PTSD and trauma

A space for discussing post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), domestic abuse, sexual abuse and other trauma. Please note some content may be distressing.

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A_Tech PTSD for Medical and First Responders
  • replies: 276

Hi, Well obviously this my situation. I was hoping to find others here that might have a similar background to chat with, it can be so hard to talk about this stuff with non-med people (and I mean no disrespect, it's just often graffic or upsetting t... View more

Hi, Well obviously this my situation. I was hoping to find others here that might have a similar background to chat with, it can be so hard to talk about this stuff with non-med people (and I mean no disrespect, it's just often graffic or upsetting to others). Im a 40 year old female that has spent the last 10years in the State Trauma Hospital as an Anaesthetic Technician. My PTSD was brought about after years of exposure to shocking traumas, deaths, and no support from management. I would love to hear from anyone that has a similar story, or just wants to chat. Cheers

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BelleBelle SSA
  • replies: 1

I’m really struggling at the moment. I don’t have any real supports around me that I can talk to about this and I don’t see my psychologist for another two weeks. My older brother sexually abused me over a long period of time when I was younger. I’ve... View more

I’m really struggling at the moment. I don’t have any real supports around me that I can talk to about this and I don’t see my psychologist for another two weeks. My older brother sexually abused me over a long period of time when I was younger. I’ve started to communicate this to my psychologist (in writing) because I cannot talk about it. I have been told that I have PTSD. Everything seems so much worse since I have started working through it. I feel like I need to stop and get over it. Internally I’m screaming but I have to keep functioning to keep up with Single Mum responsibilities and my full time job 🫣

Lil123 Sexual abuse in childhood- yayyyy
  • replies: 2

Hi everyone, I have posted about my life before on here, but as I don't have therapy or a consistent form of professional support anymore, I'm finding myself on here again. Recently, I was just watching a movie with my mum, that had an extremely spec... View more

Hi everyone, I have posted about my life before on here, but as I don't have therapy or a consistent form of professional support anymore, I'm finding myself on here again. Recently, I was just watching a movie with my mum, that had an extremely specific scene about a brother sexually abusing a sister throughout childhood. This hit way too close to home and I started crying without really even understanding why at first. My best guess is it was a major trigger for me that hasn't come up before. I used to think there was something wrong with me, for only really crying about it a few times about what had happened, but now I think I realise I just hadn't really come across triggers. I started crying because I realised for the first time that it had actually been going on since I was about four, and it just built up from there, and led to the major incident. This made me extremely sad, angry.. and probably every other emotion as well. Just to realise it was there all along. This is extremely difficult to talk about clearly, but in short, my brother and I were not normal, and the worst thing is we didn't even realise it was wrong, I'm guessing because our dad was abusive. No one knew. until I was 12, when he fully sexually abused me. But I didn't say no, I didn't know how to even reply. And I still feel so bad that my brother got the worst of the consequences afterwards, which completely ruined him. I feel so bad, because maybe if I had realised we both had always had this relationship earlier, then maybe he would be a bit better. Now his living back with our dad, being manipulated day by day, the worst thing is I cant do anything about it. Sorry if this is kind of just a major fat dump for literally everyone reading this, I always feel so bad when telling this story, because no one else should really have to hear it. But my mum cant stand hearing about it, shes too hurt by it. So this is me just trying to talk, idk why I'm writing tbh. anyway. that's that, I'm just not really sure what to do with these emotions, a part of me has been really good a keeping them out of mind for a while, but this has just brought it all back up. Crazy what a single scene in a movie can do I guess.

David35 trauma from dads cancer
  • replies: 4

I've recently discovered that I have built up trauma from almost 7 years ago. My psychologist has helped uncover it. Around this time in 2016 my dad was terminally ill with prostate cancer that ended up migrating to his brain. Watching someone's life... View more

I've recently discovered that I have built up trauma from almost 7 years ago. My psychologist has helped uncover it. Around this time in 2016 my dad was terminally ill with prostate cancer that ended up migrating to his brain. Watching someone's life deteriorate so quickly once it got to his brain was difficult. I've tried writing about it to help. Does anyone have any other ideas? I thought I had dealt with the grief, which I may have. But after talking today to my therapist I had no idea there was so much trauma still there, so many vivid memories, associated with the way he died. Has anyone else experienced this?

