Relationship and family issues

How to Help Someone Filled with Rage

replies: 8

Any Sigmund Freuds out there? This one’s right up his alley. When I say that my mother is an angry person, I want you to understand my full meaning. She is always complaining and criticising everything that she can see. Always.She is abusive to those... View more

Any Sigmund Freuds out there? This one’s right up his alley. When I say that my mother is an angry person, I want you to understand my full meaning. She is always complaining and criticising everything that she can see. Always.She is abusive to those she claims to love and an angel to strangers she’ll probably never see again.She talks continually... I really do mean that. There is not a moment that she isn't feeling the need to voice whatever she is thinking. Almost none of it is necessary or worth saying. Almost all of it is negative. Personally, I can't even imagine what it must be like to feel the need to pump negativity into the world every minute of every day. It's hard to comprehend how much energy that must take. It's hard to understand the thought process behind how one might feel this is necessary.As for my stepfather, he is a good and gentle man. But if the gender roles were reversed, their relationship would be seen as abusive and toxic. There is not an hour that passes without her screaming at him and telling him how useless and pathetic he is (he’s not by the way). But because he’s a man, not a woman, this is fine I guess.Any inquiry into why she is this way is met with instant hostility and defence. She feels she is being attacked no matter how gently the subject is broached. Attempts have been made to do nice things for her in the hope that it might lighten her mood. Any levity produced by such attempts last seconds... not minutes, and it feels like we’re just causing a bigger problem by doing this… almost rewarding her behaviour. So we quickly learned that that was a bad idea too. I would like to try to understand her better. That’s all. Maybe attempt to find a way to bring her some peace in her later years. The idea that everyone’s just going to breathe a sigh of relief when she’s gone rather than mourn is a terrible thought.Neither my brother nor I, have any desire to be in relationships or marry, having grown up witnessing this behaviour and I can’t even imagine what kind of damage might be lying underneath the obvious surface-level stuff like that. God knows we’re both probably repressing and unknowingly denying all kinds of crap. Any advice? It’s a sad situation.

A bit confused with what happened with this date

replies: 7

Several years ago, I sent one of my Facebook friends a happy birthday message on Facebook through messenger and he thanked me and asked me if I wanted to go out with him. (I think this was a bit after he broke up with another girl he was in a close r... View more

Several years ago, I sent one of my Facebook friends a happy birthday message on Facebook through messenger and he thanked me and asked me if I wanted to go out with him. (I think this was a bit after he broke up with another girl he was in a close relationship with). I was surprised and said yes because I had a crush on him when we were in college and still found him kind of attractive so I wanted to see how things would go. On the day that we went out, he drove me to the mall and we had lunch, but most of the time he was on his phone talking and texting his friends so I got really nervous and was wondering if he asked me out as a bet or a dare. We went to see a movie afterwards and he was still on his phone for a lot of it. I'm a bit confused as to why he was on his phone so much? Afterwards he drove me back home and said "Thanks for doing this with me, and I'll call you." A month had past and he didn't call me so I messaged him on Facebook and was asking him how he was and he kept ignoring it. After a few months I messaged him saying that it was okay if he didn't want to continue this relationship if he didn't want to and he said "I was just really busy with work and I never knew we were dating." And then I said "Oh, okay, that is awkward." And just 5 minutes after this he posted on Facebook saying "Any single girls up for a chat" which kind of hurt. I know he doesn't have to continue going out with me, but it was so soon after we just spoke and I just got clarification of what was going on. A few years after this, I told my sister about it and she explained to me that there's a different between dating and going on a date. So what are the rules when it comes to going on a date? Do you just assume that it's not going to continue if they don't talk to you? People say he asks girls out a lot so I think he may have gone out with me as more of a fun thing rather than a serious thing.

