Immediate support
Immediate support

Relationship and family issues

Anything to do with managing relationships and family, including parenting, separation, loneliness, divorce, family and friendships.

Start a discussion

FAQ

Find answers to some of the more frequently asked questions on the Forums.

View the FAQ

Forums guidelines

Our guidelines keep the Forums a safe place for people to share and learn information.

View the guidelines
Jump to
Start a discussion

Pinned discussions

Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

All discussions

Start a discussion

NotReallyOkay She told me she will be leaving in 6 months
  • replies: 5

So I've been with this girl, not really in a romantic relationship, but just really we both enjoyed each other's companionship, we eat together, shop for errands together, workout together, movies every night together. But, yesterday, out of a sudden... View more

So I've been with this girl, not really in a romantic relationship, but just really we both enjoyed each other's companionship, we eat together, shop for errands together, workout together, movies every night together. But, yesterday, out of a sudden, she said she'll need to leave this city in 6 months, it is due to various issues, she can't stand the weather here, she missed her friends in Brisbane, she hated her current job which she can't wait to quit. When I heard that she said she's going to leave, it's like she's put and expiration date to this relationship. We're staying in the same house, working at the same place, we're around each other really 24hrs a day. I can't handle what she said yesterday, I know if I don't isolate myself from her as soon as possible, it would really be a heartbreak 6 months later when she leave. I have no idea why is she being so selfish, or maybe I just expect too much out of her. Or maybe I just committed myself too much. Right now I'm really not happy, but I act like I can handle it in front of her, 24hrs. The rational me tells me to leave right now or I'll suffer even more later. But the emotional me, just really want to be around her. I can't follow her to Brisbane, I can't transfer my university scholarship. I've already sacrificed so much for her, yet she can't just hold on until I graduate and we move together. I'm hurt so bad, but I can't tell her, I can't let her know, I don't want to increase her pressure which she's been getting a lot from the shitty job she's been having. I acted like I don't mind she leave but I do really mind, a lot of it. I have no idea what I could do. Ive been alone throughout the first 23 years of my life, until I met her. I wonder how I survived through that, but I really don't wanna go back to that life again. But if she really do leave regardless of how I persuade her to stay, I'll probably isolate myself from society. The feeling of losing something or someone is worse that not having it at all. I've experienced it once during my parent's divorce, and now the second time. Stuff all these feels. I hope I can just pop a pill and be worry free, and emotionless

cookyboy12 Horrible monster in a close cousin is back
  • replies: 4

I have been very close with my cousin. For 3 years he's been well. But in Sept after living with my mum the monster in him emerged again. He became a different person leading up to starting to sending nasty texts as a means to deal with seemingly eas... View more

I have been very close with my cousin. For 3 years he's been well. But in Sept after living with my mum the monster in him emerged again. He became a different person leading up to starting to sending nasty texts as a means to deal with seemingly easy issues, drinking increased, etc. Initially mum was patient but texts wouldn't stop, so she told him he had the choice to be respectful or maybe he had friends who had better accommodation deals. He chose the latter. Because he brought his apparently new gf to 'supervise' I went there. A lot has been happening and I could've handled it better. This year's been s*** and he knows it, with a lot of grief going on and adding to my depression/anxiety, he hurt me alot, especially after being there for him and he treated my mum the way he did. So I told him to seek help with a psych before contacting me again. When he's well he's great, but now that the horrible monster is in him, I'm finding it really hard. So I tried contacting him because my neurosurgeon is sending me for an angiogram, he hangs up and sends a message that he doesn't know when he'll talk as he's a lot going on and not to contact him blah blah blah. This has just set me off again. Right now I'm pretending he doesn't even exist, which is the only way I can think of.

