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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Guest_342 Am I being taken for a ride?
  • replies: 17

I wanted to seek others’ views on what might be the best thing to do in a particular relationship scenario, or maybe you could give me some tips to assist my decision-making. I met someone late last year. He was visiting my city from interstate (his ... View more

I wanted to seek others’ views on what might be the best thing to do in a particular relationship scenario, or maybe you could give me some tips to assist my decision-making. I met someone late last year. He was visiting my city from interstate (his family and he are from here but he has been interstate the last few years completing a uni degree for a career change). He had to return interstate shortly after, but before that things moved really quickly and we both wanted to keep in contact to resume things when he eventually returns in April. It’s been so difficult for me having that distance, but we have maintained contact on and off. However he has been very focused on his assignments and exams and has not had much time for me. I understand this, because I have been through the same uni course 15 years ago. Nevertheless, it has been hard, not being able to decipher whether there is any hope for us and whether it is worth me waiting four months of my life for his return in the hope he might still want to keep things going. He has consistently told me he wants this but his actions towards me (very limited contact and basically making me feel like an afterthought) has made me wonder whether I have been wasting my time. one thing in particular that bothered me is that he mentioned on the phone that he wanted to go on an overseas trip after uni to relax and he put it in such a way that made it sound like he meant ‘we’ should go. I though it was a little soon so kater sent him and idea for somewhere closer. He took ages to respond and when he did, he said it sounded too soon to suggest we go on a holiday together, along with an emoji of a person shrugging their shoulders. I was so shocked that he had turned that around as though I had been the one taking great silly leaps. On Thursday he finished his exams and I thought I might hear from him but didn’t hear until Sat when I sent a message asking if he’s finished. He said yeah sorry, I’ve just been sleeping and relaxing. It really confirmed for me that i am an afterthought. I’ve not been clingly and have given him soace over the last four months as needed. Is this guy wasting my time, or should I give him the benefit of the doubt and accept that he’s had uni stress? But meanwhile it’s made me feel worse than not having anyone at all. He doesn’t seem to care for my wellbeing. Is he being unfair? So sorry for the rant, but this has made me feel unappreciated and I’d welcome any perspectives.

Astra_Rose Should I choose my own happiness over my families
  • replies: 3

I’m 13 almost 14. i want to start spending more time at my dads house (half time with him and half with mum) but my brother doesn’t want to. I don’t want to go without my brother and I’m worried about asking my mum for more time with my dad. If it co... View more

I’m 13 almost 14. i want to start spending more time at my dads house (half time with him and half with mum) but my brother doesn’t want to. I don’t want to go without my brother and I’m worried about asking my mum for more time with my dad. If it comes down to it should I just spend more time with my dad and choose my own happiness or should I just settle with the living arrangement I already have and keep my mum and brother happy.

Rubyrug More than just an empty nest
  • replies: 3

I have suffered multiple losses over the past 5 years, grief seems to be ever present. Part of my problem is that I don’t have anyone to talk to who is in a similar situation. My daughter moved interstate 5 years ago, it is unlikely she will return. ... View more

