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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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HisMum 20yr drain with toxic MIL
  • replies: 5

My husband is from Canada where his mother still lives. He chose to come here to live in Australia when we married. Obviously she was not happy. We did say that maybe down the track we might move back to Canada but financially that’s not been possibl... View more

My husband is from Canada where his mother still lives. He chose to come here to live in Australia when we married. Obviously she was not happy. We did say that maybe down the track we might move back to Canada but financially that’s not been possible. We’ve made countless trips back where we’ve gone out of our way to buy nice things, take her on a holiday etc etc & we’ve also paid for her to come her as well. Every single time she’s ruined it by accusing my husband of lying when he said we may move over there, accusing everyone of things that just didn’t happen, bringing up past issues from years back way back to his childhood which was horrific because ofdecisions she made. Her other son was dying & she still caused a huge argument about things from the past. I could write a book! it’s obviously easy for me to step away from her toxicity as she lives on the other side of the world, but she’s my husband’s mother & despite all she does he loves her & tolerates her outbursts until he can’t.Over the past years of covid we obviously couldn’t visit but the the several times a week FaceTime continued where she made sure she made him feel even more guilty by making up stories about her health. It was decide he would go over by himself (we couldn’t afford for us both to go) to see for himself her apparently declining health. When he arrived it was apparent she had once again lied & within 24hrs had started with the accusations of things that never happened. He lost his temper & yelled at her but took himself away from the situation going back some time later to a calm mother. 2 days later she starts again, this time accusing him of assaulting her when they previously argued! He knew he had to this time leave & not go back. He didn’t feel safe with his own mother because she’d done this sort of thing to her other son & had him arrested on one occasion. After considerably more expense changing his tickets he’s now safe at home but she calls & says she doesn’t remember anything & didn’t even know him when he arrived as she’d had 5 strokes in the past few years, all lies! I can so easily walk away but my husband is guilt ridden & I just don’t know how to help him. He can’t just go see her for a visit every Sunday, he’s a world away. Any advice would be so much appreciated.

AL_98 difficulty in forming deep relationships
  • replies: 2

Hello since I was born, I was bullied in school and hated. I never felt welcomed or loved. so now as an adult I feel like everyone just wants to avoid me and no one wants to hangout with me. I find it really difficult to form a relationship and maint... View more

Hello since I was born, I was bullied in school and hated. I never felt welcomed or loved. so now as an adult I feel like everyone just wants to avoid me and no one wants to hangout with me. I find it really difficult to form a relationship and maintain it. (Friendship or love or any form of relationship)I always feel like I am not myself and everyone just keeps rejecting me. they always refuse to hangout or talk. they don't laugh at my joke or sometimes don't care.sometimes I go out with my friends and I end up feeling more isolated and lonely. I dont know how to feel connected to others. i dont know how to form relationships with women or people in general. people just keep ignoring me. sometimes when i talk with someone people keep interrupting me. I always wish that I can scream at them and tell them to shut up and hear me because I was talking first. I dont feel myself around others.

adamc Mum's Obsessed With Money
  • replies: 6

For a long time, my Mum has always loved money, spending money and tries to get every cent she can from others. When I was younger, Mum rarely cooked anything for dinner that I'd eat and when i brought it up, she said "Maybe when you start giving me ... View more

For a long time, my Mum has always loved money, spending money and tries to get every cent she can from others. When I was younger, Mum rarely cooked anything for dinner that I'd eat and when i brought it up, she said "Maybe when you start giving me some money, I'll think of cooking more things that you'll eat." When she was spending too much and the government wouldn't give her more, she said "That's OK, we'll just put the kids' board up." Some years ago, Dad was given my granddad's car by my Nan which Dad didn't want but took it to keep her happy. The registration and insurance was put in his name and over the years he paid them, the servicing and parts plus the petrol. The car died months ago, it would've cost too much to fix and today Dad rang up someone to take it away. Mum instantly held her hand out for the money saying "It was my Dad's car, so it's natural I get the money." When Dad and I went on a walk today afterwards, he said "Maybe I should close my bank account and give your mother all the money that was in it." It's disgusting. She's greedy. Doesn't help when my oldest sister gives her $300-400 cash for her birthday.

