Depression

what is "normal"?

replies: 7

so after a s*** feeling day(don't know how else to put it) I was laying in bed thinking as I do.. and I started thinking to myself about my depression.. well debating to myself "hey I feel normal at the moment" "wait how can you feel normal after fee... View more

so after a s*** feeling day(don't know how else to put it) I was laying in bed thinking as I do.. and I started thinking to myself about my depression.. well debating to myself "hey I feel normal at the moment" "wait how can you feel normal after feeling so shit for so long.?, thats impossible your not feeling like that, your making yourself think you're feeling normal" after debating with myself like this but worse for awhile (strange I know) I came to this conclusion of "you make up these feelings your actually fine" Which left me woundering... why would I want to feel this way?...do I really feel this way? Am I actually normal?.. .maybe this is what normal is? Iseriously feel like im going crazy. Its like my anxiety (and the over thinking tthat comes with it) messes with my brain its so Frustrating. Im left feeling like an idiot.. confused I dont tthink anyone could make me as confused/angry/un-understanding as I can make myself. ^^^long story put short btw. So my question is what is "normal"?

Help us please and thank you :)

replies: 1

Hi, my name is Andrian I recently posted a thread "Stressing over everything and anything" but i've came across another problem I've moved in with my girlfriend, because we were both kicked out of my own home down in Wollongong. At first I didn't wan... View more

Hi, my name is Andrian I recently posted a thread "Stressing over everything and anything" but i've came across another problem I've moved in with my girlfriend, because we were both kicked out of my own home down in Wollongong. At first I didn't want to move in because I knew that staying here I would have to put up with my girlfriend's mother and sister treating her like shit. But since i've been staying i've been getting bad treatment as well. Especially from her sister. My girlfriend and I are treated horribly and her mother doesn't do nothing. We get called c**t and get told to shut up when we are loud but when she loud its okay. We 'd have an argument, got nothing to do with her and we get told to shut up and get our face slammed by her, slamming the door. Recently whilst I was cooking dinner for my girlfriend and I, I accidentally left the gas on, i know stupid. Her sister caught me and told me about it. I apologized and laughed it off, but as she storms off to the other room I could hear her say "Your boyfriend is dumb, pathetic and can't do anything. He should f**k off out of our house," Obviously, this hurt my feeling so basically I am kicked out of my girlfriend place and have no where else to go. This is not the only thing that happens, my girlfriend get the worse treatment of all. She ask her mother to hang out with her, get a coffee or something but her mother will always say no because she want to hang out with her sister. No matter how many time she ask. Her mother says no, if she ask her to do something for her she wont but she will for her sister.This not only affect my girlfriend but it affect me cause i have to pick up the pieces everyday and dont get any joy all day because my girlfriend is too upset to do anything or go anywhere. My girlfriend will do nothing all day and sleep and i would have to cause im bored. My girlfriend get told she is dumb and stupid too and can't do anything as well and get told she is selfish and never thinks of others but she always helping her mother out with cleaning and paying for the shopping when her mother can't when she could be using that money for her bills. My girlfriend get verbally and occasionally physically abused for something she never did. I try to stand up for her but I am too much of a coward. Basically because I never had to stand up for myself We are miserable and I am on the verge of suicide (but I won't). We need your help, we are both currently unemployed but looking for a job so we can collect some money to move out. Everything is become too much for us and our relationship is falling apart because of her sister and mother. We have no friends or family to turn to. Our only best option i can think of is take an offer from a coworker to live with him and move out. But my girlfriend is reluctant to move out. Please help us

Pushing Away Friends & Family - Dealing With Guilt

replies: 1

I'm completely new to this. I only started seeing the doctor/psychiatrist in the last 3 months for a combination of anxiety and depression after suffering in silence for the last two and a half years. Recently I have been very unkind towards some ver... View more

