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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Lost_in_Space Relationship problems
  • replies: 1

I believe I may be in a toxic relationship and a victim of emotional violence. Since the start of the relationship everything has been on her terms. We need to get engaged. We need to get married. You need to not have this friend, you need to not hav... View more

I believe I may be in a toxic relationship and a victim of emotional violence. Since the start of the relationship everything has been on her terms. We need to get engaged. We need to get married. You need to not have this friend, you need to not have that friend. Whenever I don’t agree it results in silent treatment for 2-3 days then straight back to normal. It is worth noting that she claims to have been in a domestic violence relationship 8 years previously to me. That was her last serious relationship. She has a 15yo from it. I have an 8yo from my past marriage. A year or so ago, not long after we married, she went through my phone and Mac and saw everything that apple had stored on me for the last 10 years. Friends, photos, messages etc. The majority of was information was in my past but she did find out I’d had conversations with ex girlfriends, generally looking for advice on her but a few flirty connotations in there too. I agreed to get rid of everything including friends and concentrate on her. Fast forward 9 months. I’ve now been married for a year. She now works for the same department I do. knows a lot of the same people I do and apparently digs for information about me. She checks my phone regularly including messages to my family and chastises me if she thinks I’ve deleted anything. She is emotionally manipulative (silent treatment when not getting her way) She creates arguments from anything. And I mean anything. Always bringing the past up in an attempt to win. (I ignore arguments now, it’s easier). I have 2 friends left. Both male. I am not allowed female friends under any circumstances. She accuses me of gaslighting and being a narcissist. On occasions I have actually written things down to make sure I know if have done something or not. If anything I believe I’m being gaslighted with little lies. She goes mad when I ask her son to do anything in the house like cleaning up. Always then relating back to mine and asking if mine is going to do it too. She puts herself down and says it’s because I don’t show her the same love I showed my past partners or I don’t love her. Work colleagues There’s probably more I need to write but I’m not thinking straight. I know I should just leave but It feels so hard after everything. Like I’m a failure.

Jan1 Problematic Ex.
  • replies: 1

Hi Everyone, You can call me Gen. I have been with my BF for 5 yrs now but before I decided to be in a relationship with him I was a little reluctant because of the kind of ex wife he has and Mother of his child. Before I met his ex, my BF described ... View more

Hi Everyone, You can call me Gen. I have been with my BF for 5 yrs now but before I decided to be in a relationship with him I was a little reluctant because of the kind of ex wife he has and Mother of his child. Before I met his ex, my BF described her as hysterical and generally not a very pleasant person. It wasn't enough info about her for me to fully understand what he was tellin me. But not long after, I witnessed her bad behavior. She screamed at my BF's face in public for about 15-20 minutes and for whatever her reason, that is unacceptable. I firmly asked her to 'pls stop' after several times of askin her nicely and she still wouldn't. She then turned to contact my BF's Mom about the situation and made a remark that I went crazy at her. My BF's ex and I were fine at the beginning, until this incident occurred. My BF and I had agreed that we avoid her and not have her anywhere near us as I did not want that kind of behavior around me ever again, and it did work quite well. But almost 2 years later, which was only a few weeks ago, she turns up at our doorstep unannounced asking to fill out an important document . In that few minutes that she stood by the screen door waiting, she was ready to find somethin to pick on and create problems. As soon as she left, she contacted my BF via text messages telling him that I behaved in an ugly mannner by shutting the screen door on her, but which I asked in a normal way because of mosquitoes comin in. The wooden door was still left open for her. I was not rude at all but she made it sound like as if I was. She also added that I shouldn't behave that way and that I should stay out of their young son's business. I don't even know why she said that. I have no idea what led her to say that. It seemed to me that she's delusional and she's really tryin to look for trouble to cause between us all. This is now the 2nd time she created a problem and I can't stand it. I don't know what's gonna come up next and it really bothers me. There are many more that she's done but there's not enough space to fit my stories.What do I do? I don't really want to leave my relationship of 5 yrs but I also do not want to spend longer years and his ex wife causes problems/troubles unpredictably. -GEN-

Jd87 What to do about my mum ?
  • replies: 1

Hi I am needing advice please. To give some background my mum lied about having cancer for nearly a year and we found out it wasn’t true when she was taken to hospital for not taking her medication for 6 months resulting in having a quadruple bypass.... View more

