Relationship and family issues

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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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kix31 Lost
  • replies: 4

I’ve been seeing a guy for 3 years now who lives overseas, where I used to live and met him originally. While it started off casual we chatted regularly for years and I went overseas to visit several times (not just for him but we always saw each oth... View more

I’ve been seeing a guy for 3 years now who lives overseas, where I used to live and met him originally. While it started off casual we chatted regularly for years and I went overseas to visit several times (not just for him but we always saw each other). We never confirmed we were dating, we both were kind of open about seeing others but he never did the whole time we were having our thing. There was a language barrier but the chats became serious over the years and he used to say he loved me or strong words of similar intent. When we saw each other there was so much connection and passion. The last time I visited, he was so excited to see me, moreso than ever. He was reaching out and making plans as soon as I landed, acting way more comfortable around me than ever. We saw each other twice and chatting afterwards like normal and then he suddenly ghosted me. I knew something was up and I spent the rest of my week in another country heartbroken and lonely knowing he was just waiting for me to leave. When I got home he continued to ignore me until I asked him to delete some pictures we shared. He’s pretty respectful in that regard so he responded and confirmed he had but his tone was so cold. I asked what I’d done wrong. He replied saying nothing but he had a crush on someone and even used an emoji like it was nothing serious. I was so upset and we sort of argued (for the first time ever) then he went back to ignoring me. I left it for a little than poured my heart out saying how hurt I was about ending things like that, I couldn’t even say goodbye it felt so terrible. He replied like his former normal self saying he was sorry and he was trying to push me away to become a better person and he never meant to hurt me. We agreed to stay friends (I’ve always been friends with my exs or people I’ve casually seen I’ve never had a terrible break where I’ve not spoken to them ever again). The problem was we had such a level of intimacy and trust that when we were together we weren’t always careful. And I tested positive for pregnancy when I returned home and in that time when he wasn’t talking to me. It was honestly the worst thing I’ve ever experienced. Then I had an early miscarriage (chemical pregnancy) - confirmed by my doctor and had to endure months of bad health, many STI tests that they made me do because of the situation all alone. To make matters worse I have health issues which really shouldn’t allow me to conceive so it messed with me a little.When I told him he was caring enough. He reached out a few times to see how I was and when he saw I’d been in hospital he was really worried about me. I recently couldn’t handle it anymore and asked him what I ever meant to him. He acted like it was nothing and he didn’t really know me well enough to answer that question and it was burdensome to answer. I admit when we started we were casual and we’d been fluid but the way it ended and the things we used to say to each other…I just don’t understand. I didn’t want him back but I at least wanted him to admit he liked me at least I just wanted closure. I’ve never felt so depressed in my life after all this it’s really destroying me…..how to get closure when it’s really not there?

E_V Trapped at 61
  • replies: 2

I’m 61 and have been married 32 years. Though my husband and I live very amicably together, the marriage has been over for years and we live as house mates. We’ve both agreed it’s ok for each of us to see other people and he’s had a 28 year old girlf... View more

I’m 61 and have been married 32 years. Though my husband and I live very amicably together, the marriage has been over for years and we live as house mates. We’ve both agreed it’s ok for each of us to see other people and he’s had a 28 year old girlfriend for 2 years who comes to our house, which I’m fine with, because I have no feelings for him at all. I’ve seen other men too off and on. My husband has cheated twice and lied throughout our earlier marriage and I should have left years ago, but fear kept me where I am. I got by. It was fine. But I want more. I want love. I want to be with a partner I can trust and love again. But I no longer work and I’m financially trapped in my marriage. My husband has poorly managed our finances ( yes I foolishly let him take control because I trusted that he would always do the best for ‘us’) but I’m now realising that he’s made no investment in our retirement and all we have in assets is our marital home and MY superannuation ( which isn’t much). I desperately want a new life, but can’t see a way out of what has become a functional but very unhappy marriage (for me). We don’t have enough assets to split and maintain a nice retirement lifestyle separately. Staying together provides security, but I’m miserable. Is there someone I can talk to and get advice from? Some days I just feel so hopeless. I wish I’d left years ago, but there’s no point in regrets at this stage.

