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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Ttocs Unfair
  • replies: 1

I am a grandmother to 2 girls, my DIL and I use to get on great, my ex sis in law we were still in touch she has never had children and she gets to act like the MIl and grandmother, recently she repeated something to my DIL which was incorrect and my... View more

I am a grandmother to 2 girls, my DIL and I use to get on great, my ex sis in law we were still in touch she has never had children and she gets to act like the MIl and grandmother, recently she repeated something to my DIL which was incorrect and my DIL has cut me off, but my sis in law is the one who has been saying things to me which is none of my business about my son and til regarding there finances and also lots of other things, she is trying to replaced me as my son's mum til and grabdmother which actually she is the gossiper I've never repeated the things she said but now I feel as if my DIL should know the things she has told me I am gutted that she is being treated like that and I've been cut off. Tiny ex family have nothing to do with my ex sister in law but my son and daughter in law have her look after my granddaughter once a week so they need her as I work full time. Please help any advice appreciated

Chickem100 Crossing the line
  • replies: 6

Morning all, I need some advice. I'm happily married with a young daughter and my family life is fine and I'm very happy. I have a very close female friend of mine who I went out with her and few other friends over the weekend and we all had a good t... View more

Morning all, I need some advice. I'm happily married with a young daughter and my family life is fine and I'm very happy. I have a very close female friend of mine who I went out with her and few other friends over the weekend and we all had a good time. Now my wife didn't come and I didn't think this was an issue. Now I thought she knew my female friend was coming out to this function but turns out I was wrong.....the following day I heard about why I'd go with her and not invite my wife, how she needs to back off a little bit as we do chat everyday and she should know better to not contact a married man a regularly as she does and she clearly has feelings for me and how would I feel if the shoe was on the other foot? Now I'm probably being a bit naive here by thinking I've done nothing wrong and I don't see the issues as I was just hanging out with mates but if my wife is upset then this is something I don't want to happen again. She obviously sees something in my friendship that has her thinking this way. For context my friend is 10 years younger than me and single which I believe could have something to do with it. Cheers.

Lotus1 Partner Shutting Down - At My Wits End
  • replies: 2

My partner suffers from depression. And I am at my wits end, I don’t know how to keep caring when his depression is also hurting me. I know it sounds incredibly selfish but I don’t know what else I can do for this man. I cook, clean, go out of my way... View more

My partner suffers from depression. And I am at my wits end, I don’t know how to keep caring when his depression is also hurting me. I know it sounds incredibly selfish but I don’t know what else I can do for this man. I cook, clean, go out of my way to make his life easier and I get a deafening silence in return. Rather than seek help he self medicates with binge drinking and other things. If his friends have a few beers at home he must turn it into a bender and doesn’t get home until 5am at the earliest - and then I can not bother him while he recovers or I get told how irritating I am. I try not to push him because I hate to se him suffer but when I ask to talk he shuts me out even further, saying that if I ask him to talk it makes him do the opposite. HOW do you help someone who seems to refuse to help themselves? He is not the man I fell in love with, he has no energy for life. I have asked what it is I can do to help and he says space- so I give it and nothing changes. I feel like I am only making things worse for him. But I also feel desperately alone in this relationship, it’s so one sided. It is literally like loving a brick wall and always hoping one day it will speak. I try to very softly suggest other weekend activities rather than alcohol which always makes him worse but he shuts me down. I try to eliminate all house work and chores but he still says I nag him for help. I don’t know what else to do. I walk on egg shells because I know this isn’t him but it’s been over a year of misery and he has NO emotion about anything. The light in his eyes is off and he stares right through you. What can I do for him? How do I help him? I am so worried that something bad will happen, I am so scared that I am ruining him. I don’t know how I can continue without snapping and screaming for something - anything - any emotion at all. I try not to push him further away and every time he shuts down even more. I don’t know what to do anymore.

