Put your positive stories of bounce backs and recovery here! :)

[Faithh]

Good evening friends!

I just wanted to start a thread of positivity, as I've been having a bit of a hard day with general anxiety/panic/thinking too deeply about life to a point of kiiiiind of depersonalization/how do I even exist!? Ha! Existential crisis!! It's always a bit harder when I'm having a quiet day alone, so hoping to hear from some of you lovely people!

I guess I just want to say that since joining BB last week (why didn't i join earlier!!) it has really helped to 'normalise' me and make me feel less alone. Logically I know I'm not alone in this fight, however of course I do feel like I'm the only one feeling these emotions! It's always such a relief to pop online here and read/catch up with threads which can always help, even if it's a little bit.

I couldn't go see my therapist today as she wasn't feeling well, so coming here has helped a touch.

I would love to hear your own experiences of panic and existential type deep thoughts and how you recovered or are recovering!

Thanks so much guys, means the world to me!

xx Faithh

[white knight]

Hi faithh

What a great idea.

In 1997, after a planned suicide, marriage breakup etc l was building my own home.

One day l carried many sheets of plasterboard upstairs. After 2 hours my old back injury was killing me. I fell in a distraught heap, alone and missing my young children.

I made a coffee. Then got up and did another 2 hours, coffee, another 2 hours. I will never give up l kept telling myself.

5 months later my daughters 8 and 5 were tucked into their beds in that attic, house complete , overlooking the fairy garden and of course there were fairy curtains and doonas.

I went downstairs and opened a bottle of champagne...with a smile.

I hit rock botton 1996-1997. I will never get that low again. Thats positive.

Thanks faithh

Tony WK

[Nikkir]

Hi Faithh,

Thank you for your post 🙂 and I love your photo it is so peaceful ! Thank you for sharing your thoughts and feelings. I think we all have those days especially when we are alone where we wonder about life and where we are and where we are going !!!!!! It is a shame you couldn't see your therapist but great that you have found BB helpful. I have those days quite alot, especially since I have moved to a new area by myself. I get out in nature, luckily I am near the beach. So for instance tonight I started ruminating about things and i just went for a walk and then I felt better. I think it helps to open your mind up and a good distraction. I had many people running that nearly ran into me and saw interesting dogs and people swimming and people who dont speak english. All of a sudden I got out of my own way and it was nice. You can ring as well on 1300 22 4636 although i don't think its 24 hours, so for me its movement and going out. I used to try to do meditation and that works for many but when i really get into that cycle of thoughts I have to get out! I hope that helps or at least you know that you are not alone:) Best Wishes Nikkir x

[blondguy]

Hi Faithh

Great to talk to you again and what an inspirational post 🙂

Ive always been really fit and healthy but after 13 years of dedicated self healing not working I was so relieved my wonderful GP gave me life back with a small dosage of a AD which then provided me with a platform on which I could heal more effectively. She really did wonders with my anxiety & depression

Career performance was enhanced as well as my social life too

White Knight (TonyWK) and Nikkir have great posts and care above as per your great thread topic!

Nikkir is spot on with the qualified and non judgemental counselors available 24/7 on 1300 22 4636 if you ever need them

Your strength of spirit and positive mindset are bonus for the forums 🙂

my kind thoughts

Paul

[Faithh]

Hi Tony,

What a remarkable story. Your daughters must be so proud of you and are indeed lucky to have such a pillar of strength in their lives.

I especially resonated with the "have coffee, do 2 hours work, have another coffee, 2 hours work" because I put pressure on myself to do the most I can with my days otherwise I feel I have wasted my time! (in a nut shell, I was always quite a busy person with many projects, until I was made redundant from a design job in November 16 that was very stressful and although I didn't even want to be there anymore, it got me very low personally/creatively and professionally. So now while I search for work I have too much time on my hands to ponder) But I have slowly acknowledged that being on the go 24/7 does indeed make the situation much worse. Still learning how to be kind to myself. So, I'm going to take on board your 2 hour method! We can call it the "Tony Method" hehe 🙂

Always great to hear from you and your encouraging words.

Faithh

[Faithh]

Hi Nikki,

Thank you for your positive response - it was a pleasure to read!

