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BeyondBlue Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about
  • replies: 0

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a ... View more

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a negative way. As always, we want to hear your story and how it impacts you and encourage everyone to support each other with kindness. There are a few things to consider when posting in this section so we can all get the most out of it: Everyone’s situation is unique. We all do our best to share what is important in our story but we can never share it all. Let’s be mindful we can’t know all of everyone’s story. Anonymous but public. These posts are available to everyone and while the moderation team will keep it anonymous, its still up for everyone to read. Have a think about what you want to share to get the best support for you. Please stay safe. This space is an amazing way to seek support from others who might understand what you are going through. We want to hear how you are going and what is happening for you. Please also consider 1800RESPECT if you don’t feel safe or 000 if you are in danger right now. You deserve to be safe. Thank you again for joining this conversation, your contributions are worthy and important to us here. Beyond Blue

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Soberlicious96 Two Issues with one friend and one acquaintance
  • replies: 4

Issue 1: I’m feeling a bit annoyed with L__ right now. Every time I mention my motorbike she tries to shut me down. She has an intense dislike for ‘all’ motorbikes that is, in my opinion,, not rational. Just because her brother died on one – and I kn... View more

Issue 1: I’m feeling a bit annoyed with L__ right now. Every time I mention my motorbike she tries to shut me down. She has an intense dislike for ‘all’ motorbikes that is, in my opinion,, not rational. Just because her brother died on one – and I know that is a truly awful thing and extremely devastating – doesn’t mean that I too am a bad rider. But that’s how it feels; as though she thinks I am a ‘silly risk taker’ when I am NOT. For starters, her brother, she tells me, was drunk at the time when he crashed and died. I DON’T DRINK AT ALL! I wear ALL the gear all the time (maybe no gloves around town on the odd occasion) and I ride with caution. I do NOT ride if I am feeling at all anxious or distracted or not fully physically fit for whatever reason.I feel like I want to say something to her like ‘back off’ or ‘stop judging me as being a bad rider’ but I love her and don’t want to hurt her. Losing her brother would have been awful, I understand that. But thinking that ALL riders are unsafe is ‘blanket’ thinking and unrealistic. It’s like saying ‘all men are 'nasty’ just because of one rotten egg ….. like T___ (my ex). I could EASILY say that all men are nasty, but I don’t. I know they are not, I know that is ‘blanket’ thinking and I now have PROOF they are NOT all nasty: I have a wonderful man in my life now! Issue 2: I know T___ is a wonderful young lady and I know she means well, but I just don’t have the time she wants me to have. I don’t’ have the emotional energy to …… deal with her? I know that sounds awful ……. But really, I see her as more an acquaintance than a friend ….. and I think she sees me as a friend more than an acquaintance. I mean, sure, we worked together for a couple of years, but that was work. And it was a long time ago now. I tend to let go of work friends. Work friendships are not like personal friendships. They’re different. She keeps asking to catch up for coffee and I just keep saying no. I have tried the polite rebuff for a long time now and it’s not sinking in. Full time work is taking up huge chunks of my time and I barely have time now for my CLOSE friends and family, let alone those in a more outer-circle. I feel pressured by her to catch up when really, I just don’t want to. Maybe it's her disability that prevents her from understanding subtle social cues? I don't know. I do NOT in any way want to offend her or hurt her, but I really just don't have the time or the energy to maintain a 'friendship' that is outside of my energy radar. Anyway, any help or suggestions as to who to handle these two situations would be most appreciated. Thanks.

