Supporting family and friends

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Parents and caregivers: How are you feeling about the social media restrictions for under 16s?

replies: 3

Hey everyone, It’s hard to miss the talk around the new social media restrictions for under 16s, set to roll out across Australia in early December. We’ve heard from some of the younger members of our community, and now we’d love to hear from parents and caregivers. For some, this change might feel like a welcome relief - a clearer way to manage social media use and protect young people. For others, there may be concerns about how it will affect access to online support, questions around how age verification will actually work, or frustration and powerlessness over a decision beyond our control. All of these feelings are valid. If you’re a parent or caregiver, or you have some young people in your life that will be affected by these restrictions, how are you feeling about this change? We’ve created this space for anyone caring for young people to share their thoughts, ask questions, and support each other through the uncertainty of the months ahead.Kind regardsSophie M

Are you supporting a depressed partner? My tips from 18 years of experience

replies: 41

This list has been compiled from experiences supporting my husband with depression. There is no one size fits all, so please take what you are comfortable with based on your circumstances and resources. 1. Reach out to family and/or friends to feel supported - this also covers support groups - online or face to face. Don't let stigma stop you from reaching out. 2. Relationship boundaries - identify what is acceptable and not. My general platform is that physical abuse is unacceptable as well as regular demeaning/berating comments. Communicate this openly so everyone understands. 3. Coping tools - this could be exercise, meditation, reading a book, meeting friends, etc. They are important for your mental health. 4. Knowledge is power - research to understand about depression. The more you know, the better care you can provide. 5. Remember your partner in the good times - this is their true selves, not the darkness. 6. Listen and show receptivity - without judgement or anger. If communicate becomes strained, the timeout can provide clarity. Encourage communication gently and try not to push. 7. Seek counselling - sharing your feelings can provide an opportunity to off load the heavy stuff and identify resilience and coping strategies. 8. Work as a team - don't let mental illness be in the driver's seat. Offer to go to the Dr's and support them. Understand medication and side effects. Be understanding that some days are harder than others. 9. Words are powerful - remember what you say cannot be taken back. 10. Carer Self-esteem and self-worth - if you compromise these for the sake of supporting your partner, you are likely to live with resentment towards your partner and the circumstances you find yourself in. 11. Don't forget the children - challenging circumstances at home can affect them mentally and emotionally. Speak about mental illness (COPMI.com.au - has some great resources) and be a strong foundation toward maintaining normality in their daily activities. 12. Intimacy - there are many variables here, so from my experience - keep communication open and make couple time to connect. When my husband was depressed, daily hugs or holding hands wherever possible worked for us. Some carers I have spoken with said their partner would demand intimacy. My personal position is that intimacy is about love without demands or attachments relating to expectation. Demands only deplete the goodness in the connection and sharing a a loving experience. [Moderator's note: this thread is for sharing tips on what has worked for you in supported a loved one with a mental health condition. In order to help us keep this thread focused on solutions, please start a new thread if you are seeking support from the community around how to best support your loved one.]

by Carmela •

Blue Voices Member•

Posted in Supporting family and friends

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15-07-2016

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Boyfriend not coping

replies: 6

I was seeing my boyfriend for just over 12 months, when he expressed that he didn't know if he could handle being in a relationship. Since our relationship started, he has been involved in an ugly divorce process with a lot of turmoil caused by his ex-wife. Our relationship and his happiness changed when this process started several months ago. His reason for not wanting to be in a relationship stemmed from having his head full of the turmoil his life was taking. He has been sad about our breakup since this happened, as I have been. He admits he has not been a happy person for some time, and when I suggested that he may even be suffering some depression, he agreed. While I have been hurt dealing with the breakup, I also know that he is in a difficult place and is not coping very well with life and his divorce. I have offered him friendship and support during this time, but am also aware that I have to move on with my own life, as hanging in there hoping for something more may only lead to disappointment in the future. Naturally I care strongly for him, and want to help as much as I can. Can you offer any suggestions as to how I can help, and also help me to understand why he would decide to push something positive (our relationship) away during this difficult time.

Newbie post - feeling lost and afraid

replies: 14

Hi all, just wanted to introduce myself. I am supporting my early 20's son through his own issues and can't help but get swirled in. It is now affecting my own mental and physical health, jobs, friendships, capacity to function. I have an appointment to see a psychologist this week but I guess I am just wanting to reach out to others who are struggling in similar ways? I totally get that I need to "fit my own oxygen mask first, before attempting to help others", hence my newbie membership on Beyond Blue. I will begin to read the wealth of resource material that I am seeing here and spend some time on these forums, it is a great comfort to me to see that I am not alone. For the record, I am female, in my early 50's, in the ACT. Thanks for reading.

