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Sophie_M Parents and caregivers: How are you feeling about the social media restrictions for under 16s?
  • replies: 3

Hey everyone, It’s hard to miss the talk around the new social media restrictions for under 16s, set to roll out across Australia in early December. We’ve heard from some of the younger members of our community, and now we’d love to hear from parents... View more

Hey everyone, It’s hard to miss the talk around the new social media restrictions for under 16s, set to roll out across Australia in early December. We’ve heard from some of the younger members of our community, and now we’d love to hear from parents and caregivers. For some, this change might feel like a welcome relief - a clearer way to manage social media use and protect young people. For others, there may be concerns about how it will affect access to online support, questions around how age verification will actually work, or frustration and powerlessness over a decision beyond our control. All of these feelings are valid. If you’re a parent or caregiver, or you have some young people in your life that will be affected by these restrictions, how are you feeling about this change? We’ve created this space for anyone caring for young people to share their thoughts, ask questions, and support each other through the uncertainty of the months ahead.Kind regardsSophie M

Carmela Are you supporting a depressed partner? My tips from 18 years of experience
  • replies: 41

This list has been compiled from experiences supporting my husband with depression. There is no one size fits all, so please take what you are comfortable with based on your circumstances and resources. 1. Reach out to family and/or friends to feel s... View more

This list has been compiled from experiences supporting my husband with depression. There is no one size fits all, so please take what you are comfortable with based on your circumstances and resources. 1. Reach out to family and/or friends to feel supported - this also covers support groups - online or face to face. Don't let stigma stop you from reaching out. 2. Relationship boundaries - identify what is acceptable and not. My general platform is that physical abuse is unacceptable as well as regular demeaning/berating comments. Communicate this openly so everyone understands. 3. Coping tools - this could be exercise, meditation, reading a book, meeting friends, etc. They are important for your mental health. 4. Knowledge is power - research to understand about depression. The more you know, the better care you can provide. 5. Remember your partner in the good times - this is their true selves, not the darkness. 6. Listen and show receptivity - without judgement or anger. If communicate becomes strained, the timeout can provide clarity. Encourage communication gently and try not to push. 7. Seek counselling - sharing your feelings can provide an opportunity to off load the heavy stuff and identify resilience and coping strategies. 8. Work as a team - don't let mental illness be in the driver's seat. Offer to go to the Dr's and support them. Understand medication and side effects. Be understanding that some days are harder than others. 9. Words are powerful - remember what you say cannot be taken back. 10. Carer Self-esteem and self-worth - if you compromise these for the sake of supporting your partner, you are likely to live with resentment towards your partner and the circumstances you find yourself in. 11. Don't forget the children - challenging circumstances at home can affect them mentally and emotionally. Speak about mental illness (COPMI.com.au - has some great resources) and be a strong foundation toward maintaining normality in their daily activities. 12. Intimacy - there are many variables here, so from my experience - keep communication open and make couple time to connect. When my husband was depressed, daily hugs or holding hands wherever possible worked for us. Some carers I have spoken with said their partner would demand intimacy. My personal position is that intimacy is about love without demands or attachments relating to expectation. Demands only deplete the goodness in the connection and sharing a a loving experience. [Moderator's note: this thread is for sharing tips on what has worked for you in supported a loved one with a mental health condition. In order to help us keep this thread focused on solutions, please start a new thread if you are seeking support from the community around how to best support your loved one.]

