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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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mylittleprofile My partner wants sex all the time and I have lost interest
  • replies: 2

So here goes... my partner is always hinting sex to me and I seem to get really annoyed and make excuses - "we haven't had sex for ages can we do it later?".... many more that he brings up with me. Since having our baby girl, she's 17months I'm just ... View more

So here goes... my partner is always hinting sex to me and I seem to get really annoyed and make excuses - "we haven't had sex for ages can we do it later?".... many more that he brings up with me. Since having our baby girl, she's 17months I'm just going to say to straight out... I can't be bothered having sex. I know it sounds to selfish but I really can't. Yes I've put on some weight since having her and emotionally I get depressed a lot. But dealing with the stresses of life and looking after our daughter the last thing I want is sex. I've tried to google things like "why don't I want sex anymore?" Or looking at it from my partners side "why doesn't my wife want me sexually?" We've been together for almost 7 years, engaged, and went through Ivf for our baby girl. Is there something wrong with me? Is it normal to go through a lull like this at this point in our relationship? There is a lot more to our situation that would take me a day to write down but this is something that is really playing a big part. He keeps saying that sex is important to him in a relationship. It is to me too... any comments to help me through this or help him understand or anything?!?!? Will be appreciated I read a comment on a thread this morning with a quote "men need sex to feel loved and women need to feel loved to have sex".

rhinoceros A lack of understanding
  • replies: 4

Hi all - I am not sure what I'm doing or even what I am talking about right now, but here goes. I put up a thread a few months back about some of my issues - the short summary of that I have experienced pretty much every sexual issue a male can exper... View more

Hi all - I am not sure what I'm doing or even what I am talking about right now, but here goes. I put up a thread a few months back about some of my issues - the short summary of that I have experienced pretty much every sexual issue a male can experience. It's been a result of many things- medication, weaning off medication, lack of confidence, feeling depressed/anxious, all of which get exacerbated by each other. It's made life pretty rough and but until recently I had a feeling of optimism that things could get better. I have been making lots of positive changes to try and improve my confidence and re frame my negative feelings towards intimacy that were created by repeated painful experiences. I truly felt like I was making some sort of progress. Our relationship otherwise has been really good - we are talking about getting engaged etc. We love each other despite the problems I have had. We want to get married etc. still. I feel like she is 'the one' as corny as that sounds. Furthermore, she still says that I'm a wonderful boyfriend. She has made it clear to me that she isn't interested in sex with me . Other forms of intimacy are ok- but not that- too many bad experiences. I understand this and I don't think it comes as any surprise. There's only so much disappointment one can handle. Although deep down I knew this was probably the case - hearing it put so plainly really hurts. I'm still hurting now and I'm not sure anymore how I should feel/act towards her. My partner has some challenging views about things such as depression and anxiety. She acknowledges that these are things that all people experience at some point in time, but can't recognise the more serious forms of it. I spent the other night in tears; and was screamed at for 'not dealing with things like a normal person' for instance. I am doing the best I possibly can to cope and put on a brave face but it's not good enough. I was vulnerable and down already, it just made things worse. This has happened on a number of instances about a number of issues; I'm expected to 'man up' and deal with it. Honestly, I wish it was that easy. Now that I've actually wrote this down I realise things aren't so bad in the scheme of things- if anything I just feel so tired of trying to mask the way I feel and act like everything is fine. There's only so long one can do that before you have some sort of a meltdown.

vintage1951 I am aware that a sexless marriage is nothing new but..
  • replies: 2

We have been married for 43yrs. About 20yrs ago I had a work related break down. After a few psychologists I found one who really did give me tools to help me back. Thanks. unfortunately a previous psychologist said I should network and build a frien... View more

We have been married for 43yrs. About 20yrs ago I had a work related break down. After a few psychologists I found one who really did give me tools to help me back. Thanks. unfortunately a previous psychologist said I should network and build a friendship circle. Through this I met a lady also suffering from depression and we met for coffee, around the same time a 'friend' linked a couple of explicit dating sites on my phone, yes I did look. My wife found out about this and that I had met and kissed (friendly) this lady. My wife has always read my mail and always looks through my phone, phones me on a regular basis if she is at work or away (she works shift work. All relationships are two way streets I am not perfect but the last 30yrs without sex has been hard. My wife explains that for many reasons she is not interested and I have to accept what is on offer, holding hands the occasional consoling cuddle. We have been to a couple of counsellors but they did not give her the answers she wanted. We go on holiday we are not rich but manage. I manage by keeping myself permanently tired, hence few sexual urges! Just mild headaches and a punishing work schedule. We have talked seen counsellors, she is unhappy that I am not satisfied where do we go? She does see this as my problem and has told counsellors we have seen of her thoughts.