Chloe-hrh Boyfriend moving to my state
  • replies: 3

Hi everyoneI have been contemplating what the right thing to do is. I was living interstate where I met my partner. I outgrew the city and needed to move back home to be closer to family and friends for my own mental well-being. It was so difficult t... View more

Hi everyoneI have been contemplating what the right thing to do is. I was living interstate where I met my partner. I outgrew the city and needed to move back home to be closer to family and friends for my own mental well-being. It was so difficult to leave him behind and we had discussed before I had left that we would see how things go over the first few months and potentially he may come over. Now I’m in the position where he had decided to come for 1 month to trial the city. As the time approaches I’m becoming overwhelmed by the fact that after a month he will go home and may not come back as he doesn’t enjoy it here. I really don’t want to go through the heart ache if it means that now I’ve seen him it would be ever harder rather than ending things while we are apart. The other part of me things what if he enjoys it then a year down the track he wants to go home .. there’s just so many what if and I don’t know what is best. Just looking for some guidance on what to do and how to manage this uncertainty.

PariM30 Is feeling lonely in a relationship normal?
  • replies: 5

Hi, I am Pari 36 YO male and wanted to get some perspective on some situations and feelings I am facing currently. Me and my girlfriend have been together for a year and we love each other a lot. She owns a property now and is living with her mum, bu... View more

Hi, I am Pari 36 YO male and wanted to get some perspective on some situations and feelings I am facing currently. Me and my girlfriend have been together for a year and we love each other a lot. She owns a property now and is living with her mum, but she used to come over at my place often, whenever she could get time. Over a past few months, I have noticed she has been getting frustrated and agitated over small things. And unfortunately the frustration is vented out on me in form of verbal or physical abuse (in front of her mum). I have been turning a blind eye on few of the things but recently (from couple of weeks), she has not been communicating properly. When I send her messages on whatsapp she does not even look at it for days and when she does, she does not reply. She has not tried to call or meet, even after several attempts from my end. The excuses she has been giving is that her job is very busy and she gets tired hence she has not been communicating. I agree her job as a trainer accessor may be hectic, however not been able to send a single text ( a simple good morning or how are going) or have a quick call is hard to digest. I have a busy day too yet I make the effort to ask her how she is going, but getting no response for days has indicated me that she is not interested and wants to ignore me. It is also putting me off the relationship as there is clear lack of engagement from thenother side. But when asked she says she is not ignoring me, and she wants to be in the relationship. Not contacting me for 9 consecutive days nor meeting me for a brief period being in the same city, am I wrong to think that she is ignoring me, or is distancing herself from me? Being in the relationship I have been feeling very lonely and seems bit of one side love now as I barely hear from her. Are these indicators that she does not want to be with me? For me if you love someone, and have the wish and will to make it happen, you do whatever possible to atleast communicate with your partner. Am I being to unrealistic with my expectations? Would love some guidance or suggestions from someone who has faced something similar. Thank you

Jamesneedsyouropinion Once a cheater always a cheater?
  • replies: 7

So it was my ex, who after a year in the relationship asked me if I think that once a cheater always a cheater... I replied with yes! There's a reason it's a phrase! She replies with..I believe that it's not true..I believe that people can change. My... View more

So it was my ex, who after a year in the relationship asked me if I think that once a cheater always a cheater... I replied with yes! There's a reason it's a phrase! She replies with..I believe that it's not true..I believe that people can change. My questionsnto you all is.. 1. What do you think the agenda of the question is?(By her asking me) 2. Does someone who hasn't cheated normally have this opinion..? 3. Is this a confession? Please help! I need closure and I know Il never get it from her

moonnback2009 My girlfriend ended it because she said she needs to work on her mental health
  • replies: 3

So I was with my girlfriend for three years. We are both women and 2 years into the relationship i told my parents about us and came out. my girlfriend was always too anxious to tell her family and come out. I was completely okay with this and suppor... View more