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ConcernedScot Help needed - 29yr old brother who might be seriously depressed
  • replies: 1

Hi - I'm a new member, 31 years old, sister of a 29 year old man who I am getting increasingly worried about. My younger brother is bright and creative yet struggles to hold down a job, and has dropped out of two uni courses (never got past the first... View more

Hi - I'm a new member, 31 years old, sister of a 29 year old man who I am getting increasingly worried about. My younger brother is bright and creative yet struggles to hold down a job, and has dropped out of two uni courses (never got past the first term of the first year). Has had a few casual relationships with much younger, fragile girls. Quit his most recent job at a bar (has only ever worked at a bar) as he had trouble with management. He doesnt like any kind of authority. He has really bad eczema, all over his body and awful on his face which affects his confidence. He has had trouble with running up online gambling debts, thinking he's smarter than the system (he's not), and can always win (he doesn't). He is currently living in a unit owned by our loving (if a bit interfering and overbearing) parents, hasn't worked for about 8 months, has no money, pays no rent or bills, and sleeps all the time - mainly during the day. He has cried in front of my mum as he really has very few friends, no relationship, an inability to hold down a job, no money, seriously bad skin disorder. He puts on a brave face for me, but I know things are bad. i think he needs to seek professional help but he is so typical for a young man - proud, embarrassed, he won't even see a dermatologist for his skin. We are all so worried but he won't open up, won't stay in touch if we try and talk to him (avoid calls / texts etc). Does anyone have any advice? I'm so worried and he won't open up. he doesn't really drink but I think he takes a lot of non-prescription painkillers for a sore back. Thanks, Mrs D

Sandy1234 Should I stay or leave?
  • replies: 1

My partner and I have been together for about 6 months now. He had chased me for a long time but I didn't feel ready. But once we got together I fell in love quickly and want things for my future that I hadnt wanted with anyone else. Anyway, before w... View more

My partner and I have been together for about 6 months now. He had chased me for a long time but I didn't feel ready. But once we got together I fell in love quickly and want things for my future that I hadnt wanted with anyone else. Anyway, before we got together his sister killed herself. He relied on me a lot during this time and I felt we were bonded in a way as my best friend had done the same thing, in the same way. So I understood and do understand the different stages you go through when something like that happens. The problem is though, straight after it happened he blocked his emotions because he was too busy taking care of his parents and others around him. So yes he seemed down obviously but he was still himself. Now, nearly a year after it happened he is at the worst point I think he has been in. I am not asking for any sympathy as obviously this is such a traumatic thing that has happened to him but as a partner, someone who has been prone to depression in the past myself, its hard to be around that and not resent the way hes become, the life we are living and disappointment in the life I thought we would live to what the reality is. We never do anything, he just wants to watch tv all the time where he used to always be doing things, going places.. He says he doesn't know how to have fun anymore. We hardly ever have sex, which comes from both sides - him probably cos hes depressed and just not feeling sexy and from me, because I feel disconnected from him. I feel there is no passion anymore. I feel we are just friends or flatmates. I dont feel loved. I feel like I am irritating to him and that he doesn't want me around. He rolls his eyes at me. He gets angry easily. I dont look forward to coming home. I feel depressed about it all myself and the life we are living. I have told him all this before and he understands it and says things will change and he needs to show me more love but they don't. So should I stay and support and bring myself down with him? Or should I leave?

LilPuddles Communication problems with long distance boyfriend
  • replies: 0

So im really struggling at the moment and i have no where else to post this. I kinda just need to vent i guess. My boyfriend of over 3 years lives 4 hours away. He has depression and anxiety and i have bipolar. We have always struggled with communica... View more

