PTSD and Trauma

Trigger warning - PTSD after suicide of partner

replies: 7

Hi,I am 5 years post suicide of my husband. While I have sought counselling and other means to deal with my grief and to deal with the loss over the years, I have recently found myself "triggered". I have had a few encounters with a relative and a cl... View more

Hi,I am 5 years post suicide of my husband. While I have sought counselling and other means to deal with my grief and to deal with the loss over the years, I have recently found myself "triggered". I have had a few encounters with a relative and a close friend who confided in me regarding their mental health state, because "I would understand" that they had recently had suicidal thoughts. Thankfully they both have and are continuing with the assistance they need and are being supported. I have 2 questions: How do I deal with those who think that because my husband committed suicide that I would understand?? While I completely empathise with them and want to support them. In reality I do not understand. I was left behind. Secondly, when sharing this with me, I began to shake uncontrollably, my breath rate increased and I felt sick. Even the following day, I felt numb?? I want to be there for my friends and family, but I also do not want to feel like this. I have spoken to my counsellor and was advised that they need to respect my boundaries etc but I care for my friends and family and if I am needed I want to be able to support them as they have all supported me. Thank you so much for taking the time to read the above. It is greatly appreciated.

Grief CPTSD and anxiety

replies: 3

Needing a bit of support after having my dog put to sleep last week. I’m devastated but slowly navigating my way out of it however I’ve noticed my anxiety seems to started again and after months of nothing it’s come as quite a shock. I actually ended... View more

Needing a bit of support after having my dog put to sleep last week. I’m devastated but slowly navigating my way out of it however I’ve noticed my anxiety seems to started again and after months of nothing it’s come as quite a shock. I actually ended up having a full blown attack on Friday the day after we put him down and it’s as if I’ve triggered my CPtsd ( result of losing mum at young age and neglect from parental figures ) I had no sleep for 3 days as a result. I just feel like I’ve gone backwards and it really scares me. I’ve been on a long road to recovery since my last big breakdown 4 years ago and I’m even coming of my antidepressants I’ve been doing they well. I’m so upset and annoyed with myself for allowing the anxiety to get on top of me again and my last episode was very scary for me it’s as if I’ve lost trust in myself. I hope this all makes sense I’m just sort of lost right now. I also worry I’m not grieving right or enough. I cried the day before we took him and all day the next 2 days and felt so much pain like a heaviness on my heart. I know I should be kind to myself but it’s so hard when I have been in recovery and this setback has scared me. I see my psychologist in a fortnight and I do acupuncture with a therapist next week. I just need to know I’m not alone in this and does it get better?!

I have always had a dog to be my person but ,,,,

replies: 1

Hello all I have spiralled somewhat in the past few weeks as my beautiful Sheltie girl Echo died in Feb, she was 15. I grew up with a dog who was my sole source of support as a child, then had a dog while raising my children and little Echo came into... View more

Hello all I have spiralled somewhat in the past few weeks as my beautiful Sheltie girl Echo died in Feb, she was 15. I grew up with a dog who was my sole source of support as a child, then had a dog while raising my children and little Echo came into my life 15 years ago. Although I have a few friends and some are even quite close, I have always bonded best with my dogs. Echo was made an emotional support dog and then after she developed arthritis and I begin struggling with the mobility issues, we just spent lockdown and beyond together, and it was lovely.I have spent a couple of months starting to look for my next great love. I am very choosy as I want to make sure that I can fit the needs of the dog in terms of space and exercise, etc. However, I do check rescue websites, but the majority of the dogs are unsuitable for me and me for them. I have spent hours and hours every day for the last couple of months looking at puppies that would be suitable, and who I'm drawn to, but the prices of dogs is completely out of my reach. I tried putting a deposit on a dog as I thought I was getting some payment, which unfortunately didn't come through. This meant I lost my $600 deposit, which is fair, but it's put me even further behind. I don't see any way that I can raise the money I need and I'm beginning to panic. I have ever be without a dog. I don't know how to be without a dog. I don't understand why they are so very expensive, are completely out of the reach of most people I would think.I'm not looking at expensive, designer dogs, but every puppy I have found, has been around $2000, and this is just not doable. I don't know how to reconfigure everything to be without another living presence to draw comfort from and find meaning with and I feel so ashamed and pathetic that I can't even manage to buy myself a dog. Just a dog. I guess I am just needing to vent a little bit, as I was starting to hit the panic button today. So, thank you to everybody who has read this and love and light to all of you out there with fur babies.