Anna_Mac Boyfriend has depression and broke up with me
  • replies: 2

Hi. My boyfriend of 8 years broke up with me last week as he is suffering with depression. I have tried numerous times to get him help but he wasn't interested. I didn't get a say in the ending of the relationship and whether I'd like to keep dating ... View more

Hi. My boyfriend of 8 years broke up with me last week as he is suffering with depression. I have tried numerous times to get him help but he wasn't interested. I didn't get a say in the ending of the relationship and whether I'd like to keep dating him even though he is suffering. He suggested we don't speak for several weeks. Does anyone have any suggestions on how I can get him back so I can look after him and also how to get him to seek professional help? Thanks

Guest_3072 Combating Loneliness and Building Friendships (PLEASE HELP)
  • replies: 1

Hi everyone, Lately, I have been feeling extremely lonely. I'm the kind of person that people contact only really when they need or want something from me. In all my life, I don't think I've ever had a true friend. I basically only really have my fam... View more

Hi everyone, Lately, I have been feeling extremely lonely. I'm the kind of person that people contact only really when they need or want something from me. In all my life, I don't think I've ever had a true friend. I basically only really have my family and a few acquaintances that I see (from university) and we catch-up over dinner or a movie sometimes. In addition, I also had a casual sex partner previously that has turned into a 'casual friend' I guess (let's call him Michael). Anyways, I find myself yearning for intellectual and emotional intimacy and mutual understanding socially. I feel like I just have 'situational' people in my life, none of whom I really click with and have common interests with. I want to feel important and close to someone and when I was texting Michael last night about it, he basically said that the way he builds friendships with people is to see if they match or vibe with him to see if they are worth each other's time. He said that the people in his life, he can't really say if they are important to each other, but that they are interesting to hang out with and they can learn from each other. I like what Michael said about being worth each other's time but really, I don't want to spend time with people if we both don't view each other as important (because I would feel like a fill-in, like they are just hanging out with me "just because" and don't really care about me). I want genuine friendships, not just "hang out" or "bitch buddies". I just want someone to talk to, really get to know and be appreciated and loved. I'm going to look up groups on meet-up and places to go and volunteer. Socially, I am a part of a Toastmasters club but not much else. Any tips or comforting words would be appreciated! Also, I've kind of dissected Michael's message to me in questions to kind of act as a guide socially. Here they are: 1 Do they match/vibe with me? 2 Are we worth each other's time? 3 Are they interesting to hang out with? 4 Can we learn from each other? 5 Are we important to each other? What do you guys think? Any advice?

dani1980 Where do I even start....
  • replies: 2

My ex husband and I split up. I had been with him since I was 17, I am now 37. This was early last year and we are now just going through sorting out selling of the house etc. I have 2 children with him. After we split up, I became a single parent. I... View more

My ex husband and I split up. I had been with him since I was 17, I am now 37. This was early last year and we are now just going through sorting out selling of the house etc. I have 2 children with him. After we split up, I became a single parent. It was hard for me to get through the separation, working full-time, being a newly single parent. I sought help from a psychologist and was taking medication to treat anxiety. I had an ex from a long time ago, before my ex husband and we reconnected. He was lovely and kind and said all the right things. Everything went well for a about 7 months. Until he became depressed. His ex-wife had cheated on him, he has 4 children with her, and I think there are someone unresolved feelings there. January this year, he became distant, didn't want to spend time together. This was hard for me to accept, because I have very deep feelings for this man. I hung in there until July this year. He was very distant, didn't seem to care at all about me, or my feelings. Was no longer affectionate, we never saw each other (his choice) and I found it very hard to understand what I had done. He kept saying that it was nothing that I did. We eventually broke up in July, because I couldn't take it anymore. I have unresolved questions for him. I love this man. I knew when entering a relationship with him that he had depression, he had told me that straight up. What I wasn't expecting was to be completely discarded. No feelings from him whatsoever, overnight. I wanted to remain friends with him, because even though our relationship towards the end, was terrible, I still see the person that he doesn't see. Its been 4 months now. We see each other maybe once a month, I still have feelings there, he doesn't seem to. This has sent me into a major depression. I am currently medicated with 2 different types of depression tablets, morning and night. I feel like I have lost the love of my life and I can't seem to let go of him. But he is so numb and non-emotional about everything in his life. I don't know what to do. He will not seek help. He says that he has been on a variety of different medication before with no effect, and he doesn't feel that a psychologist helps. He has been to see a few before. He doesn't have anyone in his life, and he says that no one ever stays. I don't want to be the one that also leaves, I want to be there for him. But I also want a relationship with him. What do I do?