I'm completely new to this. I only started seeing the doctor/psychiatrist in the last 3 months for a combination of anxiety and depression after suffering in silence for the last two and a half years. Recently I have been very unkind towards some very good friends of mine, as well as my immediate family. I push them away. I get off the phone as soon as I can. I don't answer texts/invites or brush people off with excuses. I set a ridiculously high expectation on them and when they don't meet it I conclude that they're not "true" friends or they don't really love me. I think I have become quite paranoid and distrustful. And I was beginning to feel as though no-one understood me and that I was fundamentally different from everyone else and there was no-one out there I could ever connect with properly. My therapist challenges me. She told me to get new friends. This has forced me to realise that I am being dramatic and unfair towards those around me. I am not the centre of the universe and everyone has their own lives to deal with. But the guilt of treating them so unfairly makes me cry. I feel like a terrible human being for having such horrible thoughts about my loved ones. Does anyone have any coping strategies to push those feelings away? I want to stop devaluing the people who care about me. They do love me and they show it in so many ways but when I'm down I can be so irrational and I just need ways to calm down.

confused and scared

replies: 10

My husband has been diagnosed with Depression in the last week.. he apparently hasn't been happy at home for a few years, but instead of talking about it he kept pushing his feelings away... So as a wife, i really didn't see this coming, thought our ... View more

My husband has been diagnosed with Depression in the last week.. he apparently hasn't been happy at home for a few years, but instead of talking about it he kept pushing his feelings away... So as a wife, i really didn't see this coming, thought our relationship was in a really good place.. So now am on a roller coaster of emotions and feeling, feel guilty for not seeing that there was an issue and that he wasn't well, feel guilty for getting upset with not having any intimacy or affection in our relationship over the last month, feel guilty for crying, feel at a loss and am scared of whats to come.. He is talking to Councilor and is starting to tell friends and family, which i know is a good thing and is a relief to know that there is people here to support us

Depression and anxiety.....

replies: 2

Hi, I just found out about this site recently from my previous employer. I've been suffering from depression and anxiety for a number of years. At the moment I feel like it's getting worse. I've just recently moved from the UK to Australia for a chan... View more

Hi, I just found out about this site recently from my previous employer. I've been suffering from depression and anxiety for a number of years. At the moment I feel like it's getting worse. I've just recently moved from the UK to Australia for a chance to start afresh and experience a new country. I have some good days and bad days. On the good days I feel like I can do anything, I've got confidence, energy, I can absorb things, be aware of my surroundings, talking to people. On the bad days the complete opposite happens, complete mental exhaustion, I can't absorb information especially at work, I feel spacey like I'm not in touch and disconnected. My mind feels like a big weight has dropped on it and surrounded by cloudiness. Like today is the pretty extreme end where I've had thoughts of suicide and self harming. I just felt that a new start would give me a breathe of fresh air and lift my mood. But I feel it's just getting worse. I'm getting married in a few weeks and don't even have an exciting thought towards it. My fiancée doesn't really help me. The best she could do is ask me 'If I'm in one of my moods?'. She acts pushy and tells us to go out and do stuff where as I just want to be left alone. I don't think she understands what I'm going through at all. What do I do? I want to go see a professional for help but keep putting it off. Thanks. Rajeev

How much do we actually know about depression? Why are there no depression experts?

replies: 12

Just came out of hospital again and its left me feeling pretty damn hopeless. Tried taking my own life again and the only treatment I get is to 'talk about it' with a psychologist. But that just doesnt work for me! I've talked and talked and talked t... View more

Just came out of hospital again and its left me feeling pretty damn hopeless. Tried taking my own life again and the only treatment I get is to 'talk about it' with a psychologist. But that just doesnt work for me! I've talked and talked and talked to counsellors and psychologists for the last 13 years - its clear its not something that I respond to. Likewise, I have tried just about every anti-depressant under the sun. I will probably either soon end up dead or in hospital again. But I wanted to ask, is there any 'depression experts' out there? Does anyone know of such a thing? I have a friends with more physical ailments - epilepsy and diabetes, for example - and they get to see specialists. Does anything like this exist for depression? (Sorry for the whinge. I really do appreciate the work people do at hospitals. I am just kind of desperate).

