Staying well

What life can be like at the end of the tunnel

replies: 9

I've been on here for around 5 or 6 months. Over 1000 posts. I came on here after a few months of peace. I had retired last August 2013 and after some initial adjustments to the new life I began to get mentally stronger. This was largely to do with s... View more

I've been on here for around 5 or 6 months. Over 1000 posts. I came on here after a few months of peace. I had retired last August 2013 and after some initial adjustments to the new life I began to get mentally stronger. This was largely to do with stress levels. More on that soon. So, a lifetime (am 58yo) of ups and downs. I wasnt diagnosed with anything until 2003 when my then partner believed I had ADHD. We read a book on it be WEISS and the Los Angelis policeman in that book seemed like me. We went to a Psychiatrist that specialised in ADHD in adults. He said I had it and medication began. Expensive anti-depressants. In 2005 I had a depressive cycle going on. The same psychiatrist diagnosed me with bipolar 1. 2008 came and my partner and I separated. I went off the medication. For 5 years I'd felt bad on them, really sleepy when travelling 400kms or more a day. In 2010 my best friend and I got married. We went to another psychiatrist and he diagnosed me with bipolar 2, dysthymia, anxiety and depression. There were many revelations that day. We realised that a second opinion can work wonders. That mania can be misdiagnosed as ADHD, that my bipolar 1 medication (at the correct doses for bipolar 1) can be devastating if you dont have it. Etc. So what resulted was a mood stabiliser and a low dose of Ad's. Gradually my condition improved but I had a couple of major "episodes" which was traced to stress levels. So my job, a sole business owner was disbanded immediately following that lst episode and luckily went on the disability pension last August. Since last year I've made further changes to our lives. We organised our finances, purchased a camper to have cheap holidays, reduced Facebook friends to real friends only, rejected family or friends that were toxic to us and planned some strategies to cope with my condition (only short conversations with locals at shops for example and limit TV news). Every month since February has been an improvement. I can honestly say that I've had 2 bad days in that time. My cycle pre 2003 was in any 8 week period I've have a stretch of 10 days to 3 weeks of depressant and constant sadness. It doesnt mean resting on our lorrals. But it does mean finally I'm looking at ways to capitalise on my happiness. It feels strange, to be happy for so many days in a row. And it does prove to me that in some situations if you get the cocktail right, diagnosis, medication, dosage, etc...there might be a light at the end of the tunnel.....

Relationship split

replies: 0

When someone passes away we gather around their family and friends to console, support and "be there". When a friend has a relationship break down we tend to chat and maybe drop in more often but not close to the scale of a loved one that passes on. ... View more

When someone passes away we gather around their family and friends to console, support and "be there". When a friend has a relationship break down we tend to chat and maybe drop in more often but not close to the scale of a loved one that passes on. Yet, the loss is the same. Being in love with someone then breaking up, the relationship is over, the grief begins its just that your lover is still living. The loss is comparable for many as if losing through death. Those initial few weeks are, numbness of disbelief. This person that enveloped your love and care is gone. Its shattering, in fact that hollow feeling is indescribable. Three relationships all over 7 years long and each were as difficult to endure the break up, the only reassurance for me was that the last one I knew that in 6 weeks or so I'd stabilize and begin healing...At least I knew my future. But I was 53yo then, as a younger man of 27yo and splitting with my partner of 7 years it was more harrowing and honestly it left me iin a state of suicidal thoughts. At that age I had no knowledge of my mental illnesses of bipolar, depression etc If you have recently split with a loved one what can you do to make yourself safe from that uncontrollable grief? Logic goes missing. Emotion takes over and engulfs your mind. Firstly allow the tears to fall. During the first few days there will be minutes whereby you will think logically i.e. "it wasnt going to work as I couldnt trust him" or "she was not in love with me" and then back to grief...remember those facts. Wrote them down. It will be very hard to think logically but I read so many posts whereby the member believes it was the ultimate relationship and he/she will never be replaced, that they will never love another or be loved by another the same. Fact- that is simply not true, that's grief talking. Im living proof, 3 times. Now very happily married for 7 years to my soul mate Secondly, although friends wont flock around you as often as following a funeral, ring them, a few minutes chatting soothes the pain...its all about a different perspective Thirdly cleanse your mind. Change your environment. A short holiday, a new outfit, a new car. Essentially any change that allows a new focus The number one absolute important thing to remember is there is help out there by way of the following Bb help line 1300 22 4636, Lifeline, your GP (it doesnt hurt to chat), this forum, friends and family. We are here to help. To get you through. You will be ok Tony WK