Hailsm Parenting with no support
  • replies: 9

How often would you say your kids get you in a bad mood & you loose your patience slightly? My son will be 4 and my daughter 2 in February & I have been a stay at home mum since my oldest was born. Last week we had the best week, kids were happy & we... View more

How often would you say your kids get you in a bad mood & you loose your patience slightly? My son will be 4 and my daughter 2 in February & I have been a stay at home mum since my oldest was born. Last week we had the best week, kids were happy & well behaved & I felt blessed to have amazing kids. My son asks a million questions a day & my daughter is high needs. This week they have been ferral, my son hurting his sister, fighting, screaming pulling everything out everywhere to the point where I yelled at my son yesterday & felt terrible about it causing me to be in tears all afternoon my husband came home from work & I just cried because I'd had enough & was relieved to see him. He then turns around & says I need to do something about it & don't let things get to me & stop speaking to the kids like I hate them. Saying I have a problem, he was diagnosed with anxiety and depression, is medicated and it's like he's implying I have the same. I don't feel like I speak to them like I hate them but I'm the only one that tries to discipline them with out me doing so they would have zero discipline, he sees me at the end of the day when I'm over it and he has stayed back at work for 1 - 1.5 hours drinking beer each day while I cook dinner & we eat without him. He says it's my behaviour that makes the kids naughty because I tell them not to do certain things. I don't know what to do, I feel like I can't win if I tell him he needs to tell the kids no more he thinks I'm accusing him of doing nothing and he gets cranky with me saying he does alot more than other men. I have no support from family or friends and I rarely get a break. I told him I don't like him drinking everyday and he told me I need to be more responsible of my emotions and take responsibility of my own actions and don't worry about it. He then goes to work again and I'm left home with the kids to ponder his words over in my mind which leaves me feeling hurt and unappreciated. I feel like he should give me some support and understanding instead of just accusing me of having issues that I take out on the kids and him, yes I feel stressed at times but what stay at home mum doesn't, surely it's normal to get annoyed by your children every so often. I can't be perfect and happy all of the time, I seriously wish I could, that would be the best life ever and I don't believe anyone lives like that. I feel like I'm not allowed to have a bad day, as soon as I do I'm criticised for it which gets me down

JamesB Relationship forming struggles
  • replies: 5

Hey there, Im so glad that I came across this forum as I think I really could use this space to blurt out what's going on in my head and have some people who may understand what's going. So I seperated from my ex wife on Valentine's Day this year for... View more

Hey there, Im so glad that I came across this forum as I think I really could use this space to blurt out what's going on in my head and have some people who may understand what's going. So I seperated from my ex wife on Valentine's Day this year for a number of reasons which still sees us remain friends and there is no hate or anything there. It has made me realise quite a few things and has enabled me to be myself. I had a rebound which was the best thing for me and was travelling well but the last couple of weeks I've had a dip in my mental state and I don't know why. There are still numerous things that remind me of her and it's not that I miss her I miss the way life was, I felt like I had a sense of purpose and meaning and now I feel lost but at the same time smothered with this feeling of life caving in and like I don't have a purpose anymore. Im on dating websites and ill match with people but now I think there had been a fear engrained in me where I think there has to be this overwhelming feeling of being on cloud 9 for a romantic relationship to form. It's like I don't know if it will ever happen again or how it will. The prospect of forming and sharing a life with someone new is a scary thought and wonder if from here on in I'll always be comparing to my marriage. Will I wake up one day and will it just be a very distant memory and I'll be over it? The other thing is there is a feeling of not being wanted and that I'm destined to fail at future relationships which is maybe why I'm subconsciously being guarded and not giving anyone a chance. I feel like I'm going through life lost and sometimes wonder what the point of it is. I then feel like there is nothing wrong with me being by myself but then I do miss the emotional and physical intimacy. Its slightly annoying and I don't know if that's the best word to use but my ex started dating someone at the end of May and is now looking at moving in with him and here I am still feeling lost. It actually makes me anxious and scared and makes me want to crawl into a hole and stay there. Like, I don't know how I will know I have found someone I'm truly happy being with or is it something that I'll know when it happens. It doesn't help that I have low self confidence and am somewhat of an introvert so there very well could be someone out there but I don't actually have the balls to do anything about it. Ontop of that there is someone I have strong feelings for whom I work with but am confused on that

rosecolouredglasses At a loss, tired, lonely Mum
  • replies: 3

I am just broken. I can't stop crying, eating and then as soon as the kids get home or I have to enter society, I have to put on this beautiful happy together person. No one would suspect anything but a together person and family. My husbands works c... View more

