Supporting family and friends

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Parents and caregivers: How are you feeling about the social media restrictions for under 16s?

replies: 3

Hey everyone, It’s hard to miss the talk around the new social media restrictions for under 16s, set to roll out across Australia in early December. We’ve heard from some of the younger members of our community, and now we’d love to hear from parents and caregivers. For some, this change might feel like a welcome relief - a clearer way to manage social media use and protect young people. For others, there may be concerns about how it will affect access to online support, questions around how age verification will actually work, or frustration and powerlessness over a decision beyond our control. All of these feelings are valid. If you’re a parent or caregiver, or you have some young people in your life that will be affected by these restrictions, how are you feeling about this change? We’ve created this space for anyone caring for young people to share their thoughts, ask questions, and support each other through the uncertainty of the months ahead.Kind regardsSophie M

Are you supporting a depressed partner? My tips from 18 years of experience

replies: 41

This list has been compiled from experiences supporting my husband with depression. There is no one size fits all, so please take what you are comfortable with based on your circumstances and resources. 1. Reach out to family and/or friends to feel supported - this also covers support groups - online or face to face. Don't let stigma stop you from reaching out. 2. Relationship boundaries - identify what is acceptable and not. My general platform is that physical abuse is unacceptable as well as regular demeaning/berating comments. Communicate this openly so everyone understands. 3. Coping tools - this could be exercise, meditation, reading a book, meeting friends, etc. They are important for your mental health. 4. Knowledge is power - research to understand about depression. The more you know, the better care you can provide. 5. Remember your partner in the good times - this is their true selves, not the darkness. 6. Listen and show receptivity - without judgement or anger. If communicate becomes strained, the timeout can provide clarity. Encourage communication gently and try not to push. 7. Seek counselling - sharing your feelings can provide an opportunity to off load the heavy stuff and identify resilience and coping strategies. 8. Work as a team - don't let mental illness be in the driver's seat. Offer to go to the Dr's and support them. Understand medication and side effects. Be understanding that some days are harder than others. 9. Words are powerful - remember what you say cannot be taken back. 10. Carer Self-esteem and self-worth - if you compromise these for the sake of supporting your partner, you are likely to live with resentment towards your partner and the circumstances you find yourself in. 11. Don't forget the children - challenging circumstances at home can affect them mentally and emotionally. Speak about mental illness (COPMI.com.au - has some great resources) and be a strong foundation toward maintaining normality in their daily activities. 12. Intimacy - there are many variables here, so from my experience - keep communication open and make couple time to connect. When my husband was depressed, daily hugs or holding hands wherever possible worked for us. Some carers I have spoken with said their partner would demand intimacy. My personal position is that intimacy is about love without demands or attachments relating to expectation. Demands only deplete the goodness in the connection and sharing a a loving experience. [Moderator's note: this thread is for sharing tips on what has worked for you in supported a loved one with a mental health condition. In order to help us keep this thread focused on solutions, please start a new thread if you are seeking support from the community around how to best support your loved one.]

by Carmela •

Blue Voices Member•

Posted in Supporting family and friends

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15-07-2016

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Could not sleep for 5 years

replies: 4

Hi my new girlfriend could not sleep for past 5 years due to brain racing at night was run down all day. She would lie down 7 times a day and rest. So i started trying to find out how to fix her. Well we done everything from pills to bloods ect. This went on for over 2 moths on how to fix her racing mind so she could sleep. I new that it could be fixed as i had same problem for about 3 month due to stress ect and it went away. So i found a book on line (The Effortless Sleep Method) She read it and so did i. She said this is what is going to fix her. Well we are at day 5 after reading the book and last night she had 7 hours sleep for the first time in 5 years. She sleeps as soon as her head hits the pillow now. This book has done what doctors could not fix. If you have same sleeping issues you should give the book ago best $4.00 i have ever spent on Amazon. You must stick to the rules in the book 100% get your partner to read it and help you get though the stress off staying up late and not taking sort cuts. I hope this helps someone like it has helped my girlfriend.

