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Just Sara A Bouquet for Pearls - share your appreciation for other members
  • replies: 715

Every now and then, members share a beautiful Pearl of Wisdom. How often do you think to yourself; "OMG that's great! I wish everyone could see this." Presenting someone with a bunch of flowers is a generous way of acknowledging their insightful word... View more

Every now and then, members share a beautiful Pearl of Wisdom. How often do you think to yourself; "OMG that's great! I wish everyone could see this." Presenting someone with a bunch of flowers is a generous way of acknowledging their insightful words. I hope this thread stays active through members giving out praise regularly to people they feel deserving, and therefore keep generosity of spirit alive within the pages of BeyondBlue Forum. My bunch of Red Roses (my choice) goes to Wishful for the following sentence; 'Personally, I see no reason to be praised in me, but I'm learning that seeing through the eyes of others can be more accurate!!' I so hear you Wishful. Just beautiful... Try to keep your leading comments short to focus on 'their' words. Choose specific flowers (or a gift if you like) to present to them. Sign off respectfully and sincerely. I hope this takes off... Spreading the love...Sara

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startingnew Self assessment Questions
  • replies: 15

I find that an important part of 'recovery ' is to do a self assessment. Im wondering if anyone has any questions to ask oneself to self assess where we're at, how far weve come, where theres still room for improvement. any help/advice is appreciated View more

I find that an important part of 'recovery ' is to do a self assessment. Im wondering if anyone has any questions to ask oneself to self assess where we're at, how far weve come, where theres still room for improvement. any help/advice is appreciated

white knight The wealth of love, the value of care
  • replies: 1

What a materialistic world in which we live. How much is enough to satisfy us? While living in a caravan park in a 3 metre long 30yo van as my first residence after separation I met an old man. It was in 1996 and this old warrior had listened to me p... View more

What a materialistic world in which we live. How much is enough to satisfy us? While living in a caravan park in a 3 metre long 30yo van as my first residence after separation I met an old man. It was in 1996 and this old warrior had listened to me pour my heart out about losing my home, my full time fatherhood, my dog, my neighbours....everything! Then, following a little silence, he said "on the Burma railway line we didnt think about what we didnt have, we valued what we had". So I listened to this war veteran in total awe. Since then I've realised that material items do satisfy our lust for possessions but never fill any of the love we crave. A jetski wont ever hug you, an overseas trip wont listen to you and a new iphone wont love you. In our lives tears drop easily. Is that bad? No, it does no harm...damn its wonderful! One of the few physical results of sadness and pain. It costs nothing, its beauty is taken for granted,, wiped away instantly, discarded, worthless irritant...yet its free and its part of us. Its a wonder. So what of the privilege of wiping someones tear? Put a price on that. What's its value? What about our ears? To do what some find difficult- to listen. Just nod, hold, embrace, look, but remain silent. The gift of silence not ruined by speech unless asked Sharing goals. One of the most satisfying feelings of accomplishment is reaching goals others share with you. The Champions role here is one of those team spirited roles that oozes gratification, yet the accolades are few. Once in a while a comment of praise comes by and how valuable is it?...its mammoth. Many years ago I stopped to help a lady that had obviously stopped her car on a road near bushland. I quickly realized she had hit a kangaroo. She was crying, howling even as she knelt on the grass next to the kangaroo. As I approached I hesitated as I placed my hand on her shoulder. As she looked up at me, tears falling, sniffling, I saw one of the most beautiful but saddest things I'd ever seen....an ophaned joey. We organised refuse delivery. I bid the lady goodbye. The experience left me valuing even more the things we take for granted. Material items have their value and supply enjoyment to our lives. We must place them at the bottom of the pyramid in regards to their value to us as human beings. If we see how wonderful life can be, even in unfortunate circumstances, we get our priorities in order and that is living life how it should be experienced - lovingly... Tony WK

Guest6093 Relaxing Methods?
  • replies: 2

Hi everyone, I've been waking up early in the night and my wife has said my snoring is getting terrible and I'm scrapping my teeth at night. The big problem is stress from work which is normally what I wake up thinking about at 2:30-3:00 in the morni... View more

Hi everyone, I've been waking up early in the night and my wife has said my snoring is getting terrible and I'm scrapping my teeth at night. The big problem is stress from work which is normally what I wake up thinking about at 2:30-3:00 in the morning and I can't get back to sleep. Why I'm writing this thread is because I'm wondering if anyone knows of anything to help me stop constantly thinking about work and de stress? I've tried meditation and I'm not big on it and I do breathing exercises when I'm stressed at home but that doesn't completely put my mind at ease. I'm not worried about anything in particular but do take things a little personally when someone has feedback. Any advice would be awesome! Thanks. R

