Supporting family and friends

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Parents and caregivers: How are you feeling about the social media restrictions for under 16s?

replies: 3

Hey everyone, It’s hard to miss the talk around the new social media restrictions for under 16s, set to roll out across Australia in early December. We’ve heard from some of the younger members of our community, and now we’d love to hear from parents and caregivers. For some, this change might feel like a welcome relief - a clearer way to manage social media use and protect young people. For others, there may be concerns about how it will affect access to online support, questions around how age verification will actually work, or frustration and powerlessness over a decision beyond our control. All of these feelings are valid. If you’re a parent or caregiver, or you have some young people in your life that will be affected by these restrictions, how are you feeling about this change? We’ve created this space for anyone caring for young people to share their thoughts, ask questions, and support each other through the uncertainty of the months ahead.Kind regardsSophie M

Are you supporting a depressed partner? My tips from 18 years of experience

replies: 41

This list has been compiled from experiences supporting my husband with depression. There is no one size fits all, so please take what you are comfortable with based on your circumstances and resources. 1. Reach out to family and/or friends to feel supported - this also covers support groups - online or face to face. Don't let stigma stop you from reaching out. 2. Relationship boundaries - identify what is acceptable and not. My general platform is that physical abuse is unacceptable as well as regular demeaning/berating comments. Communicate this openly so everyone understands. 3. Coping tools - this could be exercise, meditation, reading a book, meeting friends, etc. They are important for your mental health. 4. Knowledge is power - research to understand about depression. The more you know, the better care you can provide. 5. Remember your partner in the good times - this is their true selves, not the darkness. 6. Listen and show receptivity - without judgement or anger. If communicate becomes strained, the timeout can provide clarity. Encourage communication gently and try not to push. 7. Seek counselling - sharing your feelings can provide an opportunity to off load the heavy stuff and identify resilience and coping strategies. 8. Work as a team - don't let mental illness be in the driver's seat. Offer to go to the Dr's and support them. Understand medication and side effects. Be understanding that some days are harder than others. 9. Words are powerful - remember what you say cannot be taken back. 10. Carer Self-esteem and self-worth - if you compromise these for the sake of supporting your partner, you are likely to live with resentment towards your partner and the circumstances you find yourself in. 11. Don't forget the children - challenging circumstances at home can affect them mentally and emotionally. Speak about mental illness (COPMI.com.au - has some great resources) and be a strong foundation toward maintaining normality in their daily activities. 12. Intimacy - there are many variables here, so from my experience - keep communication open and make couple time to connect. When my husband was depressed, daily hugs or holding hands wherever possible worked for us. Some carers I have spoken with said their partner would demand intimacy. My personal position is that intimacy is about love without demands or attachments relating to expectation. Demands only deplete the goodness in the connection and sharing a a loving experience. [Moderator's note: this thread is for sharing tips on what has worked for you in supported a loved one with a mental health condition. In order to help us keep this thread focused on solutions, please start a new thread if you are seeking support from the community around how to best support your loved one.]

by Carmela •

Blue Voices Member•

Posted in Supporting family and friends

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15-07-2016

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should i leave my wife?

replies: 4

I know from the subject line that this is not as simple as yes or no. I have been married for seven years and I have a pretty amazing life with my wife. I have suffered with anxiety and depression and I can't say I am all better but I have come far and no longer feel any real issues regarding anxiety and depression, not like I used to. Since we have been married my wife has been put on medication for depression and anxiety yet both of us are pretty good. The reason I'm thinking I should perhaps leave her is because she is doing so well but could be so much better if I wasn't still holding her back. The life lessons and maturation I missed out on during my worst days are only now beginning to be learned and rather slowly still. My wife has given up on having hopes and dreams and I want her to have a chance at the life she always wanted. I am beginning to think I may not ever be able to give it to her. I am no kind of provider, I am a great listener, great friend and I love her so much but I know I inadvertently take her for granted and it is easy to forget all she has done for me and all the support she has shown. She has helped me so much and letting her go might be the only way I can give her what she wants except that I know in a perfect world we would both like for her to have those things and also have me along with it. I don't want to reach another seven years from now and find that we are still scraping by and she is still supporting me and not supporting herself and getting the things she wants out of life. I can't tell if I'm thinking generously and intelligently or not. I know it is not what I want to keep her in this place in life and there is no way I can honestly say I will ever get any better at living, working, providing etc...i would love to hear thoughts on this from people who have been in similar places or from anyone really. I'm a little torn up on it right now. I can't decide either way and can't tell if it is my selfish desire to be with her that makes me want to stick it out or if I am right to think, if I truly love her, set her free.

