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I feel like friends are always abandoning me

Community Member

Hi all, I've been felling pretty low about this for quite a awhile now and need to get this off my chest as it's just driving me crazy.

I started a new job in November and I shared an office with a girl fairly close to my age. We hit it off pretty well as we had a lot in common and basically we became 'best friends'. She told me that she didn't have many friends she could relate to and felt she could relate to me and even said she felt I was her best friend.

A few months ago she moved on to a new job, but said that we will still hang out as much as possible. Since then I haven't seen her at all and when I try to make plans to catch up, she's constantly making excuses as to why she can't see me.

It's really upset me because I know she has made friends in her new job and she hangs out with them quite a bit. I just don't understand why I'm not good enough?????

It's always me that makes the first contact as well. She'll never text me unless I text her first.

This is not the first time this has happened either. Going way back to Primary school I had a best friend and we spent pretty much all our spare time together. We had the same classes up until we were about 10 years old and she was put in a different class. After that it was like I never existed!! She moved onto the "cool" crowd and I was left with no-one.

After that came a girl that moved in next door to me. We hung out all the time with small group of friends. All of a sudden Poof! She was friends with someone else and didn't want to hang out with me anymore.

 I'm now 30 and I have no real friendships with anyone. I struggle to trust people and worry that if I get close to anyone they will just do the same as these girls did.

I feel like a "gap friend", just someone that's there to fill the void until they find the next best thing.

I feel like I do have good qualities for friendship though. I listen and try to give advice if I feel like I could help and I am very generous with money or anything else anyone needs, and I like to have a good joke too!!

I don't want or need 50 friends or anything. I just want one or two good friends. Is that too much to ask?

1 Reply 1

Vegetarian Marshmallow
Community Member
I think people only really stay friends for long periods because they have some mutually-important project that forces them to stay together.  Like being co-workers for a long time, raising a child together, working on some hobby together, etc.  Otherwise the omnidirectional pulls from every aspect of life just tear people apart after a while.  I think everyone is a "gap friend", to some degree.  People make friends with whoever's nearby.  That doesn't have to be a sad thing - it means that people are essentially compatible enough that you could probably be friends with any given person if the circumstances were right (they're not trying to bulldoze your house to make way for a bypass or something).

What do you consider a "real friendship"?  What are the requirements?  How would you interact with a "real friend"?  How would you feel with a "real friend"?

I think some relationships are just like that, with one person making all the initial contact.  People get used to it, they expect it, and stay in that pattern.