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MsPurple LGBT+ members - got a question - need somewhere to start - here is the place
  • replies: 219

Welcome LGBT+ members and ally to the community. A few LGBT+ forum users have questions and concerns they can't a find a place to ask it here on the beyond blue forums so I thought starting a place for questions and more serious/heavy conversations H... View more

Welcome LGBT+ members and ally to the community. A few LGBT+ forum users have questions and concerns they can't a find a place to ask it here on the beyond blue forums so I thought starting a place for questions and more serious/heavy conversations Here you can ask questions about anything from questioning your sexuality/gender identity, coming out concerns, dating, mental health etc. If you are an ally (an Ally is a person who considers themselves a friend to the LGBTQ+ community) you are also welcome to come here to be a support to our community and ask questions as well. This is a supportive place for people to discuss their questions and concerns, we are not a place of judgement. As Thumper from the movie Bambi said "If you can't say somethin' nice, don't say nothin' at all." If you are looking for a more social and light hearted conversation might I suggest joining us on the thread under BB social/rainbow cafe. Copy and paste the link: https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/bb-social-zone/let's-chat-about-anything Feel free to introduce yourself below and ask any question/s I thought I'd answer one common question in the intro post and this is one I have heard a lot. What do the letters mean? When referring to the community it is shortened to LGBT+ as there are more letters than just the 4. I have put some of the common ones here: Lesbian Gay Bisexual Transgender Transsexual Two-spirited Queer Questioning Intersex Asexual Ally Pansexual Agender Gender Queer Welcome everyone and hope to see you around on this thread and around the BB forums MP

Chris_B IMPORTANT: Information and guidelines for posting in this section
  • replies: 0

The Sexuality & Gender Identity space is a sub-forum within the wider beyondblue forum community. 1. Its purpose is to provide people who identify as lesbian, gay, bisexual, transsexual, transgender, intersex, queer or questioning (LGBTIQ) a safe spa... View more

The Sexuality & Gender Identity space is a sub-forum within the wider beyondblue forum community. 1. Its purpose is to provide people who identify as lesbian, gay, bisexual, transsexual, transgender, intersex, queer or questioning (LGBTIQ) a safe space to talk about how issues relating to gender identity and sexual orientation impact on mental health and wellbeing. 2. This includes discussion of and support around chronic illnesses such as HIV which disproportionately affect gay, bisexual and other men who have sex with men. 3. As this is a safe and affirming space for LGBTIQ individuals, please note this is not an appropriate space for debating the "rights and wrongs" of homosexuality, bisexuality, or gender fluidity itself. This includes use of terms such as "lifestyle" and "choice". 4. This sub-forum is and always will be a safe and supportive place for LGBTIQ people concerned with what we all need to do to stay well. That said, others are welcome provided they respect that this is primarily a LGBTIQ space. 5. If you do not identify as LGBTIQ, or are not currently supporting someone in your life who is LGBTIQ, and are curious about aspects of sexuality or gender identity, please read through beyondblue’s resources for and about LGBTIQ people here to educate yourself rather than posting in this section.

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Mike60 Out Late and lost
  • replies: 6

Hi , I am mature in age and in my late 50's came out to my wife that I was Bi sexual but in reality I am gay and have always been that way but have hidden it and other than flirtation never acted on my feeling .Living in a heterosexual marriage with ... View more

Hi , I am mature in age and in my late 50's came out to my wife that I was Bi sexual but in reality I am gay and have always been that way but have hidden it and other than flirtation never acted on my feeling .Living in a heterosexual marriage with a great wife who has respect for my sexuality and wants to keep our marriage together ( I must be a great catch) HaHa. I find a bit of a conundrum in the fact that I can be what I am in an open relationship but feel the guilt of be-trail for having a relationship outside the marriage. I have since coming out had encounters with other men and find it more and more stimulating . The thing is it has becoming more and more obsessive but getting a real connection ( male) companion is very hard .I am feeling like I am straddling two world one foot in the straight world and one in the gay. I find it very hard to find a male as I am reluctant to go out to function that have been organised by gay social groups to meet people in case I am recognized and I embarrass my wife. This very important to me that she doesn't get hurt. Most of my life has been building relationship as a heterosexual and probably over compensating for being gay but in reality you cant stop internal feeling and in doing have developed very up and down mood .