So I was with my girlfriend for three years. We are both women and 2 years into the relationship i told my parents about us and came out. my girlfriend was always too anxious to tell her family and come out. I was completely okay with this and supportive any time she said she wanted to try and tell them but she never did. 6 weeks ago she broke up with because she said she didn't love me and needed to work and her mental health, which she has been struggling with for years and she has said that I helped her when we were younger and i help her a lot with it. she also said she needed to come out to her parents but didn't want to have to tell them about us as it would be too much for them. After we broke up i begged to give us another go and just try and make this work and she refused. I suggested a break and she said no and that we needed to be broken up as she needs to be single and not have me in the back of her mind all the time. She needed to be single in order to work on her mental health and come out. so far she has come out but not told her parents about our 3 year relationship, and she doesn't intend too. She has told me that she wants to be with me but needs to be okay first she said that she loved me but she couldn't show it. But I don't understand how that is possible. I struggle with my mental health a lot too and I always have, I found out that I have a lot of other health issues and I will need multiple surgeries and I will have these conditions for life. Due to this I have been struggling a lot with my own mental health. any time I am not okay she is the one person that has always made me feel okay and better. she said she plans to get back together before the end of the year but it just worries me that she wont come back even though she said she will and she promises that she will nearly every week. I am really torn about it because I love her but I am scared she wont. I also feel horrible for saying this but I don't know if she is being selfish or not. I always felt like we worked through things together and she knows that my own mental health has gotten worse since she broke up with me. I do want her to come back because this is the girl I want to spend the rest of my life with and she said the same about me. it kills me to have to wait 3 months, and I just don't know how to support her and get her back.

phaedrus unfriendly people
  • replies: 7

for 40 years i've joined lots of organizations and i've observed that all of them are unfriendly. they don't include newcomers, and they don't offer turns in conversations. in groups, they use a competitive focus. largely these groups only survive by... View more

for 40 years i've joined lots of organizations and i've observed that all of them are unfriendly. they don't include newcomers, and they don't offer turns in conversations. in groups, they use a competitive focus. largely these groups only survive by an intake of new members.in the real world, one occasionally meets one of the rare good people, but of course they have busy lives, so no chance of friendship, but the deep-and-meaningful keeps one's hopes up.i don't blame anyone, it's just our culture.

PsychedelicFur I think I live in a toxic household
  • replies: 12

I think I may live in a toxic household. My Dad is financially dependent on me to pay half of the rent. And If I ever decide to move out eventually he says to me "I've have to find somewhere else to live then." I was never told I was beautiful by him... View more

I think I may live in a toxic household. My Dad is financially dependent on me to pay half of the rent. And If I ever decide to move out eventually he says to me "I've have to find somewhere else to live then." I was never told I was beautiful by him growing up. I think it's important to tell your kids how special, amazing and beautiful they are. He will constantly compliment other people though- if we are out in the car or watching tv. "She's cute." And it irritates me. Because I was never told that I was ever really 'good enough'. I've told him, politely with how uncomfortable and frustrated it makes me feel and yet he keeps doing it. Even before my parents sold their house and divorced, he has been very emotionally dependent on me. When I was four years old I would have to listen to his problems and concerns because my Mother is narcissistic and doesn't care about anyone else other than herself and her needs. I have a lot of internalized anger, sadness and grief. My mother was emotionally abusive towards me and my father is still emotionally dependent on me. I've gone "no contact" with my mother. When I am out with my partner- staying the night at his, my dad will complain about how lonely or depressed he is. It really gets me down.

Liz_ss How to maintain normalcy for children
  • replies: 6

I found out my husband has been cheating emotionally and physically for months if not longer. I am struggling to put one foot in front of the other. I am hurting too much to even think about reconciliation but I don't know if I want to slam the door ... View more

I found out my husband has been cheating emotionally and physically for months if not longer. I am struggling to put one foot in front of the other. I am hurting too much to even think about reconciliation but I don't know if I want to slam the door just yet so I am trying to pretend that everything is ok in front of my child. However I am clearly doing a bad job of it as they can see I am broken and sad and asked me not to leave. It broke my heart and made me feel they will think this is all my fault if we split. Anyhow, my question is, how have people dealt with this? Have you made up an excuse for why you are sad? Or any tips on putting on a brave face? I am doing my best but it is so so hard. The child is a pre teen and pretty intuitive and emphatic. I obviously don't want them to know what their father did