Egg men

replies: 4

Ive met a lot of men in my life through mainly my work in areas like prisons, ADF, dog ranger, crowd control and investigations.I've seen the best in men and the worse. So its understandable for me to pigeon hole men into good and bad, hardened and s... View more

Ive met a lot of men in my life through mainly my work in areas like prisons, ADF, dog ranger, crowd control and investigations.I've seen the best in men and the worse. So its understandable for me to pigeon hole men into good and bad, hardened and soft, violent (includes potentially violent) and anti violent, narcissistic and low ego, untrustworthy and faithful and so on. It is apparent to me now at an older age that many women especially those with a violent past at the hands of men, that they are fearful of men in total. Yet clearly this is unrealistic. Just as it would be of men to label all women manipulative or dramatic. Yet that what can happen with a mind under abuse and damaged. The traits, mannerisms, low voice, muscular frame of men could be a trigger for a victim. I worked in security. I had over 80 workmates including 8 females. Clearly the colleagues I got along best with were the females as their ego wasnt present. The men with little ego would inflate it when other men arrived but due to my insight I could detect the yolk inside the egg. They werent as tough as they portrayed. It would be harder for a female to conclude this I'd suspect. The contrasts dont end there. But my point is that the inner core of many egg men is soft, compassionate and kind. This knowledge can help you give, the benefit of the doubt with some conversations. Equally so the inner female can be so different to the outer one. What I find beneficial is to try to tap into that soft core. Dig deep enough and you'll strike marsh mellow. Once there dont stay long! Its not a comfort zone most men enjoy being in. We dont like to portray being a flower. The stigma is in the DNA. The male protector wont be gone for some time yet. Thankfully females are expecting less and less of our masculinity and seeking qualities like loyalty and monogamous ways. The shell of the egg is hard. Seek the soft side within by gentle techniques and...the benefit of the doubt. Can you comment on your experience with the soft dide of men? Associated threads (google) Topic: boys and their toys, a woman annoyed- beyondblue Topic: talking to men, some tips- beyondblue Topic: relationship strife? the peace pipe- beyondblue Tony WK

My Black Dog is a LIAR

replies: 3

Hello everyone... I thought it might be nice to have a place to acknowledge the lies our black dog feeds us... And then tear them apart! Can I start? Today I broke another toe and because I feel crap and vulnerable my black dog started whispering in ... View more

Hello everyone... I thought it might be nice to have a place to acknowledge the lies our black dog feeds us... And then tear them apart! Can I start? Today I broke another toe and because I feel crap and vulnerable my black dog started whispering in my head... Clumsy Useless Stupid woman Hubby will be angry. He told you to wear shoes inside after last time. Then as I iced and rested and watched as hubby mowed the lawn and tried to keep the kids off my foot it starts again... Lazy Look at you sitting around while he works He will be angry at you He will resent you No wonder you are fat You won't be able to exercise so you'll get fatter He will leave you You're a pathetic excuse for a human being Just. Give. Up. Yeah no surprise I feel like crap huh. And then as I put my kids to bed my son smiled and said he was excited to do playdough with me tomorrow while his sister and Dad go to swimming lessons. And it gave me the kick in the arse I needed. My black dog is full of s...t I broke my bloody toe again. Foot is black. It hurts. When I walk the bone clicks. How is that not permission to rest?! It is not reasonable to expect me to work in the garden when I can't put on a shoe. I am not lazy. Even hubby who works his butt off rests sometimes. He's not angry and if he is then tough luck. I am allowed to ice my foot and have a slack day. I'm human. We stuff up. It happens. I'm not pathetic or a poor excuse for a human being. That's my poor self esteem and life experiences talking. Today is a slump but tomorrow you will try again. You are ok. And you will be ok. Anyone else want to have a go? It feels pretty good to call your black dog out on it's BS. ❤ Nat