Post therapy session struggles

replies: 62

I’ve been in therapy over 18 months after falling in a heap 4 years ago. My psychologist has been doing schema therapy with me and we have been doing chair work etc . The sessions can be very overwhelming and triggering and I struggle enormously with... View more

I’ve been in therapy over 18 months after falling in a heap 4 years ago. My psychologist has been doing schema therapy with me and we have been doing chair work etc . The sessions can be very overwhelming and triggering and I struggle enormously with the after effects of these sessions. My psychologist is aware and helping to find ways to work through my difficulties but my time with him is coming to a close as it’s with the public health system so I have to find a new psychologist which is daunting and anxiety provoking and I just feel like I just cannot manage all this on top of the constant reel of traumatic memories and invasive thoughts mixed with the guilt and the punishment thoughts it’s just a bit much . Any other experiences like this and ways to deal with the after effects of therapy etc would be helpful

SSA

replies: 1

I’m really struggling at the moment. I don’t have any real supports around me that I can talk to about this and I don’t see my psychologist for another two weeks. My older brother sexually abused me over a long period of time when I was younger. I’ve... View more

I’m really struggling at the moment. I don’t have any real supports around me that I can talk to about this and I don’t see my psychologist for another two weeks. My older brother sexually abused me over a long period of time when I was younger. I’ve started to communicate this to my psychologist (in writing) because I cannot talk about it. I have been told that I have PTSD. Everything seems so much worse since I have started working through it. I feel like I need to stop and get over it. Internally I’m screaming but I have to keep functioning to keep up with Single Mum responsibilities and my full time job 🫣

Sexual abuse in childhood- yayyyy

replies: 2

Hi everyone, I have posted about my life before on here, but as I don't have therapy or a consistent form of professional support anymore, I'm finding myself on here again. Recently, I was just watching a movie with my mum, that had an extremely spec... View more

Hi everyone, I have posted about my life before on here, but as I don't have therapy or a consistent form of professional support anymore, I'm finding myself on here again. Recently, I was just watching a movie with my mum, that had an extremely specific scene about a brother sexually abusing a sister throughout childhood. This hit way too close to home and I started crying without really even understanding why at first. My best guess is it was a major trigger for me that hasn't come up before. I used to think there was something wrong with me, for only really crying about it a few times about what had happened, but now I think I realise I just hadn't really come across triggers. I started crying because I realised for the first time that it had actually been going on since I was about four, and it just built up from there, and led to the major incident. This made me extremely sad, angry.. and probably every other emotion as well. Just to realise it was there all along. This is extremely difficult to talk about clearly, but in short, my brother and I were not normal, and the worst thing is we didn't even realise it was wrong, I'm guessing because our dad was abusive. No one knew. until I was 12, when he fully sexually abused me. But I didn't say no, I didn't know how to even reply. And I still feel so bad that my brother got the worst of the consequences afterwards, which completely ruined him. I feel so bad, because maybe if I had realised we both had always had this relationship earlier, then maybe he would be a bit better. Now his living back with our dad, being manipulated day by day, the worst thing is I cant do anything about it. Sorry if this is kind of just a major fat dump for literally everyone reading this, I always feel so bad when telling this story, because no one else should really have to hear it. But my mum cant stand hearing about it, shes too hurt by it. So this is me just trying to talk, idk why I'm writing tbh. anyway. that's that, I'm just not really sure what to do with these emotions, a part of me has been really good a keeping them out of mind for a while, but this has just brought it all back up. Crazy what a single scene in a movie can do I guess.

trauma from dads cancer

replies: 4

I've recently discovered that I have built up trauma from almost 7 years ago. My psychologist has helped uncover it. Around this time in 2016 my dad was terminally ill with prostate cancer that ended up migrating to his brain. Watching someone's life... View more

I've recently discovered that I have built up trauma from almost 7 years ago. My psychologist has helped uncover it. Around this time in 2016 my dad was terminally ill with prostate cancer that ended up migrating to his brain. Watching someone's life deteriorate so quickly once it got to his brain was difficult. I've tried writing about it to help. Does anyone have any other ideas? I thought I had dealt with the grief, which I may have. But after talking today to my therapist I had no idea there was so much trauma still there, so many vivid memories, associated with the way he died. Has anyone else experienced this?