Guest_597 Complex PTSD
  • replies: 1

OK... I've started my recovery from my ptsd.... but who finds that you are so toxic.... I feel so toxic with the traits that I've had to use for survival mode for so long... that now I'm meeting new people who are different as and being told I'm cons... View more

OK... I've started my recovery from my ptsd.... but who finds that you are so toxic.... I feel so toxic with the traits that I've had to use for survival mode for so long... that now I'm meeting new people who are different as and being told I'm constantly toxic to be around.... I don't mean to be... I don't want to be... but some how I am.... The zoning out I am angry with apparently.... The when I try to prove a point because how I had to growing up is so toxic.... that it makes other people feel like shit... that I don't even realise I'm doing it.... I get told.. but I want to stop.... how the hell do u stop a survival technique that's stuck with you for so long to just stop..... What am I doing wrong.... I've started meditation... it makes me so tired and drained .... I'm trying to get help to see a psychologist again... because I know i need it.... But just why am I so toxic....

Kombie390 Confused
  • replies: 1

Strong TW... Mentions. Childhood sexual abuse, Incest, Mental health. Flashbacks have been extremely vivid in past weeks and now more so in past days since receiving terrible news from an unnamed Government department.I guess in the MH industry they ... View more

Strong TW... Mentions. Childhood sexual abuse, Incest, Mental health. Flashbacks have been extremely vivid in past weeks and now more so in past days since receiving terrible news from an unnamed Government department.I guess in the MH industry they call it compartmentalising, personally want to say it's trying to wrap my head around it, trying to find 'my' way of processing such news.Some of you here may or may not understand why I need to BUT have to justify my childhood abusers actions. My thoughts are cluttered and blocked up with the notion it wasn't that bad.I have been diagnosed with a fair few MH labels DID (dissociative identity disorder), been one of them. All I can manage day to day which is a burden in itself is this singular thought. Many of you may say to try, dig into my self care coping tool kit and find a different and more positive approach. Its not possible. I can't, believe me I've tried. With different ages the abuse was happening in my past, now they are fronting with and without these flashbacks. Other C-PTSD symptoms are feeling equally as worse, no, or lack of sleep being one of them, which I know isn't helping my thoughts become any clearer or kinder towards oneself.I needed to write out these thoughts of mine to someone else as they are stealing and taking my energy away from me. Plus I'm drowning. I'm struggling.Life in my current world isn't going well, active trauma. It's complicated. I don't know if there's such a thing as a DID episode or it's just another MH downward spiral I'm going through. Currently, I have awareness, which in itself is almost impossible at the moment from my past counselling sessions of depersonalisation and derealisation. My kids don't feel like or seem like they belong to me, I don't feel I should be living where I am. I am wanting to go home, to my family of origin, they are all my abusers but in my current thoughts it's where I felt needed and safe (I know that sounds very confusing) but really they were using me anyway they wanted. It's all different there now though, it's 2023, we are all older and have gone in different directions. That was then decades ago, I'm finding it impossible in seeing the difference. I am, we all are feeling very confused and disoriented. I am finding myself staring at walls for I don't know how long, hard to describe but it feels like an outlet.

