Relationship and family issues

Not being able to let sleeping dogs lie.

replies: 3

This is my first post since introducing myself some months ago, so here goes. I stopped going to counselling in January this year after feeling worse and going backwards with that particular therapist. I went back to my GP last month and asked to be ... View more

This is my first post since introducing myself some months ago, so here goes. I stopped going to counselling in January this year after feeling worse and going backwards with that particular therapist. I went back to my GP last month and asked to be referred to see someone because I wasn't coping at all and fortunately had got to see someone quickly and have already seen therapist once and set to see again at the end of this week. I suffer deeply from a range of problems including depression, social anxiety and panic attacks to the point I don't leave my house. I so much want a future and to change the way I am and I can plan the future, my biggest problem at the moment is living day to day. That's where I'm not coping. Every day is such a big struggle. I have a very supporting husband, that I constantly and unfortunately fight with almost on a daily basis, due to my problems. Part of my problems is also trust issues. I bring things up, you could almost set you clock to it, regularly. All i want is for somethings to forget and move on, but like many things all I need is one little noise or word and all those unwanted memories and emotions come flooding back. Therefore Hubby and I fight because of it. I have hurt him so much with my behavior and spiteful words that all I want to do is leave so I don't hurt him anymore. I have always had trust issues with most people due to me letting people walk all over me, I have always trusted my Husband until September last year when I found purely by accident, some flirty text messages and then the worse thing possible, picture. Since then I haven't trusted him completely. I still have a problem with it even though we have talked about on many occasions, he has assured me on many occasions that he hasn't talked to her since and i started believing him until last month she rang out of the blue and now has knocked down that belief. My biggest problem with it all has been that he hasn't actually told her to stop ringing or texting. Maybe out of respect she hasn't done either, and knows that what they have done is wrong, I'm constantly on guard in case when the phone ring that she is ringing and that is my biggest fear. This is the only time this has happened. I want to trust him again like a used to, but an Invisible brick wall keeps me from doing it. What I would like is for anybody that reads this to please give me some advise on how to get over THAT wall, so both of us can heal and move on. CherryBlossom

Emotional pain from Mum

replies: 5

Hi, Never done this before so hope this is ok. Over the weekend had a fight with Mum. I left so I wouldn't say things I later regretted. She followed after a bit and said some stuff. One thing that I just can't get pass now was "I keep waiting for yo... View more

Hi, Never done this before so hope this is ok. Over the weekend had a fight with Mum. I left so I wouldn't say things I later regretted. She followed after a bit and said some stuff. One thing that I just can't get pass now was "I keep waiting for you to change". I know I'm not perfect and could be a better person but I'm finding it very hard to get my head around that someone who is supposed to love you unconditionally doesn't just think you need to change but tells it to your face. We haven't spoken since. I'm 28, have a good job, pay rent, help out plenty at home but I don't know what to do now.

Trouble moving on

replies: 2

I have been separated from my wife for two years, she was having an affair and refused to repair the marriage, she is still seeing the other man, not living with him, she refuses to let me see my son, and involves the other man in his live, this crea... View more

I have been separated from my wife for two years, she was having an affair and refused to repair the marriage, she is still seeing the other man, not living with him, she refuses to let me see my son, and involves the other man in his live, this creates great anger for me, I believe I still have feeling for her, and she at times users this against me, at times she will flirt with me via text, messanger, sending me naughty pics etc, then bang I find out she's still seeing him or worst she at his house while doing it. at times I really want to hurt this bloke, to make him pay for destroying my family, in the back of my head I'm hanging on to hope, despite the damage she has done to the Marriage.

