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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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dleon Expat grief can’t go back home and help mum
  • replies: 4

Hi, My dad passed away few days ago overseas. Due to distance I was not able to make it to the funeral but was thinking on flying soon to be there’d for mum. I had seen them both 3 months ago and had a plan to visit them mid year. But now apart from ... View more

Hi, My dad passed away few days ago overseas. Due to distance I was not able to make it to the funeral but was thinking on flying soon to be there’d for mum. I had seen them both 3 months ago and had a plan to visit them mid year. But now apart from feeling sad Im struggling with the ordeal and cost of such a long trip. Mum have been with my brother for the funeral and few more days, but soon he has to go back to his job out of town, and mum will be alone. I have this horrible feeling of guilt and anxiety through roof. I feel I’m letting mum down if I don’t travel now, but just arranging the trip is proving really difficult, mentally and financially. Any advice or someone that have gone through this will be appreciated.

CaseyS Advice on depressed ex-boyfriend who left after 10 years
  • replies: 1

Me and my boyfriend were together for 10 years. For the last few years, I guess you could say we were having difficult times. Work and financial pressure due to the house. I used to work outside the city, but due to the pandemic, I started working fr... View more

Me and my boyfriend were together for 10 years. For the last few years, I guess you could say we were having difficult times. Work and financial pressure due to the house. I used to work outside the city, but due to the pandemic, I started working from home. In December 2021 he told me something was wrong. He said I didn’t do anything wrong, but that he needed to figure it out on his own, and that he needed space. He started pulling away, which made me more clingy.For a year, I would try and bring up going to therapy and talking about issues once a month, and he was not receptive. He told me he resented me and didn't know how to stop- even though he wanted to. That it's like we need a reset button but we don't know how to get to it. Those conversations would end in us both being more upset, we talked about breaking up several times. I was going to therapy, he kept avoiding it. He broke up with me 4 months ago and I left immediately. No contact for 3 months until I had to message him about a package that was being delivered. He replied kindly and then followed that saying that he hopes I know I can always talk to him, that he was not ignoring me and he just didn't know how much time and space was needed. He’s in therapy now. We’ve had two calls in the last month- during the last one I asked him if we were over for good or if there was hope for us. He couldn't give me an answer and said he feels like he's only starting to scratch the surface in therapy. His therapist thinks it is depression. During this whole time, he hasn’t initiated a text or call but replies quickly. He suggested we meet up next month. I'm scared- I love him and I want to tell him that I'm more than willing to support him with his mental health and that I still want to be together. I've realised several of my own mistakes during these 4 months apart (I was too clingy, made him responsible for my happiness, I was always negative etc). I’ve been working on my own mental and physical health and I want to bring peace to his life. However, I'm so scared that expressing this will make him feel pressured again. How do I show him that we can have a new start and that his depression doesn't have to be the end for us?

Rozebye Cheating husband
  • replies: 5

My husband and I have been married for for 43 years and 5 years ago he brought a woman into our lives who he said would be a good friend for me. He really wanted an excuse to be around her. I eventually found out after 2 years that he had been secret... View more

My husband and I have been married for for 43 years and 5 years ago he brought a woman into our lives who he said would be a good friend for me. He really wanted an excuse to be around her. I eventually found out after 2 years that he had been secretly meeting up with her. Once caught out, he removed her from all communication and promised not to see her again. A couple of weeks ago I found out he had reconnected with her through calls, texts and clandestine meetings. He didn’t own up to it until I showed him concrete proof that I knew. He said he won’t do it again and is doing everything to make it up but how do I ever trust him again. We have always connected really well but he seems to be looking for excitement however still wants his family.

B21 Pregnant and now unsure about partner
  • replies: 3

I recently found out I'm pregnant I've been with my partner 3 years and yet when I told him he didn't seem to care and did not want to talk about it. He has 2 kids to a previous relationship so i didnt think he would be so unsupportive and I can't st... View more

I recently found out I'm pregnant I've been with my partner 3 years and yet when I told him he didn't seem to care and did not want to talk about it. He has 2 kids to a previous relationship so i didnt think he would be so unsupportive and I can't stop the worry that now that I'm pregnant he will stray as he has been making comments about other women's bodies/being hot on Facebook and TV. He cheated on his ex gf while she was pregnant too and the day after i told him he picked an argument with me about how I haven't been going to the gym and I'm feeling pretty down about it because pregnancy comes with weight gain and now I'm super stressed out that I'm making the wrong choice. He has been okay in other ways but these little comments and knowing his past has really affected me as I don't want that happening to me.

