Suicidal thoughts and self-harm

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Do you have a safety plan?

replies: 97

Safety planning involves creating a structured plan – ideally with support from your health professional or someone you trust – that you work through when you’re experiencing suicidal thoughts, feelings, distress or crisis. Your safety plan starts with things you can do by yourself, such as thinking about your reasons to live and distracting yourself with enjoyable activities. It then moves on to coping strategies and people you can contact for support – your friends, family and health professionals. The safety planning model was developed in the US by suicide prevention experts Barbara Stanley and Gregory Brown. It has been used extensively by US veterans’ health organisations, hospital emergency departments and high schools, and there is strong evidence that it works. Many health professionals in Australia also use some form of safety planning to support clients experiencing suicidal thoughts or feelings, or after a suicide attempt. beyondblue has an app you can use to create a safety plan, called BeyondNow. The BeyondNow app takes the principles of safety planning and makes it even easier to use – so rather than carrying around a piece of paper, you’ve got it on your phone at all times. It’s free to download from the Apple Store or Google Play. If you don’t have a smartphone or would prefer to use your desktop or laptop, BeyondNow is also available to use on our website. Do you have a safety plan? Do you have questions around how you might create one, or fill out some of the sections? This thread is for discussing ideas around creating a safety plan, and sharing tips about what has been most useful about this process for you. Below are two videos featuring Peter and Nic, who have both used safety plans successfully. Peter Nic

PLEASE READ THIS FIRST: posting in this section

replies: 0

Life gets pretty hard sometimes and many people in this online community have had times where they have thought about hurting themselves or ending their life. This can be a stressful and at times overwhelming experience, and this section is here to help members who have had these experiences. This is a place to share where you are at, seek ideas for help and know that you are not alone. We are here to create a safe environment for everyone. Please do not provide any details about any plans/ideas that you may have had to hurt yourself, and importantly, help us to understand if you are safe by letting us know in the post. Making comments that let us know that you are having thoughts, but are safe, helps us to know that your conversation can continue without interruption, and that we do not need to put any further follow up for you in place. This section will not be for everyone.It shows posts from people who are distressed, offers public replies to these posts, and encourages people to come back and share how they got past that difficult point in time - what worked, what didn’t and how they now approach these difficult thoughts. It is important to think about what you want from the forums, what information you need and what threads will be helpful to your situation, rather than reading everything that is posted. For some people this section might be difficult to read – if it is not helping how you feel, then please consider moving to another section. This section, like the rest of our forums, is closely monitored and all posts are reviewed by moderators before publication. Moderators will also ensure that anyone needing follow up will be provided with information about how to access further support. This section remains a discussion forum focused on helping each other through the dark times, it is not a crisis support service. Any posts that do not abide by the community rules will not be published. Unlike other areas of the forum, threads in this section will be closed after a period of one month of inactivity. If you are in crisis or need immediate help, assistance is not available via these forums. Please call Suicide Call Back 1300 659 467, Lifeline 13 11 14 or contact emergency services on 000.

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A life depressed, and in decline

replies: 3

49M here - diagnosed with MDD, Bipolar, and schizoaffective, starting in my teens. Hospitalised a few times, and done the medication roundabout with varying success, now stable on medication. I had a successful career as a Visual Artist, but the Global Financial Crisis and certain changes to Superannuation laws put an end to that being viable. I've been stable for the past few years, but suffered nerve damage in my spine a year ago and have been bedridden since. I have been very much stiff-upper-lip about my mental health due to being overwhelmed with physical pain, but I have to admit the wheels are falling off. My father is in palliative care, and has a few days to weeks left. My relationship with him has been difficult, but he has been a constant source of support despite not really understanding what I had going on. All of my long-term (20+ year) friends have abandoned me since my nerve damage, and don't even reply to my emails any more. My siblings range from friendly to openly hostile toward me. I live alone. I can feel the walls closing in on me, suffering not only mentally and physically, but I keeping hanging on for some unknown reason. It's funny coz it's true.