I feel like friends are always abandoning me

replies: 1

Hi all, I've been felling pretty low about this for quite a awhile now and need to get this off my chest as it's just driving me crazy. I started a new job in November and I shared an office with a girl fairly close to my age. We hit it off pretty we... View more

Hi all, I've been felling pretty low about this for quite a awhile now and need to get this off my chest as it's just driving me crazy. I started a new job in November and I shared an office with a girl fairly close to my age. We hit it off pretty well as we had a lot in common and basically we became 'best friends'. She told me that she didn't have many friends she could relate to and felt she could relate to me and even said she felt I was her best friend. A few months ago she moved on to a new job, but said that we will still hang out as much as possible. Since then I haven't seen her at all and when I try to make plans to catch up, she's constantly making excuses as to why she can't see me. It's really upset me because I know she has made friends in her new job and she hangs out with them quite a bit. I just don't understand why I'm not good enough????? It's always me that makes the first contact as well. She'll never text me unless I text her first. This is not the first time this has happened either. Going way back to Primary school I had a best friend and we spent pretty much all our spare time together. We had the same classes up until we were about 10 years old and she was put in a different class. After that it was like I never existed!! She moved onto the "cool" crowd and I was left with no-one. After that came a girl that moved in next door to me. We hung out all the time with small group of friends. All of a sudden Poof! She was friends with someone else and didn't want to hang out with me anymore. I'm now 30 and I have no real friendships with anyone. I struggle to trust people and worry that if I get close to anyone they will just do the same as these girls did. I feel like a "gap friend", just someone that's there to fill the void until they find the next best thing. I feel like I do have good qualities for friendship though. I listen and try to give advice if I feel like I could help and I am very generous with money or anything else anyone needs, and I like to have a good joke too!! I don't want or need 50 friends or anything. I just want one or two good friends. Is that too much to ask?

Marriage Problem

replies: 3

I am 59 yrs of age, and I have been married for nearly 42 years - my husband and I currently live in two different states due to various reasons, but over the last 14 weeks he has only visited for 3 days & constantly has reasons for this. I am lookin... View more

I am 59 yrs of age, and I have been married for nearly 42 years - my husband and I currently live in two different states due to various reasons, but over the last 14 weeks he has only visited for 3 days & constantly has reasons for this. I am looking after my father and have had to train in a new occupation to obtain work in a small country town. I have tried to be understanding of his reasons and the emotional issues he is going through, but feel that there is more to this and he has admitted that he isn't sure that he wants to continue with the marriage, but says he still loves me. Am I pushing him by saying that he needs to make a decision as to what he wants or should I just sit & wait. I feel we are getting further and further apart, I don't want to loose him, but I also find living like this impossible. If it has to be over I would like to know sooner rather than later, but get the impression from him that he doesn't want to face these problems.

Am I heartless?

replies: 2

So, a lot of previously happened in my 3 year relationship. But to cut it down a little we have both been married and sort of left our spouses for one another as things weren't working so well in those relationships. However, he remained living with ... View more

So, a lot of previously happened in my 3 year relationship. But to cut it down a little we have both been married and sort of left our spouses for one another as things weren't working so well in those relationships. However, he remained living with his for 2 years though "not together", anyway since he has moved out and us together him and his ex always find a way to talk... they have children together 1 who is about 18, and the other about 10. There is another child involved from a previous relationship of his who he never talks to that mother but does see and chat with the child. Anyway, so if it isn't the dog, the children to talk about they are always talking... I had my suspicions and said he was still in love with her etc etc... and found some text messages earlier this year which confirmed everything. He blamed that on our relationship turning to crud and I was like well I didn't message my ex blah blah... then I found some more again after that so I was like this is it, I have had enough, you obviously still love her, never wanted to be with me etc. However we are still plodding along to see if we can try and improve things. I have a daughter as well from my marriage but I very rarely talk to my ex, we are friends and will always be there for one another if we need to be, but we literally talk to organise who is picking up and dropping off, nothing really else, and certainly not on an everyday basis. So.... now my partners father is dying, and now she needs to always talk to him about that.... and I cracked it at my partner saying she always finds some reason to depend on you.... now of course I don't expect him to turn around and go sorry I can't talk to you anymore.... but seriously, like he called me a heartless bitch, and maybe I am, but I just know if it wasn't for the father dying there would be some other reason to communicate between them... She doesn't want to get back with him... but seriously..... UGHHH!! Help?