Dtmah Seeking tips on learning to be less apologetic
  • replies: 3

Often when my partner gets irritated or angry with me, I tend to apologise immediately and then I would hate myself for being so apologetic because in hindsight I don't think I am either the sole person at fault or have actually done anything wrong. ... View more

Often when my partner gets irritated or angry with me, I tend to apologise immediately and then I would hate myself for being so apologetic because in hindsight I don't think I am either the sole person at fault or have actually done anything wrong. What can I do to be more respectful to myself? Sample scenario: I find it hard to show appreciation for my partner in a way that they could understand. I have been feeling quite down about this problem in our relationship, but still committed to try to change and improve my communication with them. So I decided to write it down as a thank you note so they could read it when they are ready. (Because at the time they are really busy with work). My partner saw me passing them the note and without reading it, reacted really strongly and negatively, assuming it was a negative note. I mumbled that it was a thank you note. But they continued to react in an irritated way, telling me they have this work that they are doing and now they have to deal with this note. I was feeling quite hurt and rejected by then. But my immediate response was to apologise for disturbing their work and having poor communication skills. I hate myself for saying that because I feel like they should also take responsibility for overreacting despite feeling stress about work at the time. Any thoughts/ suggestions on what I should have done/could do better for next time? Thanks.

Mira61 Estranged children by a Covert Narcissist
  • replies: 5

I have finally decided to tell my unbelievable story. It's unbelievable because of the invisible damage my ex-husband of 24 years has caused me, my children and my family. We have been separated now for 6 years and last month I suffered another PTSD ... View more

I have finally decided to tell my unbelievable story. It's unbelievable because of the invisible damage my ex-husband of 24 years has caused me, my children and my family. We have been separated now for 6 years and last month I suffered another PTSD flare-up due to a new evolution of his abuse. F (my ex-husband) is a depressed covert narcissist. His demonstrated fake "love" for me and my children (one 23 yo boy and one 19 yo girl) was unparalleled. My own family thought that he was an angel. When we visited them interstate, he would sleep on the floor. I did not feel the need to point out that he sometimes slept on the floor at home. I tried to support him in his depression but he refused my help because "it's none of my business". So I put up with his lethargy, apathy, putting me down, gaslighting me, picking on what I say and do with my beloved children, mocking my ethnic background for 15 years. Then he started cheating on me at the same time I was getting international recognition for my work and he became more abusive in private. I pulled back from work and tried to "save my marriage" but he became abusive in front of my children. I asked my brother to talk to him, but F told him how I am impossible to live with (sleeping on the floor was evidence of his martyrdom). My brother was also convincing me at the time to try harder to please my ex-husband to spare the children from a broken home. My brother now also believe that it was all my fault. One year after the break-up my daughter was admitted to hospital suffering from PTSD. Living mostly with him (the children were with him during the week with weekend-stays with me then) he took over her treatments with the help of a psychiatrist that he briefed who subsequently banned me from seeing my daughter. I was so distressed firstly for my concern for my daughter in the hands of a depressed narcissist and second for not being able to see my daughter. I suffered severe trauma as a result of the separation. My relationship with my daughter, my son, my brother and mother (who lives with my brother) is now estranged. I tried so hard to support my children even when they were nasty to me but they continue to treat me with contempt. I feel alone and I have lost hope of ever repairing the love my children and I had for one another. Thankfully, 2 friends who have known us for decades and my counsellor validate the abuse I suffered. I don't know what the next step is in my recovery but I'm trying it here as well.

LadyFlower Fear of dating
  • replies: 4

Hi there, I’m in my 20’s and never been in a relationship. I have considered joining online dating to meet and talk with people. However, the thought of it and then potentially going on a date makes me very anxious. To the point that I would rather n... View more

Hi there, I’m in my 20’s and never been in a relationship. I have considered joining online dating to meet and talk with people. However, the thought of it and then potentially going on a date makes me very anxious. To the point that I would rather not meet anyone. I’m scared at the thought of introducing to my family, I won’t have enough time, I just don’t know what to do. Any advice?

egyptian_writer Support groups
  • replies: 1

Good morning friends I am here to ask if anyone knows support groups for children age 11 unfortunately I can only find groups for young children till age 6 or teens. So I would appreciate it if you provide me with any information thank you

Good morning friends I am here to ask if anyone knows support groups for children age 11 unfortunately I can only find groups for young children till age 6 or teens. So I would appreciate it if you provide me with any information thank you

somebun Betrayal Trauma?
  • replies: 4

I've been umm'ing and ahh'ing about whether to post this for quite some time. It's something I haven't told family or friends, so I guess I just need somewhere to vent, and hopefully get some advice or reassurance. I recently discovered that my husba... View more

