PTSD and trauma

A space for discussing post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), domestic abuse, sexual abuse and other trauma. Please note some content may be distressing.

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A_Tech PTSD for Medical and First Responders
  • replies: 276

Hi, Well obviously this my situation. I was hoping to find others here that might have a similar background to chat with, it can be so hard to talk about this stuff with non-med people (and I mean no disrespect, it's just often graffic or upsetting t... View more

Hi, Well obviously this my situation. I was hoping to find others here that might have a similar background to chat with, it can be so hard to talk about this stuff with non-med people (and I mean no disrespect, it's just often graffic or upsetting to others). Im a 40 year old female that has spent the last 10years in the State Trauma Hospital as an Anaesthetic Technician. My PTSD was brought about after years of exposure to shocking traumas, deaths, and no support from management. I would love to hear from anyone that has a similar story, or just wants to chat. Cheers

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Solosombra Don't want too sleep! I think I'm in trouble?
  • replies: 5

Does anyone else get this way? The last couple of years my sleeping patterns have gotten considerably worse due to very vivid flash backs and/or dreams I am now having! I have considered asking my doctor about possible sleep medication but am relucta... View more

Does anyone else get this way? The last couple of years my sleeping patterns have gotten considerably worse due to very vivid flash backs and/or dreams I am now having! I have considered asking my doctor about possible sleep medication but am reluctant as I don't want too become dependant on them too get too sleep but I feel like I am running out of ideas! Any help/advice is appreciated Kiamau

TTSP New to BB because I am sinking (distressing content warning)
  • replies: 8

Hello, I've just joined BB today.My 'name' for forums I chose because it's something I've told myself for a very long time - This Too Shall Pass.I'm 45 years old and am 17mths out from my 2nd abusive relationship.I have children and their welfare is ... View more

Hello, I've just joined BB today.My 'name' for forums I chose because it's something I've told myself for a very long time - This Too Shall Pass.I'm 45 years old and am 17mths out from my 2nd abusive relationship.I have children and their welfare is my focus, however the more time passes, the more I am struggling. They say time heals all wounds, but clearly not so.I am not someone who trusts easily or admits they aren't coping, but I'm reaching out because I can't shake this sinking feeling.

danger_mouse struggling with past domestic abuse
  • replies: 6

I'm not sure where to start, just that I'd like to start a conversation about domestic violence, surviving and thinking you've moved on, but 6 years later realising it's affected you more than you thought. No one is abusing me now, but my mindset is ... View more

I'm not sure where to start, just that I'd like to start a conversation about domestic violence, surviving and thinking you've moved on, but 6 years later realising it's affected you more than you thought. No one is abusing me now, but my mindset is still that of a victim and ive only just consciously realised this is happening and might be the stumbling block to making further progress with my anxiety and depression

brokenwings88 Stuck in limbo after 7 years of domestic violence and emotional abuse
  • replies: 2

Hi everyone, bear with me this is a going to be a long drawn out thread but i just need to get this off my chest and hopefully get some guidance with how to push through.I married my high school sweetheart 7 years ago we have two kids 6 and 4, soon a... View more

Hi everyone, bear with me this is a going to be a long drawn out thread but i just need to get this off my chest and hopefully get some guidance with how to push through.I married my high school sweetheart 7 years ago we have two kids 6 and 4, soon after our marriage my husband started drinking heavily he would become mean and verbally abuse me, he would tell me i was worthless and so lucky to have him because no one else would want me which was a huge blow considering i already have very low self esteem and lack self confidence from my childhood where my dad would verbally abuse my mum and me.His drinking led to drug and steroid abuse and the verbal abuse turned physical. Around 5 years ago my anxiety and depression became so overwhelming i could no longer leave the house i had to rely on my mum to do my groceries and take my kids to school and after school activities. My husband would disappear every weekend on drug binges and return home angry and abusive. He has physically harmed me including in front of our children and smash the house up. I never had the courage to leave him. I needed him just like he would always say i did. My self esteem relied on him returning after his weekend binges even if he was abusive i would say to myself maybe im not so bad if he comes back to me. Its classic codependency i know but i felt of him as my lifeline.I suspected for years that he was unfaithful, we would fight about it to no end. I never found anything i just always had a feeling. He would shout and throw me around calling me insecure and crazy and i believed him. I honestly believed it was all in my head and all my fault. I blamed my depression for the way he treated me and two years ago i tried to take my life. I was sitting in the hospital bed feeling worthless and stupid and my husband came in crying apologizing and promising this was the wake up call he needed because he couldnt lose me.Surprise it wasnt. For either of us. His drinking and drug use worsened as did my depression.Just after christmas last year i finally had the courage to call the police when he escalated the violence against me, he was arrested, charged and an avo was placed stating he wasnt allowed at our home, to contact me, or see our kids. He breached the avo three times and is now he is in jail. I found out he was cheating on me every opportunity that he got. I feel like everything he is ever said is right i am worthless. I cant function now. I need help