Life after an attempt

replies: 2

Hi there First of all thanks so much for taking the time to read this. My husband and I have been struggling with our relationship since lockdowns began. I thought moving to a more rural place in Victoria would be more peaceful and help our relationship but I was wrong. We moved last year as the 6th lockdown happened during winter. At first everything was exciting. I am living with bipolar and hadn’t experienced depression in years then suddenly I found myself very isolated. My family and friends are now miles away. Last year August I saw two psychiatrists and asked for a medication change they said no. My depression became really bad and January this year I attempted suicide then again in April. I’m not suicidal at the moment just wanting to get better. My medication has finally been changed and my husband and I are finally getting couples counseling especially for our little toddlers sake. The real issue is I’m totally isolated where I live with limited opportunities I feel very unhappy here in this million dollar home that I can’t stand because we now have money troubles with the rising cost of living. My husband loves it here but I’m miserable and wanting to move back to where we were living and have half the mortgage and money stress. I also want to move back to be closer to family and friends but fear my husband will resent me if we move back. I honestly don’t know what to do. My husband said he will move back but he’s not happy about it because it means sitting in traffic again and possibly changing jobs and I don’t want him to go through that. At the same time I can’t bare to be here. I applied for work I got told the next day they won’t be moving forward with my application I feel very limited where I am what should I do? My husband doesn’t think it’s the place it’s me that’s the problem. Feeling devastated. Moving here is a big regret for me personally. I would just like things to go back to what they were before the pandemic. Thanks for listening

Forums OutageToday - Beyond Blue’s new Forums experience is going live on Tuesday 5 July 2022!

replies: 0

Dear community members Beyond Blue’s new Forums experience is going live on Tuesday 5 July 2022! This does mean that the Forums will be unavailable from 9am AEST on Monday 4 July while we apply the updates, until Tuesday afternoon AEST. During the outage, you’ll be able to view the Forums, but you won’t be able to post anything or reply to discussions. We will from 9am Monday 4 July 2022 AEST in order to upgrade our online systems. We expect the Forums to be back up with full functionality by Tuesday afternoon. We apologise for any distress this may cause. These works are important to ensuring that we provide the best possible experience for you while using the Forums into the future. If you need support while the Forums are not available, the Beyond Blue Support Service is available 24 hours/7 days a week on 1300 22 4636, via webchat or email at www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support. In the instance of emergency, immediate risk of harm to self or others please go to your local emergency department or phone 000. Thank you for your understanding as we continue to improve the Forums experience for you. Kind regards Sophie M

Surviving suicide

replies: 6

Hi I’m a survivor of suicide. I wanted to share my story so here goes. I have had depression and anxiety for most of my life due to trauma from when I was young. Unfortunately this dictates a lot of what I can and can’t do in my daily life. This all lead to the breakdown of my marriage. I know now that I put a huge strain on my wife and for that I will allow feel guilty. after my marriage ended I entered the darkest depressive episode of my life. I lost hope and the will to continue. I spent most of my time in bed because I could not see any reason to leave it. This went on for a month. At this point I tried to end my life. I felt awful both in my body and mind. I was so full of anger that it hadn’t worked. I don’t know what happened to prompt me to call my friend but that’s what I did next. I broke down on the phone to him. I’m still in hospital today as I write this. After I got through emergency I was taken to the psych ward. It took me a few days to open up to the team here but I have been following there process and I can feel myself getting better. I don’t know what tomorrow will bring and I’m scared of going back out into the world but I’m learning to cope. Today I felt brave enough to write down my story and share it with you. I will take that as a win. I’m still here I have a way to go but I’m still here.

I have had multiple attempts to end my life

replies: 3

After years of every abuse I could imagine from my ex, I was drinking more and believing her when she said everyone hated me including my kids. I was and will be, a great father when I can see them again. After my ex constantly telling me to kill myself, I did try to kill myself multiple times except this time it was significant. She put an intervention order on me saying she was stressed, intimidated and scared about what I’d do to the kids. Although, I have not been violent to them and only took her bait after being kicked out over tiny things and threatened with harm and never seeing my kids again. Which has always been my greatest fear, now it’s come true. So I attempted again. It didn’t work. So now, I’m fighting for my kids and myself. I have even given up taking my chronic pain medication after she forever called me a junkie for taking them. God has got me through the last 4 weeks. I hope I can fight all of this.

Self-Harm Depression and Anxiety

replies: 3

have been having thoughts of self-harming I have depression and anxiety I have lost all my mental health support that I had due to not having a GP. I am waiting to be transferred from my public housing to Melbourne but as of, yet I haven't been moved. No thanks to the inactive of government housing I have lost support I need to get my mental health back on track. I don't know what to do anymore I don't have family both my parents have died and literally shutting down.

Am I suicidal?