Lost_Soul_272 15 years and now it's ended
  • replies: 1

I have just split with my partner of 15 years. We just had our 15 year anniversary from the day we met... but it's been going downhill for a long time. 6 years ago they put someone else in front of our relationship, I ended up leaving because I was s... View more

I have just split with my partner of 15 years. We just had our 15 year anniversary from the day we met... but it's been going downhill for a long time. 6 years ago they put someone else in front of our relationship, I ended up leaving because I was so hurt by these actions, I don't know if they ever actually physically cheated on me but they definitely mentally did. That was hard to get past, but my partner came back to me, actually followed me to where I moved and made a point of showing me they still felt love for me. We remained living separately, this has been a hard part for me, I have really struggled with having seperate lives and it's really felt like they have kept things this way on purpose for this time. The last few years with covid etc has taken its toll on our relationship also, our beliefs in things have differed so much, they have become interested in world politics, conspiracy theories, lots of those types of things, their attitude has changed a whole lot. It really feels like they have stopped caring on a personal & emotional level about things outside of those things, including towards me. I had become frustrated and hurt from the lack of affection, lack of inclusion and support, in turn I got angry and then reflected that on to them... we continued this pattern for a long time, with not having too many happy moments in there even when an effort was made to make a happy memory it was tainted by those feelings. So finally it has got to that point where I have said enough is enough and I can't keep doing this, not to me or to them, it's not fair.Now I'm a little scared, my heart is broken, I feel lost and very low.Im scared to be alone after all these years, I feel like I have lost my best and closest friend, however I don't think I can have a friendship with them because of how much love I still feel for them.I know life will go on, but I am truly grieving another loss in my life.... I lost my only child not long before I met my partner and we have been through so much together.... and now it feels like I have truly lost another great love. I am feeling really lost. There is so much more to this story of course over 15 years.... but now it's over and I'm very very sad, sad to the core of my soul.

Jennychrist How Marriage Counseling Impacted Our Marriage
  • replies: 1

We’ve been hitched 46 years. We have three children and eight grandchildren, and we’ve had an incredible life. Be that as it may, when we consider the most recent 10 years of our marriage, they have been a portion of our most joyful years, and it’s a... View more

We’ve been hitched 46 years. We have three children and eight grandchildren, and we’ve had an incredible life. Be that as it may, when we consider the most recent 10 years of our marriage, they have been a portion of our most joyful years, and it’s all a direct result of our marriage specialist. Dan Whenever we take a gander at our excursion and the emergency we came to, we can see that our timetables consumed our lives. We didn’t watch our marriage against it, and we let our watchman down. That made such countless troublesome things occur for us. I put our marriage into journey control, and we drifted into a staggering emergency. I screwed up and undermined our marriage with infidelity. We were in service at that point, and I uncovered it to my administrator. Half a month after the fact, I surrendered, and Becky and I went into a five-year time of extreme recuperation. I chose by then that I would have rather not placed any bandages on our circumstance. I needed to get to the base of what my concern was. Becky The treatment was instrumental in assisting us with looking past the emergency that we were all the while mending from, and it pushed us to zero in on our future, past our recuperation. The treatment pushed us to contemplate what our vision was and where we needed to go. How could we need to arrive? What was in our souls past that current second?

Luna10 Re: Moving on from abusive relationships.
  • replies: 4

A toxic marriage for 9 years with daily coercive control then finally got the courage to leave. He has punished me ever since for leaving him. That was 12 years ago. He threatened to leave me with nothing. He took our 2 young children and fled to NSW... View more

A toxic marriage for 9 years with daily coercive control then finally got the courage to leave. He has punished me ever since for leaving him. That was 12 years ago. He threatened to leave me with nothing. He took our 2 young children and fled to NSW. I couldn’t do anything because we didn’t have a court order. We went through court and he got 75% of the property settlement/finances as he told me that if I didn’t agree to it he wouldn’t let me see the kids again. I got 50/50 care of the kids but constantly felt threatened that he’d take them off me again. I never shouted at the kids or disciplined them in a strict way due to worrying that he would accuse me of abuse and take them off me. He coercively controlled our oldest child and also emotionally and psychologically abused him after I left. He has constantly denigrated me to the kids. My eldest called me in July 2021 as his father was abusing him again. I picked him up and he stayed with me for 3 days. We met with his brother and father to give him chance to discuss his concerns. He reluctantly went back to his father’s as it was his allotted time with the kids. Since then my youngest started to ignore me. He would not be in the same room as me at mine and barely spoke to me. He thought it was bad that I had picked up my eldest that day and I was being horrible to his dad. I tried to explaIn but he wouldn’t agree with me. I found out later on that my ex was asking him to spy on me daily regarding my drinking and smoking habits. He got him to measure glasses and record how many milliliters of wine compared with lemonade I was having and how many a week. He told my youngest that I was an alcoholic and he needed to monitor me and report back to his dad as it wasn’t safe being around me. This went on until November 2021.

