I think that I have a narcissistic partner or emotionally abusive partner
- replies: 2
I have been in a relationship with my partner for 15 to 16 years. It's a same sex relationship. We have two kids together (one has autism). I am the main care giver for our youngest child with autism. I'm the biological mum for our youngest kid.I fee... View more
I have been in a relationship with my partner for 15 to 16 years. It's a same sex relationship. We have two kids together (one has autism). I am the main care giver for our youngest child with autism. I'm the biological mum for our youngest kid.I feel really unhappy in the relationship. She constantly puts me down, blames me, and attacks me. It's always in private, although she tends to infer to our friends she's unhappy with me as a person/partner. But the nasty stuff is ONLY in private. On the outside, she is a very charming, friendly "lovely" person.She tells me fairly consistently that "all my friends hate you". Or, "all my friends are concerned about me being with you". She also says the kids are scared of me (this is an outright lie, I have a fantastic relationship with my kids).Sometimes she makes me feel very unwelcome in my home or feel very scared (as in, what mean/nasty thing is coming now). sometimes it's a monologue full of nasty things.She lies about what she says - so she will say something and 5 minutes later, deny she said it. She says I made it up. It makes me feel like I'm going crazy!She never apologises for anything and if I get mad and say okay enough/or you can't speak to me in this way - then the relationship is over. She's leaving etc. I get very scared about this because I want to live with my kids. I REALLY WANT to live with my kids. My youngest with autism would significantly struggle without me. So I put up with it. I don't know what to do. I tell myself to "take the hit and get on with it".The only way to "manage" her is to grovel, don't complain, don't ever say you're unhappy -- pretend you're happy (this is what I do usually). I feel like a shell of a person. I feel inauthentic because nobody knows how I really feel. I'm writing this because I felt suicidal last week (I'll never do this though, it was a fleeting thought - as in, I know a way to end this pain! - but obviously I would never leave my children) - but I'm just saying I feel extremely sad and distressed.I wonder if that's bad for the kids even though I do my best to shield them from it. That's why I am still here! I'm trying to shield them! I suspect/fear that she'll go crazy if I leave (but I can't leave my kids anyway). I know there's no easy answer. If I got lawyers, this would make her "rage".Sharing this here as a first step.