Dee20 Newly Separated
  • replies: 7

After 30 years and 3 beautiful children we are calling it a day. How do you cope with this? The emptiness the unknown? Have we done the right thing? All those questions and more keep running around in my thoughts. How and when will I know what im goi... View more

After 30 years and 3 beautiful children we are calling it a day. How do you cope with this? The emptiness the unknown? Have we done the right thing? All those questions and more keep running around in my thoughts. How and when will I know what im going to do?

Korrine I would love to move out but partner not interested
  • replies: 4

Hi everyone:) I've been with my partner for nearly 4 years and we currently live with his best mate and his wife and their 2 (soon to be 3 kids). Living here was only meant to be temporary until we had enough money to move out. We'll we've been here ... View more

Hi everyone:) I've been with my partner for nearly 4 years and we currently live with his best mate and his wife and their 2 (soon to be 3 kids). Living here was only meant to be temporary until we had enough money to move out. We'll we've been here for nearly 3 years and i am at the end of my tether. We have nothing together (besides health insurance) and every time i bring up the subject it turns into a fight. I try to save money but i never seem to get anywhere because it just goes on bills or I am left paying for our entire holiday. I am strongly thinking of telling him i am going to save money every week and move out on my own. Is this the right thing to do? I love him but this is getting ridiculous. Thanks in advance for all your advice and help

Marie123456 My sister
  • replies: 3

I have an older sister (51) who seems to be suffering from a mental disorder of some sort. She has never been diagnosed, and won't admit to any problems. She is bright and intelligent. The problem is that all my other siblings treat her badly, and ta... View more

I have an older sister (51) who seems to be suffering from a mental disorder of some sort. She has never been diagnosed, and won't admit to any problems. She is bright and intelligent. The problem is that all my other siblings treat her badly, and talk about her behind her back. They don't invite her to anything, make fun of her, and always imagine the worst about her. They don't always check the facts. So, I am worried for my sister as she really has no friends, she hoards things in her house and cannot keep a job. She definitely has a problem but no one seems to be able to help her. How does someone get help when they won't ask or admit to any issues? Unfortunately she won't listen to anyone about anything. Even if someone counselled her, she would turn the session around and be giving advice. I feel very sorry for her and would like to see her a bit happier in her life.

RuskyMae How can I help my partner before I lose him and my kids lose their dad?!
  • replies: 1

My partner has recently told me that he needs his own space, that his head is a mess and he needs to be alone to sort it out... we are engaged, wedding is in 8 months and he is saying that he doesn't know if he loves me anymore, but he still wants to... View more

My partner has recently told me that he needs his own space, that his head is a mess and he needs to be alone to sort it out... we are engaged, wedding is in 8 months and he is saying that he doesn't know if he loves me anymore, but he still wants to be around for the kids (2 are not his) and that he just needs space... he disappears for drives and sleeps out bush couple nights a week and then comes back like he never left... my heart breaks every time he leaves and then gets its hopes up when he comes back... I am a ex domestic violence victim, I suffer depression and severe anxiety, he is my first proper relationship since my other 2 kids dad... we have a son together who has not long turned 1, and has not known anything other than mum and dad being there for him... my 2 other children have been calling him dad for almost 2 years and he is the only father figure they have since their father was judged unfit and I was given full rights... I don't want any of my kids to lose him, let alone myself, but I want to know how to help him... he says being alone and going out for drives and bush ect helps, but I'm scared he may not come back one day... he says his head is a mess but he sees it as numbers and letters not words or thoughts... I don't know what to do... I had just got my own depression to a point of management and now I am falling apart and I am Currently all my kids have... does any know what I can do? I have offered to go to friends or family so he can have the house to himself (his family is too far away for him to go to) but he says no I shouldn't have to do that... I support him going for drives... I am trying to give him the space he needs as well as letting him know I care, but at the same time I am losing myself and he was my rock and now it's gone... so helping him I am losing me... can anyone help me? Any advice at all? Please and thank you for your time...

Broncos67 Relationship break up - dealing with it.
  • replies: 2

My girlfriend and I have been dating for 2 years. I was her first kiss, let alone anything else, first boyfriend. We are madly in love however we have been going through a rough time. The last month been shaky. She broke up with me last month because... View more