Hello all! I'm caring for my wife from a distance

replies: 10

Hi everybody I feel like I have so many different things going on, its hard to find the most relevant one to put first! In a nutshell I am feeling very isolated, lonely... very anxious. Largely as a result of trying to care for my wife as she does her best with mental illness. My wife (we've separated due to both of us experiencing depression and anxiety) was recently taken to hospital for the fourth time this year due to her depression. Some stays have been voluntary admissions and others (like this time) have been emergency situations. Yet I feel like she has done everything 'right' to be mentally healthy. She has attended all sorts of therapy sessions and adjusted to a lot of new medications. She is open an honest with her experiences, and often asks for help when she knows she needs it. She has placed her trust in the doctors and professionals around her, and has made such an effort. However, life keeps throwing things up that haven't helped. Work issues for herself and her parents (and the financial strain that brings with it), good friends moving interstate, relationship struggles between her and me. It's definitely one step forward and two steps back. Over the years (around six years now), I have tried to do what I feel is right for us; stay in the relationship, and help her through her worst days. I am only now coming to realise the toll it has taken on me, juggling roles of boyfriend/fiance/husband with being a carer. I have myself been diagnosed with chronic depression and anxiety. My social life, professional life, study, finances, family... every other part of my life has taken a 'backseat'. Suffice to say I am now feeling a void where my friends should be. It is so hard to witness what she is going through. And to transition from watching over her every day, to just popping by for a weekly (or fortnightly) visit. To try and focus on myself a little. I think I've scratched the surface of my story. Thanks in advance for reading my post.

Bi Polar Partner - SOS!

replies: 2

My husband was diagnosed with bi polar around a year after the birth of our child. It has been a rollercoaster ever since. He went completely manic, following me around the house talking about how he was going to make millions. His plans for this included becoming a 'professional boat thief' and buying an airport to turn into a drag racing venue for teenagers (apparently that way they would not be out on the street in cars and everyone in the community would love us). He started drinking heavily and being verbally abusive, a couple of times physically. Then he withdrew from me, wouldn't really talk to me and kept saying alcohol was the only good thing in his life. I couldn't believe this was the sweet, quiet, gentle, affectionate man who I married. The breaking point came when he disappeared, I couldn't contact him as he either wouldn't answer his mobile or answered and screamed at me to leave him alone. Then the police brought him home bloodied and bruised. He had held up a pub and everyone in it at knife point, on a Sunday, at lunchtime, for no particular reason he knew of. He was diagnosed by a psychiatrist and now has a criminal conviction. He is on medication and something else to dampen crazy sexual desire that also got him in trouble. Things go along ok for a while, then he will go slightly manic, get ideas about becoming rich, spends all the money on the credit card, usually get fired from whatever job he has at the time, then get depressed and angry again...then the merry go round begins again. I'm soooo exhausted. I feel like I don't have a partner, my son doesn't have a proper dad as my husband gets irritated by him too easily and needs space and peace all the time. I spend so much of my time looking after my husband, fixing up whatever latest problem he has got himself into, sorting out money issues, trying to find a new job for him, walking on eggshells and sorting out Centrelink. Im ashamed to say it but I dream of what life would be like without him around. I don't know what to do. The next step is cutting up credit cards so the spending sprees don't happen again. Wish I had some support, i'm drowning in this.

bi polar spouse

replies: 2

hi there, I am the spouse of a bi polar man that I have been with for the 35 years we have 3 sons and 2 grandsons (another on the way) I have kicked him out once and have walked out on him several times (a few of those was prior to knowing about the bi polar) we are currently living separately but are trying to reconcile.... My problem is I'm so burnt out I'm very nervous about moving back home with him. He has done all the right things to get back on track yet still I'm wary -

