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BeyondBlue Welcome to the Grief and Loss section
  • replies: 0

Hey there,Welcome to the Grief and Loss section of the Beyond Blue Forums. This section is for all discussions relating to how grief and loss has affected you- providing a space for you to express your feelings, discuss difficult moments and annivers... View more

Hey there,Welcome to the Grief and Loss section of the Beyond Blue Forums. This section is for all discussions relating to how grief and loss has affected you- providing a space for you to express your feelings, discuss difficult moments and anniversaries, and honour the memories of your lost loved ones. Everyone’s experience of grief or loss is unique. You might experience all kinds of difficult or overwhelming emotions, and you might sometimes wonder if the sadness will ever end. This - and anything in between - is a normal reaction to loss. There is no right or wrong way to grieve, but it can help to allow yourself to share your grief, and let others support you. Please be aware that discussions in this section of the Forums may include references to self-harm and suicide. Treat yourself gently as you read through this section. If need more immediate support, we recommend reaching out to the following: Beyond Blue Support Service – any time, chat online to a counsellor or call 1300 22 4636 Griefline – between 8am and 8pm (AEST), call 1300 845 745 to chat with a specially trained volunteer You are not alone in this, and we are here to support one another. Thank you for being here. Kind regards,Beyond Blue

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darkbetty A different kind of grief?
  • replies: 3

My grandfather has been given just a little over a week to live - if that. We were never close and we never saw eye to eye. He wasn't the greatest of people. To be honest, I used to dread family events and having to be around him.. The reason I am wr... View more

My grandfather has been given just a little over a week to live - if that. We were never close and we never saw eye to eye. He wasn't the greatest of people. To be honest, I used to dread family events and having to be around him.. The reason I am writing is because I feel a deep sense of guilt that I don't feel sad at the prospect of him no longer being around. I feel like a terrible person that my only emotion is guilt and not sadness. He has lived a very privileged and successful life, he will also be out of pain.. Is it normal to feel almost nothing? I am worried by my response to this. I know there is no standard way of feeling and that everybody grieves differently, but the fact I feel no sadness makes me wonder what is wrong with me.

Marcats New member, old depression and anxiety
  • replies: 11

Hi, first time contact. I have suffered depression and anxiety and maybe PTSD for 27 years and I am 57, divorced, female and on my own. I was first diagnosed when pregnant first time. My husband was emotionally and sexually abusive. In the early year... View more

Hi, first time contact. I have suffered depression and anxiety and maybe PTSD for 27 years and I am 57, divorced, female and on my own. I was first diagnosed when pregnant first time. My husband was emotionally and sexually abusive. In the early years I attended a post natal depression group and was medicated, as this is what my GP suggested. I only used medication for a few years as it made me zombie-like. Now I reject any medication. Since then I have tried many counselors and psychologists and CBT . I am a Highly Sensitive person and an Introvert. So strangers and groups of unknown people are very daunting and exhausting. My children (boys) are grown and don't live close enough to have a close relationship with. Sometimes only see them at Christmas. We are in contact regularly by text messages, but they have their own lives to lead and difficulties to face. Because of my Introvertedness, I only have a couple of close friends and don't socialize at all in unfamiliar situations. I do work part time, have done at the same job for 5 years (I don't like change) and am part of a volunteer community group, but this involves very little socializing, only a monthly meeting. I describe my depression as "overwhelming sadness" and that I have lost my soul. I struggle to make myself achieve anything - even the dishes sometimes. My depression is parallelizing and debilitating. I am indecisive, a procrastinator and have no energy. I sometimes justify not doing anything by saying I am "recharging my batteries" or just "having a quiet time". And it only affects me and not bothers anyone else as I'm on my own. But, being on my own, I have jobs to do to maintain my property (that I can't afford to pay someone to do) and nothing is getting done because it all seems too big to handle. I have achieved in the past, I actually Owner Built my own house 18 months ago (finished after 3 years work) doing a lot of the work myself. I have been happiest in the past creating things - painting, sewing, woodwork. But I am struggling to get enthusiastic even about the creative things that will bring me happiness. I have always denied myself pleasure - I thought it was a mother thing, but now believe it is the long term depression. And now I am fearing I will never find love again either, because I am so damaged. I find it so hard just to start a new friendship. Thank you for reading my post. I look forward to comments and reading what others are struggling with on the site.

