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BeyondBlue Hello! Read this if you're not sure how to get started
  • replies: 0

Welcome This section of the Beyond Blue Forums is for talking about our experiences with Depression. There are lots of chats about how it makes us feel, what it’s like to live with depression and what has worked to help in these times. Thank you for ... View more

Welcome This section of the Beyond Blue Forums is for talking about our experiences with Depression. There are lots of chats about how it makes us feel, what it’s like to live with depression and what has worked to help in these times. Thank you for coming this far, we know it can be really hard to take these steps if depression is in your life - we see you and think this is a great step. To get the most out of this space we have a few tips: Get involved. The Forums work best for you when you get active and post where you can. Now, we know that can be really hard, especially when you are experiencing depression. So, if you can post something supportive to someone else here, that would be an incredible start. Speak from the heart. This community wants to know how YOU feel and what has worked for YOU. We trust that you have something unique to say and we can’t wait to hear it. Check in. Lots of the chats on this Forum having been going for years and they are some of the richest conversations we have. Keep checking in to get new ideas and offer your support. We know it can be tough to start, but when you are ready we want to hear your thoughts. If you need some time to get to know the community, that's okay! Have a look around and see where you want to get involved. Thank you for being here Beyond Blue

Jeriava How do I talk to my doctor?
  • replies: 9

I’ve been struggling with my life for the past 7-8 years but I finally made an appointment with a doctor. I feel really scared though because I don’t ever go to the doctor for anything, and I havent seen this doctor for so many years that I’m really ... View more

I’ve been struggling with my life for the past 7-8 years but I finally made an appointment with a doctor. I feel really scared though because I don’t ever go to the doctor for anything, and I havent seen this doctor for so many years that I’m really scared that they’ll judge me or won’t believe anything I say. I’m really anti social so I feel like I won’t be able to say what I wanna say or I’ll say the wrong thing causing them to just dismiss me and move me along without helping. I’m just tired of feeling alone, depressed and just worthless but I’m really scared to talk to them.

AGrace SELF HELP TIPS FOR MANAGING DEPRESSION
  • replies: 132

Hi Everyone, Here are some ideas you might like to try for managing symptoms of depression. Of course everyone's different, so let us know what works for you, and please feel free to add to the list... Mindfulness – through breathing or engaging the ... View more

Hi Everyone, Here are some ideas you might like to try for managing symptoms of depression. Of course everyone's different, so let us know what works for you, and please feel free to add to the list... Mindfulness – through breathing or engaging the 5 senses Distress Tolerance – Accepting Emotions and Self Soothing Distraction – Put the thoughts/feelings aside and come back to them when you are ready to deal with them Positive Affirmations – Have some affirmations written down repeat them to yourself daily Sleep/Exercise/Diet – All 3 aspects of our lifestyle can impact the way we think/feel Increasing Pleasurable Activities – Engage in at least one pleasurable activity per day

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Rivyn I feel like a useless, broken thing
  • replies: 2

Hi, my name is Paul, I'm 32 and I just don't know how to keep doing...THIS anymore I've been battling depression and anxiety since I was 13 and in the last year everything has just gotten so much harder, or feels like it. I struggle to sleep and when... View more

Hi, my name is Paul, I'm 32 and I just don't know how to keep doing...THIS anymore I've been battling depression and anxiety since I was 13 and in the last year everything has just gotten so much harder, or feels like it. I struggle to sleep and when I do sleep I struggle to wake up, i hurt everywhere and I just think I cant do this again, how am I going to get through another day of this hell. Don't get me wrong, I'm not suicidal, I don't think about ending my life, although sometimes I wish I just won't wake up, but I couldn't do that to the people I care about. It just hurts so much. I live with my mum and my nan and I feel so useless to them. I'm unemployed and I have been for years and even though I'm looking for work, I keep sabortaging myself because my anxiety over working leaves me a crippled mess, I can't even get my lisence because I'm scared of driving. And lately I just can't stop stressing over the future. My nan's not in great shape and I'm stressed about what's going to happen to her and then I start to stress about what I'm going to do when I no longer have mum, and then I feel so selfish because my life pretty much revolves around them and I dont want to lose them, even though I know its inevitable. I feel like a helpless child trapped in a man's body, wandering through endless tunnel of heavy blackness and I dont know which way I'm going anymore and there's no one. Don't even really have any friends to turn to as the few that I do have do even live in this country. Even now I'm a sobbing wreck and nearly hyperventilating, my hands are shaking so much. I just don't know what to do. I cant even remember the last time I was actually happy and not just pretending to get through the day.. I'm so lost....