Friendship and Self-Sabotage...

replies: 13

I’m in my early-mid 40s and have recently been ‘officially’ diagnosed with anxiety and depression (something I have lived with on and off since my teenage years). I’ve been taking medication for a couple of months now but I am engaging in some damagi... View more

I’m in my early-mid 40s and have recently been ‘officially’ diagnosed with anxiety and depression (something I have lived with on and off since my teenage years). I’ve been taking medication for a couple of months now but I am engaging in some damaging behaviour that I feel is having an impact on its effectiveness and my recovery. I’ve recently formed a new friendship with another woman and we have become quite close. We get on really well and are in almost daily communication (sometimes feels like we’re dating !) which probably drives her nuts but helps me a lot in getting through my day, especially when I’m struggling. As well as having some awesome ‘midlife crisis’-style fun together, we’ve been supporting each other through some recent difficulties. I’ve actually opened up to her a bit, which is not something that I normally do - I am normally very guarded and (possibly because of this) I don’t have many close friends. I don’t even disclose much about myself to my husband or parents. She has been a revelation of sorts! All sounds great so far, and it should be. But the trouble is, I’m messing it up. I can’t seem to strike a realistic balance in my mind - I seem to alternate between extremes of wanting to her to be my high school BFF and then wanting to push her away. My friendship with her seems to send me into highs and lows - she can make me feel wonderful one minute, then depressed the next. I have no idea what triggers the mood swings but it makes me tend towards feelings of self-sabotage. Mostly I can resist but on two separate occasions I have deliberately tried to end the friendship and push her away, and in doing so I have said some terrible things. Thankfully she has seen through it and hasn’t let me end it, despite having plenty of reasons to tell me where to go. We have somehow remained friends but I must be doing some damage. I feel terrible about it because she doesn’t deserve that behaviour from me, someone who is supposed to be her friend. I just want to enjoy the friendship but I’m having trouble keeping myself together. I was wondering whether anyone else has experienced anything similar and what they did to get themselves out of it? Am going back to the doctor next week to discuss my medication, as I don’t think it’s working for me, but I also need to sort out my behaviour too. I’d be devastated to lose her friendship - and I think I must be on my last chance. Thanks!

Bullying and Sleep Deprivation

replies: 3

Hi all. My husband has been a FIFO worker for the past 12 years. I have been a stay-at-home mum to our four children. As they grew, I worked part-time. Every break, my husband drinks heavily and plays loud music all night. He sings loudly and insults... View more

Hi all. My husband has been a FIFO worker for the past 12 years. I have been a stay-at-home mum to our four children. As they grew, I worked part-time. Every break, my husband drinks heavily and plays loud music all night. He sings loudly and insults me and my children. My three older children have moved out and the youngest remains. I started a full-time job recently and his behaviour has escalated to become physically aggressive and threatening. I can barely function at work and have begged him to cease his behaviour, but he claims to not remember his behaviour whilst 'drunk.' I have complained to his workplace but they have not taken me seriously. My husband is abusive, uses foul language and calls me and my children terrible names. Myself and even my neighbours previously reported him and he has been arrested only to be released the following day, and he continues his behaviour. I don't know what to do, and my mental health is adversely affected.

Anxiety and the youngest child

replies: 2

Hello all, it’s been some time and I’m back. Like everyone I’ve had a bit of a time at life. Over the last 7 years ive had a husband cheated on me with a woman 11 years his junior (these forums helped me greatly during this time). Mum went through br... View more

Hello all, it’s been some time and I’m back. Like everyone I’ve had a bit of a time at life. Over the last 7 years ive had a husband cheated on me with a woman 11 years his junior (these forums helped me greatly during this time). Mum went through breast cancer. My sister in law has MS. I mention all of the above as my parents have decided to sell up and move to somewhere closer to the rest of the fam and that is fantastic. Along with this they want to secession plan which tbh I’m glad they want to do it now rather than wait for my brother and I to have to sort it out whenever that dreadful time comes. It gets a bit messy as I only have one brother who has 2 kids and a wife. I have a partner but after my marriage ended (no kids) like to keep my family finances separate as does he and we are both ok with this. I can’t shake this feeling of anxiety around what mum and dad want to do. My brother often dubbed the golden child and who has the gift of the gab leaves me feeling like he will get everything his way and because I have a partner of only 5 years and no kids I’m not worth anything.I absolutely hate feeling this way, anxious, helpless and worthless. I also hate that I’m feeling like this about succession planning… any words of advice would be welcomed. T(here)