I love him so much

replies: 6

My absolute soul mate is suffering severe depression lately. He has always had it after a nasty divorce and losing his children. I have done everything I can. He has had to move out because of the way he behaves around my children but I am still desperate to walk him through this journey. Everybody I know, family, friends and ex expect me to just turn my back and walk away. The thought breaks me. My partner now is pushing me away. I fear he is suicidal. I receive a couple of text messages a day just saying how empty he is and how much he loves me. I am starting to unravel and I am slipping into my own semi depressive state. Where do I go from here? Shall I let him push me away? Do I keep fighting? He won't get proper help. He is on antidepressants but myself coming from the medical field know that what he is on is nowhere near enough to what he needs. Does anyone have success stories here? I am willing to stick it out. I wouldn't abandon him if he had cancer and I view all of this as a sickness of the mind. But I am finding myself tiring. I say and try the same things over and over. Sometimes I feel like we take a step in the right direction only to take 10 steps back.

My amazing partner has depression and I am at my wits end

replies: 5

Hi, My amazing partner and best friend who I have been with for 3 years now has severe depression he only came out about it 8 months ago when he had left the navy and we moved in together full time. It breaks my heart seeing him this way he puts a brick wall between us he stops talking and just sits in silence he speaks to me rudely I don't even look forward to coming home after a huge day of work I dread walking in the door because I just know he will be feeling down and be moping around I try so hard to help him suggest going to the doctors or possibly anti depressants but he doesn't think it will help it makes matters worse that at the moment he is in financial difficulty I don't know what to do anymore he is my best friend and when he is not depressed he is so amazingly funny and loving and caring and I miss him so much the old him. I sometimes just feel like leaving but I feel too guilty I am naturally a happy person full of happiness and positivity but I am so emotionally drained and exhausted I feel like I am his support person but who is mine??? I feel so alone and just sad but I can't let him see me like that because I know it will just make it worse! Help please someone anyone

Supporting a Carer

replies: 2

I have a friend who is going through a really difficult time. Their spouse is experiencing mental health problems (anxiety and depression), it is having a huge impact on their relationship, as well as my friends own well being. My question is how can I be the best support to my friend. What are the right and wrong thing to say? How do I best help my friend during this? Any ideas and advice would be much appreciated

How can I get my husband to recognise that he needs help?

replies: 3

My husband of 12 years was diagnosed with depression and anxiety about 9 years ago. He doesn't have a close relationship with his parents even though they live close by and they are very dismissive of his illness. At work and at karate he seems to be "normal" successfully holding down a job and becoming a sensei. My problem is that he isn't always normal at home - when he's feeling down I cop the brunt of it with snappy talking and then when I tell him he can't talk to me that way and get away with it he nods his head says sorry and cries then we go on this roundabout again in a few weeks. In Jan I took our DD for her vaccination making an appointment for him to see the Dr whilst I was there on 28th Jan. He went to the dr and told him what I had noticed (he now has a shocking short term memory). At the Dr he got a referral for some blood tests and despite constant reminders he just couldn't self motivate himself to go and get it done. On the weekend it was our DS birthday. His parents came for cake on Sat morning and he was fine with them then a few minutes after they left was snappy and cranky. On the Sunday morning it was my son's actual birthday and he woke both myself and my husband at 6am so he could open his present, well my husband didn't get out of bed deciding to go back to sleep. This really upset me and I told him that when he got up an hour later and I also pointed out its a moment in time he will never get back. I am quite an organised person and am the one who gets everyone ready to do something and if I don't do this nothing gets done and we go nowhere. I wonder if I have enabled him to rely on me to tell him what to do so much that now he really needs help he cant' do it or should he still have the motivation to want to do it himself. He finally got the blood test done today after I more or less said if he didn't get help he would have to pack a bag and leave until he had sought help, I just don't know what else I can do to make him want to help himself or if pushing him to get help is the wrong thing to do so would love some advice.