Lance__ Gender??
  • replies: 1

Hello, I'm Lance/Tikki and I'm seriously questioning my gender. I don't want to be female nor male, I don't want breast but I don't want a penis. I feel stuck because I don't know what to do, I feel like I'll be told I'm faking the way I feel because... View more

Hello, I'm Lance/Tikki and I'm seriously questioning my gender. I don't want to be female nor male, I don't want breast but I don't want a penis. I feel stuck because I don't know what to do, I feel like I'll be told I'm faking the way I feel because I don't want a penis and I won't be taken seriously. I don't want to be female or male and I don't know what to do.

rose_uwu how do i tell my boyfriend im asexual?
  • replies: 2

ok so basically. i love my boyfriend. there's no doubt in my mind at all. i rlly do love him. but i am completely asexual, im sure of it. whenever we're just mucking about and things get too sexual i start to feel sickk, i dissociate so i cant feel a... View more

ok so basically. i love my boyfriend. there's no doubt in my mind at all. i rlly do love him. but i am completely asexual, im sure of it. whenever we're just mucking about and things get too sexual i start to feel sickk, i dissociate so i cant feel anything anymore and i get shaky. i dont want to be there anymore. he asks if im okay, i always say yes because i dont want to disappoint him. but really I'd do anything to get away,not from him but the situation. he always says tell me if youre uncomfortable i dont want to take advantage of you, so i think he'd be okay with it but, he may be dissapointed. ive had alot of past sexual trauma so i don't know if that could be a cause in why? any ideas on how to let him know?

Heart89 who am I?
  • replies: 2

OK, Im a 29 year old male. I came out as gay when I was about 18. I have had constant bouts of depression/social anxiety since my early teens years. I was diagnosed with major depression 10 or so years ago and since then have been on numerous antidep... View more

OK, Im a 29 year old male. I came out as gay when I was about 18. I have had constant bouts of depression/social anxiety since my early teens years. I was diagnosed with major depression 10 or so years ago and since then have been on numerous antidepressants and seen multiple therapists. No matter what I do It never goes away and comes back worse even. I just end up feeling empty and tired. I withdraw from friends and daily life and the cycle begins again. I've never been in a serious relationship. I know my depression and anxiety is linked to me being gay but Its definitely not all of it. I am fine with being gay. Everyone who matters to me knows and I had a relatively smooth coming out story compared to a lot of people. I just don't understand why I find it so hard to keep any kind of relationship going. Talking to new people, even people I know fairly well is a major struggle. I'm constantly worried about messing up in some way. I feel like people think I'm either stupid or rude because I come off as disinterested or absent-minded when really all I'm doing is freaking out about saying something wrong or worrying about being the center of attention, although, I'm always told that I'm the nicest person so what's that about? I have never been able to really express who I am other than to a small number of people. Even then though I don't even really have a concept of who that is. I feel like a fraud. I don't know who I am. I have always kind of existed in the background. I feel like people are only seeing some persona that I've "created" in order to protect myself? but that's not me. I don't know. Pretty much all my life I have felt "other" and have never really fit into any group. When I came out I thought things might be different but I have never felt like I belong in the community either. I feel like I don't deserve happiness or love. I'm nearing 30 and I'm unemployed, broke, still living at home, never had a boyfriend, exhausted, overwhelmed, lost, overweight the list goes on. All I want to do is sleep for 1000 years. Everything is a mess. I cannot live the rest of my life like this. Its either going to get better or I will kill myself. I'm not suicidal at the moment but that's just how it is. ?? Sorry this probably isn't very coherent but its 3.30am. Tom

Sezza_H Confused and scared
  • replies: 4

Hi, I’m not exactly sure how to explain this but I’ll give it a go.. For the longest time I have always just thought I was straight. I’ve had a few crushes on guys but it never really went anywhere. Even if they expressed interest in me and/or asked ... View more