Married and Done...

replies: 4

I'm a married 35yo mother of two boys.Married for 13 years - during this time, I have been loyal, loving hard & forgiving my husband for his actions (that were not acceptable, not keeping boundaries, flirting, visit to the prostitute etc). I would sa... View more

I'm a married 35yo mother of two boys.Married for 13 years - during this time, I have been loyal, loving hard & forgiving my husband for his actions (that were not acceptable, not keeping boundaries, flirting, visit to the prostitute etc). I would say in total, I could count 5+ events that had affected me which I approached him about but was brushed off. He is an extrovert & loves company of others while I'm an introvert & focus on the inner peace.I think it came to a point where one day I woke up & felt 'I am done' - but FT work, kids etc - I don't think I had the time to think.We had a flatmate 'N' who moved in soon after - a young man in his late 20's who had come out of a broken place & wanted space away from everything he went through - which he chose our place.Him & I got along well - we would open up to me about his past, which was quite dark & had just broken up with his partner so both being quite broken, we connected.Hubby didn't like this & told me to keep my distance, that he feels 'N' isn't keeping his boundaries.That is when I flipped - talking to him for hours is nothing compared to what you did & how you brushed me off, yet, you expect me to listen to how you feel? I think at that point I knew I was done & it hit me hard. I broke down in front of hubby & exploded with all my emotions going back 13 years until now - & how I feel about him now = no emotions, no love, just numb. Not even angry anymore. That if he was to go flirt now, I'll feel fine. Since then, all hell broke lose.

Support for partner of someone with chronic pain

replies: 1

I'm hoping someone can offer assistance. My partner (currently ex, but still living under the same roof) has had injuries and been on work cover for 4.5 years. I have done my best to support them the best I knew how to and we are at a point where I a... View more

I'm hoping someone can offer assistance. My partner (currently ex, but still living under the same roof) has had injuries and been on work cover for 4.5 years. I have done my best to support them the best I knew how to and we are at a point where I am being blamed for their problems and the state of their mental health. I want them to move out, but it is not happening so I am living in this state of toxicity and aggression 24/7 as they are always home, and I work from home. Looking for some coping strategies / ideas?!

Dealing with own emotion

replies: 1

Hello,I need some help dealing with my own emotions. I was born overseas. When I was young, I saw my father hit my mum a lot until they separated. Since then, I've been scared of men. Many years have passed, and I got married to a very good man, and ... View more

Hello,I need some help dealing with my own emotions. I was born overseas. When I was young, I saw my father hit my mum a lot until they separated. Since then, I've been scared of men. Many years have passed, and I got married to a very good man, and we have two sons together. We moved to Australia. The problem is, my husband is a mama's boy, and my mother-in-law is very attached to her son. This makes me feel upset, angry every time I see them together, insecure, and left out. I'm also not sure if my feelings of jealousy and being left out are directly related to my childhood trauma. I don't like feeling this way. What should I do?"

