PTSD with Surgery awareness - There is always help! (trigger warning)

[DeanoW]

I would like to share my journey of PTSD. Hope it can help others.

This was a surgery for my 2nd Hernia operation. I suffered by what they refer to as “surgery awareness”.

I’m a Male, 40 years old - Sydney.

I was taken into the operating room, I was placed onto the operating table, strapped down and I was given a oxygen mask and told to breath deep by the Anaesthetist.

Within a few minutes I was not able move my body, eyes or talk but I could feel everything, I could see but not blink. There was a small pillow under my head (I was overweight).

The Dr and his assistant gave me 6 large needles (both at the same time) into my Hernia area (belly button). The pain was the worst pain I have ever felt in my life and no way to tell them, I was tortured.

I was screaming for them to stop - but no one could hear me. I believe I was given these needles because it was going to take 10 minutes to take effect and they could prepare the surgery in the mean time. After the 6th needle I believe I passed out and when I woke the room was empty and dark, the light was off or pointing away from me. I could not see anyone and thought I was dead for 3-4 minutes. I felt like I was on an Autopsy table. I was looking down my bear chest and could not see my chest move (telling me I was not breathing), I could not move, I could not even blink and I had no feeling to my body except total fear of having my organs cut from my body by someone walking in the room.

During this time I remember screaming for help but no words were coming out my mouth. I was screaming “I'm not dead! Please help me”. Still no one could hear me - even the Anaesthetist or any of her monitors were not showing any kind of problem (as I found out later on - 11 months later), they had not put a brain monitor on me at this stage. They put me under a few minutes later.

12 months later. I’m seeing a counsellor for these PTSD issues but he can only help me so much. I need real answers.

I am writing this hear because I want people to know that if a Dr does something wrong to you, speak up. Tell a Dr, Nurse or anyone in the hospital to get it resolved. Please do not hold it back. I did this and it just eats me up inside everyday. Once I spoke out I felt such a relief and weight off my shoulders. I could not talk to my family about this as they just said “get over it” and don’t understand the deep issues it holds.

Speak to someone, it really helps.

-Deano

[DeanoW]

If I have offended or upset anyone reading this, I do apologise.
-Deano

[beingbyrne]

I'm really sorry this has happened to you....I can not imagine anything worse.

Thanks for sharing

Hugs

[Guest_5218]

Hi Dean. Thankyou for sharing your shocking experience of surgery gone wrong.

I cannot imagine the trauma you have gone through as a result. But I can understand the resulting PTSD, as I too experience PTSD as a result of a totally different trauma 20 years ago.

I'm pleased to read that you have been seeing a counsellor, which I am sure will be of some assistance to you. I am also very happy for you that finally speaking out about your experience has further assisted your recovery.

Thankyou for having the courage to tell us of your ordeal. I am sure that others reading it will also benefit from hearing of what happened to you. I have read of a number of similar things happening to people, so it is perhaps not as rare as we are led to believe. Quite a scary prospect for someone about to undergo surgery under a general anaesthetic.

I hope you continue to find ways of overcoming this ordeal Deano.

Sherie xx

[DeanoW]

Thanks beingbyrne and Sherie,

I have placed a complaint with the NSW Health Care Complaints Commission to find out what happened. I don’t wish to get anyone into trouble or sue anyone, just to get information so it doesn't happen again as the Anaesthetist was not willing to share her notes with me.

As it turns out now I need a surgery on my left shoulder (Arthroscopic Biceps Tenodesis). Slap tear from Gym work. They have to cut a tendon off and drill a hole in my arm and re-attach it. Its going to be 5-12 months before a full recovery and lots of pain.

I’m going thought the motions of uncontrollable crying and massive fear due to the nature of this operation and if I get surgery awareness again or lose the use of my left arm.

It’s really taxing on my body.
However talking with my counsellor really helps put things into place and helps me. I see him again tomorrow.
Maybe if I build up enough courage I can get though another surgery with little or no issues.
-Deano

[Guest_5218]

I certainly hope so Deano. You seem to be having a bit of a bad run of late with operations. Hopefully this will be the last for a long time. Good luck!

[DeanoW]

Well as it's turned out, I now have the flue and can't be operated on anyway.
Might be for the best as I'm really struggling dealing with surgery again.

I went to my pre-admin at the Hospital yesterday and the Dr I saw was friends with the Anaesthetist from my about story. She seem to say the surgery awareness was my fault and I was the problem.

So now I'm sick of all this stuff and not having surgery ever again. It's just to painful on my mind.