CountingCrows1 Disowned my family / disowned by my family
  • replies: 1

Am I toxic or is it my family? I haven't spoken to my parents in 5 years. I have depersonalisation disorder. - my father is an alcoholic and doesn't speak with family. He has trauma from many of them passing away. He sits silently and I get triggered... View more

Am I toxic or is it my family? I haven't spoken to my parents in 5 years. I have depersonalisation disorder. - my father is an alcoholic and doesn't speak with family. He has trauma from many of them passing away. He sits silently and I get triggered because I don't know what to say. He and I both can't carry a conversation. I resent him because he was scary and was never interested to know me. Maybe his drinking and distant personality is not entirely his fault. - my mother has always been highly stressed. She has never phoned me to chat. The only time she ever called me was on my birthday and Christmas obligatory calls. Maybe the responsibility is mine now in my 30's to call, but I find it too difficult as she never wanted to be close. She admitted to not being a family person. It became toxic growing up: me desperately wanting a relationship, her ignoring me. One trigger is she always put on a voice. It is a fake over pronounced "hello, how are you" "ohhhh thats nice" and then nothing deeper. My childhood was her ignoring me and rushing around the house, stressed. Maybe she doesn't have social skills. But my parents both ignoring me when I used to go there to visit, makes me dissociate badly, and long for the parents I never had to finally love me and want me one day. - my sister abandoned the family, probably for the above reasons. She was living with me at the time. I called the police and she was a missing person for a while. Her disappearance affected me. I wondered if it was my fault. During the six months we lived together, she didn't speak with me. I knocked on the door to chat sometimes, but she wanted to be alone. We used to get along ok growing up. I came to the conclusion that she needed to break away from her past, which included me. This was 8 years ago and I haven't heard a single word. It confuses me, as we used to have a friendship and it didn't seem toxic. I doubt that I will ever see her again. Not knowing if she is alive causes me distress. I miss he dearly and I hope she is ok. - my brother hasn't been in my life due to a poor relationship with my father. We reconnected in my 20's a few times. But when my sister left, I became fixated on 'maybe I am the flawed one'. I haven't spoken with him for at least 5 years now. He has a very normal, happy life. He didn't grow up in my family. So I want to protect him, and also I couldn't live with the rejection if he got to know me and also rejected me. Maybe I am just meant to be alone without love.

Bluna Hate being touched when upset or in distress.
  • replies: 3

I hate being touched when I'm angry, anxious, in pain, on my period or have a panic attack. It causes me stress and makes me anxious.I've recently noticed I flinch when someone touches me, or I think they are going to when I'm in one of the mentioned... View more

I hate being touched when I'm angry, anxious, in pain, on my period or have a panic attack. It causes me stress and makes me anxious.I've recently noticed I flinch when someone touches me, or I think they are going to when I'm in one of the mentioned states.I have level 1 autism and think it could be that, but I loved hugs and could handle people comforting me when I was younger.I also think it could be because I've been isolated for years and had no one to comfort me when in the mentioned states.I'm quite confused on why and I never fully noticed it until I got a room-mate recently.Does anyone else experience this?

Florence88 Struggling with being a long distance from husband. Feel lost, sad, lonely and confused
  • replies: 2

I am Australian, My husband and I live in the UK but after an issue with my visa when we we’re returning from holiday I wasn’t able to return home with him and had to come to Australia to stay with family to wait for the visa to be sorted. I have now... View more

I am Australian, My husband and I live in the UK but after an issue with my visa when we we’re returning from holiday I wasn’t able to return home with him and had to come to Australia to stay with family to wait for the visa to be sorted. I have now been here in Australia for 8 months while he is there taking care of the house and continuing working. I have been struggling lot the past few months and begging him to visit but their is always a reason he won’t. Last weekend I found out he asked a women to go for a night out with him, she is an old friend from his past they were close 10 years ago. I have never met her I didn’t even know they kept in contact he never mentions her never introduced us nothing. This was a huge shock because1 I don’t know this woman 2 I didn’t know they were in contact 3 I just don’t agree with a married man or woman having a one on one meet up with the opposite gender. We have been arguing about it all week. He said he didn’t tell me because he knew I’d get upset so to me this makes it worse, he knew I wouldn’t be happy about it and choose to do it anyway and to keep it from me. I’m just so lost my mind is going crazy I am depressed and anxious. I’m just really struggling.

kate95 Boyfriend shutting me out
  • replies: 3

I’m really really struggling currently with my boyfriend of 4 years. I love him more then anything and I have ALWAYS been here for him and he knows that, but he’s shutting me out currently and the stress is killing me. rewind to about 12 weeks ago ev... View more

