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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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LazyJane Supporting a partner starting anti-depressants
  • replies: 2

Hello. I hope everyone is well. Any thoughts would be wonderful. I've been dating my partner for a year and we are new and shiny in many ways. He is not comfortable being vulnerable - we nearly ended very early on, when I assumed he wasn't very inter... View more

Hello. I hope everyone is well. Any thoughts would be wonderful. I've been dating my partner for a year and we are new and shiny in many ways. He is not comfortable being vulnerable - we nearly ended very early on, when I assumed he wasn't very interested. When I pressed him on it, it became obvious he had great feeling for me and was genuinely struggling to express it. We communicate well, but I lead it. He is very physically affectionate, present, and a kind and gentle man who I care for very much. He is intelligent, but very insecure. He has had depression in the past, including a severe bout. He has been on anti-depressants before, though not while we've been together. Recently, he has been closed off and distant. He would tell lies of omission that caused some confusion and stress (cancelling dates without explanation leaving me feel strange and thinking he was pulling away, and then confused when it would be followed up normal texts/communication, and he would get very frustrated when when I enquired about why he had to cancel). I did think he was seeing someone, as the behaviour was hard to marry with anything else. A few weeks of this resulted in an argument, when I explained what I needed emotionally to feel secure, and that it was hard to know how support him, if I'm not sure what the problem is (or if the problem is his feelings towards me). He could not bring himself to respond. I was sad, so left. He spent the weekend with family, and took a day before revealing he had been struggling with what he thinks is depression of late. He said he had seen a psychologist, and has been prescribed medication. I was surprised, but we had a good talk about communication. What he needs from me, and likewise. We were both very relieved, though I felt he made the situation worse/much more stressful than it needed to be. We both travel a lot for work, which puts pressure on things. Though we text/call often, it is often superficial. I want to support him, but I am not sure how. Physical intimacy is a lovely part of our relationship. Obviously, a person's happiness is more important, but physical stuff plays an important role in a relationship. Has anyone experienced the drop in sex drive from medication? I need some education about how to support this man, while not losing myself in his journey. Any advice would be highly appreciated. Apologies if this is in the wrong spot. Jen.

Kayleanne80 How do you know if your marriage is over
  • replies: 3

Hi guys, first post. my husband and I have been together for 22 years, turning 40 this year. we had children young ( 20&22) and we are financially stable thanks to his fifo and my job. a little about us- I am a ‘People pleaser’ and he is ‘selfish’. I... View more

Hi guys, first post. my husband and I have been together for 22 years, turning 40 this year. we had children young ( 20&22) and we are financially stable thanks to his fifo and my job. a little about us- I am a ‘People pleaser’ and he is ‘selfish’. I’m happy if those around me are happy and in genuinely happy to put others first. Husband is very driven, potential ADHD? and always on the go. Setting goals and achieving them. our relationship has been steadily declining over past 2 years and longer. He has brought up open relationships several times and he has a tinder account., says he is either hurting me or himself, saying he needs to be true to himself... says he needs to experience other people and experiences because he missed out on his 20’s- we were having children. says he is missing something- jigsaw puzzle. He is worried to give up what we have to chase the part he is unhappy with. We do have sex but in my opinion it is limited in emotional connection - I’m panicking I’m not going to be able to please him. my weight has been an issue (I’m not that large) and this has frustrated and angered him over the years as he says that I don’t do this thing he has asked etc etc so he is feeling that I dont sacrifice for him. i also think he may be a slight narcissist. how do you know when enough is enough? This is all I have known, but I feel super unloved and miserable. I don’t think I can make him happy anymore. And I’m trying to work out what my deal breakers are rather than be submissive to keep him happy- this is a struggle. i have suggested counseling but he is not keen. any advice appreciated.

Clear82 Relationship anxiety
  • replies: 5

Heya I have had a few bad break ups over the past two years and now I’ve been dating a new guy for 2 months. I can never just relax, I’m always thinking he will break up with me, I over think his text messages, I overthink when I haven’t heard from h... View more

Heya I have had a few bad break ups over the past two years and now I’ve been dating a new guy for 2 months. I can never just relax, I’m always thinking he will break up with me, I over think his text messages, I overthink when I haven’t heard from him. He also has a bit of anxiety and he has said a few times he just wants time to himself because his mind is all of the place. He tells me it’s nothing to do with me but then I ofcourse think it must be me and he will break up with me. sometimes I just think I should break up with him to just get it done with. anyone else can relationship anxiety? any tips? Just wish I didn’t think like this all the time! Have a great day!

