Supporting family and friends

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Parents and caregivers: How are you feeling about the social media restrictions for under 16s?

replies: 3

Hey everyone, It’s hard to miss the talk around the new social media restrictions for under 16s, set to roll out across Australia in early December. We’ve heard from some of the younger members of our community, and now we’d love to hear from parents and caregivers. For some, this change might feel like a welcome relief - a clearer way to manage social media use and protect young people. For others, there may be concerns about how it will affect access to online support, questions around how age verification will actually work, or frustration and powerlessness over a decision beyond our control. All of these feelings are valid. If you’re a parent or caregiver, or you have some young people in your life that will be affected by these restrictions, how are you feeling about this change? We’ve created this space for anyone caring for young people to share their thoughts, ask questions, and support each other through the uncertainty of the months ahead.Kind regardsSophie M

Are you supporting a depressed partner? My tips from 18 years of experience

replies: 41

This list has been compiled from experiences supporting my husband with depression. There is no one size fits all, so please take what you are comfortable with based on your circumstances and resources. 1. Reach out to family and/or friends to feel supported - this also covers support groups - online or face to face. Don't let stigma stop you from reaching out. 2. Relationship boundaries - identify what is acceptable and not. My general platform is that physical abuse is unacceptable as well as regular demeaning/berating comments. Communicate this openly so everyone understands. 3. Coping tools - this could be exercise, meditation, reading a book, meeting friends, etc. They are important for your mental health. 4. Knowledge is power - research to understand about depression. The more you know, the better care you can provide. 5. Remember your partner in the good times - this is their true selves, not the darkness. 6. Listen and show receptivity - without judgement or anger. If communicate becomes strained, the timeout can provide clarity. Encourage communication gently and try not to push. 7. Seek counselling - sharing your feelings can provide an opportunity to off load the heavy stuff and identify resilience and coping strategies. 8. Work as a team - don't let mental illness be in the driver's seat. Offer to go to the Dr's and support them. Understand medication and side effects. Be understanding that some days are harder than others. 9. Words are powerful - remember what you say cannot be taken back. 10. Carer Self-esteem and self-worth - if you compromise these for the sake of supporting your partner, you are likely to live with resentment towards your partner and the circumstances you find yourself in. 11. Don't forget the children - challenging circumstances at home can affect them mentally and emotionally. Speak about mental illness (COPMI.com.au - has some great resources) and be a strong foundation toward maintaining normality in their daily activities. 12. Intimacy - there are many variables here, so from my experience - keep communication open and make couple time to connect. When my husband was depressed, daily hugs or holding hands wherever possible worked for us. Some carers I have spoken with said their partner would demand intimacy. My personal position is that intimacy is about love without demands or attachments relating to expectation. Demands only deplete the goodness in the connection and sharing a a loving experience. [Moderator's note: this thread is for sharing tips on what has worked for you in supported a loved one with a mental health condition. In order to help us keep this thread focused on solutions, please start a new thread if you are seeking support from the community around how to best support your loved one.]

by Carmela •

Blue Voices Member•

Posted in Supporting family and friends

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15-07-2016

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If you love someone with depression, you need to watch this

replies: 5

This is "Living With A Black Dog", a short video for loved ones of people experiencing depression. It gives you tips on what to do, what not to do, and how to survive and thrive through the journey of recovery together. What's your favourite tip from... View more

Distressed girlfriend

replies: 6

This is my first forum post and have spent the past couple of hours looking through the forum but was hoping for some more advice. I have been with my boyfriend for roughly 1.5 years and we have lived together for about 8 months. Before we became a couple I was aware he was battling depression but after a couple of weeks he was happy, working and we both thought we had found the light at the end of the tunnel. It has only been the past 3 months where everything has spun downhill. He is pushing me away, drinking heavily and not putting any effort into our relationship. Yesterday he finally broke down and told me that he has hit rock bottom. I don't know what to do. I hate seeing him upset and I hate that I've been crying daily because of the stress aswell. When I bring up getting help he closes off and accuses me of trying to force him on medication. I am worried for him, myself and us a couple and I just don't know what to do anymore