So im really struggling at the moment and i have no where else to post this. I kinda just need to vent i guess. My boyfriend of over 3 years lives 4 hours away. He has depression and anxiety and i have bipolar. We have always struggled with communication and i tend to think a lot of it is his doing (although i KNOW im not easy either). To be honest im not even sure where to start. I guess a brief history is best? He was adopted and has had little communication with his drug addled birth mother. She is not interested in having a relationship with him although he hangs on to it, regularly the cause of his anger. His adoptive mother died 5 years ago. His ex wife and another girlfriend left him close to bankrupt and he recently paid off the debt they left him with. He struggles with abandonment issues. He had a victim mentality and when he isnt playing victim he is busy hating himself for everything that has ever gone wrong in his life. January is the anniversary of his mothers death and also her birthday, its also the time of the year we spend the longest apart. He gets lonely but wont move here, and is impossible to deal with from xmas till his birthday in February. So, back to the communication problems. I suck at this. A lot. Im not good at sympathy, as the way ive always lived (and it hasnt been easy) is pick yourself up, dust yourself off and keep going. If you cant ask for help. I dont wallow i dont complain and ive never been a victim of my circumstances. He is the exact opposite. He feels that he cant say anything without upsetting me, and i feel i cant say anything without upsetting him!!! He has had the same issue with all girlfriends yet ive never had this issue before. Ive stopped telling him anything much, because it always comes back to him and whats going on with him. I struggle with an arthritic condition too so im often in pain, yet i refuse to bring others down because of it. Im tired of him complaining about everything all the time, while my problems go un heard. I dont know how to respond to his stuff, because he either gets upset, says i dont understand, gets angry or sulks. I find it frustrating and im sure he does too, but i dont know what im supposed to do! Im really at a loss with this, ive tried all sorts of different ways to communicate effectively and nothing works!! Im tired, and frustrated and upset and i wish i could help him, but i cant if its detrimental to my own health.

Laladodo Feel desperate about my husband with double depression and avoidant personality traits
  • replies: 1

Hi everyone, I am a first time mother and I really feel desperate to deal with my husband. Could you please give me some advice?We met online at 2010 and married at 2013. On January 2014, I had our first baby. On February he was made redundant by his... View more

Hi everyone, I am a first time mother and I really feel desperate to deal with my husband. Could you please give me some advice?We met online at 2010 and married at 2013. On January 2014, I had our first baby. On February he was made redundant by his company which he worked there for 13 years. He went to depression episodes since March: he was missing twice, he was taken away from home by police once; he was admitted by psychiatric ward in hospital twice.I felt very sad to see him suffer and I tried my best to support him: took him to see GP, searched the websites to find the treatment and psychologist for him, accompany him for the medical appointments, running between home and hospital to see him and support him. At meantime, I need to look after my baby and adjust myself as a first time mother with all sorts of pressure from life… In September, he was diagnosed by psychiatrist with Dysthymic disorder (more than 20 years), Superimposing major depression episode and Avoidant personality traits. And since October, we decided to go to private mental hospital for Day program training and his depression has been controlled. However, his personality started to change from a gentle person to a very picky and aggressive person. And his behaviour has become erratic and unpredictable. Under huge stress for nearly one year, my body started to show warning signs to me: my heart started to have extra heart beat and I can not breathe property but only with shallow breathing. While I found difficulty to cope with the stress in life, he was so focus on “speak out his voice” and “fix the problems” on me. In December, he did family violence (emotional abuse and isolation) on me. Under the help of social worker, I moved out with my baby and rent a property. And I took the advice from social work and applied intervention order from court. But on the hearing day, I decided to withdraw the application as I don’t want to hurthim. After I moved out, he has been very angry with me and he claimed to see baby and looked after baby by himself for 3 days a week. I scared about him and proposed supervised access. He did not like it and he did not allowed me to travel internationally with baby to visit my family until baby is 18 years old...we can not sign the parenting plan and I do not feel safe to take baby to him. Both of us felt frustrated! I do not know how to solve this problem except go to court.....

KrissyK Partners shyness and severe social anxiety is killing our relationship.
  • replies: 2

Hi, I need some advice on how to cope with my partners severe shyness and social anxiety. We are both in our 30s and have known each other for 18 years, been in a relationship for a year, getting married next year. He is the most wonderful, caring, l... View more

Hi, I need some advice on how to cope with my partners severe shyness and social anxiety. We are both in our 30s and have known each other for 18 years, been in a relationship for a year, getting married next year. He is the most wonderful, caring, loving man ive ever met, I love him dearly but his anxiety issues are having an intense impact on our lives. He does not socialize in any situation, he sits and just listens, he has no friends except for me and panics if I want to leave the house to see friends or anything without him. He follows me around the house constantly and whenever I say I need some space for a few hours he refuses to listen and respect it. He does not like any time alone and I am at the end of my rope. Help me:(