6.5 hrs till I go away on my detox/rehab mission for few months.

replies: 11

I've self written hieroglyphic tattoos down my for arms with scars of self slicing... I have had a gut full and fixing this shit!!. no communication while I'm gone.. Will miss you guys. but it is what it is..

Reducing alcohol

replies: 9

Well I have known for a while that I need help, but today is the day and I have decided to reach out and work my way to getting well. I don't have a lot of support or people I can confide in. Unfortunately I have begun to live wine a lot more than I ... View more

Well I have known for a while that I need help, but today is the day and I have decided to reach out and work my way to getting well. I don't have a lot of support or people I can confide in. Unfortunately I have begun to live wine a lot more than I should, its becoming a nightly habit. I suffer mild depression and anxiety and I know I have been drinking to deal with these things, along with stress.. I just get so wound up and by the end of the day I just want wine to try help me relax, I just don't know when to stop. I am a mum to 4 kids, 2 older and 2 younger. My two young kids are special needs kids, one who is autistic, adhd and dyslexic and the other has a rare syndrome and hypo/never sleeps... Life isn't easy, I know that's no excuse, but that's what I have been doing. There is alcoholism in my family, both my parents, my dad has ptsd due to being a Vietnam vet, so seeing them drinking like fish while growing up probably hasn't helped. I don't want that for my kids.. Thankfully my older kids don't drink a lot , I haven't always been a big drinker, but they see it, but the younger two is a worry.... I don't want to keep the cycle going... I feel so alone in this world, hubby just says "pft you cant stop, you have tried so many times, you are just an alcoholic" like that really encourages me. He makes fun of me about wine in front of people I know, its embarrassing. I just don't know what to do to stop this end of day habit that is becoming a problem. I worry about my health and whether I will see my young kids grow up or see any of them get married and have babies.... I just want to take control of my life again, I'm just not sure where to start . Sorry for the rant, thanks for anyone who listens..

Diet : This 'REALLY' has helped me 'ALOT!!'

replies: 1

We all know having a good diet, getting plenty of rest and exercise all play a key part in us feeling better. In the past 3 weeks I have been doing this, and after 30 years of struggling with severe depression, I can say this is the only thing that h... View more

We all know having a good diet, getting plenty of rest and exercise all play a key part in us feeling better. In the past 3 weeks I have been doing this, and after 30 years of struggling with severe depression, I can say this is the only thing that has ever really made a difference to the way I feel. I started to feel lighter, more positive and clear headed only a matter of days after starting this. It's not hard....it's just good healthy eating and nothing artificial. Get these foods on board as often as possible: blueberries, spinach, walnuts, bean sprouts, Brussels sprouts, avocado, apricots, coriander, coconut oil, kale. hemp seed. Keep the rest of your diet clean (i.e. no artificial colours, flavours, preservatives, additives of any kind...especially foods with MSG (this is one of the worst things you can have). If you can afford to buy organic, then do so. The more organic the better. I live in a small town where there is only a limited amount of organic products. I just buy the best quality I can. such as organic coconut oil, free range chicken and eggs and quality meat. My fruit and vegetable aren't organic either, but I still feel so much better for eating this way. TOTALLY oid refined white sugar. You can buy a product in the health food isle, which is a syrup made from rice, which you can use to sweeten your coffee and tea...limit the amount of coffee and tea to 2 or 3 a day. I eat a teaspoon of this syrup occasionally, when I feel like something sweet (not too often though!!). Also, drink a good quality spring water, preferably in glass bottles...there is one brand available in a box that has non toxic, BPA free packaging, this is a very economical way to buy your water. Bread, there are some brands without anything artificial. There is one I buy, but you'll have to look around for that yourself. It is available in most supermarkets! Olive oil....cook with it, make salad dressings (there are recipes online for healthy salad dressings). I mix it with apple cider vinegar and dip my healthy bread into it. Something else I have done for a while now is take Magnesium...it is great for almost every metabolic process in the body and most of us a deficient in it. It is fantastic for relaxing and calming you, without any drowsiness. I wouldn't be without out it. I would love to hear how you go if any of you try this. Good luck!!

