think I can bring myself to do that… I feel so trapped and don’t know what to do. sorry this is probably a ramble of sorts. I just don’t know what to do. Im so miserable now… I hate that I feel like this but don’t know what to do…

Socs Christies
  • replies: 6

Hi, I have had for about 4years. My older brother went missing in 2001 and they unfortunately found his remains in 2018. At least we have closure and he's resting in peace. The first 2years we're very difficult for me but I find talking about things ... View more

Hi, I have had for about 4years. My older brother went missing in 2001 and they unfortunately found his remains in 2018. At least we have closure and he's resting in peace. The first 2years we're very difficult for me but I find talking about things that most men don't. I also am a full time carer for my mum and I still can't imagine how she feels burying her 1st son. The last 2years have been a little bit better because I'm on medication for my PTSD which helps. I also am involved with a support group for Carers, I joined just over a year ago. We are all Carers and it's all about us Carers which means we can all relate to each other. Exactly

Dishe Estranged from my adult son
  • replies: 8

I am terribly hurt confused and depressed about my son’s dismissal of me and his dad. He was always very independent as a child and leader in his life and relationships. We have always thought this a positive and strong attribute but it seems he feel... View more

I am terribly hurt confused and depressed about my son’s dismissal of me and his dad. He was always very independent as a child and leader in his life and relationships. We have always thought this a positive and strong attribute but it seems he feels he needs no one in his life and that includes us. It started with his new wife who encouraged his behaviour of independence which was great however she began to dislike me and started causing trouble. She has then convinced him that we didn’t raise him well and that he was abused physically by us as a child. My son told us we are never to contact his family ever again. We miss him so much and our grandson. I’ve tried everything to work through this but she won’t budge and he ignores us. Is anyone else going through anything similar and how have you coped? Thanks

DoctorRocks Lonely man staring down 40s with nothing to show for it.
  • replies: 4

Hello, I don’t know why I am here writing, but I am really struggling. They say all you need is “health, wealth, and love” well I don’t have none of them. Sorry if this turns out to be an incoherent mind dump. I am a 38-year-old fat, balding male, an... View more

Hello, I don’t know why I am here writing, but I am really struggling. They say all you need is “health, wealth, and love” well I don’t have none of them. Sorry if this turns out to be an incoherent mind dump. I am a 38-year-old fat, balding male, and I am so lonely. I have been single for three years, I am in a new city and only know people from work. I’m on every dating app and can’t even get a like, let alone a date. I did the wrong thing and downloaded my tinder statistics, yes you can do that. On girls I swipe right on only 0.04% of them will match and reply to an introduction. Which is brutal. Its weird I feel more like a fish out of water than ever, I wouldn’t know what to say even if I got a date. I feel like a bore, and if the two dates ive been on in the last few years are an indication I just interview girls to death. Please don’t tell me to “just be myself”, that’s the problem! A lot of my friends are married, have kids, divorced even. Even a couple of my exes who I am still good friends with have kids. It just makes me feel like I have wasted my life, and my opportunities. I feel like time is running out to get my crap together, find a partner, have a kid, get a house. It seems things that are basic for most people I can’t figure out. I feel like I am still waiting for my life to begin. I feel like I have wasted my life, and every time I try and fix something or get ahead, it always goes wrong. I am totally broke. I was getting ahead with some shares and crypto, but the current economic situation has wiped out my merger advances. So, I am unlikely to get another shot at that house deposit, so that is unlikely to happen. How many 40 single 40 years olds get loans to house? Not many I imagine. Not that I am bad with money, I have just been in low-paying careers my whole life up until last year. I was an academic, spent time doing postdocs in the UK which pay less than minimum wage here in Australia. That career fell through thanks to COVID, so now I am in WA doing FIFO. In all honestly, I should have done this from the start. So yeah, that’s me a depressed, fat, lonely, broke, looser staring down encroaching middle age with nothing to show for it. If you took me today and 20-year-old me, we are practically the same person; single, broke, the bottom of the ladder. I just wish things were different and I could meet somebody, and get my life on track.

