Suicidal thoughts and self-harm

This space discusses suicide and self-harm. Consider limiting the time you spend here. To use the section safely, read the pinned discussion.

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BeyondBlue Welcome to the Suicide and Self-Harm Section
  • replies: 0

Hi there, Welcome to the Suicide and Self-Harm section of the Beyond Blue Forums. Life gets pretty hard sometimes, and many people here on the Forums have had times where they have thought about harming themselves or ending their life. This can be a ... View more

Hi there, Welcome to the Suicide and Self-Harm section of the Beyond Blue Forums. Life gets pretty hard sometimes, and many people here on the Forums have had times where they have thought about harming themselves or ending their life. This can be a deeply distressing experience, and this section is here to support members who have had these experiences. This section is not a crisis support service. If you are in crisis or need immediate help, assistance is not available via these Forums. Please call: Suicide Call Back Service on 1300 659 467 (24/7) Lifeline on 13 11 14 (24/7) If it is an emergency, contact emergency services on 000. This is a place to share where you are at, seek ideas for support and know that you are not alone. We are here to create a safe environment for everyone. Please do not provide any details about any plans/ideas that you may have had to hurt yourself, and importantly, help us to understand if you are safe by letting us know in the post. For some people this section might be difficult to read – if it is not helping how you feel, then please consider moving to another section. This section, like the rest of the Forums, is closely monitored and all posts are reviewed by moderators before publication. Moderators will also ensure that anyone needing follow up will be provided with information about how to access further support. If after a period of time you no longer wish others to engage in the discussion you have started, please use the 'Report Post' button and request the discussion be locked to prevent any further replies. Thank you for being here, we're glad you're here. Treat yourself gently as you read through this section. Beyond Blue

Sophie_M Do you have a safety plan?
  • replies: 97

Safety planning involves creating a structured plan – ideally with support from your health professional or someone you trust – that you work through when you’re experiencing suicidal thoughts, feelings, distress or crisis. Your safety plan starts wi... View more

Safety planning involves creating a structured plan – ideally with support from your health professional or someone you trust – that you work through when you’re experiencing suicidal thoughts, feelings, distress or crisis. Your safety plan starts with things you can do by yourself, such as thinking about your reasons to live and distracting yourself with enjoyable activities. It then moves on to coping strategies and people you can contact for support – your friends, family and health professionals. The safety planning model was developed in the US by suicide prevention experts Barbara Stanley and Gregory Brown. It has been used extensively by US veterans’ health organisations, hospital emergency departments and high schools, and there is strong evidence that it works. Many health professionals in Australia also use some form of safety planning to support clients experiencing suicidal thoughts or feelings, or after a suicide attempt. beyondblue has an app you can use to create a safety plan, called BeyondNow. The BeyondNow app takes the principles of safety planning and makes it even easier to use – so rather than carrying around a piece of paper, you’ve got it on your phone at all times. It’s free to download from the Apple Store or Google Play. If you don’t have a smartphone or would prefer to use your desktop or laptop, BeyondNow is also available to use on our website. Do you have a safety plan? Do you have questions around how you might create one, or fill out some of the sections? This thread is for discussing ideas around creating a safety plan, and sharing tips about what has been most useful about this process for you. Below are two videos featuring Peter and Nic, who have both used safety plans successfully. Peter Nic

All discussions

Pamela_LL Moving forward
  • replies: 2

Two years ago, I was in a downward spiral that I never thought I’d find myself in. Over the space of 6 weeks, I ended up in hospital 4 times - after trying to commit suicide. I have suffered from depression and low self esteem for years. I thought th... View more

Two years ago, I was in a downward spiral that I never thought I’d find myself in. Over the space of 6 weeks, I ended up in hospital 4 times - after trying to commit suicide. I have suffered from depression and low self esteem for years. I thought that I would be someone to end up in a hospital, I felt like my world had collapsed and there was nothing else to live for. One morning, after waking up in the hospital again I had to call my boss saying I couldn’t come into work. The surreal world of a mental breakdown had now become a reality. I made a decision that day that I wanted to live, I had to live. The shame is overwhelming at times. I feel as though I have this other side of me, that no one knows about. That if they knew the real me, my façade would be over. How do do you forgive yourself for scaring the people you love? How do you wash away the shame? What does life look like after attempting suicide?