Minzy Cancer battle
  • replies: 7

My husband of 16 yrs died from complications of cholangiocarcinoma (bile duct cancer) on 24/12/19. Being a rare cancer, he tirelessly campaigned for recognition of rare cancers. He travelled to Canberra to have Parliament recognise this cancer and ma... View more

My husband of 16 yrs died from complications of cholangiocarcinoma (bile duct cancer) on 24/12/19. Being a rare cancer, he tirelessly campaigned for recognition of rare cancers. He travelled to Canberra to have Parliament recognise this cancer and managed to get a few members to wear the ribbon and had Sen. Catryna Bylic speak about it in the House. He was diagnosed August 2016 and had a Whipple procedure, 9 hrs of surgery where part of his pancreas, intestine and bowel removed to try and avoid the spread of cancer. Soon after 15 tumours were detected in his liver. He was tested for an immunotherapy trial but didnt meet the genetic requirements so opted for chemo. He coped pretty well with chemo for about 8 months eventually trimming down to 2 tumours. Those 2 continued to grow despite other chemo options. 6 mths ago we moved to the country to enjoy the peace and tranquility he craved. During this time he spent many times being ambulanced to hospital due to high fevers, some of which couldnt be explained. I spent the last 5 mths driving to and from hospital, a 3hr round trip, to either visit him or bring him home. Once home he became increasingly dependant on me to the point where i had to help him dress and shower. Our oncologist never gave us a life expectancy and continued to look for a treatment and manage symptoms. Therefore, we both held hope and only occasionally allowed ourselves to believe this was terminal. It was one day at a time until the last appt with dr asked if he agreed to an advanced health directive, ie, do not ressucitate. I saw the light go out of his eyes. The next day was the best he had in months. Full of beans, lucid and hopeful. That afternoon he had a major stroke. One and a half days later he let go. My problem is I cant stop thinking about how the cancer ate at him. I refused to see his decline as i kept hope. If he cried or got scared, i was the strong one. I have no regrets but cant stop mourning the man he was before cancer took hold. I never showed fear in his presence. Now i am a mess. Everyday seems worse as the reality sinks in that no, hes not in hospital waiting for me but Im never going to see him again! I have friends nearby who distract me but when im alone im so lonely and the house is so empty. He was my 2nd husband. My 1st was a cruel man and i suffered ptsd from his abuse for many yrs. My 2nd husband healed me by showing me what a real man does, and replaced my bad memories with pure joy. Im just so lost!

Kimmy76 Watched my partner die
  • replies: 12

Hi, I'm still in shock I think. In July my partner (only 46 years old) had some abdominal pain and a few days later we found out he had stage 4 terminal pancreatic cancer. He died painfully 8 weeks later. I can't sleep or eat and although I'm already... View more

Hi, I'm still in shock I think. In July my partner (only 46 years old) had some abdominal pain and a few days later we found out he had stage 4 terminal pancreatic cancer. He died painfully 8 weeks later. I can't sleep or eat and although I'm already on antidepressants for anxiety, my panic attacks are coming back. I have a 7 year old who I have to be strong for but I feel like I'm loosing it. I can't afford to take any time off work so even though he passed away two weeks ago, I have to just shut it all off. So I would love some advice about how to let go and grieve - but while still having to day to day things like school drop offs, work, after school activities etc. Thanks for listening

SubduedBlues My head hurts and my heart aches: suicide bereavement
  • replies: 45