I don't know where to turn - partner with borderline personality disorder

replies: 2

Hi Sorry I am very new to this. I have had the same partner on and off for a couple of years. He was diagnosed with bpd last year and he has steadly got worse.I know he has some narcissistic traits as well. I just don't know where to turn to get help on how to cope with everything. Reading some of the research I have found and its scary how it has described him to a tee.. Where do I start? =(

Is it Anxiety?

replies: 2

Hi all, I have a 4 and a half year old boy that I am beginning to worry about. Ever since he started kindy he has been easily upset, doesn't want to go (he was very excited about starting school), emotional. He needs to be the one in control and like things a particular way. If I drop him at school, he screams that he doesn't want me to go and that he doesn't want to be there. If someone else drops him off he is fine. Once I am gone he settles quickly and is fine for the rest of the day. If he wants something done (by me or anyone else) he wants it done NOW and gets upset if it isn't done. Am I right to be concerned or is he just an emotional, typical 4 year old.... I look forward to your suggestions. Thank you

Love of my life turned stranger

replies: 1

I was with my ex partner for almost a year. Was a true love story, the man of my dreams and I was so in love and happy. About 6 months ago a family member of mine got very sick and he was there for me through thick and thin, my rock. Also, through all of that we were going through life changing decisions in our own lives: where to live, where to settle down, kids, marriage, life, career, etc, etc. We started a fairy tale relationship but encountered quite a few hurdles in a short amount of time but thought we were handling everything quite well. My partner started to retreat about 4 months ago. He stopped enjoying activities we used to love, stopped talking about future plans. Even told me he thought about suicide. I was desperate to help and tried everything in my power to make him happy. Bent over backwards to do sweet things for him, make him feel special, even neglected my own family and life for a period of time. Which in hindsight was silly. I wanted to get him back closer to family so we decided to move back to his hometown in hopes they could help. On the drive back, we had many arguments. Mostly over him not saying a word for miles and miles in the car and me feeling hopeless to make him happy and try to have fun which was a daunting task. About half way through the trip back, he ended it with me. Saying "this relationship is hopeless, I've given up". That was it, and I had to spend the next 3 days in the car with him and he went back home and I went to stay with friends in a different city.It has been 6 weeks since that day he dropped me off. I gave him space and time and have since tried to reach out. Sent him a letter of how I feel for him, a couple texts, and I spoke with him on the phone once. He sounded much worse than he did when he dropped me off, almost angry to be speaking with me. Reiterating that "it is hopeless and he has given up". His family has stayed in touch with me and a couple days ago his father said that he has not left the house since being back 6 weeks ago and has been telling his family to leave him alone and not speak with him. He has not seen any friends, not gone back to work, nothing. And is still ignoring me. I feel so at a loss. I am leaving the country in a matter of days, have lost the love of my life and now I am the one that feels hopeless to help him. Not sure if this is breakup blues or depression and not sure how, if at all I can help. beyondblue's clinically-trained moderators often work offline (invisible to you) on issues relating to suicide or self-harm. At the same time, general supportive comments from the community are encouraged. If you have concerns around suicide or self-harm, please phone our support service on 1300 22 4636.

Daughter refuses to continue with her medication

replies: 10

After finally being given meds for depression after seeking help for almost 4 yrs, my 16 yr old daughter was doing really well. Now, suddenly, after being on meds for 2 months, she has stopped taking them. She says that she doesn't recognize herself when she is on the meds and that it is her choice. We are now back to square one and 'her' decision is affecting everyone. She acknowledged a long time ago that she had a problem but now this. I haven't a clue what to do or how to get her back on the meds or willing to see the GP. She is vile and really hurtful without the medication and I'm at my wits end.