I have suffered multiple losses over the past 5 years, grief seems to be ever present. Part of my problem is that I don’t have anyone to talk to who is in a similar situation. My daughter moved interstate 5 years ago, it is unlikely she will return. I miss her and struggle with the distance I have to travel to visit and the lack of spontaneity that is now part of our relationship. My close friend and confidant died 4 years ago, she was my ‘go to’ person, I could talk to her about anything, she was very pragmatic. My mother died 3 years ago, we were very close, I miss her daily. My son also moved interstate 18 months ago. He was unable to find work and thought there would be more opportunities interstate. He didn’t want to leave and has only found part time work thus far but seems quite settled. My distress mainly stems from the fact that my children have moved away. I had no issues with them leaving home but I never imagined that both of them would move so far away. I am sad that I will no longer have the sort of family life I envisaged. I raised them alone for 11 years. I have re-partnered to a lovely man who was a great step-father. He is not interested in moving interstate and I sometimes feel I am going to have to make a choice between him and the kind of family life I would like to have with my children. I feel quite broken hearted that I won’t be able to be an actively involved grandparent. I have tried to create a new life for myself and have taken up new interests, but that is part of the problem. Because of my age and peer group, my friends and acquaintances have children and grandchildren living nearby, I don’t know anyone in the same situation as me. Thus, the situation that makes my most unhappy is constantly being thrown in my face. Wherever I go I’m listening to people talk about their lives with their children and grandchildren and this only serves to emphasise what is missing in my own life. I am finding it very difficult to find a way out of my grief and depression when I am surrounded by people who have the kind of life I thought I was going to have. Nevertheless I persevere because I don’t believe staying at home and isolating myself is a constructive way to deal with my situation. I sincerely wish I could meet some other parents in a similar situation to me, it would be a welcome relief to converse with someone who understands the way I feel. I have tried to find a support group but have been unsuccessful thus far.

Sparkle1953 How do I help my daughter cope? Her 15 year old has moved out and is living with her dad.
  • replies: 4

it’s difficult to know where to start. My daughter who is 41 is a single parent and until recently was the primary carer of my granddaughter. My granddaughters dad has always been involved in her life and to my mind is a good father and has always pa... View more

it’s difficult to know where to start. My daughter who is 41 is a single parent and until recently was the primary carer of my granddaughter. My granddaughters dad has always been involved in her life and to my mind is a good father and has always paid child support. Over the last couple of years as my granddaughter moved into her teens the tensions started between them and have only got worse. I have tried my best to support them all by staying neutral and helping where I can. There has been much tension over the last 8 weeks as my granddaughter has decided to go live with her dad. My daughter has sent me the most disgusting texts saying what a useless human being I am because she feels that I have empowered my granddaughter to behave badly towards her and wants me to fix it. On the night she moved to her dads, it was after her mum had what I would call a psychotic episode and I actually witnessed it. I moved her out of what I believed was harms way. I have to say that I didn’t expect it to escalate to the point of her moving permanently with her dad and enrolling in another school. Her mum is now a complete mess and is seeing a psychologist. She keeps telling me that the psychologist and her doctor etc think that I am a disgusting human being for not helping the situation and so now it’s affecting me to the degree that I am anxious about them all the time and truly don’t know how to help. My granddaughters dad sent me a message tonight saying that none of this was my fault, but I am feeling so conflicted. It bothers me about what she has told her psychologist, to have them make that assumption about me. For the whole 15 years that she has been on her own, we have helped support them in every way, which includes emotionally, financially. I spoke to one of the councillors at Beyond Blue tonight and she said I should step away and let them figure it out themselves. I’m not sure I can do that. Your feedback also would be appreciated.

TNS Supporting my 19 yo daughter with anxiety and depression when I suffer with low mood as well
  • replies: 3

Hey there I just need some help to try and navigate this new tricky period in my and my daughter's life. My daughter is 19 yo and amazing. She initiated going on exchange in yr 10 and spent a year OS doing her entire year in another language. A few m... View more

Hey there I just need some help to try and navigate this new tricky period in my and my daughter's life. My daughter is 19 yo and amazing. She initiated going on exchange in yr 10 and spent a year OS doing her entire year in another language. A few months before she left she sought support for anxiety - received psych support and counselling and learnt to self manage really well. Now 3 years on she has finished high school (did brilliantly) and embarked on a gap year. In the last few months of school her anxiety and now depression crept back in - very understandably. She sought a doctor, counselling, psych support and started meds. Now she seems to be struggling still and we are having some difficulty navigating this new stage of life. She is working, frequently exhausted with very low energy. We clash and I get a little frustrated with the lack of help around home and we don't flow like we used to. I suffer from low mood intermittently and probably don't help matters. Im really unsure how to navigate this new path. I want to help her through this next stage in life but im not sure how. She also has a lovely boyfriend but he too suffers with depression and I fear she is using her positive energy for supporting him and not so much herself. She says this is soo not the case and he actually helps to lift her mood. I would be super grateful for someone who may have walked a similar path Thanks in advance

