My New story about sexual abuse! Trigger alert.

[Lexo]

Im new to BB and I feel its time I share my story. Im pleased to feel a mutual respect from people on here already. It means a lot.

Growing up by age 5, my mum and dad got divorced, the break up was ugly, dad had become moody and I witnessed violence towards mum.

Fast forward two years, mum had met another man and he had moved in. 'John' and mum hit it off, John moving in not too long after that. John had a son Rick who was 12, I was 7 or 8. Things moved so quickly at that stage, Rick was staying most weekend, we got along really well always on our bikes and kicking the footy. I did notice that Rick was a bit of a bully though, he would order me around. I didnt really care much he was older so I was ok with it, I looked up to him. I felt relieved for my mum that she was back to being happy after that divorce. Now Rick was a 12 year old but he was 5'10 huge for his age, one night while in the same bedroom but seperate beds, Rick kept asking me questions about sex.

I was 7, I had no idea and got embarassed. Rick persisted and he told me he wanted to show me things, I didnt know what to do. I became uncomfortable yet curious "what was he doing with himself"? He said I needed to keep this a secret if any one found out his Dad would send him back Perth. Then he abused me.  I was too young confused and scared at what just happened. Mum and 'John' got married, Rick was almost over every weekend, he did as he wished for two long years until 'John,' mums new husband suicided. No warnings, no suicide note. My poor Mum, Rick had just lost his Dad. The abuse stopped. My bioloigcal Dad is gone, my step Dad is gone and my step brother who I still looked up to had gone. I felt abandoned and ashamed. I'm 31 now I managed lock my past away for some time but I knew I was damaged goods. I tried my best to lead a normal life but my brain shut down. Depression, PTSD and anxiety took over. Im taking anti-depressants which have side effects. I have a really good GP and admitted to him my past for the first time, I didnt get out of bed for three days after that. I know I can beat my darkness to a point. My innocence was robbed. I hope this helps somene out there! Ill be here for you! Thanks

[Starwolf]

Hi Lexo,

Welcome to the forums and thank you for your willingness and courage to share your story. Your contribution is much appreciated.

Well, it's been a hell of a ride, hasn't it ? Good to know you have a helpful GP. Having support and understanding is a huge advantage. Well done for opening up and reaching out. As you have found out, although tempting, keeping past trauma under wrap is not helpful. It has a way of bubbling back up from the depths where it was consigned. If left unchecked, its toxic effects will eventually spread to all aspects of our life. Peace of mind and quality of life go out the window.

Your awareness and positive attitude will help see you through this. Bringing a painful past out into the open demands courage and determination. But it is as necessary as extracting a deep seated foreign body. It will be well worthwhile in the long run. Each and everyone of us deserves to reclaim what was so unfairly and dishonestly taken from us.

I also suffered sexual abuse in the past. So I understand how it violates us physically but also mentally and emotionally. This degradation takes away our power. It hasn't been easy but I have stopped considering myself a victim a long time ago. That's what taking responsibility for healing does, step by difficult step.

This healing is my wish for you.

[Lexo]

Thank you Starwolf! Having support from fellow survivors means so much more, I know I can help here rather than be helpless! Cheers

[Starwolf]

Hi Lexo,

I agree, these forums work both ways. It is a good feeling to help others help themselves and also to be part of a supportive network when we're in need of TLC ourselves.

Great to have you on board.

[Fairywings]

Hi there hunny so glad you have joined us. So sorry to hear u have gone thru this but so very brave of u to disclose. I too am a survivor of childhood sexual abuse i also know what it does and how debilitating it can be to go on with life but the fact that uve shared ur experience with us u r much stronger than you will ever know. Im now 37 in was just 8 yrs old when my cousin took my innocence away too. We have to keep fighting on in life so we don't let our past shape our future we have the upper hand we r in control. You will beat this darkness i have faith in you and i believe in u that u will get thru this im always here if you need to talk about anything feel free to keep in touch xx ☺ was very nice to meet you