LizzieM5 How to parent with depression
  • replies: 2

I feel so stuck! I feel like the only one who can understand the challenges of parenting my children is their father (my ex-H); and I feel like if I share with him he could use it against me whenever he feels. I am worried about the effect of my turb... View more

I feel so stuck! I feel like the only one who can understand the challenges of parenting my children is their father (my ex-H); and I feel like if I share with him he could use it against me whenever he feels. I am worried about the effect of my turbulent mental health on my kids. I’m up and down, I’m teary and short with them. I can see the effect on them; they look at each other, go quiet, sometimes cry too. I hear them say ‘I feel sorry for mummy, do you?’ Master 4 tries to make me laugh; Miss 5 cuddles me and cries; Miss 8 looks confused and teary. Trying to get them ready and out of the house in the morning takes most my energy most days. I’ve come to accept I’ll have cycles of depression on an on-going basis (used to think it was situational), and as such I am really starting to worry more and more about the effect of this on my kids. I’ve tried to find resources to help but keep getting post-natal and kids with depression info. I don’t know what to tell them; I want them to understand but I don’t want to worry them. I’m also concerned how, when and who they might relay this information to. Does anyone have any resources or advice to help me navigate this? Thanks for reading.

JayB72 Devastated
  • replies: 18

After seven years with my beautiful wife she has recently told me she wants to separate. To say I’m devastated is an understatement and I feel completely blindsided.When I said I was blindsided she appeared shocked that I didn’t see it coming. We had... View more

After seven years with my beautiful wife she has recently told me she wants to separate. To say I’m devastated is an understatement and I feel completely blindsided.When I said I was blindsided she appeared shocked that I didn’t see it coming. We had great intimacy two holidays planned and paid for and seem to be moving on nicely. I’ve asked if she wants to go see someone as a couple and she’s adamant it’s over. It’s only been a month and I’m so confused and can hardly function. I feel like such a weak man and I see my wife slowly starting to hate me and that just isn’t warranted. Can’t sleep, can’t eat and do nothing but cry (I’m not very good at crying)I have given up my whole life to be with my wife, I’ve lost my relationship with my kids (first marriage) my well paying career and any financial security that I once had. I’m soon to be a 51yo with not enough money to buy a house and don’t have the income to rent, for the first time in my life I’m terrified. My wife and I own a small business together and going to work and seeing her function as normal just makes things worse. I just don’t know what to do. J

sentinel23 Psychologist advice
  • replies: 1

I've recently separated from my wife of 20 years. I've been doing a lot of reading and have slowly come to the realization that I may have been emotionally abused during our marriage, and my mental health has been affected. I decided to see a psychol... View more

I've recently separated from my wife of 20 years. I've been doing a lot of reading and have slowly come to the realization that I may have been emotionally abused during our marriage, and my mental health has been affected. I decided to see a psychologist as I need to talk a few things through and get back to the person I used to be. I've had 2 sessions with the psychologist I was referred to and am unsure if I should continue with them. They don't appear to take any notes, and with 2 weeks between sessions we seemed to cover a lot of the same topics in each session as I'm certain they have forgotten what has already been discussed. Also, sessions have started 5 mins late and ended 5 mins early. Are my expectations too high, or should I try to find someone else?

Wavid Anger management
  • replies: 9

Hi. I'm a newbie, this is my first post here. I have a hair trigger on my temper - I'm not physically violent but I am verbally abusive, I recognise and accept that. I don't want to be like this any more. I've been in my current relationship for 8 ye... View more

Hi. I'm a newbie, this is my first post here. I have a hair trigger on my temper - I'm not physically violent but I am verbally abusive, I recognise and accept that. I don't want to be like this any more. I've been in my current relationship for 8 years and have a one-year old; I don't want to lose them. My temper can be set off by the most innocuous things. I'm terribly over-sensitive and have trouble reading other people. My temper is a flash in the pan, explosive type - I escalate very quickly and when I feel I've been hurt by another, . I often don't see any warning signs and before I know it I'm saying things I don't mean and deeply regret to the woman that I love. I hate it and I hate myself for it. After years of broken promises, worthless apologies and telling myself that I can deal with this by myself, I now realise that I can't do this by myself. So the question is what to do about it. Has anyone else had experience with counselling for anger issues? I've got appointment with a counsellor next week but I'm wondering if there are more effective ways forward, specialist mutual aid groups that people can recommend? Thanks in advance for any advice. I'm pretty low at the moment and need some hope that change is possible.

Bee1998 Should I confront?
  • replies: 11

So, I live with my partner and his mum and sister. My partner has just come back from a 2 week work trip. Ever since he got back, his mum and sister have been acting very cold towards me and not speaking to me. I also found out from my partner that t... View more

So, I live with my partner and his mum and sister. My partner has just come back from a 2 week work trip. Ever since he got back, his mum and sister have been acting very cold towards me and not speaking to me. I also found out from my partner that they had messaged him in a private group chat to say they wanted to go for coffee with him to have a ‘family discussion.’ And specifically said for me not to come. My partner’s mum is normally really friendly with me, and has always told me I’m part of the family. So, hearing that I’m excluded from going with them for coffee over the weekend (especially since I live with all of them) has made me feel really confused and upset. I’m not sure if I’m being treated differently because they are jealous I have been spending more time with my partner since he got back, or what it is…..but it’s making living there super uncomfortable for me, and I would like to know what their issue is with me. I also don’t respect them talking about me behind my back. If they have an issue regarding me, they should approach me, not go through my partner. Any advice on what to do from here would be greatly appreciated. Should I confront his mum and ask what the matter is? Not knowing what’s going on/ feeling like they don’t like me is starting to affect my mental health.