You know what? I've reached my limit.

replies: 3

I'm professionally successful. If you looked at me you'd think I'm doing pretty well. I'm on the verge of tears all the time. I broke up with my wife/gf of many years in a new city. I have no support here, or anywhere else, since we've been moving ar... View more

I'm professionally successful. If you looked at me you'd think I'm doing pretty well. I'm on the verge of tears all the time. I broke up with my wife/gf of many years in a new city. I have no support here, or anywhere else, since we've been moving around so much. I have no support network, nowhere to go and have an extremely isolating job. I've spent the last 3 months thinking about suicide from the time I wake up until I sleep. I can't take it any more. I even find myself online planning the best method with the least repercussions if it doesn't happen to work (and I plan on it working... I just don't want to end up a vegetable). I think I've selected the method. Honestly? I've just had enough. Life isn't fun any more. I'm not even sure why I'm posting this.

no one believes me

replies: 6

for the past 2-3 years i have been suffering from depression and mild anxiety and selfharm .. i have done many only checklists and tests and i get very high every time i hoped it would get better or even go away for i monitored it and kept checking t... View more

for the past 2-3 years i have been suffering from depression and mild anxiety and selfharm .. i have done many only checklists and tests and i get very high every time i hoped it would get better or even go away for i monitored it and kept checking to see if my score went down but if anything its been worse.from the very start i tried talking to my parents about how ive been feeling and they didnt really take me serious they said its normal for teenagers to feel that way but its still been hanging round for a few years now i and i know its not normal ive asked them again if i can go see a gp or something about it and they said no you need spiritual healing ot something keep in mind my parents are highly religious and think i dont need any other help but to believe in god. and i feel like i have no one to talk to i tried talking to my bestfriend and my sister she thinks im fine ... i must hide it pretty good for no one to noticed but im feeling really not to good im doing my last year of high school next year and i honestly dont see my self making it through the year i have no where else to go so thought id come here i just want some answers i want to know what its like to enjoy life instead of feeling like im going no where..

Living with anxiety & depression - Work in Progress

replies: 5

I registered with this site tonight. I think "they will think I am a fool" they will think "this guy is nuts". I really do despite 20 plus years of feeling like this. I think "they will say I am strange and bad". I will awake in the morning and think... View more

I registered with this site tonight. I think "they will think I am a fool" they will think "this guy is nuts". I really do despite 20 plus years of feeling like this. I think "they will say I am strange and bad". I will awake in the morning and think 1st thought "OMG I wrote on beyondblue site...OMG...". I will have this on my mind every minute until I find there is some distance between doing this and then I will find something else to be totally anxious about. This I know is how my mind works. I look for something to worry about always. I am constantly in a state of anxiety about something. None of these worries ever happen. Once it did when my work place were restructuring and redundancying, I was told if you are running late and do not call by 9:00am you are in trouble. I wound up in mental unit at hospital and if you know places like that, it is not easy to call in - I called at 9:10am. They stated in there dismissal letter that they understood my issues but being in hospital was not a valid excuse. Despite the initial distress, the worry about something happening was way worse than when it (out of a thousand worries) actually happenned. Post script they lost an expert and within a week (3 years ago) a better workplace found a golden goose. I still worry every 10 or so minutes about being sacked from where I work. It is a disease. I am in a constant state of worry. I've tried eliminating my causes of worry - doesn't matter I'll find something to worry about. Tomorrow and maybe for a week it will be worry about this post. I live with not being able to get to sleep at night. Waking with such worry I vomit..or dry reach if I was too worried/indifferent to eat previously. Somehow I've managed to be in constant employment 20 years. I don't know how. Luckily my current boss has been there and he thinks I am the best employee he ever had (he is 68 years old). Start time is 8am. I average 12pm. I don't call. I take 30% LWOP each fortnight. But I am good at my job. I don't get holidays as with my absence it is eaten up and accrues less. I don't know what I would do if I did have a break. I have no social circle. Beyond blue has been/is a constant fundraiser at workplaces. I rang them years ago and all they could do was give me a number to call to make an appointment with a shrink..in Victoria...I am a Queenslander!...things seem to have progressed since then. Although tonights writing is cathartic...it will stress the hell out of me in morning. But at least that sad attempt at Movember raised enough money for me to have somewhere to write. I think Victoria needs to address the issue that even if Bisbane...not to mention rural Australia. that you are not some AFL, greenie, cultural elite Melbourne organisation. See...I am creating reasons for regret...will happilly supply me with total regret doing this tonight. Imagine no one will bother replying. I have found some good things to keep me going over the years. Will make work. Anyone's friend Steve