Chesterboy Anxiety problem
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Hi All, my main problem is my anxiety gets bad when dealing with noises in close proximity to me. I have just moved house and now have neighbours that are quite loud and sit out the back talking with friends every night of the week. I am someone that... View more

Hi All, my main problem is my anxiety gets bad when dealing with noises in close proximity to me. I have just moved house and now have neighbours that are quite loud and sit out the back talking with friends every night of the week. I am someone that needs quiet and although i know people just live their lives i cant handle the closeness. How can i change my way as i have no idea

Sophie_M The forum FAQ thread
  • replies: 306

Hi everyone, we're opening this thread to collate answers to some of the more frequently asked questions on the forums. If you have questions, you can add them to this thread and we will periodically update this original post to make things as neat a... View more

Hi everyone, we're opening this thread to collate answers to some of the more frequently asked questions on the forums. If you have questions, you can add them to this thread and we will periodically update this original post to make things as neat as possible. How do I start a new thread? At the top of each section is a blue "new thread" button. Clicking on this will open a dialog box for you to start a new thread. You need to be registered as a member and logged in to see this button and post. You can start new threads in any section, except for the Long Term Support Over The Journey section, where the new thread button has been disabled. Please also read through our tips for writing threads here. How do I reply to an existing thread? At the top of each thread is a pink "post a reply" button. If your post is approved, it will appear on the thread in the order in which it was received (not the time it was approved). There are also reply buttons underneath each individual post in the thread. If you reply using this option, your reply will appear with a note at the top saying your post is "in reply to" that member. How do I find my threads? You can find all the threads you have started, or posted in, by using the My Threads tab. This is accessible from the front page of the forums, at www.beyondblue.org.au/forums How long does a post take to clear moderation? If you’re posting during business hours, it shouldn’t take longer than a couple of hours. Outside of business hours, it may take up to 12 hours. Please see our detailed post on how the forums are moderated for further information. Moderation of individual posts is not a topic for forum discussion, if you have concerns about how your posts are being moderated, please contact our team offline by email. With the time lag created by moderation, our forums are not suited to real-time, immediate conversations. If you are distressed and looking for immediate support, please use one of our support service channels. How do I change my display name? Please get in touch with our team offline. On an anonymous forum like this, your display name is your key means of identification, so we advise against frequent changes of name as this can be confusing for the community when trying to support you. Can I choose a display name that's the same as ones I use on other forums or social media channels? We strongly advise that you don't. Our forums are public and all pages are indexed by Google. Putting your display name into a Google search will bring up your forum posts, and if you are active in other online spaces with the same name, these will also come up, allowing your activity to be tracked. If you wish to retain your anonymity, then choose a name that is unique to this forum and not traceable to other websites or social media channels. How do I delete my account? Please get in touch with our team offline. When your account is deleted, any posts made prior to deletion remain on the forum. Your avatar is removed from the posts and your display name changed to "Guest". Due to the volume of posts, we will not be able to remove your display name from posts made by others in replies to you. Why do my posts remain online after my account gets deleted? When you post, you're entering a conversation with our community in which multiple people have a stake besides yourself. Our members and volunteers spend a lot of time composing replies. There is also a much wider audience (100,000+ per month) that gets a lot out of reading what has been written, often several years after the original thread has been posted. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. We ask users to exercise discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Why has no one answered my post? I must not be worth the effort. Most posts get answered by the community within 24 hours, but sometimes they slip the net. Please try not to take this personally, the forums can be a very busy space. Some days are slower than others, and some topics hit home with people more than others. The amount of replies received will always vary from day to day. Our community also operates on the principle of 'give support to receive support' - you are more likely to receive replies if you get involved with the community, respond and talk to members on existing threads, in addition to starting a thread of your own. How do I add an avatar (picture)? Navigate to My Profile > My Account at the top of the page. It's on the top right in the desktop view, and can be revealed by clicking the icon next to the home button in the mobile view. You will asked to re-enter your username and password for security reasons. Once inside, you will find a link to upload or change a profile picture. Pictures are moderated in the same way your written content is, so changes will not appear straightaway. Be mindful of our community rules when choosing an image, particularly dark or disturbing images that may impact on others who will have to view it every time they see your posts. Face pics are personally identifying and will not be approved. Do I have to create my own thread? If you are seeking support for your own personal issues, it is best to create your own thread. Replying in others' threads to detail your own problems without providing words of support for the original poster is seen as hijacking. We also ask members to keep to one personal thread for support rather than starting up new threads. Can I have more than one personal thread? We ask members to keep to one thread for support if the issues are substantially the same. It makes it really difficult for the community to provide support for you if they don't have the full story. As we don't currently have the ability to merge threads, moderators will lock threads that are a continuation/duplication of existing threads and refer members back to posting in the original. What will happen if I create a thread in the wrong section? Our moderators periodically move threads to appropriate sections. If you wish to have a thread moved, you can report your post to the moderators. Posting another thread on the same topic in a different section is known as cross-posting - moderators will lock or remove these duplicate threads. Am I allowed to join the conversation on any thread? How do I know where I'm welcome? The forums are a group discussion space, there are no private conversations here. You are welcome to take part in any discussions provided you are mindful of our community rules. Those wishing to post in the Multicultural Experiences or Sexuality and Gender Identity section should read the guide posts pinned at the top of those sections before contributing. What if I want to write a very long post because of the circumstances of my problem, and it goes over the 2,500 character limit? Can I start another post and continue my story there? No. The character limit is there for a reason - posts that go on for longer than one screen, where people have to scroll in order to read, run the risk of people skimming your post and not reading it. Starting up a completely separate thread to continue your story will just add to the confusion, and create more work for moderators in cleaning it up. We provide guidelines for how to get the best out of the forums and have conversations here. If your problem is genuinely too complex to describe within the limit, then the forum is probably not the best avenue for you to be seeking support - we would recommend seeing a professional offline. I replied to someone and they haven't replied back. I'm really worried about them, can you get in touch with them? Members are encouraged to respond here only when they feel able to, and multiple messages can place undue pressure on those who are struggling. It's the nature of an online, anonymous space like this that members will come and go, and