Worried about my wife

replies: 2

I'm pretty sure my wife has postpartum depression and some PTSD. She had some PPD with our oldest kids, and has just gone back to uni after our youngest son was born, which is awesome and I am really excited for her to be getting back to her studies. We've had a big falling out with my parents recently, with some irrational arguments on both sides. My wife is very hurt after the argument and is convinced that my parents would be happier if she wasn't around. As a result, we haven't been speaking to them and our children aren't allowed to see their grandparents. I miss the relationship with my parents and I don't want my kids going too long without seeing them, but I want to make sure that I am supporting my wife. My wife has every right to be hurt by what happened, but she has made a decision that affects our whole family. She says she is happier now without having anything to do with them, but I think she may be pushing everything inside and not dealing with it. I think she needs to see a counselor, but she is very reluctant, even though there is a free service available to her. Whenever she gets upset she has nightmares about stuff that happened when she was younger. There is a lot more involved, as always it is a complicated situation. I'm so overwhelmed, I don't know how to handle it all. I want her to be happy, but I want our family to be mended as well. I would really appreciate any advice.

Newbie looking for advice

replies: 3

Hi all, i am new here and a bit afraid. My mother is severely depressed and has withdrawn socially and does not want to do anything or leave the house. Her gp diagnosed her with depression about 2 months ago and she went into a bad state where she froze and could not speak so we went to the hospital and they said it was not depression and that she was having seizures and they stopped the antidepressants that were prescribed and she is now on epileptic medication and was diagnosed with epilepsy. I still think that she has depression and the gp has advised that she is severely depressed and needs to see a psychiatrist. We finally have an appointment tomorrow but I just want to ask is it normal for her to talk about things that aren't real and to feel paranoid about us losing the house etc? I am really worried and just want my mum back!

New to forum,but not new to Depression & My Son

replies: 10

Hi all, I have looked through this site before and found it a bit difficult to navigate. Hope I can get some advice though. I'm a single mother to two adult children 26 & 21. I found out about 8yrs ago that I was adopted, which means that for 43yrs I believed my parents to have been my biological parents. My mother died before anything was said to me, and my father decided to tell me even though he and my mother had previously agreed not to tell me until I was 50. So my father told me a few years early. Anyhow, what troubles and severely depresses me is my relationship with my son - 21yr old. Recently, he broke up with his girlfriend of 2yrs, he failed two Uni courses and he himself has become severely depressed. To the extent that he said Online that he wanted to hurt himself. The second occasion when this occurred, police arrived at my door and we went to Local hospital's Mental Health unit. So, he is seeing a psychologist, but I am not certain the psychologist is getting the full picture. Also, he has now found himself a new girlfriend and basically seems to focus entirely on her. I am finding it difficult to cope. He is secretive and avoidant. He 'wants to lead his own life'. I know there are other people in much worse circumstances than myself, but I miss the son I once knew. I also feel kind of terrible because none of the other young men in our circle behave like my son. I am seeing a psychologist myself. She thinks my son may have some aspects of ADD, in as much as he is disorganised in both thinking and actions, unreliable, impulsive, has poor insight and poor self awareness. The trouble is that I don't have the strategies to cope with all this. I'm sorry if this seems pretty disjointed, I guess that's part of how I am.

Advice

replies: 2

Hi, My beautiful husband has depression. He has other medical issues but this is the one which affects him the most. The past three years since he lost his job and is now full time but casual he has been up and down with it and I just do not know what to do. He sleeps so much of the time, does not want to do anything etc... I am at my wits end and find it too hard to cope with.

seeing the car crash ahead - how do i avoid it?

replies: 9

Hi - I'm seeking some advice. I have been with my husband for 13 years and he was diagnosed with depression nearly 10 years ago. Most here will know that once you are over the initial reality, you try and you fail to manage and support appropriately, and then you fall into familiar patterns. Some good, some not so good. He has not seen a counsellor or therapist for years. My observation of his triggers are situations where he fears he does not have control, or where he believes he is being told what to do (being denied choice/control). Mostly this manifests in small incidents that can be managed - telling me what he will do without consultation with me ("I'm going away this weekend"), becoming obsessive about the state of the kitchen (scooping everything off the benches and dumping it in another room - sadly this obsessiveness does not extend to the rest of the house…). Whilst this can be inconvenient, I don't take it personally and we manage. We are planning a 3 month overseas holiday with our 10 yo daughter at the end of the year. We're all very excited. We travel well together, where the mundane and expectations of everyday are absent. We spoke this week of planning, accommodation etc. He has stated (and I know) that he does not like staying at other people's houses. In fact he has become very anti-social unless it is in our own home. We have been offered accommodation in London with some friends of ours who have a large house, my brother also lives in London so I am keen to spend time there. Of the whole 3 month trip he has become fixated on the fact that I am suggesting we stay at our friends' house, and whether we go to London at all. He is accusing me of dictating the trip (although he has asked me to organise it all) and becoming upset that I am not giving him a choice on going to London. I have said, well no - my brother lives there, and we need to travel through London, there are things I and our daughter want to see/do. We need to manage $$. Our friends live in a large 3 bedroom house. We are there only 5 nights. He is choosing this topic to become very angry about me "being selfish and doing what I want", that he "has no say". It seems to give him satisfaction that he has a focus for his anger. I feel like I can see the car crash ahead. He is choosing to believe that I am controlling him. I can't win. I can let it lie for a bit, but we have make decisions and book. I feel like i need to tread carefully. What's my next step??

