Relationship and family issues

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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Echtis A few things.
  • replies: 1

Hi. I'm 24M. Unlike most other people my age I live on my own and have since I was 17/18. This is because my parents, or rather my mother, was incredibly abusive in ways that I won't go into detail here. My father wasn't abusive, but he did nothing t... View more

Hi. I'm 24M. Unlike most other people my age I live on my own and have since I was 17/18. This is because my parents, or rather my mother, was incredibly abusive in ways that I won't go into detail here. My father wasn't abusive, but he did nothing to attempt to stop what mum was doing to me. On one hand, I hate both of them, and wish for nothing more than to never speak to them again. On the other, despite mother denying any of it happening, they treat me very well when I visit them on occasion, which unironically makes me trust them less. On the other, life is hopefully long, and things and people can change. I'm sure part of this is some form of warped attachment. I keep them at arm's length where I can safely disengage. Secondly, something I am slightly more uncomfortable talking about, is a friendship with a young woman who I actually quite liked. I'll spare the details, but I liked her, and it seemed she liked me, but I was uncomfortable and felt strange with the age gap between us despite us both being adults. She initially claimed to be lesbian, but quickly went back on it, and is now in a relationship with a young man. I was quite upset by this, and I actually wrote her a pretty mediocre love song before I found out she was dating someone. I am uncertain of what details I can or should post, so I'll say that we have very similar interests, dreams, personalities, etc. I get that I missed my opportunity, but I know it would really hurt her if I moved on as much as it would hurt me. I've really struggled to find connections, but obviously it is quite torturous seeing someone you like with someone else. I would be giving up a friend first and a romantic interest second. Either way, at least thought I'd share my thoughts and feelings at the very least, maybe get some advice from more level headed people as I do not have many friends and I am not getting support from the ones I have. Thanks.

Guest_2503 I miss my ex
  • replies: 4

Last month I broke up with my boyfriend whom I've dated for 3 years and have known since kindergarten (we are 20 and attend the same uni). He had told me that his mum disapproved of us being together, I pressed him for more information which he hesit... View more

Last month I broke up with my boyfriend whom I've dated for 3 years and have known since kindergarten (we are 20 and attend the same uni). He had told me that his mum disapproved of us being together, I pressed him for more information which he hesitantly gave me. I regret pressing him so much, but he's always been honest with me. He told me that she didn't like me because of my body (I'm 8kg over my ideal BMI). He also told me that she and a group of her church friends regularly get together and talk about how much they hate me, how fat and ugly I am and how they would never let their sons date me and urge her to break us up. She name-dropped a few of her friends who are also friends with my mother, eventually, the truth came out that she had lied about some of what they said in an attempt to make her son break up with me. She would berate him each time we went on a date and scream and harass him for it. He would reassure me that she can't control him but the knowledge of him possibly being swayed by her actions and words (some being lies) and knowing that there are so many people who hate me just because of my body (she barely knows anything else about me), was just too much to bear and I ended things with him because I knew there couldn't be a real future. I told him I didn't want to stay friends because it would be too hard to move on. I know it's probably the right decision, just thinking about him made me feel sick about myself. I didn't want to look at the person I love and instinctively be reminded of why I should hate myself. I knew that mentally I wouldn't be able to handle it long term. I've struggled with suicidal and self-hating thoughts all my life and now they're re-emerging from being triggered. I've also become obsessed with losing weight and have started restricting and purging occasionally. I also miss him a lot, our relationship wasn't perfect but it was ours, we built it up over the years, I was his best friend and he's the first person I've ever loved, it feels like we lost our agency, like something was ruined and we didn't even get to ruin it ourselves. I've texted him once since and he was very curt, I don't think he saw me breaking up with him coming. I don't want to date him anymore because I wouldn't want anything long term (with his mum being like that) but I miss him and I want him in my life, but it'll be so hard to go back to being friends because of our past feelings.

Talitha93 Just not sure what to do
  • replies: 7

hello. I haven’t posted here in a while but I’m back in a little rut and I truly really don’t know what to do….. I am just feeling really lost an anxious like I don’t know what to do. Someone that I thought was my friend kept something from me but wh... View more

hello. I haven’t posted here in a while but I’m back in a little rut and I truly really don’t know what to do….. I am just feeling really lost an anxious like I don’t know what to do. Someone that I thought was my friend kept something from me but when I asked her about it she denied it until I heard it from someone else. She then said yes I knew but I didn’t want you to not go to the appointment. I was so hurt by this especially as we have promised each other to always be open and honest no matter what. I don’t know how I should be feeling. I have spoken to her about it and I’ve told her I was upset but she seems to think I don’t have a reason to be upset. Am I just being silly or not?