Stopped Smoking

replies: 4

Hi everyone, just sharing my ‘emotional roller-coaster ride after making a decision to quit the cigarettes ‘cold turkey’ 7 days ago now.. Physically I’m feeling great, but mentally and emotionally it’s a huge never-ending roller-coaster ride ...from ... View more

Hi everyone, just sharing my ‘emotional roller-coaster ride after making a decision to quit the cigarettes ‘cold turkey’ 7 days ago now.. Physically I’m feeling great, but mentally and emotionally it’s a huge never-ending roller-coaster ride ...from deep sadness to despair and depresion ....I’m thinking what’s coming up now is what I was trying to cover up when I smoked..? ... ‘can anyone relate to this and offer any wisdom ....cheers

You can't force yourself to be HAPPY.

replies: 19

I know, I tried Complicated thing HAPPY Lots of moving parts, as it were Sometimes UN-HAPPY is caused by old out of date software running in the back of your mind It is as if we have been hypnotized by something horrid from the past and we can't seem... View more

I know, I tried Complicated thing HAPPY Lots of moving parts, as it were Sometimes UN-HAPPY is caused by old out of date software running in the back of your mind It is as if we have been hypnotized by something horrid from the past and we can't seem to shake the trance off Sometimes UN-HAPPY is caused by not enough hardware in your brain; where part of the physical makeup of your brain can't run Happy software very well An unresolved concussion or TBI can cause this and it can also be caused by information not flowing well throughout the physical matrix of the brain ...this is becoming a more common complaint as the informational demands of our world speeds up and we ask our brains to do things that they weren't designed to deal with. Dyslexia is a case in point ADD, ADHD too Sometimes, UN-HAPPY is due to lack of Sun, or nutrients, or lack of exercise, or whatever Often software, hardware and wetwear all get clustered up into a big jumble together Big salami HAPPY Let's face it the pressures of modern living makes UN-HAPPY very common. "What is the point really?" is a common and understandable sentiment these days but maybe we CAN improve HAPPY a slice at a time. Put a dent in misery, as it were. A book I often get my clients to read is "The Brain's Way of Healing" by Norman Doidge. This is a great primer on Brain Plasticity, the innate ability our brain's have for rewiring and rapidly healing themselves under the appropriate conditions. Post Traumatic Growth. Another great book for you to read is "The Woman Who Changed Her Brain" by Barbara Arrowsmith-Young. She was born with three neurological bottlenecks in her brain ~ her world was shattered from birth. Her book is about her realization that a) she could use modern neuroscience to pinpoint the specific locations within her head that were not working properly b) she could use the Neuro Plastic properties of her brain to help fix her wiring c) she designed specific exercises that drove traffic through her brain's bottlenecks which caused her brain to respond by adding more physical circuitry. d) she cured herself It's OK to say "WOW" at this point Brain Plasticity is real. Fortunately there is a growing cadre of "Brain Reprogramming Doctors" who now teach this neurostuff. These are experts in applying neuroscience and BRAIN PLASTICITY to helping people feel HAPPY quickly or sorting out many other emotional or cognitive complaints. Google Neuroplasticity Scholarly Articles and dig in.