I'm pretty sure my wife has post partum depression (PPD)

replies: 2

Hi everyone, I'm pretty sure my wife has PPD. She has struggled with depression in the past and has had bouts of PPD with our first two children. We now have three children and I am concerned for her. Does anyone have any advice on how I could help her to get help. I'm trying my best, but there is only so much that I can do. She is going back to uni this year which is awesome and I am super excited for her. My mother was going to look after our youngest on the days she is at uni, but we have had a massive falling out with my parents, with some irrational arguments on both sides. I'm upset about that and I miss the relationship with my parents, but I want to support her above any one else. It's reached the point where she won't even let my parents see the kids any more, which I don't believe is fair to our children, who miss their grandparents. I'm really lost in this and would appreciate any advice.

I think my partner is depressed, but he thinks I just say he does because I have depression

replies: 2

Hey everyoneWell ill start off with that i was diagnosed with anxiety and depression about 2 yrs ago, it started off with anxiety attacks at work then onto depression i have seen a phycologist but i wasnt to sure if that was for me.I was given medication just for when i felt panicky but i have a thing with taking tablets not sure if i havent accepted it yet but its all steps i guess.I have been with my partner for 5yrs and after been told about depression and anxiety i feel like he has some of his own issues himself like depression, also he is a heavy drinker and im trying to let him know iam here for him and also myself but he thinks i just say it because i have it. Ive tried telling him i wouldnt want anyone to have depression or anxiety it is hard and sometimes i feel as if i dnt deal with it myself to well.I know i have to help myself b4 anyone but i really love him and want to help him also.. lately i have been trying to tlk to him about the stuff he says about himself like he will say " he is stupid" about anything i say or if i try talking louder and slower he thinks im tlking to him like an idiot but ive always been told to speak up its just me..but anyways he had a talking problem when little and i know that gets to him and mayb thats where he gets he thinks he is stupid ( but his not) or it mayb neglect from his mother he always gets the blame she walks around calling him stupid or a piss head when he drinks and that just makes him drink more. Ive tried talking to him and i gues i fo take it out on his mother when we do tlk and he doesnt like that but i can see from the outside like yeh she may still love him but i know how it feels whist having delression one little word can be taken wrong. So i gues im just asking what is there i can do or say to get him to open his eyes and help himself.Because im trying for myself but it is getting so hard trying to help us both when he doesnt really care i gues..Well thats how i feel and he doesnt open up most times when we tlk i feel like im talking to a brinck wall i have to ask if he is going to answer me.

Wife not coping with medication withdrawal

replies: 6

Hi everyone, first time posting here on this forum and Im hoping that sharing my story at this present time will maybe give me some support or answers on how to deal with a tough patch that my wife and I are currently going through. Basically my wife decided to stop taking an anti depressant after taking it for 8 years to combat her anxiety ,she weaned off it under a doctors advice for just on two weeks ( that was backin December last year ) , now she is very irritated , moody , pissed off witheveryone and the world and she said she doesn’t have love for me like she usedto .I still think she is withdrawing from the meds and I wish I knew what else I could do to help , I feel so helpless and useless .The words she said “ I love you but Im not in love with you “ rang alarms in my head , now I am living at home with her and mytwo beautiful children and I feel like Im walking on eggshells , I try to give her as much space as I can and we don’t talk much about anything in depth ,basically today my wife said that she knows that shes being mean and feels guilty for it and she knows shes being snappy to the kids and I which is hard totake at times.We went to a counselling session together where she tore strips off me for being “needy, wantingaffection all the time , being loud and with stupid humour , and she feltpressured whenever I proposed we have an early night “ , I felt humiliated but at the same time I took it all on the chin , it still hurts though.My wifehas her good days and her bad days , some days shes both in that one day which is hard to handle as I try to be as supportive as possible and be there as I want the marriage to work simply because I love her too much .Im in my early 40’s , my wife turns 40 soon and shes dreading that as well .We have two beautiful twins both 8 years of age , our house is paid off and I thought that we had a wonderful future all together until recently .Today we spoke about her withdrawals and I honestly think that she is not coping well at all ,its like a wedge / a barrier has been put up against myself , the kids and the world to a degree which is hurtful .She mentioned that she wants to see how things go and revaluate things in 6 months time as to whether the marriage should continue , or whether we should just go separateways ( which I don’t want and I worry about my kids emotional wellbeingwith it if it happens as well as mine ) . My wife said she wants to re-evaluate things in 6 months time , I fear divorce .Please help

Parents and caregivers: How are you feeling about the social media restrictions for under 16s? replies: 3

Are you supporting a depressed partner? My tips from 18 years of experience replies: 41

Boyfriend not coping replies: 6

Newbie post - feeling lost and afraid replies: 14

Worried about my wife replies: 2

Newbie looking for advice replies: 3

New to forum,but not new to Depression & My Son replies: 10

Advice replies: 2

seeing the car crash ahead - how do i avoid it? replies: 9

I'm pretty sure my wife has post partum depression (PPD) replies: 2

I think my partner is depressed, but he thinks I just say he does because I have depression replies: 2

Wife not coping with medication withdrawal replies: 6