How can I help my 26 year old daughter?

replies: 1

Hi there, I am new to these forums, and I just need some help/guidance on how I can best help my daughter. She has depression and is on medication. She is also seeing a therapist. She graduated from uni three years ago but hasn't had a full time job/career. There are many issues here, like not really knowing what she wants to do, all of her friends have careers, feeling like a failure, feeling lonely, not having ever had a serious relationship, still living at home. She has a great group of friends, and she has made great progress this year, but there are always days when she just feels so sad, cries a lot, stays in her room, and quite frankly it scares the hell out of me. I am so worried about her. I know I can't push her about looking for a job, but sometimes I just get frustrated and lose it as well...I am going through menopause so that isn't helping, I work full time with a very stressful job...which I feel like just quitting so I can just help her get better. It's when she calls me and she can't stop crying that I feel so helpless. thx RoseS

"I seem to be so far down the list..."

replies: 12

Even tho the last year has almost solely been spent on diagnosing & getting DH to treatment I'm still listening to repeated (important) statements that i'm not sure how to address. From him... How do i know what you really want I seem to be so far down that list. Where is the space between sewing, quilting, swimming etc There is no space While I have undoubtedly filled spaces where he was napping morning , afternoon & night, I need to keep myself fit & healthy, my craft work is pleasurable,productive & protects me from depression & brain rot as it's applied maths. i understand he doesn't have such pleasures at the moment,however my pleasures don't take away from his. PS hes still not back home or making any attempts to do so, hes also stopped couples therapy but is seeing a psychiatrist at least monthly & is re-trying mood stabilizers with a slower increase in dose. Thanks for your help in advance

My partner is pushing me away

replies: 4

Me and my partner have been living with each other for 18mnth now and during these 18mnths we have been blossomed. Last year in April she was diagnosed with crohns disease and was prescribed with steroids to help cure, since then it has helped and she was feeling better but as time went on she would get real down and ask why would I want to be with her and that I would be so much happier without her she has also been crying and is unable to cope with simple tasks in work uni and family, ofcourse I try and tell her I'm not leaving and I'm here to support her and after a week of her being down she would pick back up. This year tho has been hard she has been ill in other ways and it's her final year in uni, in the last month she has had a couple days where she is happy but mostly down, she has been saying thing like " your being so distent to me " and saying thing like she exhausted and soo tired and always crying I think she has major depression, in the last week she has said she inst sure about our relationship and feels I'm so much better without her and has turned around and said she doesn't want to renew q lease with me with our lease running out in q month these decisions just coming out of no where. I'm very lost atm I have come to the fact our relationship won't last and I'm alright with that due to support with my family but I'm scared she will never get help and with her family who are so against the idea of councillors and psychologists saying they are for crazy people. I'm scared she will always be like this, I would love to stay with her but even if we don't I still care for her. My question is how do I convince her to see someone about her problems before they get worse and given the fact she's very family orientated and lives by what they say how do I persuade she has a problem and she needs professional help Thankyou

Torn

replies: 2

My husband has suffered with depression to varying degrees for years. Since moving to Australia a few years ago, I have stayed home with the children. My husband is very hard working but has limited input with our kids and the household. He has just agreed to get treatment which is an extremely positive step and I am very happy that he is doing this. I have the opportunity to go back to work but the role is as a first responder and this would require my husband to take a primary care role with the kids. I would have to work shift work I am extremely concerned about how this will affect him and the children. I have tried for over a year to get this position and really want it for myself. However, my children have to be my primary concern. Am I being selfish to go for this? Is it unfair and unrealistic to expect my husband to cope with this extra pressure? As immigrants, we have no family to help out with childcare. My children are extremely distressed at the prospect of me going to work and my husband has said he would prefer I stay home. Can therapy make a big difference and is it a possibility that my husband might be better able to cope? Am I best to forget about the job and look after my family? I would really appreciate some advice.

Parents and caregivers: How are you feeling about the social media restrictions for under 16s? replies: 3

Are you supporting a depressed partner? My tips from 18 years of experience replies: 41

If you love someone with depression, you need to watch this replies: 5

Distressed girlfriend replies: 6

I don't know where to turn - partner with borderline personality disorder replies: 2

Is it Anxiety? replies: 2

Love of my life turned stranger replies: 1

Daughter refuses to continue with her medication replies: 10

How can I help my 26 year old daughter? replies: 1

"I seem to be so far down the list..." replies: 12

My partner is pushing me away replies: 4

Torn replies: 2