Guest_322 Healthy body image tips
  • replies: 74

Hi everyone, I thought this thread might be helpful for developing healthy body image. In saying that, these are just general tips and can't replace medical and allied health advice but I thought such a thread would be helpful. You may or may not fin... View more

Hi everyone, I thought this thread might be helpful for developing healthy body image. In saying that, these are just general tips and can't replace medical and allied health advice but I thought such a thread would be helpful. You may or may not find these tips helpful- either is okay- but I thought that I would share things that I have learnt over the years. Please feel free to share your own tips - not labelling food as "good" or "bad." Food is food. - get a full body check to make sure there aren't physical health problems that are causing food/appetite issues. - this is a really difficult one (because it's hard work and emotionally painful) but finding the root cause(s) of your binge eating/purging/deprivation/etc because food is often a "symptom" of a deeper wound. Sometimes this requires help from a psychologist, counsellor or other health professional. - avoid discussions about kj/calories with friends and loved ones. Same goes for conversations where you put yourselves down for your weight and physical appearance. - when complimenting friends and loved ones, try to make it about their personal attributes as opposed to their appearance. - remember that photos online and in magazines are usually airbrushed. - be wary of competitive dieting and exercising with friends. While it's great if you and a friend want to motivate each other to exercise and eat well in a supportive and healthy way, it's another thing when it turns into a competition. - try to avoid fad diets. - minimise constantly checking e.g. obsessive use of scales, pinching your stomach, etc. Try to set limits as to how often you check yourself/body e.g. weighing yourself once a week (for general health reasons). - if you find that there are certain things that "trigger" unhealthy behaviours then minimise contact with those things/get rid of them. For example, I don't own a set of scales anymore because every time that I've had easy access to one, I end up weighing myself multiple times every single day, which in turn, triggers another set of unhealthy behaviours and on it goes... - surround yourself with people who don't make you feel bad about your body and appearance. By the same token, minimise contact with people who criticise you for your appearance, engage in competitive dieting, etc. - only lose/gain weight for your own sake and not because someone else is pressuring you to do it. It's your body. - And remember, your weight doesn't define you. Dottie x

white knight Our own worse enemy
  • replies: 14

Your worse enemy by simply being ourselves. One of the symptoms you can experience with ADHD is talking before thinking things through and when talking (especially with anxiety)we screw up words. "Foot in mouth" With anxiety added into the mix we can... View more

Your worse enemy by simply being ourselves. One of the symptoms you can experience with ADHD is talking before thinking things through and when talking (especially with anxiety)we screw up words. "Foot in mouth" With anxiety added into the mix we can appear totally different when explaining our thoughts to what we intended. This is even worse when tired, stressed or upset. If some of us think about our lives overall we look back at a "train wreck". Seems its full of basic errors and also seems these basic errors are not errors others make but I question that. Id suggest the errors those without any mental illness are diffetent errors and different conflicts. Eg I dont know the statistics but I'd assume those with mental illness are less likely to enter into operating their own business due to stress, commitment and disruption issues. If 1 in 3 small businesses collapse then those errors are felt more often by the mentally healthy. The mentally ill restrict their social circle. We cant tolerate toxic relationships. The mentally well can, maybe 10 fold more contacts so it would be safe to assume they have greater numbers of conflicts but they can tolerate such wars as a daily event....water off a ducks back. The difference between us and them is that we absorb our errors, stew them, dwell on them and store them in sight of our memory. The year it happened and the error we made. The mentally unwell are mostly permitted to operate as everyday people, we can work, spend, buy, move house, have partners, drive etc. We are functional in society however there are many normal activities we carry out that, due to our illnesses we should have guidence like financial commitments and social events...but thats hard to give up, freedom of choice. Carers can intervene but not often successful unless a spouse. The first steps forward in this regard is to know your limitations and errors you're prone to make and to have a confidant to confide in. Eg with financial matters and a reputation of poor choices research patience and consulation before purchasing that nrw car. In summary we make as many mistakes in our lives as so called normal people but we dwell on ours more and time is our only digestive mechanism for errors. Even time is hard because??? It takes time!. We need to get advise/opinions more often and work on throwing those past rocks in the river. We have enough difficulty with the present without carrying those rocks of the past. Tony WK

the_phoenix_prophet Some of my tips on managing your situation!
  • replies: 1

I hope everyone is having a good Monday, I have battled with depression and anxiety disorders since 2012, and have worked out a fairly structured management plan for myself to cope. I can proudly say that I am now weeks and even months between anxiou... View more