Newgirl88 So hurt and alone...
  • replies: 1

So I have been in a 12 years relationship, my ex husband is defence so we have moved around a lot and he went away alot for work. I have struggled with depression for years and constantly had a feeling of abandonment every time hubby went away. I had... View more

So I have been in a 12 years relationship, my ex husband is defence so we have moved around a lot and he went away alot for work. I have struggled with depression for years and constantly had a feeling of abandonment every time hubby went away. I had a long string of reckless bad decisions when he was away which we got through. But 18months ago I finally went on medication to help my depressive mood and feelings of suicide. Since going on the medication I felt numb and had this awful feeling of not sure whether I loved my husband. After he was away for 8months I had a massive panic attack and broke up with him. A week later I was finally diagnosed with bipolar. I started new medication and felt great but had this massive guilt and regret because I left my husband who I infact love with everything I have. This was 3 weeks ago. Since then we moved to Canberra which is his hometown. I dont know anybody here and the first weekend we got here he went to sydney to stay with his ex. We were still in a hotel so nothing for me and the girls to do!? He doesnt understands bipolar and over that weekend I had a massive setback. Begged him to come back to me and our 2 kids. Was bedridden and then ended up punching a wall and telling him how selfish and unloving he was. Screamed and said some disgusting things to him. I came off all social media and hid away in the hotel with the girls. My question is how do I explain that certain things he does makes me react badly. Is there any chance we could mend this? We have slept together 3 times in the last week. I feel like he loves me still but just finds my history too hard. Should I just move on and let him find happiness? Help!

FakeHuman I dont know whats wrong with me?
  • replies: 9

My Mom was cheated on when i was in year 9 and my mom was pregnant with my youngest sister. i have 4 siblings i am the second oldest and and oldest daughter. I am the type of person who has this super bright personality, always has a smile on their f... View more

My Mom was cheated on when i was in year 9 and my mom was pregnant with my youngest sister. i have 4 siblings i am the second oldest and and oldest daughter. I am the type of person who has this super bright personality, always has a smile on their face as if i have the most perfect family and my life is this magical place. Everyone who knows me says how am i so super cheerful and bright. Everyone thinks i have everything going good for me. But it's not. My family isn't perfect, I'm nothing near happy and cheerful. Im broken and no one can see it. I'm hurt and no one, not even my mom knows it. she sees me as a rebel, someone who has bad friends and is influenced by them. whereas i don't do anything stupid. i don't party, i don't drink, i don't do shisha, i don't smoke, NOTHING! My older brother is praised by mom for being the best son, not saying he isn't but i am constantly told I'm so useless, i'm not even a proper girl. i don't do the house work, i don't listen, i talk back a lot, I'm just not a daughter she hoped to have. But i always tried my best in everything i did. i look after my 3 younger siblings as if they are my own children, since i was 7 i bathed, fed, changed their diapers. But it's nothing. I am 18 right now, and no matter what i do my mom always finds a fault in it. This has ruined my relationship with my mom. we can't talk without even arguing. in a day we at least have an argument. Since my dad has left i always felt like my mom loves my brother more. its like not even a subtle hint anymore, she openly shows it. if i do a mistake and he does the same, im confronted and yelled at right then and there. whereas my brother is off the hook. And the worst part is i have my exams coming up and i when i tell her i cant do anything because i'm stressed and your always calling me to do chores i cant concentrate. she says so does your brother so you got to do it. every night im crying to sleep and just thinking i should just run away and leave the house. No one cares about me, they wouldnt even care. my mom doesn't even want me, she has her precious son. I have even packed my bags multiple times just to leave but i just cant seem to make the move. I don't know how to control my anger i don't know how to express what i'm feeling to my mom i don't know how to concentrate on my exams i just recently went to a psychiatrist and i still feel lost and alone. i feel fake, like someone who has this mask on everyday so everyone is pleased.

Rainbow1234 All over the place
  • replies: 3

Hi All, For a long time now, I have started to feel so many emotions that I just can’t control. - Jealousy - really bad indecisiveness with everything from work down to what I eat - (so morbid) death in my family as a member is currently unwell. Or b... View more

Hi All, For a long time now, I have started to feel so many emotions that I just can’t control. - Jealousy - really bad indecisiveness with everything from work down to what I eat - (so morbid) death in my family as a member is currently unwell. Or being broken into etc. - extreme ups and low downs - my attitude can change after someone says something I don’t like or agree with - overthinking and reading into things - low confidence on knowledge that I know - low labido - feel like a failure - social awkwardness - loss of energy and motivation - wanting to change my Appearance - want to be alone but then I don’t can someone point me in the right direction. I’m lost!