sometimes you won't have closure on how someone is doing. We understand this can be upsetting, so we've prepared this thread to discuss issues of looking after ourselves while supporting others. beyondblue's trained moderators often work offline (invisible to you) in the event that members are at risk of harm to themselves or others. Some people have badges, what do they mean? You can find out the purpose of individual badges by mousing over them, or press and hold on a mobile/touch device. The main ones you will see are our volunteer Community Champions, blueVoices members, and staff such as the community manager or moderator. In our Multicultural Experiences section, we have Multicultural Correspondents who have volunteered time to initiate and facilitate discussions in that area. We also have Valued Contributors which are nominated by the community. How do I become a community champion? Community champions are formalised volunteer roles within the forums. Champions act primarily to post in support of others. To become a community champion, you will need to have been posting on the forums already for a little while (100+ quality posts), have a thorough understanding of our community rules and values, currently be in a headspace where you feel you are able to provide consistent support for others, and be able to provide us with a current Working With Children's check. More information is available in the community champion thread here. Can I discuss the medication I use? We don't allow discussion of specific prescription medications or remedies. An anonymous online forum is not a suitable place to be seeking advice on medication. Any such discussions would be anecdotal by nature, and therefore unhelpful. General discussion on experiences with medication is allowed. Please see Dr Kim's post on this policy for more information. Can I give my email address or phone number to someone on the forum? No. This forum is an anonymous space, and for the safety of all our members we don't allow information to be shared that would facilitate offline personal contact. This also includes sharing the details of other online channels you may be a member of. Where can I find a doctor/psychiatrist/psychologist/support group in suburb/town/city? This is an anonymous forum, so we can't provide recommendations for services in specific areas. You will find links to practitioner directories in our Find a professional section, and information on support groups is available on the Black Dog Institute site here. Where can I find friends/social groups in suburb/town/city? As above, this is an anonymous forum where the sharing of contact details is not permitted. The forums are not a connection service; we do, however, have lots of conversations about how you can build and improve relationships in your offline world. When should I use the Report Post function? What happens when I use it? If you see something that you feel is in violation of our community rules, then you can report the post. More information on this, and what happens when you report a post, is in our moderation thread. There's a thread that no one has replied to, should I report that to moderators? Unless you are concerned that the person may be at immediate risk of harm to themselves or others, or there is something in the post that violates our community rules, then we would ask that you don't report unanswered posts to moderators. Posts made to our forums are there to be answered by the community - please reach out and offer words of support if you see unanswered posts. It's worth remembering that immediate support is not available via the forums. Some days are slower than others, and some topics hit home with people more than others. The amount of replies received will always vary from day to day. Our support service channels are available for immediate support. Can I return to my thread if I have been away for a time? How do I find it? If you're returning to the forum to discuss an issue that is a continuation of a previous story, then we ask that you keep to the same thread. You can find all threads you have started, or contributed to, by using the My Threads tab. I had posts removed from the BB Cafe when I was trying to get support. Why? The BB Cafe (and the BB Social Zone section) is a place to come and escape from talking about your personal worries for a while, to relax and socialise. The discussions on our forums can be pretty heavy at times, and we created this section to give everyone some respite. If you're wanting to talk through the more serious issues going on in your life at the moment, please start up a support thread in the appropriate section (if you don't have one already) and go from there. If personal issues come up in discussion, it's OK to let members in the cafe know here that you have a support thread open and invite them to come and chat with you there. I had posts removed because they were deemed to be too flirtatious. Why won't you let people have fun? We all like to have fun, but comments that can be taken in a sexually suggestive manner are really difficult to manage, particularly on a forum where a significant number of our members have experience of sexual assault or abuse. We've had consistent reports telling us that generally, members find these kinds of comments uncomfortable - so best leave the cheeky comments for people you know in person offline. Please see also our guidelines for discussing relationships on the forums. I've had an argument with someone on the forums, is it OK to talk about that on another thread? No, we would ask that you don't do this. All threads on the forums are publicly accessible, including to the person who you have had the argument with. Taking your arguments into multiple threads disrupts other members' support conversations, has the effect of escalating the argument, and can be interpreted by the other member as being talked about being their back, or having other members rallied against them. If you cannot respectfully resolve an argument with another member, you can agree to disagree, withdraw from the thread, and move on. Members that are unable to move on from disagreements and keep trying to reignite arguments will be asked to leave the forums. If you see any posts on the forums that you believe cross the line from disagreement to being disrespectful, report them to moderators and we will take a look. Can I have more than one forum account? No. Running multiple accounts on a forum is a practice known as "sockpuppeting", and in a space like this one where we take members' posts at face value to provide support, this kind of behaviour can be very distressing. Where we discover that members are running multiple accounts, the duplicate accounts will be banned from the forum. This rule also applies to members who have been banned from our forums and are attempting to return under a different alias. Why do you ban people? Isn't this supposed to be a place to get support? We take our duty of care in providing a safe environment for all forum members seriously, and this includes recognising when a member may benefit from participating in our forums and when it may be more appropriate to seek support offline. Repeated violation of our community rules and values, causing distress to other members, ignoring feedback from our moderators around appropriate posting, or abusive remarks directed at our staff and volunteers are key reasons that will lead to a ban. We're happy to say that bans rarely happen. Over 80,000 members have joined the forums in the last four years, and only a few times a year do we need to ask people to leave the space. Members that are banned from these forums are provided with referrals to alternate support services. I'm doing a research project, can I post about it on the forums? No. This is a support community, designed to assist those who are reaching out to discuss personal issues that are often very difficult. beyondblue conducts a limited number of research projects each year involving the forums, you can get in touch with us offline if you have a proposal you'd like us to look at. Due to the volume of requests received, we are unable to assist with school projects or university assignments. How is the information I submit on this website used? All information held by beyondblue is subject to our Privacy Policy. Personal information contained in your profile, such as your date of birth, postcode and email address, are not visible to the public. However your chosen display name, avatar, and posts are visible to anyone browsing the beyondblue website, regardless of whether or not they are a member. By posting to the beyondblue forums, you grant us a non-exclusive right to reproduce and use any material you post. We sometimes use material from the forums as part of presentations or research projects. Last updated: 12 June 2018