Help please - recently diagnosed spouse with bi polar

replies: 7

My partner and I have been together for 23 years, married for 10. We have 2 gorgeous children, aged 5 and 4. My husband has very recently been diagnosed as bi polar. I don't know a great deal about bi polar, although I have been researching as much as possible. We have had our ups and downs while we've been together, but he's always been my bestie, my soul mate, my 'go to' friend. My whole adult life has been shared with him. He has his faults, as we all do, but what I have always struggled with is his selfishness and his lying. I have never been able to understand how someone could be so selfish and have no apparent regard for anyone else, and, worse, how someone could lie, repeatedly, even in the face of overwhelming evidence of the lie. The lies can range from concealing an affair (twice, to my knowledge), to him having a day working from home, but telling me he's been to work. Of course, I only know about the lies that I find out about, which is probably a relatively small percentage of the total lies. Lack of trust and loving someone who is willing to hurt you are massive issues for me. Things deteriorated when we had children. We had them close together (our choice) and it was much harder work that we had appreciated. I suffered post natal depression after our second child, but didn't ackowledge it and struggled for 3 years before seeking help. I have been on anti depressants for 18 months and am starting to come off them now. My memories of the early years of having two children are of feeling alone. Overwhelmingly alone. My husband was emotionally withdrawn from the family and he was struggling with the fact that he was not number 1 to me any more, he was last in line, after our 2 children. I have lots of unaddressed anger, frustration, resentment and sadness from that period of time. This is exaccerbatred by the fact that at this time, my husband developed a close relationship with a mutual female friend. I'll never know the extent to which that relationship went, and I don't believe that he will ever be truthful about it. At that time, I needed him and he needed me, and neither of us was available for the other. His diagnosos of bi polar has been a relief in one way. It means we know what there is some explanation for his past behaviour and we know what we are dealing with. He has started on medication and we can access support. He is seeing a psychiatrist and we have agreed that we need to attend counselling together. He has also been very open with family and friends about his diagnosis, which has been a big relief, it means we don't have to 'put on an act' of everything being OK. There is a but. I feel that I should also be relieved that his faults (selfishness, inability/unwillngness to think about others, emotional withdrawal, lack of interest in his family (predominanlty his parents) and his inability to tell the truth) can be explained, to a certain degree. They are, from what I have researched, symptoms of bi polar and we now have some light at the end of the tunnel as he has been diagnosed and is accessing help/support. I don't feel relieved though. I feel as though he now has an excuse for his faults and that he has little/no motivation to address them. Why should he? He's been like this for 23 years and I have always been there, even after the affairs. I am starting to question why I stay in a relationship that is riddled with emotional detachment, lies and lack of trust. Am I staying becuase I love him and want to see him through it, or because the alternative is too hard? It's hard to know how to separate what is him and what is the bi polar. I guess I am searching for reassurances that things will get better. Also, what can I/we do to help each other? I feel like I'm flapping about in the wind with no direction and no idea what to do... Thanks in anticipation of your responses

Bi-polar Husband

replies: 3

Hi Everyone this is my first time on here . My husband has been diagnosed with Bi-polar 1. I would like to hear of other Wives or partners who are going through this or been going through this for a while. My husband got very angry yesterday i have never seen him like that the 13 years we have been together, Would i be triggering him somehow? If there any other information I may need to know please send it through as this is all new to me . Thank you .

I think my partner has depression

replies: 4

Hi I think my partner has depression.we have been together for 5 months and up until about a week ago he is no longer replying to my text messages.we don't live in the same town and he was also coming to see me every 2 weeks so now I haven't heard fr... View more

Help Im stressed and worried my husband has stopped taking his antidepressants and is drinking more than normal.. :-(