PartyAnimal Bipolar 1 with severe chronic pain and prescription drug problems
  • replies: 4

That felt like too long of a title so I really hope someone can help me out or give some advice. This is only my second post ever so excuse the display name I made when I was 18... The biggest challenge I am currently facing now is the horrible manif... View more

That felt like too long of a title so I really hope someone can help me out or give some advice. This is only my second post ever so excuse the display name I made when I was 18... The biggest challenge I am currently facing now is the horrible manifestations of my depressive stage. Being bipolar is somewhat of a blessing and a curse, the highs of hypomania and mania can be the greatest yet fleeting moments of my life. I have always been artistic with both music and drawing. And for a long time I have hoped to one day be a tattooist. Ive been married for over a year and a half now, and my partner and I have been trying to have our first child for a few months now with no luck so far. I have a relatively stable job with average pay, but my wife still earns more. I've lost a lot of money over the years buying multiple cars that all broke down beyond repair. Financially we are mostly stable, we save what we can but we both have debts and bills to pay so it's a slow saving. Now for the real issue. It roughly started around the time I had a motorbike accident in 2017. I shattered the cartilage behind my kneecap and it's something that will never heal. After many misdiagnoses I was diagnosed bipolar 1 only a few months after the accident. This finally explained the struggles I've been going through for years. I am currently well medicated and "mostly" stable. But I have also been on fluctuating amounts of opioid and antinflamattory medications for my constant pain. Theres a high chance I have fibromyalgia, as my mum developed it recently post-surgery. The pain medications only take away the real physical pain and not the complete body pain that's basically "all in my head". I've really been struggling the last month managing my pain. I take as much and as many meds as I can for both the pain and my mental state which is slowly deteriorating. I'm fairly certain that with the meds I take for my bipolar there isn't much I can take or do for fibromyalgia and that scares me. I'm scared of a life dependant on opioids, which the more of I take the higher chance I go into mania or psychosis. The opioids really do help and I don't think I could function without them. I also don't want to be on them forever especially as I'm trying to start a family. I take enough pills as it is and these are the ones I both love and need, yet don't want. The strain on my marriage is showing as I don't tell my wife the full extent of my struggle and fears is there anyone who can help?

Slaugh Why can't I find a career that I can tolerate?
  • replies: 5

Hey everybody, I finally competed my electrical apprenticeship after 5 years. It's great that I managed to finish however I am more depressed than ever. I have to say that doing an apprenticeship was probably one of my worst decisions I have ever mad... View more

Hey everybody, I finally competed my electrical apprenticeship after 5 years. It's great that I managed to finish however I am more depressed than ever. I have to say that doing an apprenticeship was probably one of my worst decisions I have ever made. I lost my job 3 times and worked the most tediously long hours (20 hour days were quite common) it destroyed me. My body is shot, I have next to no financial results, or gained any good contacts and networks to peruse this path further. If I see another cable or even a light switch it makes me shudder. I have literally tortured myself for 5 years with everyone around me encouraging me to finish it, and now that I have, I simply look back with regret. I hate the work, the people and the environment I was surrounded with everyday. I can't even do the job now without getting extremely angry and frustrated (not a good look for employers or clients). A simple cable run not going right will cause me to fume like nothing else. I have worked many jobs and gained skills prior, as a network architect and a telecommunicatuons technician. I am now 33 years old and once again I have persued a career which I eventually hated with every fibre of my being. My depression has become debilitating. I don't leave the house anymore unless really necessary. I have lost all my friends, and don't even do things with my wife and kids. My brother lives next door but never speak to him. I think he's given up on me too. I am unemployed and can't bring myself to look for work. The thought of being around people makes me want to die. Life seems so exhausting when people are involved and work is about people, either cooperating with or doing things for them. I really need to find a career I can tolerate. But there is nothing that pays for you to simply exist. And quite frankly existing is feeling lile work at the moment. I am slipping further down the rabbit hole everyday. I do realise the irony of complaining about people generally whilst attempting to reachout to people.