Earth Girl People wanting to get revenge on me becasue I stopped being friends with them
  • replies: 4

I was semi friends with this girl from college and I thought she and her friends were nice, but I wasn't really feeling the friendship anymore so i asked my sister what to do and she said to just keep telling them that you are busy and they will prob... View more

I was semi friends with this girl from college and I thought she and her friends were nice, but I wasn't really feeling the friendship anymore so i asked my sister what to do and she said to just keep telling them that you are busy and they will probably stop asking you to hang out. I did this for a while and so one day the girl said "I'm here for you but as far as our friendship goes I'm taking a step back because you obviously want space" and I didn't know what that meant but I thought she thought that I was annoyed with her and I didn't want her to think that so I just told her I was going through a hard time and we stayed friends for a bit longer. I remembered that my sister said it's okay to unfriend people on Facebook so I unfriended her and her guy friend because I didn't think they would find it hurtful, but several months later I got a message from them asking me why I unfriended them. I told the girl that I just didn't really feel a connection and that I didn't want to be friends anymore and she got really mad and said "thanks for using me" which wasn't what I was trying to do - I just didn't want to be friends anymore. Her guy friend texted me the same question a couple days later and I told him that I just wasn't really feeling the friendship with the girl and he said "She's really nice so please help me understand why you didn't see a connection there" I didn't want to say anything because I felt awkward but I told him that I just couldn't open up to her much and that she kind of bullied a girl about her weight and he said that for now at least, it was goodbye. I found out recently that this girl is planning serious revenge on me. I know now that I shouldn't have just unfriended them and I wouldn't have if I knew they would find it hurtful, but I have had people do worse things to me than that and I don't want to get revenge on them. And another girl is also really mad at me for not wanting to be friends with her anymore even though I tried to end the friendship as nicely as I could. Since a lot of people don't like me, they have chosen to side with these two and gang up on me and it's tons of people against one person (my family don't take it seriously). I don't know what to do and I didn't think they would get this upset over it. I know what I did wasn't the best I didn't know what else to do at the time. My Mum told me that if the guy asks that question that it's good that I answered it, but before she said it might have been better not to

R.Penn Housemate/ relationship issues
  • replies: 3

Hello again BB community… I wanted to see if anyone would like to chat about stuff… I am having a hard time on my own tonight. My boyfriend of 2 years had another fight with our housemate who is 10 years my senior. I am 33. I don’t have any friends i... View more

Hello again BB community… I wanted to see if anyone would like to chat about stuff… I am having a hard time on my own tonight. My boyfriend of 2 years had another fight with our housemate who is 10 years my senior. I am 33. I don’t have any friends in this city and am unemployed and in the middle of a mental health assessment for possible ASD/not sure what else. My Boyfriend also has been diagnosed ASD. We are very kind and amiable people but my boyfriend gets really overwhelmed with visitors staying over and our housemate doesn’t care about his needs. Anyway long story short my bf blew up at housemate over text message about his friend leering into my room while I was in there one day on my own which made me feel uncomfortable. I don’t feel very safe living here and we both just want to feel comfortable as we pay the majority of the rent. The house is currently feeling like in lockdown everyone is not talking and I have tried to schedule a meeting but the two won’t talk. Not sure what to do… I would like some advice… as I feel like I am on the verge of being homeless yet again… and jobless… I can’t afford to move just yet but might want to move out on my own again to get healthy space back. Can anyone relate? Sharehousing can be such madness but it really comes down to trust and communication, kindness and respect… our housemate doesn’t give a shit about us and makes it clear to us as well. i just cant remember the last time I felt at “home” somewhere.

Fezzeh family
  • replies: 1

Family has been a big problem for me. I am the only girl in the family which is a challenge. I can't go out, go study or anything. I always expect to be perfect and amazing. I just want to be myself and be who i want to be. I just want to be free and... View more

Family has been a big problem for me. I am the only girl in the family which is a challenge. I can't go out, go study or anything. I always expect to be perfect and amazing. I just want to be myself and be who i want to be. I just want to be free and go out like a normal person. I can't go to the library to study or anything. I always been compare with other girls in my life, "oh be more like her". I'm trying my best to be mentally okay but i can't when i expect to be perfect.