Ren_n My trio friendship is starting to fall apart
  • replies: 1

I've been friends with A and B since late 2021. At least 3-4 different times in our friendship, this exact thing has happened, but it feels worse this time. A and B have known each other years longer than they've known me. They share more interests (... View more

I've been friends with A and B since late 2021. At least 3-4 different times in our friendship, this exact thing has happened, but it feels worse this time. A and B have known each other years longer than they've known me. They share more interests (One piece, genshin, anime in general, they were even in the same classes) with each other than they do with me (drawing, writing, cats. ) We recently had a break from school, 6 weeks, in this time, B contacted me once, this was just a group chat message directed at others we talked to (4-5 people in the group chat, but we're not as close with the other 2.) A contacted me 3-4 times, once for their birthday and 3 other times through discord memes because they were bored. I learned at the end of the holidays that they spoke nearly every day and even went out of state and to the same location for an actual holiday. This pissed me off a little, because every time I tried to arrange stuff with them, someone always cancelled. This was before, during and after the holidays, best seen when I pushed for us to go see a cat cafe sometime. In September. We organized for the middle of October, and then suddenly everyone else cancelled. I tried to organize again before the new year, but everyone else cancelled. Tried to organize again sometime this year, but everyone is busy. Yet they made time to hang out as a duo. We're back at school, we have 2 breaks between classes which add up to about 70 minutes. Usually we talk during this time, very often A will talk about A and B's common interests, anime, one piece, genshin. I try to participate but it doesn't work out often because I just don't care about these topics at all. This results in A and B talking whilst I stare at the ground for 70 minutes every day, 5 times a week. I hate it, I hate listening to them talk while they forget I exist. There's clearly a duo in our trio, and that's A and B. I want to find out why this happened, and go back to normal, but I don't know how. A is so loud and talks about themself and their interests so much and B laughs along, there's no room for my input or discussion about my interests too. They don't even notice when I'm gone. I hate them but I love them, I'm their friend but also a stranger, I could never yell at them but I just feel like screaming until they understand.

MacusS Still struggling - covid and lonely
  • replies: 7

Hi lovely people, I last posted last year. I was devastated to lose what was my dream gf when we’d parted on good terms but she dumped me as she’s younger and had travel and wanted to work overseas. I was out of a long term relationship and she was t... View more

Hi lovely people, I last posted last year. I was devastated to lose what was my dream gf when we’d parted on good terms but she dumped me as she’s younger and had travel and wanted to work overseas. I was out of a long term relationship and she was too - it just happened but she’s an anxious person who tends to “fly away” if someone wants to commit. I tried hard not to crowd her. We rekindled after a random run in. I was careful not to crowd her but soon after she was calling me a lot and talking through her day to day challenges. She said when we were apart she missed me a lot and would think of contacting me and would cry to her friends she wanted to call me. She then started slowly pulling away and again she called it quits. This was 8 months ago and I struggle everyday. She said I was so kind to her in her last message. I think about her everyday have a fantastic job but I’m so lonely and I miss her particularly, so much. I thought about contacting work EAP as a start. I have tried exercise, meeting others, keeping busy but I miss her dearly. Can anyone give me any suggestions or hope? Thank you

aconfuzzledone My partner made a comment about my weight.. I feel hurt.
  • replies: 1

We have been in a relationship for 13 years. We met when we were fresh out of high school. I’m 30 now and I obviously don’t look the same as I did at 18. Recently my partner commented about my belly being big, called me fat, said he’s not attracted t... View more

We have been in a relationship for 13 years. We met when we were fresh out of high school. I’m 30 now and I obviously don’t look the same as I did at 18. Recently my partner commented about my belly being big, called me fat, said he’s not attracted to me as he used to and said I don’t look good in some angles.. This really hurt me to the point I kept looping about what he said all day and just felt flat. We did talk about it but I felt unheard. Though sometimes I can’t help but wonder if I’m just overreacting or being too sensitive. I agree that my body has changed, I changed my job, I’m not as active, but I think what really is upsetting me is that he’s basically saying that IM NOT GOOD ENOUGH and his love for me is conditional. It’s also the way he frames it, I just don’t feel supported by him. I don’t want to start losing weight to give him the satisfaction and control over me. However, I do think I would benefit by being more active. I just don’t have the motivation to do it. Thanks for listening.