replies: 11

Hi my husband was first diagnosed with depression & anxiety a few months ago,but leading up to that we had a few fights over alcohol he has always liked his drink but we never had any issues with it until about 2 years ago when he started making his own, & it affects him differently, its only been recently that iv realised that the issue is the homemade alcohol. He agreed earlier this year to buy it for a couple of weeks to see what happened, nothing it was all good. I found myself constantly monitoring & questioning how much he was drinking & I would say something which at times ended in an argument. I have no idea whether this was partly the reason for his depression, alongside him being a shift worker for 10 years & not really liking his job. Well after he was diagnosed he was put on antidepressants & started seeing a councillor & he stopped drinking a few weeks after taking the meds so I assumed it was because he no longer needed the alcohol those 2 months were fantastic but his step dad passed away early Oct, but he wasn't really close to him so I don't know if this has anything to do with him drinking again. He also has been lying to me mostly about the drinking hiding the coke and bottle of drink outside where I couldn't see how much he had etc.( which he is still doing) Last Tuesday 17th at night we had a huge fight which also continued the next night until early hours Thursday morning, everything was ok for a few days until this Tuesday when he went of his rocker about something that he normally would shrug off he was screaming and screaming and crying ( keep in mind I have never seen him cry in the 10 years we've been together maybe a few tears but nothing like he did) after last week he made arrangements to go see his mum whether he just went for visit or stayed a day or 2 but he has been avoiding that &making excuses he rung her after another argument last night &hung up on her twice,so I rung her & she said that she told him he can come to stay with her a few days & talk to him and that he should stop drinking & take his meds, he obviously didn't like what she said, maybe it hit home.I am stressed & have lost 2 kilos in a week. I have to confess I have verbally abused him but only over complete frustration not enough space to explain that, I am seeing a councillor myself. He has also stopped his counselling, I don't know what to do, we still really love each other so much, I forgot to mention he blames me for everything even his depression.

Did I do the right thing ?

replies: 11

Hi all, I'm new here and thought id see if I was doing the right thing by my partner (probably now ex-partner), who is a diagnosed bi-polar. I have read many stories on Bi-polar relationships and I have had an on again off again relationship over the last 10 years with my partner. She was hospitalised and diagnosed 3 years ago after a terrible episode, however there were signs of what I now know were manic episodes dating back many years. It would appear over the last few months her condition was starting to take hold again, which culminated in an argument 48 hours ago and me pleading with her to get help, but as she denies there is anything wrong I get accused of not understanding her. I spoke to to others close to her who also noted her deteriorating condition, and what I did was call the mental health unit for advice, but as she has been an inpatient they have now taken over and have obviously contacted her. I had a call from her asking if it was me, and I answered truthfully. This will probably bring an end to the relationship once again, as she will blame me for any negative outcomes. I know this may sound obvious to some but was it right to call and try and get help ? even though this will cause resentment and negative feelings toward me. She is not a type for self harm but can get very aggressive. I would be interested in others experience, thanks so much for reading.

Partner pushing away due to depression - need advice

replies: 3

I have been with my partner for nearly 4 years now. Over the past several months I noticed that he wasn't himself and not as happy/full of life. I tried to ask him about it but he brushed off the questions and blamed it on bad work/sleep paterns. This escalated and he finally admitted that he had depression as I suspected but that he didn't want to talk about it yet and would let me know when he was ready to talk. I suggested he see someone but he thought he could sort it out himself. Just under a month after this he told me he wanted to break up so that he could just sort this out himself. He won't seek professional help and thinks he can figure it out himself. He is pushing away his family and friends too and isolating himself a lot or overworking to use up his time. I understand that he needs to concentrate on himself and work things out but I worry about him completely isolating himself and pushing everyone away. I don't want to abandon him when he is going through such a hard time as it feels like a part of him is just doing this to spare me.His ex-gf had depression and was suicidal and he had a hard time with that and so I feel he is letting his bad experience as being the partner sway his judgement a little. But at the same time I don't want to make it worse and push him. I understand that I should give him his space at the moment but should I just give up and walk away (as he has told me I should try to move on) or hang in there on the side lines to see if he needs anything? Would appreciate any advice or knowledge as I've never gone through this before and feel a bit lost.

Parents and caregivers: How are you feeling about the social media restrictions for under 16s? replies: 3

Are you supporting a depressed partner? My tips from 18 years of experience replies: 41

Could not sleep for 5 years replies: 4

Hello all! I'm caring for my wife from a distance replies: 10

Bi Polar Partner - SOS! replies: 2

bi polar spouse replies: 2

Help please - recently diagnosed spouse with bi polar replies: 7

Bi-polar Husband replies: 3

I think my partner has depression replies: 4

Help Im stressed and worried my husband has stopped taking his antidepressants and is drinking more than normal.. :-( replies: 11

Did I do the right thing ? replies: 11

Partner pushing away due to depression - need advice replies: 3