Give To Get - it's nothing new.

replies: 2

My 6 World Vision kids keep me grounded. They make me realise I am useful. Each letter I open shows me I am valuable. Each picture reminds me I make a difference. I also advertise the difference I am making by telling my clients that they are making ... View more

My 6 World Vision kids keep me grounded. They make me realise I am useful. Each letter I open shows me I am valuable. Each picture reminds me I make a difference. I also advertise the difference I am making by telling my clients that they are making a difference every time they pay me. Here is the last letter: ——————————————————— This is Amily Sun. She is one of six World Vision kids that we have in our martial arts school. Firstly, please tell your kids that your family helps pay for her education and some medical supplies. Just by mentioning this and showing the photo, it will plant a seed that ensures everyone helps everyone else. It also reminds kids how lucky they are to live in the best corner of the best state of the best country in the world. Now, I post this for a few reasons. Mainly, I believe in altruism and want to show the young members of MRMA that that is what our duty is. I chose World Vision because we can put a face to our contribution. It hits home for us. I could have chosen an organisation where more of the money goes direct to the person that needs it. (82% of World Vision fees go direct to the person in need.) But everyone knows World Vision and the reporting process. Photos that are sent and personal notes mean there is a connection made. Your money doesn’t just seem to disappear into a black hole every month. My second reason is a personal one. I read a book about The Killing Fields. The author is the same age as me. When he was 15, Cambodia was embroiled in a war where huge numbers of people were slaughtered. The author’s teenage years were spent witnessing bloodshed that is the stuff of nightmares. As I read the book, I realised that at the same time, I was in Years 10, 11 and 12. At that age, my main focus was on doing the minimum amount of schoolwork, surfing, and the opposite sex. This realisation and subsequent embarrassment moved me to do something for those less fortunate. Maybe 40 years too late but I was unconsciously incompetent at the time. I have told this story many times to the kids in the martial arts school in the hope that, by example, they will realise that it is their civic duty to do what they can. I implore you to show your child the picture and explain how we are helping her. Sean Allen ——————————————————— So, that’s it. Simple acts repeated add up. Read that again. It works in all areas of life. Positive or negative.

Pinned discussions

A Bouquet for Pearls - share your appreciation for other members

replies: 715

All discussions

What life can be like at the end of the tunnel

replies: 9

Relationship split

replies: 0

Egg men

replies: 4

My Black Dog is a LIAR

replies: 3

6.5 hrs till I go away on my detox/rehab mission for few months.

replies: 11

Reducing alcohol

replies: 9

Diet : This 'REALLY' has helped me 'ALOT!!'

replies: 1

Stopped Smoking

replies: 4

You can't force yourself to be HAPPY.

replies: 19

Give To Get - it's nothing new.

replies: 2

Staying well

A Bouquet for Pearls - share your appreciation for other members replies: 715

What life can be like at the end of the tunnel replies: 9

Relationship split replies: 0

Egg men replies: 4

My Black Dog is a LIAR replies: 3

6.5 hrs till I go away on my detox/rehab mission for few months. replies: 11

Reducing alcohol replies: 9

Diet : This 'REALLY' has helped me 'ALOT!!' replies: 1

Stopped Smoking replies: 4

You can't force yourself to be HAPPY. replies: 19

Give To Get - it's nothing new. replies: 2

A Bouquet for Pearls - share your appreciation for other members

replies: 715

What life can be like at the end of the tunnel

replies: 9

Relationship split

replies: 0

Egg men

replies: 4

My Black Dog is a LIAR

replies: 3

6.5 hrs till I go away on my detox/rehab mission for few months.

replies: 11

Reducing alcohol

replies: 9

Diet : This 'REALLY' has helped me 'ALOT!!'

replies: 1

Stopped Smoking

replies: 4

You can't force yourself to be HAPPY.

replies: 19

Give To Get - it's nothing new.

replies: 2