Relationship and family issues

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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

All discussions

Hopeless_ Feeling lost.
  • replies: 3

Hello,I'm not sure where to start, but here goes. About a week ago, my three year relationship ended. It wasn't unexpected, as at the time, we were having some troubles but not to the extent I thought we were. We didn't leave it on the best of terms ... View more

Hello,I'm not sure where to start, but here goes. About a week ago, my three year relationship ended. It wasn't unexpected, as at the time, we were having some troubles but not to the extent I thought we were. We didn't leave it on the best of terms and it was already hard enough dealing with the end of it. A couple of days later he admitted to me that the real reason why he wanted out was because he was still in love with his Ex Partner and it tore me apart. It was hard to hear and it is really still hard to deal with. I can't wrap my head around any of it. I can't understand how this happened and how I got to this point. He refuses to talk to me and answer any questions I may have and he is treating me like this was all my fault, I feel like I'm being punished for it all. But at the same time, he tells me he still loves me and still wants a future with me but its unfair for us to be in a relationship together why he feels this way, which I understand. I'm just at a point where I feel hopeless and lost. I feel worthless and afraid. I'm furious and frustrated and I'm going through the motions as the days go by. I'm not sleeping, not eating and it's really making me feel disconnected from everything in my life, including my kids. I have generalized anxiety, so having to deal with all of this, is not really helping. I thought that maybe venting and getting things off my chest might help but as I write this, I don't feel any different. I'm not exactly sure what I'm looking for here but maybe someone can offer some advice as to how they've dealt with something similar.

laurn Family therapy intensives
  • replies: 1

Hi ,I have a child with ASD level 2 a child with possibly adhd and add and I have depression and anxiety and we are having a hard time agreeing on parenting I. Situation due to the behavioural challenges we have with the kids and I would really like ... View more

Hi ,I have a child with ASD level 2 a child with possibly adhd and add and I have depression and anxiety and we are having a hard time agreeing on parenting I. Situation due to the behavioural challenges we have with the kids and I would really like to do family therapy and I was wondering if anyone knows if there is still inpatient residential intensive family program where you go stay and do therapy .I did it when I was a kid with my family for 2 weeks and think it could be beneficial for myself ,my kids and my husband .

ZESTY Family issue -divorced and remarried.
  • replies: 1

I immigrated with my ex about 18 years ago to Australia. I've been married to my ex-husband for almost 20 years when we got divorced. He remarried and so did I. I have now been married to my husband for 10 years. My parents live overseas. Recently my... View more

I immigrated with my ex about 18 years ago to Australia. I've been married to my ex-husband for almost 20 years when we got divorced. He remarried and so did I. I have now been married to my husband for 10 years. My parents live overseas. Recently my mum fell really ill and me and my daughter went back to support her and be near her. We had to nurse my mother back after a severe sickbed. She almost didnt pull through. She wasn't capable to do anything for herself and I did it all. Washing, cooking for them and caring in all possible ways. (Under healthy and normal circumstances they run a busy medical and aestetical practice). She is still not 100% and struggle to regain her former energy and health. Problem: My ex husband now decided to take a trip overseas for holidays at the end of the year going to different destinations but in it, also take his wife with to go and visit my mum in our home country. My daughter (26) will also join them on this trip. My mum is a perfectionist and now apparently offered for them to stay with her and my stepdad. My first problem is that as visitors they will be treated as guests. They would not realise the impact and exhaustion this will have on her physically and mentally. They will increase the pressure and workload on my mother as she will do anything to make their stay pleasant. This poses an intense risk on her health, as she suffered from a total kidney failure only 3 months ago. She had a miracle turnaround after almost having septicaemia. I am worried sick about this but don't know how to approach this with any of them. The second issue is a personal one, as I feel it will be extremely disrespectful to me and my husband, as this is my ex and his wife. I don't mind him having contact with my parents, neither him going to the same city to bring them a visit. However, I feel it very inappropriate for them to stay with my parents. How do I handle this situation without creating any ripples on the water?

Fragile16 Desperate to be given a chance.
  • replies: 1

I may not work but I am very capable of paying rent and bills with no problems but continuously getting knocked back. After separating from my daughters dad I had to send my son (20) to live with his dad and myself, daughter (11) and our dog Bella ha... View more