Ah yes, so you are a fellow ruminator! 🙂 That's great that you are able to push yourself out the door to walk and just be with nature, I love that, and really believe in the power of it. Lately I've been getting up and trying to beat that moment of "hmm what can I worry about again today" by getting up making a coffee and heading to the gym.

I too am similar, in that although meditation is a powerful tool for me (more so in the past though), I find that I need to be physical to really literally fight these cycles. Ive found weight training to help this last week, so Im looking at making that a more consistent part of my lifestyle.

Thank you, your response has helped. No matter how many times I hear it, It's just always so nice to hear from someone else with a similar situation/symptoms to help confirm that I am not losing my mind!? haha 🙂

Faithh

[Faithh]

Hi Paul,

Always lovely to hear from you!

I too have always been fit and healthy, with underlying "worry" which kind of turned into bouts of panic/anxiety over the past 5 years or so but have generally managed well with keeping up meditation, work, active social life and also low dose of AD when it first set in which I was only on for a few months, but I felt like thats what I needed and indeed it helped. I'm considering returning to AD help bridge the gap and generally improve my wellbeing overall, just how it has helped fulfil your life too! Thank you for your inspirational story, it sure does put more hope in me 🙂

What a beautiful thing to say! "Your strength of spirit and positive mindset are bonus for the forums :-)"

Faithh

[blondguy]

Hey Faithh

Thankyou for the super kind feedback and kind compliment 🙂

you just made my day!

Paul

[Wanderlustress]

Hi Faithh,

I've always been one to swing from and get stuck in the hopelessness and roller-coaster of somewhat mild (can be positive or negative) to absolute hopeless dystopian existential rumination...and growing older does not help one bit.
Since I was a child, I've always felt so isolated and alone - I pretend to be extroverted when I am really an introvert, just dying to connect with someone. Anyone. I used to get so disappointed when the people I came across mostly seemed so disinterested in life, questions about existence and enjoyed basking in the superficial "distractions" of life. A pointless existence, I used to scoff and rage in despair. Then I learnt how to cope by keeping it all in. Everything was my fault. I didn't deserve anything good. I would cry and cry inside because 'crying was for weaklings'.

A long-winded life story short, a narcissistic family, co-dependent marriage to a sociopathic compulsive narcissist ruined by multiple affairs and mistresses and abuse of every kind, morbid obesity to anorexia and bulimia, depression, anxiety, self-harm, no friends, no family and a year where I could not get out of bed except to exercise for 4 hours a day rain or shine...I'm now in a much better place, after 2 years of therapy.

What's helped...is taking everyday - a day at a time.

Self-forgiveness and gentle reflection (AND deflection if thoughts are unhelpful! :-D). Sitting by the window and realising how life is truly, truly a miracle because we are on this planet by way of some amazing fluke of design whether creation or accident...but either way, the privilege I have of agency to build my life a day at a time. Most importantly -Self-love. Realising that I don't need an 'excuse' to do something for myself. I used to forbid myself to eat because I wasn't 'worth' it. I could only eat if it was for someone else.

Asking myself if my thoughts were helpful of not. Not being afraid of my feelings and emotions where I would either starve, binge or exercise to hide from them. Oh, and eating again.

And two of the biggies. Writing, and travel. Journalling made me realise how each day counted, each thought mattered, each emotion meant something. Travel made me realise how small my world was, how small I had made it, and how many people struggle with demons and hardship, like myself. My world is more than what my "loved" ones tell me it is.

I'm still recovering. But there's light at the end now. 🙂

[Muddlee]

Hi Faithh,

Great post.

I guess today I had an existential moment at work - despite me not struggling one bit which I usually have in the past I just wanted to quit as I found no meaning in getting up, going to university and doing this over and over. For a moment I found no meaning or purpose. But then I reminded myself of what I did yesterday - I learnt the basics of driving a manual (car) in one night! I also played two games of soccer! And then the week before I completed two really difficult assignments with more ease than I have ever felt before! Next week I'm going overseas for the first time and have felt more confident to go than ever! With these examples I realised what gave me meaning was doing things, no matter how big or small. I then asked well then how come I don't feel motivated? In response I reminded myself that some days I won't feel motivated or find meaning, but some days I will. The more I do and try I feel and experience the more motivated, meaningful and satisfied I feel. It takes time, support (including professional) and patience (more than I can estimate) but I know I will get there eventually.

Hope this helps 🙂

Muddleee