Leraun90 Feeling lost
  • replies: 6

I feel like I have heaps of people around me for support yet no one at the same time. I have lost all clinical support as most services only run for a few months at best. I don't feel like I can tell anyone how I really feel. Or what I need when I do... View more

I feel like I have heaps of people around me for support yet no one at the same time. I have lost all clinical support as most services only run for a few months at best. I don't feel like I can tell anyone how I really feel. Or what I need when I don't even know what I need. All I know is im over living in constant pain. Never seeing an end to this tunnel. I know I need help but I care too much about others to burden them with the thoughts I have in my head. I just want to hurt myself and end all my pain and suffering permanently.

chatterboy i cant stop thinking about ending my life on this earth
  • replies: 2

i just keep thinking about self termination every time there's a problem in my life i just think about killing myself i always act happy just so others don't have to think about me ive Self-harmed and did dumb things just hoping i would die i think a... View more

i just keep thinking about self termination every time there's a problem in my life i just think about killing myself i always act happy just so others don't have to think about me ive Self-harmed and did dumb things just hoping i would die i think about joining the military to die hurting myself on a daily basis i just needed to say these things to someone i might do this again but who knows.

richo85 Anger
  • replies: 3

Hi, I have a 4 year old daughter and 5 month old son. Every time my son crys which is constantly, I feel so angry. This then makes me want to hurt myself for even feeling frustrated with him. So many emotions all dark. I dont know how to deal with it... View more

Hi, I have a 4 year old daughter and 5 month old son. Every time my son crys which is constantly, I feel so angry. This then makes me want to hurt myself for even feeling frustrated with him. So many emotions all dark. I dont know how to deal with it.

_Kai Suicidal thoughts
  • replies: 2

It’s literally 2023, we’re 16 days in and I already self-harmed, I’m having such bad suicidal thoughts, it’s yeah. I don’t know how to tell someone “hey I feel like an absolute disgrace, I want to end my life so badly, I wanna self-harm to the point ... View more

It’s literally 2023, we’re 16 days in and I already self-harmed, I’m having such bad suicidal thoughts, it’s yeah. I don’t know how to tell someone “hey I feel like an absolute disgrace, I want to end my life so badly, I wanna self-harm to the point I’m sent to the hospital.”

bek75 Lost
  • replies: 3

Can anyone else relate to thoughts in your head telling you ‘ I’m done’?

Can anyone else relate to thoughts in your head telling you ‘ I’m done’?

Blooming_gloomy Ending my life but not suicide
  • replies: 2

I just want my pain to endI'm tired of trying to numb the painI am tired of drinking myself to sleep every nightI'm tired of that deep hole in my heart weighing me downI want to die without killing myselfI just wish my physical pain would drown out m... View more

I just want my pain to endI'm tired of trying to numb the painI am tired of drinking myself to sleep every nightI'm tired of that deep hole in my heart weighing me downI want to die without killing myselfI just wish my physical pain would drown out my mental pain I've literally had the shittest luck in life.Sexually abused for years as a young child.Never been in a relationship.Every guy in my life has told me I'm not good enough.I dropped out of school because I got sick.I'm bedridden most days with an unknown illness.The people I used to be close with have got busy lives and I feel like a burden when I talk to them.It's just me and my problems and my heavy heart!

Ely_ Scared of my thoughts
  • replies: 5

I don't know what to do.I have been fighting increasing self harm and sui thoughts. As with a lot of people the holiday season is difficult, as is having to be around certain people at family events for christmas. Tonight I am finding really hard as ... View more

I don't know what to do.I have been fighting increasing self harm and sui thoughts. As with a lot of people the holiday season is difficult, as is having to be around certain people at family events for christmas. Tonight I am finding really hard as it is now 15 years since I was finally able to leave my ex, and that 'world' behind. It is unbelievable to me that 15 years ago tonight my life changed so much, and I can't even remember what occurred to make it happen.I have been attempting to stay distracted (this is my usual strategy). It is not working very well. For about 12 months I have been emotionally disconnected except for at times of stress. So at the moment I am not really used to feeling, and when things are coming up my instinct is to push them away however I can. It's not working though. None of my skills/strategies are helping. So my brain is turning to 'what else can work?'I have been repeatedly delaying. Thinking about my dogs, reminding myself of protective factors. I really don't want to let everyone down. Probably the thing that has stopped me. I'm so lost and confused in my own head, and so frustrated with myself. The intensity of the urge to harm is the strongest it has been in months, and I haven't had the other thoughts like this in over a year. I hate my brain.