I've been umm'ing and ahh'ing about whether to post this for quite some time. It's something I haven't told family or friends, so I guess I just need somewhere to vent, and hopefully get some advice or reassurance. I recently discovered that my husband of 14 years has been doing some things behind my back that I find unacceptable - both the behaviours and the fact that he was doing hurtful things behind my back, and lying to me when it was discovered. In a nutshell, he's become addicted to porn and perving online, and was becoming infatuated with a female friend of his (thankfully she's a lot younger and way out of his league, so it was unreciprocated otherwise I think I'd be dealing with a full blown affair). Hi behaviours are all centered around online/social media use including regular online porn use, pornographic emails, googling images from skimpy to pornographic, looking up women on facebook through groups and suggested friends list and going through their photos, plus the private messaging and obsessive 'likes' of his female friend. All these behaviours were behind my back which tells me that he knew they were hurtful, and I wouldn't like him doing it. If he wouldn't sit there next to me going through countless images of women he finds hot, then he probably shouldn't be doing it? I discovered his behaviour by chance - I opened my eyes one morning in bed to see him scrolling through his suggested friend list and opening every hot chicks profile, going straight to photos and opening all the ones he wanted a better look at. Then onto the next woman.. After this discovery it all came out in dribs and drabs (along with lots of lies) about everything else - the porn (emails and websites), the facebook perving, the googling, the obsession with his female friend. I'm not totally naive, or a prude. It's fine to appreciate an attractive woman passing by, on TV etc.. It's incidental and fleeting. But to go hunting for them everyday, in secret - I don't think this behaviour belongs in a marriage. Even porn, we watch together every now and then to spice things up, so why go behind my back? Would love to know your thoughts. I feel so betrayed because of the lying and deceit. My self esteem has taken a huge blow - I feel like I'm not good enough, and if I'd been more attractive he wouldn't have done what he did.

Breezy77 ODD and Conduct disorder
  • replies: 2

Hi, Im new to these forums so i hope i make sense i want to share my story Im a mum who suffers anxiety and depression and am currently very frustrated and heartbroken. I have 4 kids 3 boys and 1 girl oldest boy is 12 and 11 year old twins they suffe... View more

Hi, Im new to these forums so i hope i make sense i want to share my story Im a mum who suffers anxiety and depression and am currently very frustrated and heartbroken. I have 4 kids 3 boys and 1 girl oldest boy is 12 and 11 year old twins they suffer with alot of behavioural problems. I was in a violent relationship with the father of my daughter he tormented us all for 3 years my boys picked up on alot of his behaviour when i left him and moved to another my boys went out of control started punching holes in my walls, climbing on my roof, swearing at me, spitting and running away. Nobody could help the school anyone as they dont listen to anyone. So i decided it was time to send them to there dads me and my daughter moved to victoria i needed a fresh start and try and get back into a routine and strong enough again to take the boys back in march this year there dad didnt want to care for them anymore so sent them down here. I thought that it would be easier and was a lot stronger to set rules and boundaries for them i was wrong they refused to listen and broke every rule. Even though i have had happy times with them and love them dearly the last 6 months has been hell for me after about a month of living with me they started running away, wagging school, smoking, having really bad pysical fights with eachother they i couldnt break up, they have hit me, spat on me called me all the worst names my oldest son got got that bad at running away and causing trouble, stealing smashing peoples property the police were constantly bringing him home, child protection finally got involved and removed him from care as i wasnt keeping him safe when he was roaming the street he was placed in a resi unit but his behaviours contined so today they removed and placed him in secure welfare in melbourne i have been blaming myself and googling conduct disorder and odd my anxiety is killing me i feel like i have failed him and want to get him all the help he needs. I feel lome everybody social workers and family support workers have just put him in the to hard basket and closed our case i need help but dont know where to get it. If any parents have any advice on yhis i would much appreciate it as i feel like im going crazy and i have to stay strong

SadSue Adult Child Estrangement
  • replies: 6

Hello, Nearly a year ago we had a falling out with my son and his new wife, now they won't have anything to do with us. We have all tried on various occasions to get together with them but we just get a polite response saying they can't make it. I th... View more

Hello, Nearly a year ago we had a falling out with my son and his new wife, now they won't have anything to do with us. We have all tried on various occasions to get together with them but we just get a polite response saying they can't make it. I thought that Christmas would be a good time to try again but my son has just told me they have plans for all of Christmas and won't have time to see us. He has withdrawn from all his family and friends and I am so worried about him. I am feeling so low and so sad, it is hard to find joy in anything. I have other family members to spend Christmas with but at this stage I just don't feel like celebrating at all. I'm wondering if anyone else has experience with this type of thing and how you coped because at times I feel like I can't.