Grief and loss

Feeling devestated after the loss of my young cat

replies: 12

My beautiful 2 year old cat was attacked by the neighbours dog 2 weeks ago and despite surgery and 2 days of extraordinary treatment she died. I am totally devastated. I got her and another cat from the RSPCA and they were my babies. I tried to keep ... View more

My beautiful 2 year old cat was attacked by the neighbours dog 2 weeks ago and despite surgery and 2 days of extraordinary treatment she died. I am totally devastated. I got her and another cat from the RSPCA and they were my babies. I tried to keep them inside but she insisted on going outside and would often dash out the door when anyone opened it so I made them indoor/outdoor cats and they were perfectly happy. They would run along the top of the fence and I can only guess that the dog barked at her and scared her and she lost her footing and fell off the fence into their yard. I have so much guilt and "if only" thoughts that run through my head. My other cat is grieving the loss of his companion and I have not been able to let him outside since as I am afraid the same thing will happen to him. I am getting a cat enclosure built in my yard so that he can have some outside time, not ideal but better than nothing. The initial grief and shock has passed but I feel it come over me in waves at unexpected times and it takes my breath away. The image of her after she was attacked is forever lodged in my head and upsets me enormously. I am finding it hard coming up to Christmas. I don't want to do anything and take no joy in any activity. I feel like I am just moving through the motions of living without actually living.

Living with guilt?

replies: 2

Hello everyone. I struggle with being alive and having a great family of my own, wich may seem strange but i am left wondering why i have what i have? I have lost 5 Brothers. 3 to suicide and 2 to illness and not one day goes by without me thinking t... View more

Hello everyone. I struggle with being alive and having a great family of my own, wich may seem strange but i am left wondering why i have what i have? I have lost 5 Brothers. 3 to suicide and 2 to illness and not one day goes by without me thinking that i am to blame in someway. Is it normal to feel guilt just for being alive?

Best friend died, bloody devastated

replies: 6

Good afternoon, Not sure where to turn so thought I’d post on here. Got a phone call on Monday night to say that my best friend from high school had passed away and that they believe it’s suicide (he left a note and his housemates found him when they... View more

Good afternoon, Not sure where to turn so thought I’d post on here. Got a phone call on Monday night to say that my best friend from high school had passed away and that they believe it’s suicide (he left a note and his housemates found him when they got home from work). He lives interstate but we still kept in pretty close contact. He’d seemed pretty quiet over the last few months but I assumed it was just because he was busy with work, and sometimes he’d do volunteer work overseas. Otherwise he seemed perfectly himself and I genuinely thought he was ok. I definitely feel like i could’ve done more to help, and if not then I just think I must’ve been a really terrible friend. He was a trusted friend, a massive support to me during some dark times and also just so much fun to hang out with. He was the first person I came out as gay to (I’m from a strict fundamentalist Christian family and so for me to trust him with that was a really big thing for me). It feels selfish for saying this but I honestly don’t know how to deal with how I’m feeling about this. I’m struggling to concentrate on anything, sometimes I’m quite teary and other times I just feel nothing at all. I’m struggling to sleep and I honestly just feel like a massive part of my life is permanently changed. I don’t feel like I have anyone left to talk to about this. The only person I’m regularly in contact with is a guy at the gym who I workout with, and while I feel like I could trust him with telling him I also don’t want to be a burden on anyone, and it also feels like a weird place to being up this topic. Anyway thanks for reading this, not sure anything can be done but I appreciate it.

"timeframe" for grieving?

replies: 5

hi, just registered on this forum, so please go easy on me! I had a stillbirth 5 years ago and to this day it still haunts me. I feel like I am a failed mum for not being able to give my son a life properly. I do have a living daughter, now 9 years o... View more

hi, just registered on this forum, so please go easy on me! I had a stillbirth 5 years ago and to this day it still haunts me. I feel like I am a failed mum for not being able to give my son a life properly. I do have a living daughter, now 9 years old, who is a huge part of my life. her father ( now my ex, for numerous amount of reasons I won't elaborate right now) thinks I am still "whinging about it" and I should just get over it, stop moping around over something that happened 5 years ago. is there a "timeframe" of some sort for grieving, or being depressed? I used to see a psychologist right after the stillbirth but I felt greatly uncomfortable being in her office. seeing a "f__g shrink" apparently should have fixed me not made me feel worse as a mother, my ex said back in the day. not sure why I remember what he uttered all that time ago as I don't live with him anymore and only talk when absolutely needed (he is in QLD I am in WA with my daughter) but upon browsing disability employment services, I thought, "is depression considered as a disability? oh speaking of which... yeah apparently there's a timeframe for being depressed" my apologies if I am rumbling. it has been years but it is not an easy thing to get over. should people just "get over" grief after a certain amount of time or is there no such thing?