Malen Just diagnosed Complex PTSD
  • replies: 11

I was diagnosed with Complex PTSD today, on top of BP2 w/psychotic features, Anxiety, OCD and Depression. I dont completely understand the diagnosis. I do know it from being physically abused on a pretty much daily basis by the guys at school, pretty... View more

I was diagnosed with Complex PTSD today, on top of BP2 w/psychotic features, Anxiety, OCD and Depression. I dont completely understand the diagnosis. I do know it from being physically abused on a pretty much daily basis by the guys at school, pretty much from early primary to the last day of year 12. The farewell gift I received from one of my bullies was to fly kick me to the head knocking me out. I told my parents, I told the school, I told anyone who would listen but no one did or was able to do anything about it.My home life was strict, very religious. We had church people over what feels like every night, from an early age I became the coffee maker for all these guests. I became a complete loner and my music tastes changed to metal, which was not well recieved in a strict religious house. I was forced to study music at school so I chose guitar, was never very good. I also had to do piano for a number of years, which I was even worse at. I had to study math and English through out. I was good at math but in Year 12 I needed a tutor for English. Mum was very controlling growing up but also, I would say aggressive. There were outbursts if she didnt get her way. Her and Dad would fight more than I would think was normal, not physical though. Mum did suffer from Depression and spent quite a time away in a facility when I was in year 7, I didnt understand the before this or why she had been taken away. So school I was abused and at home I wasnt safe and couldnt be myself regardless. Ive never felt like I could be myself, other than the time I lived alone. Now days Im not even sure if I would know how to be who I am or who I actually am to begin with

Shittenbricks Finding out about severe emotional trauma in my childhood
  • replies: 1

ive written this out SO many times im so tired so have this crappy thing. can elaborate or explain more if asked. had dinner with my dad and bf today. im 18 bf is 19. me and mum have been fighting recently primarily bc she does not understand ADHD. w... View more

ive written this out SO many times im so tired so have this crappy thing. can elaborate or explain more if asked. had dinner with my dad and bf today. im 18 bf is 19. me and mum have been fighting recently primarily bc she does not understand ADHD. went to this sushi joint next to ikea. dad gave me some advice revealed to me that mum has a history of manipulation, lying, not taking responsibility for her actions, twisting things to be anyone elses fault. said she had been investigated for corruption in her job bc was bankrupt and having an affair with her boss. didnt know any of this. she dumped all of her debt on my dad. dropped the big one: she screamed at me as a child to the point i was balled up in the corner. multiple times. no freaking wonder i cant stand being yelled at or told off. the other day she said all of my reasons for being upset are stupid. said my bf cant stay anymore bc my room is a little too messy (couple things on the floor, i like keeping it clean and clean it everyday???)i also cant move out lol she wont allow it. she also wants board. what. the crap. ok goodnight lol

Elle42 Family covered up sexual abuse
  • replies: 13

My uncle tried to groom me starting from when I was 12 (He would pay special attention to me). I didn't realise his intentions until I was about 14 and he started sending me emails that were inappropriate. At first I just emailed back until a particu... View more

My uncle tried to groom me starting from when I was 12 (He would pay special attention to me). I didn't realise his intentions until I was about 14 and he started sending me emails that were inappropriate. At first I just emailed back until a particular email confirmed the way he felt about me. At the same time, my parents told me they would organise a skiing holiday for me in new Zealand where my uncle lives. His wife (mums sister) would come to Australia for a visit while I would go there and be with my uncle and my two cousins. I realised that this way his way of getting me all alone so he could potentially do more than just flirt by email. I told my mum and she said she would keep me safe and make sure I was never alone with him and to cut off emails with him. She said we couldn't tell anyone else because it would hurt our family. I didn't have to see my uncle often, but he would come to Australia for big family events. When I was around 24 I told my aunty what had happened. My aunty almost seemed relieved as he had accused her of being crazy every time she got angry about his attention to younger girls. She still didn't want others to know and I respected that. Now I'm 27 and in therapy again for some recent panic attacks. The night of my last appointment we talked about my mum covering this up I was a mess. All I could think about was what he did and how she valued everyone else's feelings over my own. I kept thinking what if he abused me as a young child and I don't remember (I realise this is unlikely but I'm a paranoid person and don't remember much of my early childhood due to bullying). I didn't go to work the next day and spent it either asleep or crying. That night I rang my mum still in a bad state and asked her if she could talk to my aunty about uninviting my uncle to my wedding in October. I said maybe he could say he needs to work or make another excuse. My mum's response initially was that it would be an awkward conversation for her but I explained what had hurt me so much and how it still does. She agreed to talk to my aunty. The next day she told me that she ended up telling my dad. I haven't talked to her since and I'm nervous to hear what happened when she talked to my aunty and to know how my dad is taking it. I'm happy he knows but it's all a lot right now. I've felt so on edge all week.