Emjai Marriage breakdown - what do I do now?
  • replies: 6

My husband and I realised a year or two ago that we’d slipped from the routine of parenting into a huge rut. We talked about back then, as we were both feeling bleh, & knew we needed to work on our marriage, & change things up in our life in general.... View more

My husband and I realised a year or two ago that we’d slipped from the routine of parenting into a huge rut. We talked about back then, as we were both feeling bleh, & knew we needed to work on our marriage, & change things up in our life in general. But for whatever reason (tired, busy, out of ideas,etc), we didn’t change anything. He has been distant for most of last year (which I stupidly put down to work stress & tired), but the last few months he was shutting me out, barely talking to me & hardly ever touching me. One morning recently he was super cranky at our daughter, so after drop offs I sent him a text asking what was going on (wasn’t sure he’d say much cos I had asked him regularly if he was okay over the last year). And he said he couldn’t keep going the way things are. We went to a marriage counsellor on Friday last week, & he opened up & said he wanted out of our marriage. Things haven’t changed & he can’t do it anymore. The counsellor basically said there’s no point doing more sessions cos he’s clearly made up his mind that this is over... I think that hurt nearly as much as him verbalising it. I’m devastated, & now I’m the one who is shutting down. I don’t even know how to talk to him now. He seems lighter now that the elephant isn’t in the room, which is good & I am genuinely happy that he seems happier. It’s been the longest of long weekends ever though. Somehow so far our daughter hasn’t asked any questions, but she must have noticed I’m sad cos I have been getting lots of hugs & I love yous from her. But what the hell do I do now? We’ve been married nearly 12yrs - every part of our lives are pretty entangled! We’ve got invitations to parties or events & I can’t bring myself to respond if they’re more than a week away I can’t even figure out if I want to tell anyone yet (& how do I do that?!), cos that will make it real.

crybaby2 constant pressure from mother
  • replies: 3

hey, this is the first time i’ve ever done anything for the benefit of my mental health, but i think if i write this out and seek for advice it would help me a lot. For some context, i’m vietnamese with typical asian parents. Lately my mum has just b... View more

hey, this is the first time i’ve ever done anything for the benefit of my mental health, but i think if i write this out and seek for advice it would help me a lot. For some context, i’m vietnamese with typical asian parents. Lately my mum has just been adding so much more pressure on me and i don’t know what to do. she’s always put pressure on me to do better than everyone else at school and get the best grades possibly. At times i’m certain she doesn’t even care about my mental health. it’s my final year of high school and i just failed a test in human biology. My teacher called my mum about it, which is understandable, but my mum had a whole fit. she yelled at me for a good 30 minutes on how i should’ve studied harder and how other kids are doing better and that i need to be the best. i can’t, i’m just not the best in that subject. in fact its not even a topic that i will need in any of my desired careers in the future. i get that she wants the best for me, but she doesn’t need to be adding this extra stress? what truely hurts is that i cry myself to sleep sometimes because of it. i think about what it would be like if i was just dead, but i know i’m too scared to actually do that to myself. i just can’t take it anymore. i feel so taken for granted because i really am trying and it’s just not enough for anyone, especially my mum. She thinks taking my phone or making me break up with my boyfriend or even talk less to my friends will help make me smarter and bring up my grades, but what she fails to understand is that they are the only things right now that make me feel like life is worth living. they are the only outlet i have from the constant school work. How do i tell her that this is my life i’m living and not follow how she wants me to live? also regarding the pressure, she wants me to go to university through a direct atar pathway when i have told her multiple times that there are many ways to go to uni now. She really doesn’t seem to care for my mental health and see that i’m just not coping well right now. i’m just exhausted at telling her how i want to live and how things can be so much simpler. i really just don’t know what to do. please send any advice

Who_am_i_ How am I you ask!
  • replies: 4

Always worried about how others are and always asking how I can help them, sometimes I would like to be asked the same. Sometimes it’s nice to be told your loved or missed! Why, how and what can I do for people to ask me for a change? No one seems to... View more

Always worried about how others are and always asking how I can help them, sometimes I would like to be asked the same. Sometimes it’s nice to be told your loved or missed! Why, how and what can I do for people to ask me for a change? No one seems to listen when I even try to start. Where does the conversation start?