PsychedelicFur Emotionally abusive and unavailable parents, what should I do?
  • replies: 14

Hello there, just to clarify before I get into any deeper details my life has not been overly horrible. I am appreciative with the fact that I have a roof over my head, I have food in my belly and I have the privilege of attending secondary school an... View more

Hello there, just to clarify before I get into any deeper details my life has not been overly horrible. I am appreciative with the fact that I have a roof over my head, I have food in my belly and I have the privilege of attending secondary school and going into to complete my last year of VCE. Ok, thank you for hearing in about my disclaimer. Let’s talk about mental health now! Both of my parents have always been emotionally abusive and unavailable. My mother is emotionally immature and unavailable. When I was a little girl I was never taught how to love myself and be confident with who I truly am. I was always taught to dislike ones looks and personality, considering that is what my mother brought forward when I spoke to her about self confidence. She never spoke to me about typical mother and daughter. I did not even properly know about puberty when I entered my early teens. Due to these circumstances I have always been the ‘lone wolf’ and ‘weird girl’ throughout school because I was never taught how to wear makeup, how to dress to fit in or how to behave in a particular way in order to grab the attention from others. There was a brief time in my junior years of primary school where I was getting bullied and I consulted my mother about the situation and she said “just make friends.” just to clarify also my mother had postnatal depression when I was born. So I have never known what proper affection is which actually means I have been exposed to some unhealthy relationships and friendships where people have taken advantage of me in many brutal and unfair ways. Due to the fact my mother taught me to not to love myself I have battled with hating my body, my looks etc in my earlier teen years. My mother would compare my body to other girls. Coming to my last few years of my teenage moments I have learnt how to love myself and I have grown an individual identity which allows me to be quirky and quintessential. I basically parented myself for the most part. on the other hand though my father can be quite emotionally abusive too. From the age of four and onwards because my mother has been emotionally unavailable I have been the “therapist” to assist with how to budget, how to deal with trauma etc. he has always come to me for advice, even at such a young age. This has put an enormous strain on my mental health considering my parents have just recently separated and now he needs me to be here more than ever. What should I do?

1980 Should I give him a second chance? (Emotional abuse)
  • replies: 4

Hi, this hard for me to write so please be kind. My partner has subjected me to what I now recognise as emotional abuse for around 10 years. Each instance by itself isn't a big deal, but when I cataloged them, they do show a pattern of abuse. Then th... View more

Hi, this hard for me to write so please be kind. My partner has subjected me to what I now recognise as emotional abuse for around 10 years. Each instance by itself isn't a big deal, but when I cataloged them, they do show a pattern of abuse. Then things escalated. As I started withdrawing due to the abuse, he started watching porn. He buried himself in his phone and disconnected. Then one day I found out that he had been taking photos of me naked while I had been sleeping on 3-4 occasions that I know of. These were taken without my consent or knowledge. I felt sick and disgusted and I felt like I didn't know him anymore. I wondered what else I hadn't found out. He swears he never shared the photos. I asked him to leave and for the last 3 months he had been doing alot of work with a psychologist on understanding why he did what he did and how to improve our relationship. He has respected my boundaries and really wants to make things work. He is remorseful. Part of me thinks people like this never change and part wants to go on a date with him to see if I have any feelings for him and whether I think things could work. I am scared as it is a big risk to have escaped for 3 months and to go back. Any advice would be much appreciated. Thank you

chris_05 My mum has bad anger issues and constantly takes it out on me
  • replies: 3

Hi my names chris My whole life i've been been bullied/emotionally hurt by my mother, i know and understand that she doesn't intend to hurt me. Although when shes angry she gets very loud and in my face, its always me because my dad has issues with d... View more

Hi my names chris My whole life i've been been bullied/emotionally hurt by my mother, i know and understand that she doesn't intend to hurt me. Although when shes angry she gets very loud and in my face, its always me because my dad has issues with drinking and smoking and rarely to never interferes. My mum throws things, screams at me, insults me in every way possible and it's actually starting to hurt a lot more. As im becoming older shes saying worse and worse things about me, she constantly swears at me know says im a dissapointment. (Keep In Mind this is not all the time only when shes mad at something) and at this point its affecting my school performance and im finding it hard to concentrate when im thinking about when i get home. What if mums mad? If she is im just going home right into a hurtful situation. Whenever something isn't going her way, for example if were in the middle of a small argument nothing bad and shes not winning she'll start bringing other things into the equation that have no relevance whatsoever, maybe things like my rooms not fully clean, or i was having dinner 5 minutes late. And when i try and retreat to my room she doesn't back down my door doesn't have a lock i have no privacy. For Example, yesterday mum was very mad at me for eating to many chips, and things started to get heated so i told her ill talk later i'm not in the right headspace... at this point i had all my school work exams and assignments on my mind. So i went to my room after that and then she came barging in without any notice and wouldn't leave me alone starting screaming at me insulting me doing whatever she could to put me down and make me feel terrible about myself, i was repeating over and over again "Leave me Alone' all she responded with was No and just kept going. I tried just shutting her out and trying not to listen. Then today shes saying this never happened and im the one at fault. And When i try and address my mum and my dads marriage problems they come at me for trying to make them fight but i dont want to hear them talking crap about the other person behind their back always to me. Their marriage problems are nothing to do with me but they always involve me for no reason... Please Help, Thank You

Blewejam Separated, lonely, confused and suffocating
  • replies: 2

My girlfriend and I recently separated, it was strange, we are so in love but cause each other pain due to our differences in communication. Before my girlfriend packed her bags and left, we cried in each other’s arms for a while, and told each other... View more