My girlfriend and I have been dating for 2 years. I was her first kiss, let alone anything else, first boyfriend. We are madly in love however we have been going through a rough time. The last month been shaky. She broke up with me last month because she has no time or energy for me anymore. She works at a coffee shop from like 5.30am-12pm most days right? So she's gotta be up at 4am to get ready... then she goes to uni, studying all the time and has gym 5 days a week too. So she's just exhausted and stressed all the time, she often finds herself sleeping whenever she gets a chance (fair enough!) and she's just not got the time for me anymore, she wants to be in a healthy state of mind. She emotionally checked out of our relationship. She loves me but she just can't do it anymore, she is stressed and overwhelmed with everything going on. But we gave it one more go this month, but she called it off for good. She tried to listen to me when I said it would all be okay but she just feels more confused and hopeless about everything. She needs to believe in something before she fully commits to it and she just doesn't think this will work. She's overwhelmed and she's emotionally exhausted. She just feels numb. She says she loves me and would die for me and she will always love me and all that, but she just can't be with me. She wants what she thinks is for the best because she isn't happy doing this anymore, she's overwhelmed and confused. She said it won't make her happy, that she doesn't necessarily want to break up but she needs to end it. We need to move on or whatever. I'm really struggling with how she can do it. She loves me and that's what should matter, I don't care if we have to take a break and she work on herself but she didn't know when she would be okay, she doesn't want to leave us in limbo for this time when she doesn't know what she wants, it'll be too stressful and all. So my question is how do I deal with it? I obviously feel inadequate, worthless at times. I am hurt that she's doing this even though she's in love with me. I've tried all I can to make alternatives in her life like cutting back work or uni, talking to a therapist or going back on her anti anxiety medication that she used to be on, but she's too stubborn, she thinks she needs to be alone. I'm struggling to deal with it, I always miss her, I find myself sobbing to myself every day and night, I am really struggling entirely and I guess I'm just looking for some advice.

KTrain Lack of emotional support
  • replies: 4

Hello everyone, This is my first post here, sorry it is so long, bit of an emotional brain dump for me. I've had a rough few nights with my depression, which comes and goes but hasn't been around in a long time. I'm in a relationship with a man who d... View more

Hello everyone, This is my first post here, sorry it is so long, bit of an emotional brain dump for me. I've had a rough few nights with my depression, which comes and goes but hasn't been around in a long time. I'm in a relationship with a man who doesn't seem to have any empathy or understanding towards me. He knew I was having a rough night last night and just left me to it, says he needed sleep so didn't come over or contact me. It's not like I have these dark moments all the time, a handful of times in the 5 years we've been together and he doesn't make an effort to be here, to text or to call me when he knows I'm struggling. It made me feel so alone, even worse than being single and lonely is being in a relationship and lonely. I constantly oscillate between thoughts of 'if he really cared about me, he would be here for me wouldn't he?' to 'maybe I'm just too difficult/needy or expecting too much?'. I would be there for him if he needed me but he doesn't reach out to me much. He is a recovering alcoholic and is more than 18 months sober. He leans on others and he supports others who have alcohol issues. He says he thinks of them as 'comrades' and finds it easy to support them, plus it’s all part of his recovery to help others (with alcohol problems, not others in general). He has improved so much since giving up the alcohol and things are really good between us when I’m happy. But when I need emotional support, he is not there for me. For a long time I thought he is just not the kind of guy who does emotional support and was kind of getting used to that. But now seeing him offering that support to others who are in his rehab group or who go to his AA meetings, yet still cannot offer support to me, hurts a lot and has made me unsure of our relationship. He says that he is 100% committed to our relationship, the emotional connection that I feel is missing is not something that he notices or that bothers him. He thinks everything is fine and it is just me and my depression that is the problem and if I see a counsellor and get help then we can be happy. I know I have to get help, but even when I do, knowing that he is not going to support me in times of emotional need is still enough for me to question what I am doing in the relationship. Can you have a relationship with someone who doesn’t give you emotional support? Or am I thinking too much (I do tend to do that), or expecting too much and need to stand on my own?

Slytherin_91 Lost
  • replies: 3

I'm not sure what I'm looking for in this, mainly to vent I think. My partner of almost 4 years has GAD. Since we've been together it has steadily gotten worse and now currently at the stage where I have to ask if they are safe being at home by thems... View more

I'm not sure what I'm looking for in this, mainly to vent I think. My partner of almost 4 years has GAD. Since we've been together it has steadily gotten worse and now currently at the stage where I have to ask if they are safe being at home by themselves. They have been going to counselling for the duration of our relationship and approx 2.5yrs ago started medication which hasn't seemed to help at all (tried a few different ones). About 1-1.5yrs ago they re took up smoking which I cannot stand an they know that. It physically and psychologically repulsed me to the point I don't want to kiss them at all. I love them and want to be with them I just feel so emotionally burnt out at times. In the rare moments we go out and socialise like a happy normal couple when anxiety isn't involved makes me realise how much it affects our relationship as a whole. We discuss our issues but nothing changes. I feel like I have no one to talk to about all this as my partner is my best friend, and we share most of our close friends so I don't think it's appropriate to involve them. Days like today put the weight of their world and mine on my shoulders.