I’m really really struggling currently with my boyfriend of 4 years. I love him more then anything and I have ALWAYS been here for him and he knows that, but he’s shutting me out currently and the stress is killing me. rewind to about 12 weeks ago everything was like normal. Then slowly he started to reply a bit less but I didn’t think anything of it. Around this time he started a new position at work as acting manager whilst the boss is away for 3 months. He ended up messaging me to say sorry he’s not been himself and he’s just depressed and sick of his job and how much he loves and appreciates me. I felt awful for him and I’ve told him time and time again I’m there for him and how much I love him and please don’t shut me out because it scares me. I’ve seen him once a week IF that for since he started this position. His hours are longer and he is tired so I can understand that. But I just feel as if it’s mean to not message me. It’s like most days he will just say he loves me lots and reply to two small things. Whereas usually we message a lot, just silly things. i saw him 5 days ago and he was GREAT. I could tell he was a bit tired and he had a god awful day at work, but was great. I had no doubts about our relationship. Now ever since then he’s been even colder and just says he loves me and that’s it. I think what hurts more is that he had the last 4 days off and the entire time I hardly heard anything.. he ignored my message when I said I wanted to come say hi and he ignored my phone call. this all might sound silly, but I have my reasons for being so worried. This time exactly 2 years ago he was like this and dumped me via text. He said I can do better and he didn’t want to be in a relationship anymore. The way he treated me afterwards was not nice. He just ignored me completely until a month later he regretted it big time and completely lost it. We got back together and he said it was the biggest mistake he’d made. I was skeptical at first but every since then he’s changed for the best and we’ve been better then ever, until now.. i get really worried when he’s in this headspace because he’s just not himself and he shuts me out. he told me last week that his boss was meant to be back in 3 weeks, but now it’ll be another 6-8 weeks unless he decides to not come back.. im at the point where I’m depressed and just cry about him. I’ve even told him he’s stressing me out. I wait for a message all day from him and if I don’t hear I feel physically sick. mum really worried about how much longer this will go on for. I miss my boyfriend so much..

sd_xx05 Frienship issues
  • replies: 5

hi everyone, im currently a high schooler in australia and i just wanted to let something off my chest that i have been keeping in for quite a while. i honestly feel so lonely. lonely, to a point where i think my life is just useless. i just joined a... View more

hi everyone, im currently a high schooler in australia and i just wanted to let something off my chest that i have been keeping in for quite a while. i honestly feel so lonely. lonely, to a point where i think my life is just useless. i just joined a new school at the start of this year and i feel like its been the worst decision ever. i hang out with 2 people from my class during class times. other than that, i have a few friends here and there but not close friends. so the 2 other girls in my class who sit with honestly seem so happy with each other and its like whenever i try to join they stop enjoying. i feel like they ignore me constantly. i dont know if the ignoring is intentional or accidental, but whatever it is i feel like the person on the sidewalk. im starting to blame it on myself by thinking that their is something wrong with my looks or personality which might be the reason they ignore me. but truthfully speaking, i have never been rude to them or ignored them and have always helped them out and have been kind. i feel like they dont want me to be with them anymore but i dont have any other friends in my class. theres honeslty much more to the story and i have friend issues with other people as well but this is probably the main one. i always think people are jjust friends with me for the sake of it and thats a reason i feel left out. like, i see people laughing and similing with their friends and i just wish it was like that for me. my parents dont know much about this and i dont plan on telling them as they would probably think what im thinking is useless. i know this is not a major problem but i really needed to let this out and thought this would be the best way to.