Hour by hour,Day by day

replies: 7

I wasn't sure if I should continue my old thread or start a new one. I guess I chose this option. I have not had a drink now since the 17th of September and I feel raw and exposed. I have been dulling myself for so long now with alcohol that I find m... View more

I wasn't sure if I should continue my old thread or start a new one. I guess I chose this option. I have not had a drink now since the 17th of September and I feel raw and exposed. I have been dulling myself for so long now with alcohol that I find myself now experiencing my black hole of despair in all it's glory. I have been reading a book by Jenny Stewart called Inner Weather: Learning from Depression. It is her personal story and she describes the way she felt and how I feel in the morning so perfectly. "...having achieved the partial relief of sleep (hoping against hope that, against all evidence to the contrary, the pall will dissipate overnight), you ‘wake and feel the fell of dark, not day’ (Gerard Manley Hopkins). But it is not just the dark that has taken hold, for that will dissipate. There is a knot of anxiety in the solar plexus, and beyond and behind that, something worse … a feeling of dread." In the last two years I would have killed those feelings with alcohol, or at times with self harm. But now I am trying very hard to get through hour by hour and day by day. I have another 2 weeks till I see the psych again (how dare she take a holiday just when I was starting to get help!) I have been trying meditation. A mindfulness session recommended to me by the psych. I keep falling asleep before I finish the track. But I find it helps a little. I have always exercised a lot so that helps too. But all of these things are temporary distractions that divert my attention. Once the activity is over I'm right back to the hole again. It's like I expect it to be there waiting for me. On the rare occasion it's not there I almost miss it. In some strange way it is almost comforting. "Deep depression is a place more terrible than can easily be imagined. But it is a kind of refuge from confrontations that are even more difficult. Once you have realised this, no matter how difficult the circumstances, the refuge is no longer available and you must fight the demons, knowing what they are" That is another quote from Jenny Stewart's book and I understand what she is saying here. It makes perfect sense to me. It is like a refuge at times. Somewhere I can hide. Thanks once more for listening. Mary.

Pinned discussions

Hello! Read this if you're not sure how to get started

replies: 0

How do I talk to my doctor?

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SELF HELP TIPS FOR MANAGING DEPRESSION

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All discussions

what is "normal"?

replies: 7

Help us please and thank you :)

replies: 1

Pushing Away Friends & Family - Dealing With Guilt

replies: 1

confused and scared

replies: 10

Depression and anxiety.....

replies: 2

How much do we actually know about depression? Why are there no depression experts?

replies: 12

You know what? I've reached my limit.

replies: 3

no one believes me

replies: 6

Living with anxiety & depression - Work in Progress

replies: 5

Hour by hour,Day by day

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Depression

Hello! Read this if you're not sure how to get started replies: 0

How do I talk to my doctor? replies: 9

SELF HELP TIPS FOR MANAGING DEPRESSION replies: 132

what is "normal"? replies: 7

Help us please and thank you :) replies: 1

Pushing Away Friends & Family - Dealing With Guilt replies: 1

confused and scared replies: 10

Depression and anxiety..... replies: 2

How much do we actually know about depression? Why are there no depression experts? replies: 12

You know what? I've reached my limit. replies: 3

no one believes me replies: 6

Living with anxiety & depression - Work in Progress replies: 5

Hour by hour,Day by day replies: 7

Hello! Read this if you're not sure how to get started

replies: 0

How do I talk to my doctor?

replies: 9

SELF HELP TIPS FOR MANAGING DEPRESSION

replies: 132

what is "normal"?

replies: 7

Help us please and thank you :)

replies: 1

Pushing Away Friends & Family - Dealing With Guilt

replies: 1

confused and scared

replies: 10

Depression and anxiety.....

replies: 2

How much do we actually know about depression? Why are there no depression experts?

replies: 12

You know what? I've reached my limit.

replies: 3

no one believes me

replies: 6

Living with anxiety & depression - Work in Progress

replies: 5

Hour by hour,Day by day

replies: 7