I hope everyone is having a good Monday, I have battled with depression and anxiety disorders since 2012, and have worked out a fairly structured management plan for myself to cope. I can proudly say that I am now weeks and even months between anxious or depressed episodes. It occurred to me that these online forums are a great way to relate to peers. I'm also putting my experience to use as I'm studying Psychology at uni and believe that I have quite a holistic view on mental health. 1. Find purpose It doesn't matter how you get there, but finding your purpose will be the turning point in your journey. My life completely changed when I dropped out of my chemical engineering degree and started psychology, I finally understood that in doing this I'd have knowledge and lived experience in the science, which I could then use to help anyone who needed it! It fills me with child like excitement and joy to know that if this helps even a single person I'm doing something positive. 2. Live for today Depression is hard, anxiety is exhausting, and I understand that day can take forever to complete sometimes. But learn to live in the moment, the eternal present, the 'now' that we physically cannot escape from. I learned through meditation practise, but there are many ways and I encourage you to find yours. Living one day at a time breaks down your life into one waking period. Just think about one thing you can that improves your situation, it may be not letting yourself enter a negative state. If you have a bad day, you have another opportunity tomorrow to start again. And if you have a good day, keep building your management, remembering what you learned previous. 3. Write it down. Please write it down. Whenever you're feeling alone, empty, nothing, everything, doesn't matter. Writing stuff down takes it all out of your head and puts it onto paper, and when you read it back to yourself you can objectively view your state of mind at that time. Even if you don't read it, writing it down is a creative process that you could someday use in a positive way, as I am doing now. I have the fire of a phoenix driving me to help people suffering depression and anxiety. the phoenix prophet.

white knight Partners: their effect on us
  • replies: 2

Being carers of us, lets face it, our carers deserve a medal. They tolerate a lot. However, not all carers are angels. They often are our judge though in that they have the responsibility to gauge how unwell we are, how our moods are, our depression ... View more

Being carers of us, lets face it, our carers deserve a medal. They tolerate a lot. However, not all carers are angels. They often are our judge though in that they have the responsibility to gauge how unwell we are, how our moods are, our depression and anxiety. What if their flaws arent within the scope of normal? We the unwell are usually not in a position to criticise and if we do it can be categorized as us over reacting or needing our meds tweeked. One good example of this is a previous partner of mine. Our arguements came about unpredictably, in the late evenings and she'd always blame my illnesses for them. After nine years of this one night we fell out big time. Police were called and all was ok. She wanted to stay with her daughter an hour away so the police, as a matter of routine breath tested her. Three times over the limit! It turned out that she was an alcoholic. I had no idea. I tried helping her but in the end it was not to be. With step parent issues as well it didnt work out. What was alarming however was that on several occasions previously when a dispute occured, the next day she'd ring my psych. He'd ring me and upon her account he'd adjust my medication amount. Do you see the problem here? In her eyes it was always the fault of my illness. We split. Eventually I remarried and never have had such issues again. One wonders what the effect is with living with a less compatible partner? What level of reliance a psych or GP should have with our partners? What if a partner has an undiagnosed mental illness themselves? If a partner is a narcissist, our over reaction from a mentally unwell person might be the same as what a normal person would react like? We have complex issues daily to cope with. Finding a compatible partner without mental illness isnt easy in itself let alone with one. But as mentally ill people we should also be on the lookout for being abused by carers on the basis our relationship is having problems...not because we are ill. We are not at fault for our issues so if we are blamed for the symptoms that effect our partner be wary of that because it crosses the line of fairness. Like dating a person that has children, dating us is a package deal. Tolerance of our symptoms is not unlike tolerance of our carers when they are irritable when they are immobile with a broken leg or the flu. Ok its more severe than that but we shouldnt pay a price for it. Have you had problems based on being told its your illness? Tony WK

Guest_1055 Handling Conflict Strategies
  • replies: 3

Hello, I have been thinking about conflict and how it affects us.... Its seems to be everywhere, in marriages, friendships, workplaces, between your children, media ,the whole human race if you really stop and think about it. Even world wars have bee... View more