Hi, I’m not exactly sure how to explain this but I’ll give it a go.. For the longest time I have always just thought I was straight. I’ve had a few crushes on guys but it never really went anywhere. Even if they expressed interest in me and/or asked me out, I would awkwardly turn them down and then avoid them. It wasn’t because I didn’t like them but more so that I just got a weird, uncomfortable, kind of scared feeling about it all. I’ve sort of just blamed this on my problems with anxiety, but I just don’t know. In the moments that they ask me out, all I think about is dating them, then my mind jumps to being intimate with them and then I freak and feel weird. Am I putting too much pressure on everything? Overthinking it? Is it anxiety related or related to some sort of self-insecurity? I just don’t know. Then one day I was watching a movie whereby the main character was dating another female, and for the first time I wondered if I was a lesbian. I started wondering if this was why I never pursued anything further with the guys I had a crush on. Then I started questioning whether I had a crush on them at all or if what I was feeling was just associated with me having a close friendship with them (yes, I am very confused). Since this realisation that I could potentially be gay, I feel like I’ve been looking at some of my female friends differently because I am questioning whether I like them as more than just a friend. I met a nice girl the other day at uni and all of a sudden I started to think “she’s really beautiful”, and when I went to a uni event with her later that day I noticed myself getting a little bit nervous and changing my clothes every 5 seconds because I wanted to look nice. But then again, thinking that another girl is beautiful doesn’t mean that I am gay, and it’s not like it has ever crossed my mind before. I just don’t know. I feel weird, uncomfortable and I freak out a little when guys ask me out and my initial reaction is always to turn them down, and I do feel this is related to me feeling scared. On the other hand, in relation to girls, I feel more comfortable and less weird around them but I don’t know if I like them more than a friend. I’m so confused and was wondering if anyone could relate to anything I am saying or offer up any sort of advice or guidance. Thanks, and apologies for the long post

Esti67 Wanting to push forward but partner in denial
  • replies: 80

So here's my dilemma, I am a 51 year old late blooming lesbian. I finally admitted this to myself after many many sleepless nights and days on the verge of tears. This took about 6 months to get here. I knew that my attraction to women was now at a p... View more

So here's my dilemma, I am a 51 year old late blooming lesbian. I finally admitted this to myself after many many sleepless nights and days on the verge of tears. This took about 6 months to get here. I knew that my attraction to women was now at a point that it was impossible to ignore and i made the choice to tell my husband who i adore. He is truly a beautiful man. He was gobsmacked, in total disbelief and devastated. We both cried (a lot) and i apologised profusely. He was beautiful. I told him i would like to separate but i am happy to go at his pace, as long as he needs. After a sleepless night and time to think he begged me to stay, said he couldn't go through with it and was sobbing terribly. I felt like i needed to backpeddle to comfort him because the thought of causing him so much pain isn't worth this. The truth is that i really do want to separate and live with my new identity but i cant bear what this is doing to him. I hate the thought of having to go through this again as the anxiety in getting to this point was crippling me. I have no idea how to move forward and i dont want to continue living half a life. In time i know i'm going to become miserable again.

confusedgf My boyfriend is bisexual- or gay? Unsure
  • replies: 13

I am female, and around 6 months ago, my boyfriend of 4 years came out as bisexual to a gay friend of mine when he was really drunk. He never planned to come out but my gay friend confronted him about it when he had his guard down. This is something ... View more

I am female, and around 6 months ago, my boyfriend of 4 years came out as bisexual to a gay friend of mine when he was really drunk. He never planned to come out but my gay friend confronted him about it when he had his guard down. This is something I always suspected and knew deep down. When I found out (through my gay friend) I mostly felt really sorry for my bf having to hide his true self for his whole life (he grew up in a small town and hence never felt comfortable to explore his sexuality). I was upset and confused but I know its not his fault so I'm not angry. He says he loves me and definitely wants to be with me. We are best friends and have often discussed our future lives together. Since the beginning of our relationship he has had performance issues (this might be a red flag?), so our sex life has never been great but we have spoken about it a lot and we are very open about his anxiety etc and trying ways to address it. I guess the biggest thing I am confused about is whether he is gay or bisexual. I don't think he is lying to me at the moment, but I just don't think he knows for sure. We at the stage in our relationship where we need to decide if we want to commit and take the next step (buy a house etc). I just scared if we stay together he will get to a stage in his life where he will realise he is unhappy with me (as a woman) and will want to explore his sexuality (he has only ever kissed another guy when he was 16). My friends are worried about me and have alluded to the fact that they think he is probably gay. None of his guy friends know as he is worried about how they would react and treat him differently, so we have kept it a secret. I am just really confused about what to do next, I know there aren't any rules for this situation. It breaks my heart when I think about letting go of our relationship and everything we have planned to do together, but my gut feeling says we should probably break up.