HowdyBird Friendship ended with ___, now overwhelming guilt is my best friend
  • replies: 2

I've got a close friend who has harboured this long time crush on me that I recently discovered bordered on an obsession. He's been struggling with depression and I was trying really hard not to lead him on while still supporting him, but I think he ... View more

I've got a close friend who has harboured this long time crush on me that I recently discovered bordered on an obsession. He's been struggling with depression and I was trying really hard not to lead him on while still supporting him, but I think he took it the wrong way. My group of friends decided that we'd pretend I'd gotten a boyfriend so he could get over it. But he took it really badly and ended up saying some disgusting things to another one of our friends about how he 'deserved me' and that he 'didn't think I was the kind of girl to go after anyone else'. I could have forgiven this in that it was said in the heat of the moment, but it's come to light that he's been saying some really sexist things and generally bullying people on reddit and other places too (he doesn't know we know this). We recommended he get some help, and I think he has, but I don't think I can forgive him enough to be his friend anymore. He doesn't have any other friends outside our group and he keeps saying some really depressing things. I feel really guilty that while I want him to get happier and find a support network, I don't really want to have to talk to him knowing what sort of person he was while I trusted him, and neither do most of our other friends. Should we tell him what we know and how we feel about this? I feel really guilty and I don't know what to do, but I'm not even in a good enough headspace myself to be able to deal with him.

Foxy_82 I'm not Lying ..
  • replies: 2

Something is really confusing me at home at the moment, and it's causing me to be quite anxious when I go to sleep. I also feel rather embarrassed by it and also extremely alone, as I don't even know if anyone else has had a similar issue.. and if yo... View more

Something is really confusing me at home at the moment, and it's causing me to be quite anxious when I go to sleep. I also feel rather embarrassed by it and also extremely alone, as I don't even know if anyone else has had a similar issue.. and if you have, please let me know how or if you fixed it. Bare with me as I try to explain - because for me, it's quite hard to pop into words. I've been with my partner for 10 years, and over the last 6 months or so we've been having a few issues, but in the last few weeks, something is coming up to which I see as paranoia, but my partner thinks i'm lying. At night as I try to go to sleep, I am at that point of drifting off, when my partner accuses me of , in no uncertain terms, "getting myself off". Apparently he can here things, I am moving my legs, and my hand, even though I sleep with my hands under my head because that's the most comfortable, and the only time they move is if I need to scratch my leg. I get angry, of course I do, because he always wants to talk about it when i'm about to go to sleep. The problem is, he thinks he's right and I am lying. It's gotten to a point that I now sleep with the light on, to prove nothing is going on. He says "why won't you just discuss it with me and talk about it".. to which I reply " there is nothing to discuss, because there is NOTHING going on." He gets offended that I would even say that nothing is happening, and then gets angry , slams doors and storms out of the house. Saying he feels used and that he feels like i'd rather do that, then have sex with him. Here's the thing, i'm not doing anything, all I want to do is sleep. That's it. So usually the next day I wake up to 10 or so text messages where he accuses me of all a range of stuff. I know that I am telling the truth, I KNOW that nothing is going on. I KNOW that when I go to the toilet i'm actually GOING to the toilet and I actually DO flush cause well if you don't that's gross. I'm just at a loss, I don't know what to do. No matter what I say, OR what I prove he still doesn't believe me. Please help .... because it's getting out of control.