I may not work but I am very capable of paying rent and bills with no problems but continuously getting knocked back. After separating from my daughters dad I had to send my son (20) to live with his dad and myself, daughter (11) and our dog Bella have been staying with friends for almost 10 months. The ex got the house and was moving back in regardless if I had somewhere to go or not. Due yo no luck with trying for several months to get a rental I had no luck. Friends offered us a place to stay and that’s been great until recently. My daughter had been seeing a Pshycologist as well as talking to the staff working at her school. Things got really tuff so I took her back to the gp and it was decided she would go in antidepressants. 4 months ago she had a really bad day and went in to my room and found her packet of tablets and took quite a few. Spent the next 24 hours between 2 hospitals to then get home and have our friend basically go off at me for not preventing this and basically telling me to put her in boarding school. After leaving the ex’s house expecting to end up in court he has finally stepped up and is able to co parent. New routine that is the same at both places plus we talk about what’s going on and make decisions together our daughter has improved greatly. Forward to now and I am constantly getting messages from 1 of my friends in the house constantly on my back about parenting my daughter. Having to work around our friends means it can be hard at dinner time to stick to her times. Not always easy sharing a kitchen when it’s different meals. My anxiety got so bad I was getting bad chest pains and after almost 2 weeks I had just started to get it to be a bit manageable until tonight. The texts about my daughter routine started again. School holidays so she’s had a couple of late nights and a slight adjustment to her routine that her dad and I both discussed and agreed on. I just want to get into a place so I can focus on my kids and move forward with her routine without having my every move judged and my daughter constantly being judged for her behaviour. Doing really good with her routine isn’t enough as the friend expects her to be perfect. I’m looking at up to 6 rentals in a day and almost every day and apply for all I can but no luck.

MO2TG Struggling with recent separation.
  • replies: 25

I'm at a loss. Struggling through a separation that was not my choice. 22 years together and my husband won't consider counselling. Very black and white in his attitude. Said he has unhappy for years and feels nothing but used. Now it's his turn to d... View more

I'm at a loss. Struggling through a separation that was not my choice. 22 years together and my husband won't consider counselling. Very black and white in his attitude. Said he has unhappy for years and feels nothing but used. Now it's his turn to do what he wants. He's done with me, the kids and helping others. He moved out but what I thought was a spring clean was a getting rid of stuff because he was leaving. It's like he's already dealt with it yet I'm just at the beginning. We had I thought a healthy sex life, team work and great friendship. Going through life together getting ready for more time together as the kids are older teens now. At first I thought the anger was issues with his work and I picked up the slack in our relationship. He has held onto every one of my flaws and thrown them in my face from the last 20 + yrs. Obviously has harboured a lot of resentment towards me. I'm a mess, now when I try to talk to him it's just a barrage of emotional abuse. A complete change in personality. No affection completely withdrawn from me. It hurts. I feel that he has an underlying mental health issue like depression. There plenty of indicators and risk factors. It has been a difficult 2 yrs for family reasons but I was blindsided by this. Now when i do see him I get so anxious because I don't know what to do anymore. I try to keep busy. The loneliness is at times unbearable. I give myself pep talks. I talk to my family. I'm stuck in my old life while he is making a fresh one. He does not share info or include me which is to be expected but it's hard. I'm surrounded by memories. But not ready to make changes. I'm waiting and I know it's unhealthy but I'm not ready to give up.

Cosmicpanda I feel like im not good enough for my girlfriend
  • replies: 8

So i have been dating my new girlfriend for about 3 months now. We are both 26yo. *Side note ( i have ADHD and dealt with depression and anxiety for most of my life which i have gone through with her) A bit of background off her first, she comes from... View more

So i have been dating my new girlfriend for about 3 months now. We are both 26yo. *Side note ( i have ADHD and dealt with depression and anxiety for most of my life which i have gone through with her) A bit of background off her first, she comes from a quite strict italian family (but so do i to some extent so i understand what its like for her, and she has never been in a relationship before. So ive kind of always realised it since the start but kind of just played it off as abit of banter, until recently as it has just kept coming up and ive actually looked back at what she said and how she said it. So i have about 9 ear piercings and a few tattoos, which she has openly said to me she would rather me not have them and she would prefer a clean version of me, even after i opened up and told her about the reason i have them, that they represent my own personality, need for autonomy and that they represent a time in my life where i was struggling and im proud to have them, and its not like i was hiding them from day 1 i always had them. I also had longish hair at the start of the relationship which she didnt really like but i didnt think much of it and got it cut to suprise her.I have a motorbike aswell and i was just super excited to show her some of my new gear, and she would just turn around and say "oh we can talk about that later". I feel like im not good enough for her, even though i feel myself i really am Like she has this perfect picture/mould of a bf that she wants to take home to her parents and she is trying to make that into me. And for once in my life i feel im actually comfortable being myself and not something im not and masking my true self but i feel like she is bringing me back there. Also when we have conversations i feel like i have to filter what i am going to say incase our opinions differ and she gets offended (which has happened), like im walking on eggshells. I am happy to change and make compromises but i feel this may be too far???But all in all she does atm make me feel like pretty shit. When for once i was actually starting to feel good I am going to tell her how i feel, and just see where it goes from there, i dont want to write the relationship off straight away

lilykitten Parenting kids with different needs fairly
  • replies: 9

I am a single mother with 2 girls (17 and 18Yrs). The youngest is a self isolating ASD level 2 with a PDA profile. Her life is shaped by extremely high anxieties, sensitivities and doesn't respond to any discipline or routine therapies. Low demand is... View more