IBambi Sex with strangers
  • replies: 20

I don't know why, all of a sudden I have the urge to have sex with strangers. I am trying to meet with people just for sex. I don't even want a conversation sometimes. I don't even know their name and I seem to be getting worse and it's pretty quickl... View more

I don't know why, all of a sudden I have the urge to have sex with strangers. I am trying to meet with people just for sex. I don't even want a conversation sometimes. I don't even know their name and I seem to be getting worse and it's pretty quickly. Whenever I have free time, I will find someone new. I don't know why this has come about. I havnt been able to get in to see my psychologist in the last few months. It's a bit of a drive and hard to get appointments. I don't even know if I could tell my psychologist this. I need help but at same time, I want to continue to have sex with strange people. I just know its not right. I don't have time for a relationship and I have a young child and although I struggle to find time. If an appointment is cancelled or I suddenly have time, first thing I do is find someone. I do use protection and I am enjoying myself. Its just constantly on my mind and its starting to consume me

LCody Found my husband had been chatting to other women online
  • replies: 5

My husband and I have been together for 5 years and married for 8 months. Our relationship has been one of mutual love, respect, trust and support. We are truly each others best friend. However, last night I went to use his laptop and found an open p... View more

My husband and I have been together for 5 years and married for 8 months. Our relationship has been one of mutual love, respect, trust and support. We are truly each others best friend. However, last night I went to use his laptop and found an open page of a dating app. He had his own profile and was chatting (flirting) with multiple women. When I confronted him, he said it had been going on for 2 months and felt genuine remorse. He explained it was because he was going through a lot (grandfather passing away and the business not doing well). He told me it was just flirting and never any sexual conversations and that he has never physically cheated. We were crying and talking all night and he has apologized many times and asked for my forgiveness. The weird thing is he had also done the exact same thing with his ex wife (chatting to other women) that he confessed to me when we started dating and explained that they were unhappy and not meant to be together. I just cant seem to understand why he would do the same thing to me. I cant to decide whether to stay or leave. I'm in total shock and I truly feel like an idiot for not seeing any of the signs for the past 2 months.

levi_thegoat talk
  • replies: 5

hey i need someone to talk to i feel alone and it would be nice to talk to someone thx

hey i need someone to talk to i feel alone and it would be nice to talk to someone thx

Pebbles83 How to deal with my alcoholic brother
  • replies: 6

Hello everyone, I am new here, so thanks in advance for taking the time to read this. I have joined this site because I am seriously concerned for my brother. My brother is an alcoholic, although he doesn't think he has a problem. These last couple o... View more

Hello everyone, I am new here, so thanks in advance for taking the time to read this. I have joined this site because I am seriously concerned for my brother. My brother is an alcoholic, although he doesn't think he has a problem. These last couple of years he has gone through some horrible situations. He's broken up with his long term partner ,he was seeing someone else but he found out that the baby she was carrying was not his, he lost a lot of money because he gave it to her, his car's been repossessed, he's on the verge of losing his job, he has acted out recently while drunk at our nephew's 18th birthday,lost weight and is isolated from most of the family. There has been ongoing arguments with our sisters for a while, but that came to a head recently.Now, a lot of what he has gone through has been self inflicted, but the arguments with our sisters aren't actually his fault (long story). The reason I mention this is because the rest of the family believe he is wrong about this, due to the lies being told and that is because of the way he has chosen to deal with the situation. He uses alcohol to deal with everything and when he drinks too much he brings up whatever he has been stewing on. I have tried so hard to get through to him, telling him that he doesn't have to act badly or let others influence his behavior. I have tried getting him to see that if he continues to drink so much, he may lose access to his daughter (they both adore each other, but her mother doesn't want her around him too much). He doesn't have a steady place to stay. My husband and I offered him a room but said that we don't want excessive drinking around our two girls. He declined our offer. I don't want to offer him money as I know it won't go on food, rather alcohol, but he has said that he has slept on the street before. No one else wants to contact him. They have the view that "you can't help someone who doesn't want to be helped" or they have said "he made his bed, he can lie in it". I am worried that one day I will get a phone call saying he has either gotten himself into serious trouble or he has done something to himself. I don't know what to do to help him. He won't answer my calls, although he's sent a text to say he's okay. I seem to be the only person he doesn't have a problem with at the moment and the only person who hasn't written him off,which is why I feel like a lot is on my shoulders. I really need some advice. Thank you and so sorry for the long post.