replies: 2

Hi, So lots of the time I just hate life, I hate being where I am but not I don't want to run away. I wish that I could just float in the black abyss that is space. Lots of the time I feel like the people around me would be better off if I was gone, that no body would care if I ran away or died. That maybe they would be happier if I just went away. I can imagine everyone in my life not caring or moving on easily if I died, besides my Dad. I don't have a plan as to how I would do it, and the thought of a slow death scares me. I don't want to kill myself but I want to die, if that makes sense? I have self-harmed in the past. After righting all of this I guess it does really sound like I am but I guess its just that I dont always feel like this. I am a 15 year old girl in Australia. I am usually really happy. As far back as I can remember I would be self-harming but it wasn't really until end of grade eight or nine that I started wanting to run away and then it turned into this. My parents are divorced and I live with my Dad, Step-Mum and little sister. I used to live with my Mum, Granny and Poppy, up until the end of grade 5 when I had had enough. She was a textbook narcissist and so was my Granny. We went to two shrinks and they both told me to get away from her basically, we stopped seeing each other and only called, then she got pregnant without telling me. Then I said I wanted a break so her only contact was a text on holidays and my birthday. She didn't text on Christmas and I haven't heard from her since. I have a lot of problems because of her and its also caused a lot of problems between me and my Step-Mum. I thought I should say this because it plays into a lot of my stuff. So yeah, can someone please just help? I feel so trapped and suffocated, I dont really want to talk about this to my Dad because I am afraid of... I dont really know what, how he'll react? I get so afraid of what people think. I am so afraid all of the time. Thanks, Vecna20

Struggling to stay afloat

replies: 3

Hi BB, I've struggled with clinical depression since I was a child (I'm now 20). Recently I've fallen into one of the worst depressive episodes of my life. I feel physically nauseated all of the time, and my brain feels completely numb. I have huge problems with motivation, doing small, basic things like brushing my teeth and having a shower are huge chores for me. I'm currently a student, but I'm incredibly behind on all of my work, because I cannot bring myself to do it. I feel so low all of the time. I know there are things to live for but I feel like I've been trying to climb out of this hole for years and I never get better. I'm medicated, but it's not helping. I've tried different medications and none of them helped either, some made me worse. I know that even if I get better, I'm always going to be incredibly depressed, and everything I do is always going to be a huge undertaking. I don't know what to do, where do I go from here? Please help

Am I suicidal?

replies: 6

Hi, Lately, I have just been hating life. I guess that I have got to the point where it I want the pain to end, but I don't want to kill myself, I just want it to be over, if this makes sense. Most of the time I feel hopeless, and am losing enjoyment in things that I used to love. I often feel that I am just letting everyone down, and that no one would actually care if one day I just didn't wake up. I am confused that this may mean that I am suicidal. I have anxiety and depression and a couple of phobias, which make it really hard to live my life. I feel like there is kind off no point keeping on going, like I have no future and am not going anywhere in life. School at the moment is really bad, and it is making me feel worse about myself. There are days when I just spiral into despair, feel like this is never going to end. My parents try to help, but most of the time I just feel alone as they don't really understand what I am going through. To be honest, I don't understand what I am going through either. Thanks for reading this 400MRUNNER

Never been so lost (content warning: distressing themes)

replies: 24

I have been through a lot over the last couple of years and I don’t know how much more I can take. It all started ok and then over time my 25 yr marriage began to break down. One issue was I was never violent or confrontational which led to my ex making me argue and talk. Over time I focussed on the negatives including seemingly not being able to do anything right. Intimacy was lost barring maybe once a year or so. She told me she had no feelings down there after the children and didn’t enjoy it and I believed her and wasn’t one to push things. I then found a large stash of sex toys which when I questioned her she claimed they weren’t for personal use which I know is a lie. I also found a sticky note stuck to a toy with a work directors number on it that I never questioned her about. She also said something in bed which I never disclosed to anyone but wasn’t good. I turned to online porn and chatting to others. I went through the unexpected loss of my sister and a few weeks later lost my mum to dementia. My daughter announced on social media she was transgender and there were many other things happening at the time. I then did something that appals me to this day and others may feel that I don’t deserve to live. I have spent time in prison, thousands in counseling and a program I chose to do on the outside to help understand and prevent this happening again especially given my own experiences of abuse which some don’t believe happened. I feel like no matter what I do I will never be able to make amends. I recently was terminated from my dream job just because of rumours. I had started a new relationship 5 months ago and disclosed this to the lady I was seeing a few weeks in when it became obvious we were really enjoying each other’s company and things were moving forward. It was a difficult conversation to have but I didn’t want to hide it. The relationship was on and off for 5 months and despite her saying she would support me and saw me for who I was not what I did I don’t think she ever stopped worrying about what others would think if they found out and it has now ended. not enough room for everything but I feel worthless and world is better without out me and no one love me

Do you have a safety plan? replies: 97

PLEASE READ THIS FIRST: posting in this section replies: 0

A life depressed, and in decline replies: 3

Life after an attempt replies: 2

Forums OutageToday - Beyond Blue’s new Forums experience is going live on Tuesday 5 July 2022! replies: 0

Surviving suicide replies: 6

I have had multiple attempts to end my life replies: 3

Self-Harm Depression and Anxiety replies: 3

Am I suicidal? replies: 2

Struggling to stay afloat replies: 3

Am I suicidal? replies: 6

Never been so lost (content warning: distressing themes) replies: 24