Peper I don't know what do to - Partner's anxiety
  • replies: 3

Hello, This is my first post on here, i had a hard time finding a forum like this, for people who live with people with anxiety and depression. Really nice to find this place! My bf suffers from anxiety, he is on medication for almost a year now. Whe... View more

Hello, This is my first post on here, i had a hard time finding a forum like this, for people who live with people with anxiety and depression. Really nice to find this place! My bf suffers from anxiety, he is on medication for almost a year now. When he gets anxious it makes him angry. I can not handle his anger. And its weird, cause i can tell the difference from when he is naturally angry and anxiety-angry. He snaps at me, everything i do annoys him, he sometimes thinks i do things on purpose just to get on his nerve and tons of other stuff. No he has never hit me nor has he threaten to do so. I am really patient about this as i have been through OCD and do know a thing or two about anxiety disorders, but all cases are different and i cant seem to help my partner. I have maintained my life-friends etc, as i knew from the beginning that this is going to be a bumpy road, so i have done my best to take care of myself, except one thing. I haven't talked about this to many people, i haven't expressed my concerns, cause i cant find people who will understand. Until yesterday, i discovered a friend was going through the same and i opened up. it did help a bit , although i do feel a bit exposed, cause of course, i forgot to mention, with all my partners anxiety , mine has started to flare up again. I have read that irritability is a common symptom of anxiety, but does it take an angry person to get an angry anxious person? i mean, is it in his character too? He seems to believe so, im trying to tell him its mostly his anxiety, but i know it can be a combination. Yet, when he is anxious, he turns into a completely different man. He's sweet, funny, can take a joke, than all of a sudden, he starts snapping at me. Well, to be honest at first it was "all of a sudden", now i can tell when he is anxious even before he suspects it. I do think he also suffers from depression. i also think that the doctor he goes to is not that good, but at the moment its the only one he is willing to go to, so i haven't expressed my concerns about her. Is anyone in the same situation? any tips? I do not know what to do, now every time he snaps i start crying. And i usually can control my emotions pretty well. Thanks for reading!

Tully1803 Husband's depression & abusive/withrawn beahviour pushing me away
  • replies: 3

Hi There I have suffered from depression and anxiety most of my life but have been doing really well for the past few years. My husband however has recently been diagnosed with depression, although my guess is he has been suffering for years. For yea... View more

Hi There I have suffered from depression and anxiety most of my life but have been doing really well for the past few years. My husband however has recently been diagnosed with depression, although my guess is he has been suffering for years. For years he has pushed me away with his "I'm fine" attitude, refusing to speak with me or if he does just yelling at me telling me its all my fault. He has been unmotivated, grumpy, angry. I have felt like I am parenting 2 children - him and our 3 year old. We have been to marriage counselling on several occasions, the most recent finishing in December. In these sessions he continues with the "I'm fine" line and says barely a thing. I have told him on numerous occasions I am very unhappy, but he just doesn't hear me. 2 wks ago he was admitted to hospital after self presenting due to suicidal thoughts - I am pleased that he has taken that step. Up until yesterday when we visit him he just sits there, barely says a thing & refused to talk about whats going on. The past 2 visits he has yelled at me, telling me I don't care about him, I don't support him, I'm not there for him, I'm toxic to him, I'm nasty to him. Yesterday he even asked me to leave - the whole visit lasted no more than 5 mins. I'm really tired of this behaviour. After years of being treated like this I feel like I have almost moved on from my husband and am struggling to feel much apart from anger towards him. Suffering from depression & suicidal thoughts myself - I know how tough it can be. Which leads me to another issue for me. 4 years ago I was admitted to hospital and my husband refused to visit me the whole time basically saying he couldn't deal with it. I was admitted with our daughter and he wouldn't even visit her. He refused to take care of the finances etc and so I also had to manage that from hospital. Right now my husband is not getting paid, so I have to manage our finances, care for our daughter, keep in contact with his work and go to work . I am struggling to support him emotionally, but I feel I am supporting him in other ways - by keeping our life going. With all this going on I just feel anger towards him and I feel guilty about that. But I have worked so hard to pull myself out of depression, I just don't want to go there again. How do I support him without allowing him to treat me like this? Or does there come a point where the marriage is just over? Appreciate any thoughts

