It doesnt matter if you dont drink for 2 days or 2 years some people and alcohol were not supposed to go together and i am certainly one of those people. We tell ourselves justifications etc to have another drink but it always seem to end up the same way. The morning after the negative thoughts and feelings kick into overdrive and its a feeling i wouldnt wish on anyone else.
I spoke to my wife about it and its time i give the drink up completly as all it does is feed my depression like a starving junkyard dog. If i want to move forward i need to divorce myself from alcohol for the long term. I didnt even make a fool out of myself for once which is rare but still these thoughts and feelings were waiting for me when i opened my eyes to face the day. I used to think i drank because thats what young people do at the age of 18 and i believed this for 8 long years. I soon realised i was drinking to cover up my low self esteem and lack of confidence in my self. Drinking gives you unlimited confidence until you pass out or wake up the next morning.
Im not dismissing alcohol completly as some people can control it as they control over their mind and thoughts where as i dont have that ability unfortunatly i needed to make the tough decision. Whatever it may be in life we come to a cross roads and need to make a call to better ourselves.
I feel relieved to be honest in making this decision because i know it will only benefit me in my daily struggle with depression. Im naturally an anti social person and alcohol was my tool to being social if only for a 24 hour period. I will need to develop other ways to improve my social skills.
Its easy to say i will never drink again but when you actually mean it and realise within yourself that this time you mean it is a big step forward well it is for me. My advice for anyone is if your not using the drink for the right reasons such as to mask other issues or getting over life experiences etc seek help and talk to someone before it can begin to take over your life.
Happy new year!