I am a single mother with 2 girls (17 and 18Yrs). The youngest is a self isolating ASD level 2 with a PDA profile. Her life is shaped by extremely high anxieties, sensitivities and doesn't respond to any discipline or routine therapies. Low demand is the recommended approach which really upsets the 18 year old. I have reduced demands on her as well and try to treat her as much as I can but she does have a few chores and expectations or I would feel I was failing her as a parent. Both kids have regular therapy sessions and the specific needs of the youngest have been explained to the eldest but she still feels it is unfair. Covid and the marriage break up (3.5 yrs ago) have been very traumatic for everyone. My youngest paces around the living room to self regulate but she likes to be alone when she does it. My eldest will frequently position herself in her path just to take a stand that it is her house too. This leads to serious escalation in the youngest which is very scary. It is like the elder is trying to train her sister but it actually increases her stress and puts relationships built up with good deeds, back to square one. My eldest is currently not talking to me after I made her leave the lounge room last night. What should I do to create harmony in the household?

mon09 Help please
  • replies: 5

My sister and I had a fight last week. It was a long time coming and I confronted her for her behaviour towards me. We both erupted and I ended up slapping her. She kept calling me a C!5t and time me I’ve caused her 7 years of trauma. She just could ... View more

My sister and I had a fight last week. It was a long time coming and I confronted her for her behaviour towards me. We both erupted and I ended up slapping her. She kept calling me a C!5t and time me I’ve caused her 7 years of trauma. She just could stop screaming at me. Whilst I understand I’m on the wrong for hitting her I am not ready to apologise. She has kept her three children from me this week and also away from our family home where I live. I feel like I am wearing all the pain and blame. Our father has sided with her and won’t speak more then a few words to me. I feel like I have to move out and I am 34 but the market is so high I can’t buy anything decent and if I rent I’ll have no money left.I feel so horrible because I miss her kids so much they are my everything but I don’t understand why I have to carry this pain all alone when I didn’t start the fight. I simply no longer took her abusive manner towards me.

Cinnamonrolls Thinking about reporting my ex to the police, I'm so angry. Fear it may be too late.
  • replies: 3

Hi there. I came here because I don't have much support from others around me regarding my feelings. I also lost most evidence as he smashed multiple phones. I also don't trust police, I've had a few incidents with them and honestly don't have much r... View more

Hi there. I came here because I don't have much support from others around me regarding my feelings. I also lost most evidence as he smashed multiple phones. I also don't trust police, I've had a few incidents with them and honestly don't have much respect for them. When they came to my house for a domestic, they began searching through my belongings and I found that vile and invasive. It didn't seem like it was in my best interest. It made me incredibly uncomfortable so I have avoided them ever since. I don't have anything to hide but I don't appreciate it. I'm a messy person living with severe ADHD & possibly autism and I'm generally embarrassed that I'm messy. Felt like they were judging me for my disability. Don't have specific dates, it's been ages. I am so angry about what happened to me. I just cannot believe it's been nearly 3 years and I'm just as angry if not more. Furious thinking about it. This person is not safe, I genuinely believe he might kill someone one day. It's not fair he gets to live his life when he humiliated me in front of my family. He was 6'3, very bulky person and would often physically abuse me, intimidate me and make me so fearful by saying "This is it, it's worth going to prison for." It resulted in the police being called maybe three or four times. Destroyed my reputation with my family, ruined my job opportunities and attempt of getting a degree. Just got worse and worse as time went on.

Dav67 Wife has left because of my childhood trauma that i didn't recognise until now
  • replies: 16

Having grown up in a migrant household with an abusive father (both physical and psychological), i was not aware that these traumas would manifest in my adult life. My wife of over 30 years has decided to seperate for the time being (although i think... View more

Having grown up in a migrant household with an abusive father (both physical and psychological), i was not aware that these traumas would manifest in my adult life. My wife of over 30 years has decided to seperate for the time being (although i think this could be it). My behaviour over the years was hot and cold. Grumpy and angry for no apparent reason to loving the next. My ignorance to how this impacted on my wife and her mental health is embarrassing. She has tried to love and help me over the years but i found that difficult to accept due to the nature of my trauma . I am currently seeing a psychologist to help with the trauma but i desperately want to be with my wife again. How do i earn her forgiveness?