Eagle Ray Denial of sexual abuse in extended family
  • replies: 37

Potentially distressing content warning Hi, I’m currently trying to bring myself to communicate with an extended family member regarding her ongoing denial of four years of sexual abuse done to a cousin when she was a child. In fact she pretends the ... View more

Potentially distressing content warning Hi, I’m currently trying to bring myself to communicate with an extended family member regarding her ongoing denial of four years of sexual abuse done to a cousin when she was a child. In fact she pretends the person abused doesn’t exist. The mother of this child (different to above person) blamed her daughter for the abuse and abandoned her. The perpetrator got away with it. This same perpetrator attempted to groom me as a child but I was fortunately never alone with him. Another relative did as well in front of other family including my parents who did nothing to stop his behaviour, but again I was never completely alone and apart from suggestive comments and being leered at and asked to do things for him, nothing actually happened. He later went to prison for abusing another under-age person. I’m not sure my question fits here because it’s primarily about the abuse of someone else. But what I’d like to know is how have others handled denial of sexual abuse in families and the ongoing lies and cover ups that can go on for years? As a younger adult I have experienced two sexual assaults and so I feel all the more angry about how the abuse of a family member is denied. I refuse to pretend the person doesn’t exist and I have nothing to do with her mother who abandoned her. The other family member is trying to get me to connect with the mother and I will not do this. This keeps coming up at the moment and I’m thinking of writing a letter to the family member I’m struggling with right now. I believe she tries to cover up the abuse because she has been scared for years to rock the boat. But I feel I have to rock the boat even though it’s likely to be destructive of my relationship with family members. I only found out about the abuse of this cousin in my 20s when my parents told me, years after it occurred. The perpetrator died recently which has put a spotlight back on this issue. Has anyone had to handle something like this? What did you do? How did it go? I have a feeling it’s going to go badly but I refuse to play the denial game. I have never met the cousin in question as she was ex-communicated from her family decades ago. I’m only recently discovering the extent to which other family have gone to cover up the abuse and it’s upsetting me. My parents have died so I can’t discuss it with them now.

Nyla Being Triggered & Pregnancy
  • replies: 7

Hi All, I've just had a bit of a day. I have not been triggered for a long time and work with at risk youth, so constantly exposed to situations. I have been diagnosed with Bipolar and Complex trauma, all has been under control for quite some time. S... View more

Hi All, I've just had a bit of a day. I have not been triggered for a long time and work with at risk youth, so constantly exposed to situations. I have been diagnosed with Bipolar and Complex trauma, all has been under control for quite some time. Second trimester of pregnancy, which I know can trigger issues in bipolar, but finding it is more the trauma that is getting triggered.Today I was simply in some basic training, going through a scenario and a story shared triggered me big time. To the point of dissociation and flashbacks. To put into perspective, I am the colleague everyone comes to, because I can cope with all situations and often find pathways through. I took me a while to get to this point, but never in last 5 years have I been triggered by a real situation let alone a case study.I have done all my little tricks and things, but nothing is really working. I simply have not been able to shut up the feelings, thoughts, memories, etc. Really panicked about the pregnancy on top of it. Just not ok.In the back of my mind is is any of this going to trigger my Bipolar and cause an episode or the psychosis that can occur during pregnancy.... lets face it, if I have an episode, psychosis is on the agenda for me anyways. Again, I have not had a serious episode for years and really do not need the fall out in my life it causes. What the hell do I do?