Smell of Breakup

replies: 1

Hi everyone, revisiting my most recent and final breakup before I decided to forget relationships altogether. For me the smell of cigarette smoke and hospital wards just scream 'breakup'. I remember losing my job, being addicted to cigarettes and alc... View more

Hi everyone, revisiting my most recent and final breakup before I decided to forget relationships altogether. For me the smell of cigarette smoke and hospital wards just scream 'breakup'. I remember losing my job, being addicted to cigarettes and alcohol and wandering the halls of the emergency/psychiatric ward with no purpose and waiting for it all to be over and done with. Apparently I was too codependent to the point of my partner feeling 'responsible for my happiness'. My life has been shit for the last 10 years. I retraced it all to the day I stepped foot into Year 7 and the teacher said 'ladies and gentlemen, your lives from now on will change. You're adults now'. I've found peace and fulfillment by regressing in maturity and personality back to when I was a wee lad. Not everyone is impressed but if I've learnt anything, it's that I don't exist to please others. I've spent 10 years doing that shit

Cross roads

replies: 5

I have been married for two years and known my husband for five. Im quiet independent with a secure attachment style his is more insecure and a little co dependent. My parents never approved and still don't. I have always had my own things in life an... View more

I have been married for two years and known my husband for five. Im quiet independent with a secure attachment style his is more insecure and a little co dependent. My parents never approved and still don't. I have always had my own things in life and been happy with work and family around me. I have lived in the big smoke my entire life and had strong connections and proximity to family. My partner does not have strong family connections and does not like city living especially as we are living in my mother's rental and due to that situation, my partner pushed for us to buy own own house, in a reginal town as a compromise, so an hours drive from my family. We have renovated our house for the last three years. Our stuff is in there, well half of it. I'm no longer feeling comfortable with the move due to how we have been lately. There is no intimacy or emotional connection between us and I don't feel I can be vulnerable around him most of the time. He does not validate my emotions or opinions and becomes upset at me. I have been seeing a counselor for 2 years. And we have tried couples counseling. I get upset quite a bit as I persist on my boundaries and at times this has ment leaving the house Renos and driving back in storms, pitch black and in tears. I'm worried that if I move there the behaviours may continue or become worse. He has depression and is not dealing with it but promises he will. He also suffers PTSD after a near death experience and a previous divorce. His not a controlling person in actions but words seem it although not so obvious and often leave me confused and doubting my own feelings and perception. He says I need to change my perception and think of him in a generous way...when I try to explain that this leads to lack of intimacy he will deny any responsibility. He simply says I need to man up and move forward with my life. He tells me it's not healthy to be under my parents thumb and living in their place(rental). I'm feeling hurt and lonely. We don't have kids. I'm not sure if there is any point continuing with the marriage. He is a nice person but I feel we clash alot. I could leave now and move on with my old life quiet easily but if I move from where I am I feel it will be to hard to move back. He says he will try his hardest, but I'm not sure how when he can't hear what I'm saying. I can't simply flick a switch. I don't know if there is any hope.

Pinned discussions

Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about

replies: 0

All discussions

How to Help Someone Filled with Rage

replies: 8

A bit confused with what happened with this date

replies: 7

Friendship and Self-Sabotage...

replies: 13

Bullying and Sleep Deprivation

replies: 3

Anxiety and the youngest child

replies: 2

Married and Done...

replies: 4

Support for partner of someone with chronic pain

replies: 1

Dealing with own emotion

replies: 1

Smell of Breakup

replies: 1

Cross roads

replies: 5

Relationship and family issues

Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about replies: 0

How to Help Someone Filled with Rage replies: 8

A bit confused with what happened with this date replies: 7

Friendship and Self-Sabotage... replies: 13

Bullying and Sleep Deprivation replies: 3

Anxiety and the youngest child replies: 2

Married and Done... replies: 4

Support for partner of someone with chronic pain replies: 1

Dealing with own emotion replies: 1

Smell of Breakup replies: 1

Cross roads replies: 5

Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about

replies: 0

How to Help Someone Filled with Rage

replies: 8

A bit confused with what happened with this date

replies: 7

Friendship and Self-Sabotage...

replies: 13

Bullying and Sleep Deprivation

replies: 3

Anxiety and the youngest child

replies: 2

Married and Done...

replies: 4

Support for partner of someone with chronic pain

replies: 1

Dealing with own emotion

replies: 1

Smell of Breakup

replies: 1

Cross roads

replies: 5