Thrice in my life have I had to deal with suicide; Stacey was saved, Christie was lost, and Bobby found something worse: he's physically alive yet mentally catatonic. What signs did I miss? Where there words that did I not hear? Or behaviours I ignor... View more

Thrice in my life have I had to deal with suicide; Stacey was saved, Christie was lost, and Bobby found something worse: he's physically alive yet mentally catatonic. What signs did I miss? Where there words that did I not hear? Or behaviours I ignored. What could I have said or done to prevent them from believing there was no other choice? I find it easier to deal with relationship breakdowns and stigma as those are issues I have direct and recent personal experience in, but their attempts at suicide are some of the ghosts that haunt me the worst. I rarely speak of these as they are most painful when they return to active memory. Even Stacey's, I can still see her on the floor. Why is this so hard to write about? (please bear with me, this is going to take a few day or so to get out)

clocktower My beautiful boy
  • replies: 19

Last Tuesday my darling son passed away from depression. Today is one week since he was laid to rest and today has been an awful day.

Last Tuesday my darling son passed away from depression. Today is one week since he was laid to rest and today has been an awful day.

dragon1 lost a soul mate
  • replies: 12

hi everyone , im not sure where to start , i have just lost my wonderful wife 6 months age , 25 years without an argument , am on antidep meds , not wanting to go out , its hard to put into words , we were able to finish each others sentences , she h... View more

hi everyone , im not sure where to start , i have just lost my wonderful wife 6 months age , 25 years without an argument , am on antidep meds , not wanting to go out , its hard to put into words , we were able to finish each others sentences , she had a stroke 4 years ago so i was her carer , the days & nights with out her a hell ,

Paul1478 My partner and Mother passed away 3 months apart
  • replies: 4

It happened 5 years ago, Toughest year of my life. My male partner of 9 years passed away in a car accident It destroyed me utterly. I kind of was dealing, Then MUM had a stroke 3 months later and died in the night. I lost it, spiraled out of control... View more

It happened 5 years ago, Toughest year of my life. My male partner of 9 years passed away in a car accident It destroyed me utterly. I kind of was dealing, Then MUM had a stroke 3 months later and died in the night. I lost it, spiraled out of control did not care anymore, I still feel lost, Just Existing not living

Lmm73 Loss of both parents
  • replies: 1

Hi all I'm new here and really looking for some support. My father died suddenly 5months ago,,the same day my first grandchild was born. My mother didnt cope at all,,,I saw her every single day to love and support her,,,she was my world,,,4 weeks ago... View more

Hi all I'm new here and really looking for some support. My father died suddenly 5months ago,,the same day my first grandchild was born. My mother didnt cope at all,,,I saw her every single day to love and support her,,,she was my world,,,4 weeks ago she decided to end it and committed suicide, I found her, I cant cope with the pain I'm feeling I cry all the time, I feel sick, cant eat and it's a struggle to get up everyday, I'm so lost and confused, I suffer PTSD, depression and anxiety and I'm scared i will end up the same way my mother did. How do you learn to live again?

clocktower Grieving for my son
  • replies: 1

My beautiful son suicided on the twelfth of May 2015, he was twenty four years old. I struggle day in and day out to stay here on this planet which I call hell. This morning I found myself crying for no reason, I haven't cried for a while but it just... View more

My beautiful son suicided on the twelfth of May 2015, he was twenty four years old. I struggle day in and day out to stay here on this planet which I call hell. This morning I found myself crying for no reason, I haven't cried for a while but it just hit me this morning. I rang my mother because I just needed to talk about anything really but she rushed me off the phone even after I had told her how I was feeling. I have no one. I live alone and I have no one. I struggle to see a point in keeping on going. I have a bone disease which causes me to break bones very easily, I currently have a broken hand and shoulder and I am so sick of pain. Physical pain every day is depressing me on top of the grief I am dealing with. I honestly do not know what to do or who to turn to.

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