OnceWasKatie My boyfriend thinks he might be gay
  • replies: 6

Hi, I am posting here as I have no one to talk to. My boyfriend is my best friend and I would usually talk to him when I am upset but in this situation I cannot. My bf has always been honest with me, telling me he identified as bi. Recently he told m... View more

Hi, I am posting here as I have no one to talk to. My boyfriend is my best friend and I would usually talk to him when I am upset but in this situation I cannot. My bf has always been honest with me, telling me he identified as bi. Recently he told me he might be gay. He has been watching a lot of gay porn and this has made him question his sexual identity. We have not had a great sex life for the last few months as a medical condition has made it painful for him and reduced his libido. Or at least that's what he told me, but has since admitted his thoughts about men have also been an issue. I put my own sexual needs on hold as I did not want to put pressure on him. So I do have a bit of resentment there. As recently as last week he was telling me how much he loves me and that he wants to marry me. This week my future is unclear. At the moment he is trying to decide if exploring his attraction to men is something he wants to do. I am supportive of whatever he decides. As we live together I offered to leave for a couple of days to give him space. As I hugged him goodbye he grabbed me and begged me not to leave and told me "All I want is you". So I stayed. That afternoon he visited a counsellor who told him he needed to explore his sexuality. Suddenly, "All I want is you" doesn't matter, and he asked me to leave to give him space and I have done so. However, now I am in limbo with no idea how long he will need. His attitude towards me has also changed... he won't call me babe and no longer says I love you. Although, he still maintains that he does not want to break up. I am worried I am clinging to hope that isn't there. He is also incapable or unwilling to offer me support although I reach out to him every now and them just to check in. Instead he is cold and distant although happy to talk to other people. I am glad he has others to talk to but where's my support? I feel guilty like I should not feel abandoned and angry at his lack of kindness and support, as I know he is going through a very difficult time. But is it too much to expect him to recognise that I too am in pain? How can I be the love of his life and the best relationship he has ever had (both according to him) one day, and treated like an acquaintance the next? This leaves me feeling like he just wants the relationship to be over. And I'm the fool for holding out hope. So confused and scared!

Only_I_know Toying with the idea of telling my wife that I'm gay
  • replies: 296

The last 4 weeks have been sickening. I've cried countless times with the guilt and I'm so terrified. We've just celebrated 20years of marriage but I ruined it having cancelled our dinner date and night out in the city, because of the guilt had made ... View more

The last 4 weeks have been sickening. I've cried countless times with the guilt and I'm so terrified. We've just celebrated 20years of marriage but I ruined it having cancelled our dinner date and night out in the city, because of the guilt had made me feel so sick. I'm not eating properly and now lost 10kg. She is the most beautiful woman I know and I hate myself for being gay. I just bloody hate it. No one else knows and it scares me to death. I have no one that I can vonfide in, and tggat makes me cry too. I've been mentally all over the place this last week, it's gotten so bad that I've started to think alot about death. Not that I think I'd do something dumb, but I can't stop thinking about suicide. I'm terrified about what my kids will think and my folks, who have shown themselves to be homophobic bigots in the past. I know they love me to death, and would probably be ok, but I'm really scared, like never before in 47 years. I question why I got married in the first place knowing I am gay, but I think I thought I could live a life hiding these feelings. I've never been with a guy in any way, but between the stress, guilt and anxiety, is all I think about. and I have been faithful as I really do love her with all my heart and it saddens me to break her heart, and mine. I've been playing it over and over in my head, I almost had a car accident today as I was crying and distracted, it's all totally consuming me. I think it may have been better, if not easier, if I had died, then No one would ever know, and her broken heart wouldn't be for knowing that her husband wasn't who she thought he was. It's really tough right now, talking to others over the last couple of weeks on this forum helped a bit, but I'm not sure if it is anymore, I know I'm sinking into some sort of depression and dont know what to do. I went to the dr about not eating, went for blood tests to see why, but I knew why. I was only going for the sake of my family. I wanted the dr to send me to a psychologist or something, but he wouldn'thave it. I'm really sick to death of it all, the lies, the confusion and the anxiety, and now lack of sleep. I'm thinking of telling her tomorrow but don't really think I'm brave enough. I'm a good person. It's just freakin fair.