DeadInside Is this site helpful?
  • replies: 12

So boring story short, I'm a 52 year old male who should really have my crap together by now but don't. My earliest memories include my parents going their seperate ways with my mother going overseas, my father going I don't know where and me going t... View more

So boring story short, I'm a 52 year old male who should really have my crap together by now but don't. My earliest memories include my parents going their seperate ways with my mother going overseas, my father going I don't know where and me going to my mother's parents' place to live. When my mother returned to Australia she went off somewhere for a time and then one day I was taken to live with her and her new boyfriend. It was there at around five years of age I was sexually assaulted by the nextdoor neighbour a number of times. And no I never said anything about it, I didn't know it was wrong at the time and never said much about anything to anyone anyway. Childhood years then followed with the usual quiet kid with dyslexia who did poorly at school and kept to himself story. Then early adulthood with alcohol fuelled self destructive decisions, self harm and failed relationships the norm. I got older and disappeared into 10+ hour work days in order to avoid life followed by driving home at night and drinking myself to sleep. No relationships, no personal activities, just increasing levels of time spent at work followed by alcohol nights and self harming. I could describe what I can remember of some of those nights but I don't think moderators would allow it. After almost taking my own life I got on the antidepressants and after some failures with the meds and a very dark twelve months the "right" antidepressant was found. It's not close to perfect but I'm not blackout drunk every night and even got married so that's a big plus. Due to such a late start I never had kids of my own but when I met my now wife she had a 12 year old daughter. I barely got to know daughter before she turned into a teenager so my introduction to parenting was interesting. I love my wife and daughter and wouldn't change a thing. Accept life has other ideas so I'm now unemployable, can barely take care of myself and am heading at an alarming rate towards the end of life from chronic heart failure. Me not working is causing financial stress and I can feel death closing in. This is not what I envisaged when I proposed.