Hi I am needing advice please. To give some background my mum lied about having cancer for nearly a year and we found out it wasn’t true when she was taken to hospital for not taking her medication for 6 months resulting in having a quadruple bypass. That was about 10 years ago, before then till now she’s always relied my sisters d myself to bail her out of her financial troubles. Since meeting my now husband we have been still helping but when I got pregnant with daughter I told her I can’t keep giving her money as I am going to have a child and we’re almost about to move into our house once it’s built. She decided not to talk to me for months and didn’t even come see her granddaughter till a month and half after she was born. After I had my daughter two months she said she was going to kill herself, she has been saying this for awhile when we would talk about her finances and ways to help her for her future. We did a welfare check on her via the police but it didn’t help. Since moving into our house we have been still helping her when we can my sister and myself. Now we’ve gotten to the point we can no longer do it as things are so high in price and we’ve told her to look for a smaller place as she doesn’t need a big place for one person. Last week she sent a lot of abusive messages to my sister and said twice she doesn’t want us to contact her anymore or come see her. I did another welfare check on her via the police as I was sick and live two hours away. After the police left she sent another abusive message to my sister saying it’s the nail in the coffin. This all because we said we can’t help her anymore. I know she needs help but I only work part time and the way she messaged saying all the stuff I don’t want her around my daughter as the messages were so abusive and there was so much swearing for no reason. My husbands birthday was yesterday and usually she mesages or calls him and nothing this year. I posted something on fb and she commented on there saying I love you. I’m surprised she even commented. I don’t know what to do as this has been a cycle for so long and I’m over it and trying to speak to her about it doesn’t go well at all because it’s not her way. I don’t want my daughter to see me in this either as this sis toxic.

smltown-girl Least favourite child
  • replies: 11

Hi, im 21, still living with my parents due to no other houses available in my area.recently, more then ever, its been hitting me that I genuinely feel like im under appreciated in my family and just a pure failure of a human. My sister is 18 and she... View more

Hi, im 21, still living with my parents due to no other houses available in my area.recently, more then ever, its been hitting me that I genuinely feel like im under appreciated in my family and just a pure failure of a human. My sister is 18 and she's my mums best friend, especially since she's got a boyfriend. im single. her boyfriend stayed at our house for 3 nights in a row and she planned a weekend away with him and his friends, while we were home alone so our parents could go to a family gathering. we both have a younger sister and instead of communicating with me that she planned this trip away and asking if it was okay that I stay home and look after our sister, she just planned it and told me nothing right up until they were about to leave. As adults we are supposed to be helping around the house and she just doesn't. I cook, and clean, vacuum, stack and unstack the dishwasher up to 4 times a day etc. I cooked dinner for the whole house including her boyfriend and she didn't even help with that or pack up afterwards. when I try to tell my mum that I think its really unfair that she has 0 responsibilities and gets to leave the house whenever she wants and come back whenever she wants, she tells me that that's her choice and not to worry about it. but at the same time will complain that the house is always untidy and nothing gets done when im the only one that helps, which makes me feel even more guilty and makes me feel the need to do more. not only the family stuff but im trying to run my own business which isn't super successful yet and im barely scraping by and making a profit after rent and bills, on top of the fact I have a lack of friends. I just feel so tired and empty and feel like disappearing would just make my life so much easier. I would never go to the extent of harming myself or suicide but sometimes it just seems like the easier option. I can't talk to my family because they just argue with me or completely disregard my feelings, and my friends are happy in their own lives so don't really care about mine. I'm not trying to get pity, just would really appreciate some words of acknowledgement or support, rather than an argument, any comments are appreciated, thank you for reading!

sashamentalhealth Family & Boundaries
  • replies: 3

Hi everyone, Just wanted to give a friendly reminder that its completely okay to set boundaries with family members who have hurt you in the past or those who do not respect you as a person and the boundaries you give them. I know society places a gr... View more

Hi everyone, Just wanted to give a friendly reminder that its completely okay to set boundaries with family members who have hurt you in the past or those who do not respect you as a person and the boundaries you give them. I know society places a great emphasis on "blood is blood", but this doesn't mean that you're not allowed to set distance between yourself and anyone who is not good for your mental wellbeing.

SJC4Dalways Relationships
  • replies: 1

Hi there my 43yr old son lives at home it's a struggle everyday for him to take responsibility for anything.its a struggle for me too I am a widower trying to keep my house maintained.i fear my son will lose any connection he has with his 3 kids.plea... View more

Hi there my 43yr old son lives at home it's a struggle everyday for him to take responsibility for anything.its a struggle for me too I am a widower trying to keep my house maintained.i fear my son will lose any connection he has with his 3 kids.please help me I don't know what to do anymore

Rjbarka75 Is it abuse?
  • replies: 3

Hi I'm married and have been for nearly 25 years. We have 3 adult kids 2 of which are still at home. Just recently I had a discussion with my partner about the ATO contacting me regarding my tax bill and waiting to know when my tax return would be lo... View more