Grief and anxiety following death of mother

replies: 7

Hi everyone My mum (56yo) died suddenly 3 weeks ago. She was extremely depressed, and took her own life. She’d had a breakdown and been diagnosed 2 years earlier, which quickly led to her first attempt on her life. Myself and my two brothers (ages 25... View more

Hi everyone My mum (56yo) died suddenly 3 weeks ago. She was extremely depressed, and took her own life. She’d had a breakdown and been diagnosed 2 years earlier, which quickly led to her first attempt on her life. Myself and my two brothers (ages 25-31) found her (after a long search) very close to dying. Other family were involved too. Over the following year or so she spent a lot of time in psychiatric wards, had ECT, had numerous medication changes. We attended various mental health meetings with her and her team. She began a pattern of recovering, return to her own home, stop taking her pills, becoming unwell again, and disappearing. We’d find out she was missing, go looking for her, and find her near death after another attempt at taking her life. this happened 4-5 times Finally she returned home after some more ECT and seemed to have improved. She was still very flat in mood, and couldn’t seem to get motivated for anything, even her old hobbies. But she returned to work part-time, which had been a very important step for her in her recovery, and we were all hopeful she was finally recovering for good. We tried to get her involved in social groups and hobbies, would take her out for dinners and nice events. She seemed to be on the mend. Until 3 weeks ago. We had no warning, none of us noticed she was getting worse. A welfare check was done when she didn’t go to work. She was found dead at home, having taken her own life. Without going into detail, it is certain that she planned this very carefully to ensure it would happen. Obviously, her family is devastated. We loved her and we had all tried so hard to get her well. In the the immediate aftermath, we were in shock. My family is very supportive and close, so we have all been there for each other as the grief set in, as her children (including me) planned her funeral, had her last viewing, and said goodbye. As time goes on, I still find myself crying at unexpected times, especially at night. My partner has been VERY supportive but I feel guilty for my sudden tears. Also, Im having panic attacks- over me and my partners life insurance, over my fear other loved ones might die, over if my mum suffered at the end, and even over where her spirit/ soul is now (I’m not religious). my worst panic attacks are over her personal possessions i have inherited. I’m terrified of them getting damaged or lost, as they are all I have left of my mum. ive booked a counsellor, but wanted to post here. Thankyou

Depression compounding grief

replies: 4

I lost a friend/co-worker suddenly last night although sudden not entirely unexpected. I feel like I don't know what to do, I've had this feeling with grief before and I know it's only early in the grief process. I was feeling down before but now I f... View more

I lost a friend/co-worker suddenly last night although sudden not entirely unexpected. I feel like I don't know what to do, I've had this feeling with grief before and I know it's only early in the grief process. I was feeling down before but now I feel even more down, like everything is pointless now. We were friends but not super close friends and I feel like I shouldn't be or don't have the right to be feeling such strong grief over her death. I feel like if I wasn't depressed, my grief would be more proportional. I actually feel embarrassed to feel so overwhelmingly sad. Does anyone know any tips on dealing with grief exacerbated by depression?

Darker than black.

replies: 3

Hello everyone, I have been getting told by my close friends that I need to begin some sort of counseling and support since the tragedy i experienced in October. My mother had cancer (originally vulva cancer), which was successfully removed with mino... View more

