Lost new mum

[Tickles88]

My doctor is always asking if i have suicidal thoughts.. obviously i do. Or she wouldnt ask.. why is it so hard to get help? I go in saying i dont need antidepressants and she gives me some and now im really depressed.. they just dont work.. im always wound up and just moved house had a baby went on leave form a hard working job, had losses, its all big stuff.. ive kinda lost who I was,  worse i feel like my partner turnes my worries into his or makes it about him.. I'm just lost... and alone. I used to self harm, im very tempted again especially when no ones hearing me out... and today i feel like the only reason im still here is becauee of my kids.. i love my partner to death but he's missing the mark, I'm a new mum again.. cant things be about me for a bit? I dunno am I selfish?.. i just dont want this any more.. everything else has failed in my life.. if this relationship goes down so will I ...

[Petal22]

Hello Tickles88,

Im sorry you are feeling this way I understand it’s hard.

Antidepressants can take up to 6 weeks to work.

I understand that when we have a baby and move house things can feel overwhelming especially if you have left a hard working job.

We can go from working full time to being at home looking after baby which is a huge adjustment.

Sometimes when our partners see us distressed they can sometimes think it’s about them when it really isn’t.

Have you been able to explain to your partner about the way you are feeling?

You could see a phycologist they can help you with strategies or you could go back to your gp if you feel as though things aren’t improving.

In some areas they have perinatal clinics where a psychologist and psychiatrist run out of the same practice.

[Sophie_M]

Dear Tickles88
 
Welcome to the forums and to this kind and supportive community.
 
We know that it can be incredibly difficult to share our story, so we want to say thank you for showing such courage in posting and sharing that experience - you never know who will read this post and feel less alone on their own journey as also for you too.
 
Tickles88, we are reaching out to you privately to offer you additional support however also wanted to give you credit for managing all that you are right now,  It’s good to hear you are engaged with your Doctor who sounds like she is making sure you are keeping safe; did she mention anything about a mental health care plan? 
 
Sometimes life can feel like we are taking on too much, or that we are not getting any reprieve from the never-ending demands of daily life.  It certainly sounds like you have gone through many changes in a short period of time so it’s understandable why you might be feeling this way, on top of not feeling you are getting the support you rightly deserve from anyone, including your partner.  It is in moments like these, we like to offer a friendly ear to listen to these troubles and discuss any options or assistance that may be appropriate.  I have included some links below to some services other than your GP that you might find helpful:
 

• A self-harm safety planning App Click Here

 

• A resource for maintaining healthy relationships from Relationships Australia Click Here

 

• Lastly, a great supportive service with lots of information for new Mums at PANDA; Click Here

In addition to posting in the forums, we also invite you to call or chat to one of our trained mental health professionals who will also be able to listen and offer care; it’s completely confidential and available 24/7:
 
To call us, contact 1300 22 4636

To use webchat, Click Here 
 
We’re sure we’ll hear from some of our lovely community members here on your thread soon. Thanks again for sharing. It’s a powerful and brave first step towards feeling better.
 
Kind regards,
 
Sophie M

[Tickles88]

Thanks for the response,

I have returned since to my GP, I guess what Im trying to say is I wasn't so down until trying these antidepressants, they had the opposite effect,   I do have a mental health care plan and have an appointment with Raphael services. I have been through a really abusive relationship before this one and I suspect I have PTSD. Ive just had to carry on with life and now that Ive stopped, its coming out in my dreams etc. I went in for help for that saying "Im really happy and love my life for once and dont want antidepressants...... I find it hard to sit still or sleep have traits of OCD have nightmares, but my life is otherwise perfect .. for me.."

I get the GPs hands are tied but feel like I was kind of ignored, that depresses me. I guess I just have to follow her mental health care plan and see shere it leads me.. 

Ive explained all of this to my partner hes often really supportive but not patient enough to wait for me to figure out this new version of myself.. 

X

[Petal22]

Thanks for your reply Tickles88.

I'm sorry that your antidepressants have made you feel more down, they can take up to 6 weeks to work to their full effect.

It's great that you have a appointment with Raphael Services explain everything to them in regards to how you are feeling and I'm sure they can help you in some way.

Yes have faith in the mental health care plan because it really can lead you to amazing places and to the people who can really help you.

I understand that you have OCD traits, I understand that OCD is a really challenging thing to go through.

I have a lived experience of OCD parental and OCD this condition was horrendous to endure aswell as taking care of a baby and youngster at the same time.

I would have horrible distressing intrusive thoughts about my children which felt really foreign to me because I loved my children with all of my heart but I was experiencing very distressing thoughts about them that absolutely terrified me.

In my thoughts I was usually the one doing the harming which was just so distressing for me to experience because I loved my children so much and didn't want anything to happen to them.

I certainly didn't want to act out these thoughts I'd do anything in my power to protect my children.

I was diagnosed with OCD parental and OCD I received the correct professional help I needed to recover, I have now recovered and I have mastered my OCD and life couldn't be better.

Please have a think about disclosing your OCD traits to the health professionals they will understand and want to help you.

Im sorry your partner isn't very supportive that must be so hard.

I understand that he isn't patient enough to wait for you to grow into the new version of you but YOU need to be patient with yourself.

Give yourself all of the time you need to grow because you really can grow from this with the help of health professionals.

I understand that this can be a very scary confronting time but you will get through it just keep seeking the help that you need.

Please come back to me with any questions. I understand.