Solosombra New to the forum! Not sure what I'm doing
  • replies: 5

Hello beyond blue community! I'm kiamau, pronounced " key R mo' I'm not sure what I'm really doing here besides the fact that not talking about my issues is really starting to get to me after 14 years and this seems like an easier transition in to ta... View more

Hello beyond blue community! I'm kiamau, pronounced " key R mo' I'm not sure what I'm really doing here besides the fact that not talking about my issues is really starting to get to me after 14 years and this seems like an easier transition in to talking openly I guess? I've never had a support system really and I'm not sure what to expect or what's expected of me but I guess theres a first for everything and I'm hoping BB can help and maybe I can help someone else too even if its just a ear to lend you! Stay safe guys/gals

DavidS 30 years and I finally told someone about my sexual abuse
  • replies: 4

I'm 42 and 30 years after I started being sexually Abused I finally told someone, my wife after being together for 19 years. For the last 2 years I have been getting flashbacks, this has caused major relationship issues, trying to block it out of my ... View more

I'm 42 and 30 years after I started being sexually Abused I finally told someone, my wife after being together for 19 years. For the last 2 years I have been getting flashbacks, this has caused major relationship issues, trying to block it out of my mind, this has caused my labidobto to basically disappear, I have neglected my wife's needs for intimacy, being caring, support for her needs. We have been so close numerous times to splitting for good, I've had thoughts of ending it all. I've been to doctors, psychologists and Havnt been truthfully and told them what happened to me as a child, I didn't think it mattered, I thought I deserved what happened to me, I was the fat kid without many friends and who would believe me? The pain, anxiety the feelings of anger and disgust are haunting me, I've tried to keep it together for so long which has caused more problems, my wife has asked if I have had an affair with men or women, I haven't! I went to see a doctor today with my wife, he has referred me to a psychologist, I have been taking anti depressants for over a year and they have made me worse, I've cried when my wife has asked me why I don't do anything for her, why do I treat her like shit all the time (I'm not abusive or violent) I don't take her anywhere or do nice things for her, but I do things for the very few friends I have and I don't have an answer for why I didn't thus. We had an argument this afternoon and I stormed out, I don't know what to do, u went back to work (I'm self employed) told my staff to deal with whatever this afternoon and I'm just sitting feeling very emotional and pissed off I've upset my wife again

pvroom PTSD after traumatic birth and newborn with serious illness
  • replies: 29

My son was born in April 2015 and it was traumatic. I had a healthy pregnancy but it all went wrong when he was born. He was born at 37 weeks but had stopped growing as my placenta had stopped working so he was more like a 33 weeker. The birth was 36... View more

My son was born in April 2015 and it was traumatic. I had a healthy pregnancy but it all went wrong when he was born. He was born at 37 weeks but had stopped growing as my placenta had stopped working so he was more like a 33 weeker. The birth was 36 hours, and I ended up having an assisted delivery and epidural which wasn't what I wanted. I never had time to think about this as soon after he was born he was taken to the nursery because he wasn't breathing and he then had to be resuscitated. He was moved to another hospital with higher level care, but then moved again after another 48 hours ending up in the NICU. He was intubated and it took him about 6 days to breath alone which is unusual for a baby of that gestation.We finally got him home after four weeks and at first I felt so happy but then after another month he started experiencing reflux and no one would listen to me about it. Eventually a paediatrician did and since then (8 months ago) it's been a rollercoaster of him improving a bit and then regressing again. I get very little sleep, he's up 5 times a night generally between 9pm and 6.30am. Hubby helps but as I'm still feeding him, I naturally have to do more.I'm seeing a psychologist for the anxiety and PTSD. It's coming up to his first birthday and I'm already wondering how it will affect me.

NotSoStrongAfterAll Fruitless search for hope
  • replies: 2

Hello and thanks for reading. I am 30-something and within the last five years I've experienced some immediate stressors - professional bullying, end of an emotionally abusive relationship and had trust seriously abused by trusted ones that have cost... View more

Hello and thanks for reading. I am 30-something and within the last five years I've experienced some immediate stressors - professional bullying, end of an emotionally abusive relationship and had trust seriously abused by trusted ones that have cost me considerable sums of money. Within this time I have also (finally) had some revelations about my past about events I had always explained as my fault, including multiple instances of sexual abuse when I was a child, by relative strangers and also a "father-figure". It came to light that my mother was aware of the grooming and failed to act.My father was similarly ineffectual in protecting me. More recently, I had a miscarriage which, despite being over-joyed at the news of my pregnancy, was met with apathy by both of my parents. Not even a follow-up text if I was okay weeks later. I finally put this to my mother and now she has rescinded contact. I am at my end. I spend my days trying not to drink and watching shows on my laptop. If I'm being "good" I will delay my first drink until 5pm and then I will drink to oblivion. I leave the house only when I need more alcohol. I had an eating disorder for over ten years (I've always been a total mess!) which I managed to overcome on my own. I had one visit with a psychologist many years ago to help me with this but he spent most of the first (and last) session asking about my sex life. My mother is a mental health worker and volunteered with LifeLine call centres for years, so I don't trust the avenues that are meant to help. I have retreated into a bubble and am terrified of coming out. Every time I try and emerge, something else seems to jump up and slap me in the face. I haven't even started on my intense dismay at the state of the world! I feel as though there is nothing anyone can do or say to help me regain my happiness. The anti-depressants helped for a while but now they just stave off the incessant tears. I have always been "the strong one" but I don't have the strength anymore. Your suggestions on a course of action will be immensely appreciated x