benji777 Living in the shed, no apology from her so im moving on
  • replies: 10

2 weeks ago she (42f) hurt me (42m) emotionally and it caused huge arguments. i shared the night before that ive been feeling unwanted and alone for months due to her newly smoking habit, her 3 hours a day on phone games (candy crush), and shes alway... View more

2 weeks ago she (42f) hurt me (42m) emotionally and it caused huge arguments. i shared the night before that ive been feeling unwanted and alone for months due to her newly smoking habit, her 3 hours a day on phone games (candy crush), and shes always on her laptop. I just want our togetherness back but the next day i come home and back flips all i had shared the night before and accuses me of not spending time with her and its all my doing. Id been home for 10 minutes and had to call my doctor first thing. Omg Anyways it caused huge arguments it was outrageous and hurt me because i had just shared feeling alone the night before and this was her response to that. So over the days it got worse and gridlocked emotionally no remorse from her and refused to apologize, so i basically moved all my belongings into the shed because why share myself with someone who doesn't care and the past 2 weeks been spending my life out there. She still cant work out why omg We we're meant to be moving into a new house soon, ive cancelled that and shes moving there alone now. We also have a 14 month year old daughter. Who we will now have to split custody of and give her a broken family I cannot forget and move on and share my goodness with someone if im not thought about emotionally and cared for by my partner if im feeling hurt Its a complete waste of my time, im there for her in every way with her issues, her vents and her sadness. When im hurting she couldn't carelessSo no apology or remorse so this relationship is over.(Nearly 3 years together)I honestly feel like a butler most of the time Now im living in a shed and about to have a $500 a week house rent to maintain. The rental market is impossible there is no where else to go... Could someone reflect some thoughts im alone in the world, no siblings no friends to share my difficulties with...

Jacobi1911 Im so crippling lonely but noone knows as I physically can't express t
  • replies: 1

I'm a fairly successful young man, on a board of directors for an award, finished a trade, have my own business, do powerlifting comps, etc. I get told by nearly every female friend I have how great I would be as a partner (if you want to be narky an... View more

I'm a fairly successful young man, on a board of directors for an award, finished a trade, have my own business, do powerlifting comps, etc. I get told by nearly every female friend I have how great I would be as a partner (if you want to be narky and say I have the ego the size of a mountain go for it I'm just saying what people say, your interpretation is your own) people generally say including family and my therapist I'm a very successful young man (very early 20s) but yet I see people who aren't going anywhere just bounce from relationship to relationship with no issues yet I cannot even muster the ability to do anything other than a quick shag and never talk again. I feel like a defective human anytime I find a girl who I think I'd actually connect with I get my emotions shoved back in my face and everytime I have meaningless sex as a way to just interact with another human I feel as if I'm stripping away parts of myself. What the hell is wrong with me why can I not do something so basic and instinctive to most people when I've done things I'n the past that most people would never do let alone even get the chsnce too. People say "just wait the right one will come" (mostly from female friends) and In my mind I'm like easy for you to say you atleast have a more than likely chance when approaching a guy and barely ever would you get laughed at a shamed for it let alone even turned down. And its like man I'm allowed to want companionship, Ive already proven in the last 3 years I dont need any support from anyone at all but I'm allowed to want a companion to share life with. Why do I need to be content doing nothing and hoping the universe shoots something my way. My apologies if my thoughts are all over the place in this I'm not in the best mindset atm while writing this.

Herefortheforums Tough living situation
  • replies: 3

So I’m a single dad, I live alone in a 2 bed apartment. My building is undergoing renovations that I can’t afford so I’m actually selling the place. I get my little girl who is 2yrs old every second weekend and I recently have been selling off stuff ... View more

So I’m a single dad, I live alone in a 2 bed apartment. My building is undergoing renovations that I can’t afford so I’m actually selling the place. I get my little girl who is 2yrs old every second weekend and I recently have been selling off stuff which includes the bed my little girl was sleeping in when she would stay over. (I wanted to get her a brand new bed to replace it) I don’t want to get to carried away with adding to much things to this room because I’m going to be packing up and moving soon. Knowing all this. My friend is separating from their partner and they are really struggling. Especially their living situation. You can tell she just needs a place to sleep and set up temporarily until they find their feet. It really seems I can help them with my second room (my girl doesn’t stay with me during the week and only every second weekend she stays over. ) There’s no sale contract in place yet and could take a month or 2 to actually process and move on. I don’t want to feel like a bad parent for trying to help a friend temporarily who is in desperate need of help. I just don’t know how to feel, I’m not sure what to do. I always want to help people.