Claire_4 I feel like I'm officially losing all control of myself.
  • replies: 2

I've been feeling pretty down these last couple of weeks and honestly, I don't really even know why. I've just been extra sensitive to everything, I'd feel upset, annoyed, angry, hurt way to easily. Things that should only make me a little upset, mak... View more

I've been feeling pretty down these last couple of weeks and honestly, I don't really even know why. I've just been extra sensitive to everything, I'd feel upset, annoyed, angry, hurt way to easily. Things that should only make me a little upset, make me feel like my heart has been ripped from my chest. My emotions just go straight to the extremes. last night I was meant to go on a dinner date with my partner, but he cancelled it because he was too tired from work. And that's fair enough, he does work a lot. but this dinner date had literally been the only thing that had helped me get through the week. Not necessarily the date itself, more so just seeing him again, because whenever i see him i know everything's going to be alright, and I'm going to be okay. And i just really needed that. I don't really know exactly what it was but i felt like something in me just broke. and i was just so over thing and everyone and life. I grabbed some alcohol and started drinking. I was also messaging my friend at the time and she decided to come over and drink with me. but by the time she got there i was already intoxicated. I could pretend and say i didn't realise how much i was drinking but in all honesty i knew exactly what i was doing. I only remember snippets, but at some point my friend had left and messaged my partner, who came straight away. He told me this morning what had happened and i pretended like i didn't remember but i remember trying to hurt myself, all while crying my heart and soul out, I don't think I've ever allowed myself to feel the full extent of the hurt vie carried with me throughout the years, but I've never felt this much intense emotionally pain before, it was a whole other level. and he struggled to keep me from hurting my self, you couldn't have said anything that would have stopped me. I don't remember when i stopped but at some point i was just laying there on the shower floor, soaked, surrounded by my vomit, laying so still. and I could hear my partner telling me to get up, trying to get me to stay conscious. he then decided to call the ambulance. I am okay now but I've never done this before. I need someone's perspective, and help to analyse what happened and help me get clarity. What is happening to me.

Gob TW: The taste of food
  • replies: 1

me and food have been fighting it out a lot recently ,im trying to over come my ed and new potholes are forming all over my road . Anyway im not sure how to start,so im just going to type.why do i detest it ? its almost like the food has perished as ... View more

me and food have been fighting it out a lot recently ,im trying to over come my ed and new potholes are forming all over my road . Anyway im not sure how to start,so im just going to type.why do i detest it ? its almost like the food has perished as i chew it , once delicious and totally binge worthy food now tastes like something spoiled and has the texture of glue ,i can feel my throat close up as i try to swallow it,nausea washing over me and im filled with guilt but mostly disgust ive noticed the more i try to rationalize that its just a sandwich ive eaten half already so why bother why worry? i cant then eat for what then varies from hours to a day ,i just cant stomach it the taste and texture,sight or smell i have no appetite . Even the sight of what once 2 seconds ago smelled ,looked and tasted amazing is now a hot pile of rancid garbage i sometimes almost feel disturbed by it, i cant look at it ,it feels wrong . i have to leave the place where food is as fast as possible . i cant almost explain because its so strange,so sudden.I ve been trying hard to just push through and eat the dam thing ,to not let my hard work go to waste ,to try to not fall back further in progress.but it just tastes so gross and the will power it takes to force my self to swallow it is ridiculous.sometimes i have to just spit it out . what a power the mind is.what is happening ? the frequency that this occurs is increasing to multiple times a week,i struggle to not starve my self and this is making it harder,making it worse . is this happening because im trying to do better ?has anyone ever had this happen while trying to recover?