Hello, I have been thinking about conflict and how it affects us.... Its seems to be everywhere, in marriages, friendships, workplaces, between your children, media ,the whole human race if you really stop and think about it. Even world wars have been starting by conflict. I am not sure about everyone else reading this, but I hate it and it is something I have a fear of. The reason I think I have such a bit of a fear of it... (yes my heart starts to race sometimes when I sense conflict between humans) Anyway a couple of reasons I may feel this fear is because I never learnt how to handle these situations when they happen. I did not see conflicts worked out while growing up because it was something to be avoided, feared, it was uncomfortable , pushed down and no life example was given. Like the "how to". I saw no real life conflict situations handled in a healthy win win way. Yeah like the "how to" Plus there did not seem to be any arguments either. I also feel sad sometimes when I see people hurting in any way whether physical conflict, misunderstandings , verbal conflict or whatever it is. But I have came to the realisation that it is quite normal for there to be conflict ( I think ). We are all so different, different values, different beliefs, different personalities , different way we see and perceive issues in life. People are going to have conflict in life, but we can choose how to respond to it. Not react out of anger, hurts or whatever . But a healthy response. My hubby had witnessed conflict and arguments while growing up. But did not see the healthy " how to". So it was a complete shock to me when I got married. As I didn't see any while growing up. Nor did I watch shows on tv that showed the best way to handle conflict. And I kept to myself at school...hidden in the library or in a quite spot in the play ground. I have been learning conflict resolution at this group I go to. The objective of this thread really is to see if any body can relate to me here. Maybe you did have heaps of conflict while growing up and even now. But have never learnt the " how to" handle it sort of thing. Another objective would be if you have any strategies you use yourself, can you share them? Like what to you do to handle conflict? Me.. I am a still a learner and practising to get better at it. Shell x

Flick_SnotGrass The NOCEBO Effect
  • replies: 4

The NOCEBO Effect You’ve heard of The Placebo Effect ~ our unbelievably amazing innate healing power that we all have and can learn to use more usefully. What's the flip-side of PLACEBO!? Is there one? Oh, yes...and it is really, really horrible. It'... View more

The NOCEBO Effect You’ve heard of The Placebo Effect ~ our unbelievably amazing innate healing power that we all have and can learn to use more usefully. What's the flip-side of PLACEBO!? Is there one? Oh, yes...and it is really, really horrible. It's called The NOCEBO Effect. It can kill ya. I am not kidding. NOCEBO is Mind Poison. NOCEBO is voodoo. NOCEBO can kill you with a mere suggestion. A really effective African Witch Doctor, can kill you with no more than a glance and him pointing a magic bone at you if you annoy him. No kidding. I know. I have witnessed the power of an angry GULE WAMKULU Man. It ain’t pretty. "Ridiculous." "What nonsense!" "How is that possible?" Easy, NOCEBO feeds on your FEAR. NOCEBO tricks you into feeling helpless and hopeless. And if you are not careful, NOCEBO can ruin you. You see we need 'FEAR'. If you cannot feel your feelings of FEAR, you cannot judge danger and you will tend to do stupid and life ending things. No. What we need to do is alter our RESPONSE to our sensations of FEAR, not try and get rid of them. Ponder this ~ if you stay feeling helpless and hopeless, for too long, unattended NOCEBIC energy will tend trick you into doubting your sense of self, it will trick you into doubting yourSelves, as if you had forsaken your Self. You quickly end up in a double locked loop…BINGO, you’re STUCK! Do I have your attention? Yes. Good Now what can you do to get out of the NOCEBO Trap? Step 1 is ALWAYS Awareness. It’s when you become Aware, that's when you start to break the Spell. And diSpell the spell…. For when you are brave enough to express your secret, unexpressed fears to yourself, they can no longer work their NOCEBIC poison invisibly within you. So, BECOME CURIOUS about what is going on inside you. Acknowledge you are feeling scared or overwhelmed or doomed. Step 2 BREATHE Long slow steady breaths will ALWAYS start to break up those compulsive NOCEBIC thought patterns. Yes it will take practice, persevere. Start. I will offer more tips and tools on breaking up the NOCEBO Effect in later posts but for now remember that The NOCEBO Effect does not like being mocked. NOCEBO hates being laughed at. Seriously! HaHaHaHa! Nocebo needs to be taken seriously for its poison to work on you. Laugh, it’s cheap and effective.