Whitepink59 How do I help a friend in need?
  • replies: 1

Hi, I am new to this forum. Thanks for having me here. My friend is suffering from severe depression. He attempted suicide recently and is now in lockdown in a clinic. I want to help, but don't have much experience with this kind of thing. We are rel... View more

Hi, I am new to this forum. Thanks for having me here. My friend is suffering from severe depression. He attempted suicide recently and is now in lockdown in a clinic. I want to help, but don't have much experience with this kind of thing. We are relatively new friends. I visited him this week and have been sending him messages by SMS most days in order to check and stay connected. I asked him what I can do to help. Once they give him a leave pass from the clinic, we are planning to start training in the local park and the local gym. what else can or should I do? I don't want to crowd him, or patronise him. I know everyone is different, but I would appreciate any suggestions about what more I could do.

LeighS Worried sick about my partner
  • replies: 1

My partner of 9 years has suffered from depression for over 12 months. As a health care professional who provides counseling to others experiencing the same illness, he has self diagnosed himself as having Melancholy. Every so often he has flare ups ... View more

My partner of 9 years has suffered from depression for over 12 months. As a health care professional who provides counseling to others experiencing the same illness, he has self diagnosed himself as having Melancholy. Every so often he has flare ups where he'll burst into tears and won't be able to verbalise what is upsetting him. When I have raised his depression as something concerning me, on several occassions he has mentionedsuicide and then shrugged it off as a joke when I have become distressed by his comments. Today he had another episode, in which he said he didn't think things would ever improve and wondered aloud whether it was worth the effort (it meaning living). Despite all of this he refuses to see a professional, saying he knows what they will say and that it will be a waste of time.We have genuine stressors (financial issues, multiple jobs, recently moving house) and some of these will continue to cause stress into the future. I' ve previously suffered from anxiety/depression but have not been suicidal. I'm genuinely worried about my partner but do know what to do or say without making things worse. I'm having trouble sleeping and my imagination is running wild with worst case scenarios. How do I help him?beyondblue’s clinically-trained moderators often work offline (invisible to you) on issues relating to suicide or self-harm. At the same time, general supportive comments from the community are encouraged. If you have concerns around suicide or self-harm, please phone our support service on 1300 22 4636.

CatR Caring is hard...
  • replies: 4

Hello I'm new to these forums. I am a carer for my husband, who has a disability, due to car accident. I met him after his accident. We have been married for one year but have been together for 6 years. Lately I have been finding my role as his carer... View more

Hello I'm new to these forums. I am a carer for my husband, who has a disability, due to car accident. I met him after his accident. We have been married for one year but have been together for 6 years. Lately I have been finding my role as his carer to be stressful and overwhelming. We are attempting to get custody of his daughter, who lives with his ex wife's parents. This is an additional worry for me be cause although I knew that being a carer for my husband would be difficult I didn't expect the possibility of being responsible for his daughter as well. I have experienced depression and anxiety and self harm some years ago. I am not having any thoughts of self harm currently but I am afraid that i may eventually spiral back to that. As it is I do everything at home, I go to work I do the housework and manage the bills. I feel very much alone in all of this and our lives look nothing at all how I expected or wanted. My GP has referred me for some medicare funded counseling. Having been through that system before I don't have much faith in getting anything helpful out of it.