Doesnt feel right?

replies: 5

Hi everyone. Im a 22 year old father to a beautiful little boy who is 13 months old. My partner and i have been together for 2 and half years and our relationship was absolutely perfect before our little boy came along. The last year has been incredi... View more

Hi everyone. Im a 22 year old father to a beautiful little boy who is 13 months old. My partner and i have been together for 2 and half years and our relationship was absolutely perfect before our little boy came along. The last year has been incredibly testing on our relationship but also on us both as individuals. My girlfriend has been diagnosed with post-natal depression and sees a psychologist monthly. I also believe i also have developed sort sort of condition in the last 2 tears or so but i have not done a great deal to find out about it. I have seen a doctor twice about it and believe i may have an anxiety disorder or possibly depression based on my regular symptoms that corrospond with such conditions. Both times they have reffered me to a psycholigist, i went to one appointment and i left angry, i felt like it didnt do much for me at all which i know is a naive view on the issue because mental health issues are no quick fix, but i guess i was hoping for a diagnosis so i could maybe feel a form or relief just to know that i can be helped and maybe my moods and feelings arent how i should be feeling. I never went back to the psychologist but i think i should. Currently my girlfriend has gone to stay with her mum and taken our son to her mums house and i am quite confused about the future of our relationship. I love them both dearly and i feel quite isolated and alone right now and i havent moved of the couch all day. I find myself constantly frustrated at home and at work, i get very agitated very easily, i feel very uncomfortable in social situations nowadays and i always feel like im being looked at and judged by everyone around me. I find myself very awkward if i see someone i havent seen in a while in a public place and i feel my face go bright red like im embarrassed or something. I feel anxious about things i never used to in the past. I can get quite angry about the balance of chores in the house and who does more to help out. My partner and i are clashing alot lately and as a result she has left. I feel sometimes like i want to use drugs to feel happy like ecstasy, marijuana and speed because in the past i have associated those with having fun and happiness but i know that isnt a good idea. I dont really know what to do at the moment as i think we could be better off apart but the thought of not having my son in the house terrifies me, hopefully someone has similar circumstances and might be able to help me figure out what i should do

Unwritten rules of separation with children involved

replies: 0

All parents love their children right? Of course. But when parents endure the end of their relationship its normal to focus on the job at hand and that usually is – saving their dignity from verbal attack, considering property division and coping wit... View more

All parents love their children right? Of course. But when parents endure the end of their relationship its normal to focus on the job at hand and that usually is – saving their dignity from verbal attack, considering property division and coping with a life alone….starting over. One of the problems with adulthood is there is rarely education with such situations. Same as pregnancy really…some prospective parents think it all comes naturally and there is no need for them to learn anything. With separation the same, some think they can just cope with the trauma. What about when children are involved? Often it’s a case of – parents separate, they both get a lawyer, they both try to work out/suggest property settlement and the drawn out family court begins. How many parents consult each other in a calm fair manner for the sake of the children who, by the way, are about to lose the full time parenthood of one parent and possibly that parent might not commence and maintain a regular visitation? God help the children. However, I can say that some break ups mean there is no possibility of conducting a calm fair meeting with the other party. It only takes one…not two as many people think. Only one needs to be spiteful or revengeful, to have the mindset that of not wanting to be negotiable. Every situation is different and there might be reasons that led to this condemnation that means no talk is possible. But I would suggest that in most cases two people should be able to put most differences aside to talk just about the children. So I’ve put together a list of things to consider upon separation- Share your children with the non custodial parent. They are not your children alone, they are the other parents children as well. As a custodial parent seek out what ever child support you are entitled to but recognise any extra financial input the non custodial parent gives. Thank him/her for it. Be nice Organise a 3-5 minute chat together upon the children returning home. Your kids will love to see you both chatting. Offer to drop the children off if you are heading that way - another way of being nice Both parents should make each other feel secure by telling them they will not be replaced by a new love in terms of parenting Step parents- make sure your children are treated proper. Ensure your children are included in holiday plans. Encourage parent and teacher night input. Why not do it together? Other ideas welcome Tony WK