My girlfriend and I recently separated, it was strange, we are so in love but cause each other pain due to our differences in communication. Before my girlfriend packed her bags and left, we cried in each other’s arms for a while, and told each other how much we loved the other. Seeing her leave was the hardest thing I’ve had to do. Im from England, and she’s from Germany, we met a year ago in New Zealand and have been travelling ever since. I thought she was my life partner, I still think that actually. We got so deep with our love but that also comes with downsides if you’re with each other 24/7. I’m currently at a work-away (a place where you work for Accomodation and food, doing gardening/chores etc.). The women who owns the house is really chill, we lived in an outhouse with it’s own facilities. I have not left this outhouse/my bed for 48 hours, I have not eaten in 48 hours. Every 15 minutes or so I cry uncontrollably which I’ve never done before, it feels like the first time I’ve actually cried properly, I’m 27. My best friend at home in the UK has deleted all means of contact, my other friends don’t think so deeply as to help out, my family... well my mum found out last year that my dad was having an affair after 35 years of marriage, she found out he’d spent all of their money on prostitutes and the like, the last thing she told me is that she’s scared to leave the house and is in deep depression, she said the only thing that is keeping her going is knowing I’m happy travelling which breaks my heart even more. Nobody has spoken to my dad for nearly a year. My brother is in a dark place and has been for a while, he drinks and has never had a job. I’m so lonely and broken, I don’t know anybody in this country, I have no money or plans anymore, I’m scared to go outside and I don’t know why, everything reminds me of her, I’m in a very dark place with my thoughts. My heart is in so much pain, I googled why it hurts and it’s quite interesting, but sucks either way. I can’t get it to stop aching, I struggle to breathe sometimes. All I want is her back but she’s confirmed it over so that’s that. I need advice on how I get back to normal, considering I’m hiding away, unable to eat and considering the worst. Has anyone else lost the one they thought they’d grow old with? I feel pathetic writing this, knowing so many other people have much bigger problems and all that happened to me was separation after a year. Thanks for reading this.

7un13 Why do i feel like this?
  • replies: 1

My friendship during these 2 years been the best. They literally the best people i ever get to have but sometimes i struggle on my own because of them for quite a while. For example today, i could not join my friends meet up after school for dinner s... View more

My friendship during these 2 years been the best. They literally the best people i ever get to have but sometimes i struggle on my own because of them for quite a while. For example today, i could not join my friends meet up after school for dinner so i was quite upset cuz they all just gone not caring much and i just walked off to go home not saying bye to them. One of them did shout out bye and said to call me but i was upset until now at 11 past so i did not go on media. We have other friend stay in my home country and they called her, having fun and all. I know it’s my fault to stay out of it purposely but are they a bit heartless too? I have been feeling left out for awhile already. They say it’s just me, i also hope so, cuz i dont want to leave them. But this is giving me anxiety and ovethinking. Many of them have each other picture taken together but me. Of course i do have with few of them too but i dont know. Help... i’m struggling.

Voldemort Anxiety running in family
  • replies: 3

Hi all, This is my first post here. To start with, my daughter (now 7) has Selective Mutism (childhood anxiety disorder) due to which she is unable to speak to most of the people apart from us parents. This is been going on for a while (We noticed wh... View more

Hi all, This is my first post here. To start with, my daughter (now 7) has Selective Mutism (childhood anxiety disorder) due to which she is unable to speak to most of the people apart from us parents. This is been going on for a while (We noticed when she was 3-4 year old). Though we are trying to do everything we can from our side, the progress is pretty slow and it is very stressful for us parents. I try a lot to study about anxiety related disorders to help my daughter. While doing that, we also figured that my wife too has lots of symptoms of social and generalised anxiety. And this is been going on from more than 20 years (from her teenage times). This went unnoticed and she did not had any intervention so far. We went to consult a psychologist in this regard. Now the problem is, psychologist is only seeing last 4 years where we both were overwhelmed by daughter’s condition and trying to treat just that. But, they are not looking at 20 years of struggle without intervention. I think it is good to understand the problem before jumping on solution. There are lots of things which she cannot do which is putting lots of stress on me. What do you think is the right next step: 1. Go ahead as per psychologist and concentrate on last 4 years struggle first and then look at other things? 2. Consult psychiatrist for detailed assessment. Problem with 1 is, my daughter’s problem isn’t going away in short time. Hence, I don’t see any escape in stress related to that.

Bee1998 Should I Be Concerned??
  • replies: 14

My boyfriend has been showering every morning before work (this has been a new thing for the past few months), as well as cutting his nails before work, shaving , and putting cologne on (which he never does for me on the weekends or any other time we... View more

My boyfriend has been showering every morning before work (this has been a new thing for the past few months), as well as cutting his nails before work, shaving , and putting cologne on (which he never does for me on the weekends or any other time we’re together). Am I over reacting, or are my suspicions reasonable??? I feel like he is putting all of this effort to look and smell good for work, because he is seeing someone at work/trying to impress someone/having an affair. I have brought this up with him, and he just says that it’s nothing.