Supporting supporters

replies: 9

Hi Everyone,I'm new to the forum. I've suffered from anxiety and depression on and off throughout my life, but pleased to say I'm well under control these days and can identify when I'm not.Although, that's not what brings me here. Because of my history, a few of my friends see my as the perfect go-to for their own issues with depression and anxiety. In particular, I am running out of ways to support a friend who's new husband is suffering depression and potentially alcoholism.The back story:My friend married her husband 2 months ago. They have been together for a number of years, except for one period where they separated for a few months (her then-boyfriend had sort of a life crisis, treated her badly and cheated on her. Against mine and her father's advice, she took him back).About 6 months before the wedding, her husband slipped into quite severe depression. He was apparently seeing a psychologist, but it didn't seem to be helping him much. He basically cut my friend off from any substantial communication and made her feel very alone. It got so bad that I advised her to call off the wedding for the time being, so that her husband could focus on getting better. She seriously considered this, but I think the pressure of people's expectations made her carry through with the original plan.This week, my friend called me in tears from her car in the garage, refusing to go into her house where her husband is. She's had a bad day at work and is afraid what impact this will have. Her husband won't talk to his wife about anything (unless it's something negative about her or a vague hint at self-harm), stays out nights, won't sleep in their bed, and she's discovered he is consuming gross amounts of alcohol now. She talks to me because she says I understand what they are both going through. I give her advice which she says is helpful, but she is walking on eggshells at home. Afraid to do or say anything that might trigger her husband. I have insisted that her husband return to a psychologist, and they go together, but he won't even consider it. She is getting increasingly desperate, and I am too, to be honest. She herself has suffered depression in the past and I am worried what impact this is having on her.How much more can I help? I don't want to see her husband's illness suck her in, and I sometimes wonder how much of her burden I can take on too.Thank you L. Jane.

Not sure what to do.....

replies: 3

Hi there, My partner and I have been together for 10 yrs and have two beautiful daughters. I have suffered with depression and anxiety for many years but generally have it under control with medication. The reason I am on here?? I am thinking of leaving my partner as I think he has an anxiety problem that leads to major mood swings, anger, frustration and negativity. Sometimes, he agrees there is a problem and other times he says it's in my head and I am just soft. We have been going to relationship counselling and counselling separately for 8 years on and off. Am I hitting my head against a brick wall? I know you may think why am I on here? Shouldn't I be on a relationship advice forum? I'm on here as I honestly think there is an anxiety component to his attitude, possibly even a form of depression. Everything is such an effort for him and annoys him. How do I know if there is a problem (that can be fixed) or this is just him? The counselor said it takes time to learn new behaviour's and I understand that and agree with her but he gets better for a couple of weeks and then becomes difficult again. DDoes anyone have any advice? Thank you

Caring for an adult child with depression and anxiety

replies: 3

My 23 year old daughter has suffered from depression and anxiety since year 11. For the past 5 years we have used counselling and natural therapies to help. During this time she has successfully attended uni and now only has six months of a masters degree to go. In the past 3 months since uni finished last year her depression and panic attacks have increased and she has cut herself off from all friends and stays at home. She has recently started on medication and we are hoping this will help. Apart from work My husband and I stay at home with her so she's not alone. My husband and I don't know if this is helping her or making it harder for her to leave the house as she's in a comfort zone with us. She tells us to go out but as a mum I just need to know she's ok and I feel bad leaving her alone. I just want to help her in the best way I can.

New to this... How do I help him?

replies: 2

My long term boyfriend has recently started to suffer from severe anxiety. Previously he was always the calm and rational person in the relationship but now he is really suffering. Most of the time now he shuts himself in the bathroom in the dark and sits in the bath tub for hours because it's the only thing that makes him feel "normal". I'm deeply concerned for him, he's started taking time of work because he can't face the day and when he does go to work, he ends up spending the rest of the evening in the bath. I managed to convince him to see a doctor about it and he's been given medication now which will hopefully help. I know that this is really difficult for him but I'm really struggling with it too. I don't know what to do, I have no idea how to help him with this and it's making me feel completely helpless. Are there some fundamental do's and dont's that anyone could share with me? I could really use some advice from people who live with a partner who has severe anxiety. RELATED THREADS Upset and distressed about my husband My husband suffers from depression and anxiety, how can I help him? I don't know what to do - partner's anxiety Worried sick about my partner Partners shyness and severe social anxiety is killing our relationship

Out of my depth

replies: 1

Hi , I'm hoping too talk too other mothers or fathers of troubled teenage boys , I'm desperate for advice , assurance and understanding ????

Parents and caregivers: How are you feeling about the social media restrictions for under 16s? replies: 3

Are you supporting a depressed partner? My tips from 18 years of experience replies: 41

should i leave my wife? replies: 4

I love him so much replies: 6

My amazing partner has depression and I am at my wits end replies: 5

Supporting a Carer replies: 2

How can I get my husband to recognise that he needs help? replies: 3

Supporting supporters replies: 9

Not sure what to do..... replies: 3

Caring for an adult child with depression and anxiety replies: 3

New to this... How do I help him? replies: 2

Out of my depth replies: 1