Bassaa I want to feel better
  • replies: 4

Hi, I’m new to this and have not been able to open up about the extent of my depression openly to anyone close to me. I have been seeing a psychiatrist and I feel fine for a little while but then I come crashing down again. It just feels like it’s ge... View more

Hi, I’m new to this and have not been able to open up about the extent of my depression openly to anyone close to me. I have been seeing a psychiatrist and I feel fine for a little while but then I come crashing down again. It just feels like it’s getting more frequent and every episode is getting worse. My husband is aware I’m having problems but I just lash out at him and nothing I say seems to make sense. I feel so guilty all the time and I hate myself so much for not being happy. I just don’t feel worthy of this life. I have spent so many years making sure everyone and everything around me was ok but it’s like I was just hiding behind this image so no one would see how broken I am. I can’t keep up the image anymore everything just feels too hard. I haven’t left my room for 3 days. I want to spend time with my children but don’t have the energy pull myself together. This feeling of guilt feels like it’s eating me up. I feel like an embarrassment to my husband and daughters. It’s like I am dragging them all down with me or by being with them. I just don’t know what to do anymore. I don’t know how to feel better. I can’t remember the last time I laughed

Despirited My friend, Shadow
  • replies: 2

In the lateness of the night, I am startled by noise and din There -- just outside the window, Shadow is vying to get in. He sees me and I see him, I know my time is nigh, Shadow is a coming, there is no where to hide. I close the doors, and lock the... View more

In the lateness of the night, I am startled by noise and din There -- just outside the window, Shadow is vying to get in. He sees me and I see him, I know my time is nigh, Shadow is a coming, there is no where to hide. I close the doors, and lock the sash, and pray with all my might, but Shadow comes right through the glass, to punish me tonight. He fills my head with anguish, I shudder with despair. Tells me life is crap, and death would be more fair. All that remains is solitude; I shield my soulless, saddened eyes. I'm lacking love, respect and gratitude; in a world that's filled with lies. My children are still growing up, their lives have just begun. So I tell Shadow to go away, my race has not yet run. At times like this he torments me, and talks about the end, but in my heart I know he jests, for Shadow is my friend. Shadow may be appear evil, malignant and very bad however there are those times, when he allows me to be glad. Shadow lets me celebrate, with kids, on their birthdays and to make them happy at special times, like Easter and Christmas day. As long as I remember, it's for their happiness and not for mine Shadow won't punish me, and everything will be fine. Sometimes I wish Shadow gone, and hope he'd forget me, but then I would be truly alone.... I am lost.

Hidden On a endless merry-go-round with no foreseeable end?
  • replies: 6

Hi, It's been a while since I've posted anything. Years, in fact. Yet I feel like I've gone nowhere. I've been seeing a psychologist every week for the past 6 months. Today was my last session for a while and I feel like I've gotten nowhere. I'm star... View more

Hi, It's been a while since I've posted anything. Years, in fact. Yet I feel like I've gone nowhere. I've been seeing a psychologist every week for the past 6 months. Today was my last session for a while and I feel like I've gotten nowhere. I'm starting to think maybe I've done something wrong. Is this normal? I have a lot going on in my life at the moment so I understand that part of what I feel is caused by situational things. However, there's a large part that isn't. I don't know whether I haven't tried hard enough to get better? Or whether this is just a feeling that I'm going to have to accept for the foreseeable future? I suppose it's hard to accept that maybe happiness isn't for me... especially after so long of trying to achieve it. I suppose I'm writing here, to feel a little less alone in this. Have others come out the other side of endless psychologist and psychiatrist etc. appointments and felt like they're still where they started? What else can I possibly do? I'm feeling a little hopeless with it at the moment. I just keep turning up with questions that seem to have no answers. When does this merry go round stop?

Flossy76 Feel so low
  • replies: 2

For many years I’ve been up and down can’t get out of bed, destroyed relationships, abused drugs and alcohol, have no friends and have reached rock bottom. I feel like my life means nothing. I feel very isolated. Even though I’m not. I have an incred... View more

For many years I’ve been up and down can’t get out of bed, destroyed relationships, abused drugs and alcohol, have no friends and have reached rock bottom. I feel like my life means nothing. I feel very isolated. Even though I’m not. I have an incredibly understanding partner but when I have these episodes he can’t do anything to pull me out. I have never been diognosed with depression but I know this is what’s happening to me. How do I stop these days where I feel like I want to just disappear? days when I can’t get out of bed?