Spencerr sexual assault/rape survivor PTSD & anxiety i am seeking support
  • replies: 30

21 years old & terified about what the future holds for me.In 2012 on the 6th of July I was walking down my street around 7:30am. I could sense I was being followed but could not see anyone. I was punched twice in the back of the head, as i fell forw... View more

21 years old & terified about what the future holds for me.In 2012 on the 6th of July I was walking down my street around 7:30am. I could sense I was being followed but could not see anyone. I was punched twice in the back of the head, as i fell forward someone caught me from behind with their large hand covering my mouth. (I will not go into detail as to what then occurred but i was sexually assaulted) Police were called which i almost feel made it even more traumatic as i was in shock and being asked to provide very intimate details. For the next year i experienced flashbacks, severe depression, severe anxiety and bad dreams. I kept this my secret as i could not burden my family with something i still didnt understand. My partner was my main support. I eventually exploded and decided to see a psychologist. I remeber feeling soo ill, my partner drove me and came to the initial appt. Every appointment was exhausting, an emotional battle. I would debate whether going would help or make the pain worse. I figured i had suffered enough and accepted that it was goung to be an emotional rollercoaster and that i needed help. After several sessions the flashbacks and bad dreams were getting worse. My bad dreams of that day were being incorporated into another dream. I kept having this same dream for a couple of weeks. I told my psychologist that it was all getting too much but she encouraged me to keep up appointments as i had come so far. In December 2012 i went to work just like any other day and experienced such an intense flashback my body went into shock and i collapsed. I struggled to comprehend what day, year or where i was. My boss assured me i was in a safe place and sat wiith me until it was over. My flashback was not from my assault in July but was from when i was 17 still in high school. I explained this to my psychologist as i was so confused and scared at the fact that how can something like this happen and i have no recollection of it?! She explained that the mind tends to block things out when it goes into shock and can not process a traumatic event. I had one more appointment with her after that and then never saw her again. I was not ready to go on another emotional rollercoaster. I am still suffering, i feel dirty all the time, i have trouble being intimate, i fear what the future holds, fear of men and crowded places. I just need to know that i am not alone.

cherrycola PTSD/Flashbacks after partner's near fatal accident
  • replies: 2

In November last year my fiance was involved in a motorcycle accident and broke both of his elbows and wrists (his right elbow may be limited for the rest of his life due to the extent of the injuries), had a frontal lobe injury with blood on the bra... View more

In November last year my fiance was involved in a motorcycle accident and broke both of his elbows and wrists (his right elbow may be limited for the rest of his life due to the extent of the injuries), had a frontal lobe injury with blood on the brain, blood in his lungs and a few other things. He spent two days in ICU with a tube down his throat and when he woke up in ICU he was barely coherent and in so much pain. He then spent another week in the ICU/HDU before being moved to an orthopaedic ward and having multiple surgeries. When he was in the ICU, I didn't know if he would even remember or be able to say my name when he woke up. He also broke his C7 spine and was close to being paralyzed. I have been struggling with a few things since then. I get EXTREMELY anxious and panicked when he doesnt respond to my text and calls, have constant memories and flashbacks of what he looked like in the ICU and hospital, and constant thoughts about what might happen to him in the future and what I would do if anything was to transpire. I cannot switch these thoughts off no matter how hard I try. We also lost our cat early this year to a car, and I have overlapping memories of his crushed face too, which then turn into memories of what state my partner must have been in/looked like directly after his accident (I was not on the scene but he was very injured). I also constantly think about what it must have been like for him for the last 6 months as he has dealt with so much pain, suffering and disappointment. He is also struggling with extreme depression and suicidal thoughts which I have to help him through too. I feel clingy because I now constantly have to talk to my partner when I am away from him so that I know he is still alive. 50% of the time it's not because I miss him, or want to talk to him, I literally need to make sure he is still alive. These thoughts have been invading my head for months now. I already have GAD which I thought was bad previous to this, but now I experience anxiety like I never have before and have started having small panic attacks which are new too. I guess I'm just looking to talk to some people who understand what going through something like this does to you both mentally and physically. I feel like I've only brushed over the depth of this but it's overwhelming to even write about.