DNA probability

[Orchard]

Two years later, this person who claimed to have a child to my partner has finally done the legal dna test we sent it to her, his details are no where to be found on the form so I’m not sure if she knows it was him that sent it….Awaiting results currently- I’m nervous, distraught and just a mess. 

She tried claiming him on the birth certificate and then tried for child support. He rang both well before the child was born to be noted of file that he wanted a dna test done and will not agree to any assessments etc as it isn’t his child. Both BDM and CSA denied her claims. CSA specifically said we will get this sorted as they didn’t believe her. Next thing you know is she is telling his family that I forged the letters from CSA and BDM and that he is still the father. His sister asked her to do a home dna test which unbeknownst to us she did it (not with his dna) and it came back inconclusive….. if you couldn’t get the alleged fathers dna wouldn’t you use the sisters?!? At least then there would be a familiar match. 

I can’t wait for this drama to be over with. 

anyone else who has been in a similar situation? How did you deal with it all. Any advice? 

[smallwolf]

hi and welcome. I am sorry nobody as replied to you and I have not been in a similar situation. I can understand why you're feeling nervous and distraught about this situation. It sounds like it has been a very difficult and trying experience for you and your partner.

It's important to remember that no matter what the outcome of the DNA test is, you and your partner are in this together. It's clear that he has been upfront and honest about his desire to have a DNA test done, and that he has been denied any involvement or financial responsibility by both BDM and CSA. It's also clear that the other person involved has been making false claims and causing drama.

It can be very challenging to deal with this kind of situation. I would encourage you to try to focus on taking care of yourself during this time. Make sure that you're taking the time to rest, eat well, and do things that make you feel happy and fulfilled. Lean on your support system, whether that's friends, family, or a therapist, and talk about how you're feeling. It's okay to be upset and anxious, and it's important to express those emotions in a healthy way.

You will get through this together, and there will be a time when this drama is behind you. Stay strong and take things one day at a time.

[Croix]

Dear Orchard~

I'm regret the delay in getting back to you, I'm afraid the system does not always behave itself - we wish it did. Please rest assured it is nothing to do wiht you or the subject of your post.

As it has been a few days since you posted I wonder if you have the results as yet? Frankly given her past behaviour and reluctance to do a test plus her desire to gain financial advantage I think I'd only accept any results if they were done under controlled conditions and you knew your partner's DNA was in fact used and the results were original and not doctored.

You had mentioned that your relationship with your partner was not always smooth and that he had been with others in the past. This is a very hard thing to come to terms wiht and you might see it as a shortcoming on your part - which is not the case, it is his behavior that was at fault.

May I ask if things are better between the two of you now? I know in your other threads you have received a fair degree of advice so I'll not try to repeat it here.

Please do come back and say about the results and what will happen next, please remember we are here to  support you

Croix

[Orchard]

Turns out it is his child. I’m in utter disbelief! He wants absolutely nothing to do with her or him. He has made his stance pretty clear. There was a note on the dna **that the names did not match the paperwork so I’m a bit annoyed at that being NATA accredited. I do not know where to go with this. 
His family have praised her for having an affair with her and are taking that child on while my children have zero contact with them. Also annoyed at that. Just all round annoyed. 
Things were so much better between us until that result. Now I have to protect my children from his infidelity. Totally unfair of him to cheat in the first place let alone impregnate someone else. 

[Orchard]

Unless she some how altered the results it’s his. 
to get him on the BC she needs his ID and stat Dec which he will not give up, so she has to take him to court to do so. Me personally I wouldn’t be proud at the face I have a child to someone who was in a relationship with someone else and I definitely wouldn’t be gloating. It’s only a matter of time before she moves on to the next bloke and wrecks their family too. We will get through this it’ll take a lot of counselling but I’m not giving up what I have for the likes of her I’ve worked to hard to get where I am and my children deserve a father. As far as I’m concerned that child has nothing to do with my children and they shouldn’t have to wear that. She chose not only to sleep with him but try and use the situation to get the upper hand and for him to go back to her, her only focus has been and always will be to have someone raise her children. Well she had it, so she can do just that and raise it and go away. 

[Croix]

Dear Orchard~

Frankly I'm a trifle confused, if the names do not match the paperwork on the face of it that may tend to cast doubt on the result - have I got that wrong?

Assuming he is in fact the father I was most impressed that you have confidence the two of you will get though this and recognize that it may take outside counseling to work things out. Has your partner said much about this? I would think 10 years and children together can be a pretty strong binding force

Unfortunately this result, if accurate, really does change matters, and while it is very understandable that you would want nothing to do wiht this new child or the woman in involved it may not be as simple for your partner, who could end up in a co-parenting situation.

I guess it it was me in your position, no matter how angry and betrayed I felt I'd try no to rush into anything, but see how things work out (probably I'm only suggesting what you probably intend anyway).

I know you did say earlier on you had lost family and freinds due to this matter. It can be terribly hard to deal wiht all this in isolation, particularly when the anger that kept you going tends to fade.  Do you have anyone to support you?

Croix

[Orchard]

Yes the middle names did not match when in fact they should have been on there. I’m appalled that it would have been tested that way. It should have been re collected.
He has said enough but at this point I also don’t want to know too much until we are with the counsellor. 

He has never had anything to do with the kid this far and has made it abundantly clear that he will never have anything to do with it either. That’s his choice. 

couples counselling will be in a week and half so that’s relatively quickly.

im not excusing his behaviour but back then we we’re not in a good place, he would use drug to cope hence why he went there with her because she also did drugs so it was fun- he has said there was no emotional connection. Hasn’t spoken to her since. His phone is always laying around unlike back then when he would hide it. He has changed so to some degree I’ll give him the benefit of doubt.

I do but I don’t have support. 

[Croix]

Dear Orchard

I'm glad counseling is not too far away and that you are both going. I guess it might be a wise move not to dig too deep until you are both there with the third party. It can help.

It does sound like he is being more open now, and that might make giving the benefit of the doubt easier.

I'm sorry there is no one there to support you, going it alone is particularly hard. Do you think it might be wroth having counseling just for yourself?

Croix

[Orchard]

Yeah I’ve had very few answers. Can’t assume anything in this situation as it’ll just make it worse.

I think he is in denial. Whether this works or not is yet to be seen. 

I see a psychologist who definitely thought it wasn’t his kid so she was blown out of the water with that. 
guess the bottom line is do you really know anyone. Secrets are everywhere.