PsychedelicFur Guy looks at girls dating profile while spending time with me
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I met up with an old uni friend from two years ago, today. he would cuddle me constantly and sit near me at university. And today when I met him he was more interested in looking at his phone.. for someone to date his the dating app. He wasn’t keepin... View more

I met up with an old uni friend from two years ago, today. he would cuddle me constantly and sit near me at university. And today when I met him he was more interested in looking at his phone.. for someone to date his the dating app. He wasn’t keeping the conversation going and I feel like crap. I feel so upset and disappointed because I thought we had something, AGES ago. And he wants someone now. although, he can’t find anyone. he doesn’t want someone who lives 30 minutes away. And he says it’s a RED FLAG if his potential partner isn’t on Facebook, Instagram and Snapchat. today’s meet up was horrible.

Dani12we_ Misalignments
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Hi, My bf and I broke up recently because of some misalignments in our relationship. These misalignments include him wanting to see me twice a week where I'm more inclined for 4 times a week. Also he does not want to travel where as I do. He is not w... View more

Hi, My bf and I broke up recently because of some misalignments in our relationship. These misalignments include him wanting to see me twice a week where I'm more inclined for 4 times a week. Also he does not want to travel where as I do. He is not willing to compromise so I ended the relationship however we both agreed its the right decision. We still chat a lot everyday. Not sure if this is good or bad. I am still very much in love with himAnyone experienced something similar or have any thoughts on this?

JamesL Struggling to make connections in Adelaide
  • replies: 7

Hi everyone. Newbie here. Basically I am at a stage where I am really concerned about my mother. To cut a long story short, we moved to Adelaide a couple of years ago, and we have both found it extremely difficult to make meaningful connections-frien... View more

Hi everyone. Newbie here. Basically I am at a stage where I am really concerned about my mother. To cut a long story short, we moved to Adelaide a couple of years ago, and we have both found it extremely difficult to make meaningful connections-friendships with people here. My mother is in her sixties, and she has tried many ways to meet new people and get closer to them, including the following: - Going to meetups. But it seems that people there are not interested in pursuing anything outside the meet ups. My mother is looking for something more than just spending a day a month with other people. - Inviting people over for lunches, but none of these people ever did the same or even called back, etc. Even through volunteering it is hard to build a connection as people are mainly interested in doing the job and leaving. The overall feeling is that there’s well established circles in Adelaide that are extremely hard to break into, and that there’s no openness to anything new. And even people are reluctant to introduce you to their circle of friends. Your thoughts and advice about all this would be greatly appreciated. Thank you in advance.

snailpace Dads behaviour
  • replies: 9

My ex is now demanding to be involved in our sons daycare which took me forever to organise had he is not paying nor helping at all.We separated before birth and his father was on an IVO due to stalking abuse and serious harassment.Our differences ar... View more

My ex is now demanding to be involved in our sons daycare which took me forever to organise had he is not paying nor helping at all.We separated before birth and his father was on an IVO due to stalking abuse and serious harassment.Our differences are irreconcilable. He's spent the last year deliberately undermining the parenting order and abusing me for his own choices denying it and blaming me for EVERYTHING. He picks fights in front of our son and belittles me with vulgar language.He has repeatedly tried to set traps to financially destabilise me the most recent was quitting his job so he doesn't have to pay child support.He makes agreements outside of the plan and doesn't tell me, always starts fights over asking for extra time drops DS off early picks him up late with no warning, books appointments and doesnt show or to get out of commitment time and never offer's make up days. He spends himself broke on $300 glasses, headphones ect this man is 54 years old, and cant pay $30 a month in child support. He snoops my house and bins so I cant have him inside have to fight to keep him out of my house.I pay for EVERYTHING and put in all the work. He refuses to contribute to anything even christmas.Worked so hard just to get DS into daycare so i can find work as I have been suffocated for nearly 3 years and kept deliberately financially restrained by his father.If he has a problem he doesn't tell me, he just cuts off the payments because he's angry and he cant be trusted at all and sends verbal abuse.He refused to properly commit to our parenting agreement and for 10 months he has belittled me, undermined me seriously and tried to use our son as a pick up tool.DS is always starving, Feverish, smelly with dihorrea and aggressive when he returns from his dads sometimes for days often with injury.His dad never helps and often taunts that he "should be the Mum" even though i don't put a foot wrong. Its so offensive. He has two other kids in their 20's who are in trouble.Now dad is demanding to have involvement in daycare but daycare is also part of my parenting group and other things that i want to remain private.I need that support.If he attends he will defiantly try to undermine me and it will be uncomfortable as well as overstepping.