I am just broken. I can't stop crying, eating and then as soon as the kids get home or I have to enter society, I have to put on this beautiful happy together person. No one would suspect anything but a together person and family. My husbands works constantly. We have been together forever, but I guess that is when I put my life on hold. The kids love my husband, but he is the soft one. I have a super bright child at a selective school who does zero work. He is hard work at home and to me. He is stubborn, pigheaded and basically could not careless about anything or anyone until he realises he has pushed too far and it will impact his comfortable little life. He is bright enough to put enough effort into his relationship with me and school work to get by (just), but the teachers are ringing me frustrated by his lack of motivation and shortcuts. My husband is always the soft one who never has to deal with the calls from the teacher. I set a consequence and a minute later my child has talked my husband into softening it. I have another child. Not as bright, but intrinsically motivated. Certainly not perfect, but from day one of birth much more relaxed and easy going. So much has been taken from my personality, self esteem, everything. I feel worthless and haven't worked for years, so I basically have nothing now and can do nothing. I live my life through my husband and kids. I just eat to take the loneliness away and the depression from getting calls from the school, or the stress from constant arguments with my child. My Mother is tough and is never really there for me unless it works for her, has always been the same. She is actually a nice person, but more interested in doing the right thing by everyone else than her family. My Father just follows whatever she does. I am always there for everyone, when they need me and I have always been happy to be like that. I now need something that will make me value myself again, but I lack the confidence to do that. I want my child to stop arguing about everything and taking a bit more self interest and being more constructive in even just one part of his life. How can a child be so difficult and argumentative and yet lack any intrinsic motivation or even care how his behaviour is impacting those around him. He has always been a difficult child at home and school. He does have a lovely soft, sensitive side, but only when he has broken me or the teacher. I am just lost.

I_am_Integrity Single Mum - Isolation and loneliness
  • replies: 2

Hello, Well, I guess your a single mum too and feeling isolated and lonely just like me. I am currently living on the Sunshine Coast and I am struggling to connect and make new friends. Today, was a good day as last night I decided to reach out. I go... View more

Hello, Well, I guess your a single mum too and feeling isolated and lonely just like me. I am currently living on the Sunshine Coast and I am struggling to connect and make new friends. Today, was a good day as last night I decided to reach out. I googled mental health for women and have found a connect group for women wanting to learn different styles of dancing from latin, belly dancing and even a style of south African dancing. This was through the Sunshine Coast council and it is all free. Being a single mum and university student I do not have much money. I am happy I have found this and will continue to attend the dance classes every Saturday. I hope this will build my self confidence after having this destroyed from a man who was disrespecting me. Men just seem to want to use you for sex.Sending all the single mums out their love. It is so hard on your own.

Need2Bstronger Anxiety affecting my relationship
  • replies: 1

Hi, The last 2 years have been quite hard in terms of my mental health. My dad got quite ill last year and I had PTSD from this for a while. It was going ok, but hen just over 12 months after he got out of hospital he got sick again and it bought eve... View more

Hi, The last 2 years have been quite hard in terms of my mental health. My dad got quite ill last year and I had PTSD from this for a while. It was going ok, but hen just over 12 months after he got out of hospital he got sick again and it bought everything back. Now I feel anxiety is taking over my life in other aspects. I had a bad panic attack the other day and my coping mechanism is to retreat and hide away from the world, the issue is my partner; when he has a panic attack he feels it better to be around someone, I prefer to be on my own and he can’t seem to understand this. When we were discussing my anxiety he said “I’ll always support you and I love you but your anxiety is become an issue and it’s affecting us” this was not what I wanted to hear whilst in the midst of a panic attack. Even though he suffers anxiety, it’s like he doesn’t understand it, all at the same time. Sometimes I feel like he thinks I’m making it up. Perhaps I’m just being paranoid and it’s the anxiety talking, but I don’t know how to make him understand what works for me is not the same as what works for him. If he truly understood, why would he say it’s affecting our relationship, to me it really hurt for him to say that and while he said he loves and supports me, it was almost like what he was saying that just because it was he right thing to say. If he really loved and supported me- surely my anxiety wouldn’t be an issue?