Complex PTSD

replies: 1

OK... I've started my recovery from my ptsd.... but who finds that you are so toxic.... I feel so toxic with the traits that I've had to use for survival mode for so long... that now I'm meeting new people who are different as and being told I'm cons... View more

OK... I've started my recovery from my ptsd.... but who finds that you are so toxic.... I feel so toxic with the traits that I've had to use for survival mode for so long... that now I'm meeting new people who are different as and being told I'm constantly toxic to be around.... I don't mean to be... I don't want to be... but some how I am.... The zoning out I am angry with apparently.... The when I try to prove a point because how I had to growing up is so toxic.... that it makes other people feel like shit... that I don't even realise I'm doing it.... I get told.. but I want to stop.... how the hell do u stop a survival technique that's stuck with you for so long to just stop..... What am I doing wrong.... I've started meditation... it makes me so tired and drained .... I'm trying to get help to see a psychologist again... because I know i need it.... But just why am I so toxic....

Confused

replies: 1

Strong TW... Mentions. Childhood sexual abuse, Incest, Mental health. Flashbacks have been extremely vivid in past weeks and now more so in past days since receiving terrible news from an unnamed Government department.I guess in the MH industry they ... View more

Strong TW... Mentions. Childhood sexual abuse, Incest, Mental health. Flashbacks have been extremely vivid in past weeks and now more so in past days since receiving terrible news from an unnamed Government department.I guess in the MH industry they call it compartmentalising, personally want to say it's trying to wrap my head around it, trying to find 'my' way of processing such news.Some of you here may or may not understand why I need to BUT have to justify my childhood abusers actions. My thoughts are cluttered and blocked up with the notion it wasn't that bad.I have been diagnosed with a fair few MH labels DID (dissociative identity disorder), been one of them. All I can manage day to day which is a burden in itself is this singular thought. Many of you may say to try, dig into my self care coping tool kit and find a different and more positive approach. Its not possible. I can't, believe me I've tried. With different ages the abuse was happening in my past, now they are fronting with and without these flashbacks. Other C-PTSD symptoms are feeling equally as worse, no, or lack of sleep being one of them, which I know isn't helping my thoughts become any clearer or kinder towards oneself.I needed to write out these thoughts of mine to someone else as they are stealing and taking my energy away from me. Plus I'm drowning. I'm struggling.Life in my current world isn't going well, active trauma. It's complicated. I don't know if there's such a thing as a DID episode or it's just another MH downward spiral I'm going through. Currently, I have awareness, which in itself is almost impossible at the moment from my past counselling sessions of depersonalisation and derealisation. My kids don't feel like or seem like they belong to me, I don't feel I should be living where I am. I am wanting to go home, to my family of origin, they are all my abusers but in my current thoughts it's where I felt needed and safe (I know that sounds very confusing) but really they were using me anyway they wanted. It's all different there now though, it's 2023, we are all older and have gone in different directions. That was then decades ago, I'm finding it impossible in seeing the difference. I am, we all are feeling very confused and disoriented. I am finding myself staring at walls for I don't know how long, hard to describe but it feels like an outlet.

Just diagnosed Complex PTSD

replies: 11

I was diagnosed with Complex PTSD today, on top of BP2 w/psychotic features, Anxiety, OCD and Depression. I dont completely understand the diagnosis. I do know it from being physically abused on a pretty much daily basis by the guys at school, pretty... View more

I was diagnosed with Complex PTSD today, on top of BP2 w/psychotic features, Anxiety, OCD and Depression. I dont completely understand the diagnosis. I do know it from being physically abused on a pretty much daily basis by the guys at school, pretty much from early primary to the last day of year 12. The farewell gift I received from one of my bullies was to fly kick me to the head knocking me out. I told my parents, I told the school, I told anyone who would listen but no one did or was able to do anything about it.My home life was strict, very religious. We had church people over what feels like every night, from an early age I became the coffee maker for all these guests. I became a complete loner and my music tastes changed to metal, which was not well recieved in a strict religious house. I was forced to study music at school so I chose guitar, was never very good. I also had to do piano for a number of years, which I was even worse at. I had to study math and English through out. I was good at math but in Year 12 I needed a tutor for English. Mum was very controlling growing up but also, I would say aggressive. There were outbursts if she didnt get her way. Her and Dad would fight more than I would think was normal, not physical though. Mum did suffer from Depression and spent quite a time away in a facility when I was in year 7, I didnt understand the before this or why she had been taken away. So school I was abused and at home I wasnt safe and couldnt be myself regardless. Ive never felt like I could be myself, other than the time I lived alone. Now days Im not even sure if I would know how to be who I am or who I actually am to begin with

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PTSD for Medical and First Responders

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