Hi I'm married and have been for nearly 25 years. We have 3 adult kids 2 of which are still at home. Just recently I had a discussion with my partner about the ATO contacting me regarding my tax bill and waiting to know when my tax return would be lodged. I asked my husband about this as his business has a tax accountant who does returns. The claim has been lodged and I have quite a big bill to pay off as I have a large HECS debt. Hubby said to me that he could pay it off but in saying that he was hinting I could repay him with certain services if you get my drift. This isn't the first time this has occurred and it makes me wonder if it is a form of abuse. There is definitely no physical abuse and we have a relatively happy marriage although it does sometimes feel like we co exist. Any thoughts would be appreciated

Panda_Bear Family Pressures
  • replies: 3

Hello, I am a 30 yr old Male. I am on the Disability Support Pension for Schizophrenia and Autism and I am also registered on the NDIS. I do not work due to my disabilities however I volunteer one day a week at an Op Shop. I live at home with parents... View more

Hello, I am a 30 yr old Male. I am on the Disability Support Pension for Schizophrenia and Autism and I am also registered on the NDIS. I do not work due to my disabilities however I volunteer one day a week at an Op Shop. I live at home with parents but I pay board every week. My problem is that I am facing constant nagging and harassment from my mother and sister to get a job. I have told both of them that I am happy volunteering but they don't seem to understand. For my mental health I don't want a stressful paid occupation. How do I make them understand and listen so that I am free to live my own life without persecution?

Lavenders-blue Caught husband lying
  • replies: 9

Hi, I haven't posted here before, but hoping for some advice. My husband had an accident a few years ago and has totally changed in his actions and behaviour. He has recently seen a psychologist who diagnosed ptsd. I am trying to be supportive, yet h... View more

Hi, I haven't posted here before, but hoping for some advice. My husband had an accident a few years ago and has totally changed in his actions and behaviour. He has recently seen a psychologist who diagnosed ptsd. I am trying to be supportive, yet his behaviour is triggering me as all I have ever known of men is cheating behaviour. Prior to the accident I trusted him 100% and we had a very loving relationship. Now I have caught him out in several lies and I am struggling with it. He wants to go where he wants, do what he wants and doesn't have to answer to me as I not his mother! He stays out at night, he lies about where he is going and he was messaging a woman at work but not being open about it. Also, he was prescribed viagra, but says it does nothing for him as he feels numb, yet he takes it out with him in his wallet. He says he is trying to feel something..anything. I caught him out in some lies. He didn't go where he said, instead he got dressed up and went to bars in the city and also a strip club. I'm confused. I thought that ptsd made people want to shut themselves away, not go out to clubs etc. He says he is just trying to get back to who he was before. He also said that when he looks at me it's too emotional and a reminder of who he used to be , but he's not that person anymore. I'm confused as to whether this is ptsd behaviour or something else. I just don't know what to do anymore. He doesn't like to be touched by me anymore as he says his skin feels numb and that too is a reminder of hiw he used to feel, but doesn't anymore

darkenedsun Controlling parents
  • replies: 2

I'm 25 years old and living very far away from my parents but they still seem to have such a strong hold on me and my life. Without giving too much away, I now have to get a home loan for a land in VIC that he (my dad) wants me to buy when I am in no... View more

I'm 25 years old and living very far away from my parents but they still seem to have such a strong hold on me and my life. Without giving too much away, I now have to get a home loan for a land in VIC that he (my dad) wants me to buy when I am in no position to buy, and then to secure the first home owner grant I have to be living in that home when I really dont want to. I am financially independent from my parents and I have my own plans to buy my own place down the road from where i want and I'm saving up for it really well. If this goes ahead, which it will, I would have to live in Melbourne. The problem is the land is very close to my relatives, who treat me like a servant everytime I go there.. and surely I will have them humbugging me every hour of the day with some sort of cow dung, cause that's what they do. Like my dad, they are very nasty when things dont go their way, aka very very controlling but has 0 zilch respect. I still feel like a child, trapped at home. I thought I was able to escape them (my dad) when i did all the things he wanted from me when I was younger , which I have already done so far (dont study what you love, do nursing, go to a remote area to study l, get the PR). Everything i do is not good enough and absolutely no respect for my own choices. He still doesn't leave me alone. He always blames me cause I dont talk with much him much, like no . He always calls me when he needs something from me. When he does ask how I'm doing after fulfilling his needs, it doesnt feel genuine. Now I know, establish boundaries yes. In my culture that is taboo, we have to do it in sneaky ways, which I do, plus he will hurt my mom and bros if things dont go his way. I'v seen this happen in the past. I'm miserable