Fear of losing my family

replies: 2

I am a mum of three children and I am living in fear that I will lose my family. I have lived with anxiety for a long time now, & I blocked it from my mind for many years. I didn't want to admit that anything was wrong with me and over the years it s... View more

I am a mum of three children and I am living in fear that I will lose my family. I have lived with anxiety for a long time now, & I blocked it from my mind for many years. I didn't want to admit that anything was wrong with me and over the years it slowly became worse. I am only just now seeking help for it as I want to understand it. I didn't have a wonderful childhood, a separated family myself, love and being loved was something we weren't shown, communication lacked as a family and keeping our distance was others was what we were taught. trusting other people was not heard of. my childhood memories are being alone with my older sisters and learning to fend for ourselves. My husband & I separated five years ago and have only come back together 12 months ago. Everyday I find that I need his assurance that he is there and he wont be leaving. I become extremely demanding and I am putting so much strain on him as he tells me all the time he isn't going anywhere, yet I struggle to believe it. I cant bring myself to trust him and am always looking for a clue if he is being unfaithful.my insecurities are extremely high and I don't know why. Everytime I begin to see we are happy and this will be our life, I turn it upside down. Its like something is telling me I long to have a happy healthy family but I am restricted to allowing it. I find I than may start a small argument over something so small, or I will become extremely worried and create stress in our home. does this relate to my childhood or is it something else. My family are my everything and I love them so much, my fear to lose them is making me feel sick most days. I just wish for normal. Any advise would be appreciated so much.

Boyfriend says he wants to get married, freaks out while planning

replies: 5

My boyfriend and I have been together for 2.5 years, I'm 28 and he's 27. We moved in together within 6 months of our relationship. From the very onset we have talked about marriage and kids, he described to me in the very early stages of our relation... View more

My boyfriend and I have been together for 2.5 years, I'm 28 and he's 27. We moved in together within 6 months of our relationship. From the very onset we have talked about marriage and kids, he described to me in the very early stages of our relationship that those are two of the things he wants. We also share a lot of the same interests. We both come from previous long term relationships as well. So this whole time we have never really had many arguments, we live together very well, we share a lot of interests, the sex is amazing (although recently the frequency has died down a bit) and we both share the same values and interests, I pretty much felt that everything, all the important stuff aligned with us. He has been talking non stop for the last year about getting married and kids. I started to talk more seriously about it to him, and he basically told me to start planning it. He even said to me if I were to accidentally fall pregnant that it would be a great thing and nothing to be afraid of (my previous partner always made me feel bad). So everything is going well, and then out of the blue a few days ago he says we need to talk. He says he hasn't been expressing himself emotionally to me for at least a year and he says he is actually afraid of the future because there are so many uncertainties. He says he is especially worried and anxiety filled because he is normally so focused and clear (a quality I love about him, since I experience an anxiety disorder and he has been very helpful and supportive of me) but lately he hasn't felt this way. At first I was a bit upset because I felt more betrayed that he didn't choose to talk to me about all his worries. He says he didn't want to upset me, that I deserve the best and to be happy (I have a pretty terrible past, just lots of bad luck), but I said protecting people that you love isn't necessarily what's best for them. He says he wants a family and marriage with me, but he has so many intrusive thoughts that constantly question our relationship. I think his worries and fears are normal, because we set a date and then his anxiety started, but because he's never experienced it before he has no idea what to do with it. He is still very loving towards me, and wants to work hard to sort this out and "get back on track". I have suggested therapy to him and he will be doing that soon. I have many doubts and fears about everything (anxiety disorder) but I work through them all. Is relationship anxiety a thing?

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Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about

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