Hello everyone, I have been getting told by my close friends that I need to begin some sort of counseling and support since the tragedy i experienced in October. My mother had cancer (originally vulva cancer), which was successfully removed with minor difficulties. Things were on the mend for about 16 months until last October when I received the dreaded phone call from my brother who was under the impression that it was serious but not dire, when he told me that I need to make arrangements and travel interstate to say goodbye to our mum. The cancer had resurfaced in her pancreas and in under 20 days it spread to her liver and dispersed into her blood stream. By the time i arrived at her side she had under two hours left of her life. I was immediately spoken to regarding the prospect of euthanasia (which i understood was illegal )? However when my personal analysis of the entire situation was complete i could see why that horrible topic was brought up? I don't know what part exactly has disturbed me the most? The confrontation of crying relatives and sad combined energy, the state of her ? or the shock of seeing my mum try to communicate with me in short 10 second intervals before the medication took over her cognitive functionality, she looked like a hippie (I'll never forget her eyes)! I would not wish it upon anyone. That night after she died i sat with my siblings while they engaged in the "blame game" fuled by unresolved conflict and alcohol and that numbing benediction of unnecessary drama never gets any less tedious. I sat there in shock, complete disbelief, that visceral raw emotional pain that I refuse to expel in front of most people. Being the first born in my family i felt it was paramount that I allow everyone else to break down around me while I jumped into a more caretaker type role. Subconscious denial can be a powerful coping mechanism i guess? I felt every burning emotional sub set listed in fact i even felt others that are a little too dark for any list of symptoms associated with death. almost two months on and i am unsure what stage I'm in now? I'm not eating, sleeping nor taking appropriate steps for recovery. In a way it's like i chose euthanasia for myself? Secret permission to leave this nightmare. In silence with my demons. Jay

Lifelong depression, anxiety and panic compounded by the recent unexpected loss of my mother

replies: 8

I need help and advice, please. I am a 25 year old woman who has dealt with anxiety, depression and and panic disorder since puberty. I am yet to find treatment that works for me, though I am yet to give up. I have found several roadblocks in terms o... View more

I need help and advice, please. I am a 25 year old woman who has dealt with anxiety, depression and and panic disorder since puberty. I am yet to find treatment that works for me, though I am yet to give up. I have found several roadblocks in terms of costs and waiting lists. For as long as I can remember I have found it increasingly more difficult to go to work (and as a child, school) I find myself having panic attacks the night before or the morning of a shift. I have begun to wonder if this is a form of agoraphobia, as any activity where I feel that I cannot immediately leave if I want to, seems to trigger this for me. I have fought through this for so long, with it increasingly becoming more difficult. Most of the time I can force myself to do what I need to do despite the nausea and racing heart and general feeling of needing to run far away. But for the last year or so it has had such a hold on me, causing me to miss alot of work and lose a job. I decided to study for 12 months instead of working, but the same panic affected me in the same way when it came to placement - and it once again beat me, I'm now forced to withdraw because I was unable to complete the placement. This has left me feeling suicidal more than once, feeling as though I'll never be a functioning person, though I never act on it because I couldn't hurt my loved ones in that way. I refused to sink this time, and picked myself up almost immediately and threw myself into jobs interviews and casual work before securing a full time position. Three days before I was due to start this job my mother very suddenly and unexpectedly passed away. I was with her and performed cpr on her until the paramedics arrived, they were unable to revive her. I did well at first, I kept myself busy, planning the funeral and staying strong for those around me - not wanting them to worry about me. But now I just feel hopeless. I took a month off and went to work for a couple of weeks before I got injured and then sick, causing me to miss the past week and dread going back. I feel that everything is just too hard, how do I deal with these issues as well as dealing with the loss of my mother simultaneously. I am exhausted, I have been exhausted for so long and now I just feel I have nothing left. All of my friends and family have been wonderful, but it's true that everyone begins to disappear after a few weeks. I feel I'm just a burden to them now. Please help.

Lost my sister and not coping

replies: 2

Hi everyone I'm here because I lost my sister to suicide 5 months ago and I'm not coping. I feel anxious, on the verge of tears all the time, hopeless, irritable and unsure of myself. My partner, family and friends are supportive but I don't want the... View more

Hi everyone I'm here because I lost my sister to suicide 5 months ago and I'm not coping. I feel anxious, on the verge of tears all the time, hopeless, irritable and unsure of myself. My partner, family and friends are supportive but I don't want them to worry too much or overload them. I feel like my whole life is pointless even though objectively I know it's not. I'm seeing a counsellor periodically and reading a lot of books. I have a strong desire to change my job and location, but I'm not sure if now is a good time to be doing that. However my job seems intolerable now and I hate going there. I don't know what to do as I'm scared of feeling so hopeless. Thank you for any help you can give me.

Family member who committed suicide

replies: 12

Hello I'm amber and my brother suicided in June and I'm really struggling with the why's and other thoughts. Is there any other people out there that have had a family member suicide?

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Welcome to the Grief and Loss section

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