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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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365Emm Problems with Mum - warning contains recount of racist comment
  • replies: 4

About four weeks ago my Mum anf her new husband came down for a visit, they live about 300km away in a small town and we live in a big city. They took us out to dinner and he kept talking about the troubles in the aboriginal communities in central Au... View more

About four weeks ago my Mum anf her new husband came down for a visit, they live about 300km away in a small town and we live in a big city. They took us out to dinner and he kept talking about the troubles in the aboriginal communities in central Australia, referring to aboriginal people as 'blackfellas' and kept saying 'It's your tax dollars'. The next day we met up again for breakfast with other family and someone was talking about the rule for borrowing the car and said 'It's ok to take the car so long as you don't bring it back empty.' Meaning empty of petrol. And he said 'So it's ok to bring it back full of Blackfellas and Indians then!' I didn't say anything at the time, but I wish I did. Later after thay had left I sent a text to my Mum saying that I didnt apreciate the racist things he'd said and she called me back straight away saying that she had no idea that he'd said anything racist. She initially said that I should have said something at the time. Then she rang back the next day saying that he isn't a racist because he has aboriginal friends, that he'd never say anything racist and that he didn't say "Indians and Blackfellas" bur just "Indians" and that Indians was just a stand in word forpeople. She almost convinced me to apologise and I said that I was sorry if I miss heard. She said that I was judemental and ungrateful. When I told my partner he said that he heard 'It's ok to bring it back full of Indians and Blackfellas" too. He told me not to let my Mum gasslight me. And also that Mum knows her husband says things that she doesn't approve of and her response is to 'Shush' him. She would never say things like he does. Mum rang back and when I still sounded like I didn't want to talk to her she asked what was wrong and said she thought that I'd already apologised. I said that even if she didn't think that what he said was racist that at least she could at least say it was a good thing for me to say something when I thought something was racist. I ended up hanging up on her when she kept saying he'd never be racist. I feel worthless and accidentally missed my appointment with my psychologist. My psychologist scheduled an appointment just after the visit from Mum on purpose but I stuffed up the time. I haven't been able to stop re-running conversations in my head for weeks.

Living57 When to move on
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When do you move on after the death of your partner? My hubby passed 2 years ago. I admit it still brings me down. I doubt i will truly get over it. But when do you move on? My friends tell me to start looking, put myself out there. I am not sure. Ye... View more

When do you move on after the death of your partner? My hubby passed 2 years ago. I admit it still brings me down. I doubt i will truly get over it. But when do you move on? My friends tell me to start looking, put myself out there. I am not sure. Yes i miss the companionship. I miss the talk, the laughter, the one-on-one. I just dont know. They have told me about various websites. They have shown me these pages. I am nervous about it. Just wondering, have you been in this situation? How did you deal with it? How did your family and friends react? And lastly how did you feel, deep down, about moving on

Gigi1981 Should I stay or should I go?
  • replies: 18

Hello Everyone, my husband is clearly suffering from depression and shows all the key symptoms. It comes in peaks and troughs and I am not sure what triggers it. I assume that this time, it was a selection of work stress, discussions we had and his s... View more

Hello Everyone, my husband is clearly suffering from depression and shows all the key symptoms. It comes in peaks and troughs and I am not sure what triggers it. I assume that this time, it was a selection of work stress, discussions we had and his sudden thoughts of potentially wanting children. We discussed children at length before our wedding several years ago and I was always open about not wanting children. He did not want any at the time, too, but now says that he is not sure anymore and that the thought of children "hurts" him. Is is confused and unsure but believes we are diverging. He is tired all the time and recently has become very withdrawn, to the point of telling me he wants to be alone and misses his single life. Then again, he tells me he loves me a lot and the thought of losing me hurts him to the point of crying. But when I ask him whether we should split up, the first reason he gives me why he doesn't want to is that the administration of a separation would be too much work. When I told him that that is not a good reason to stay together and that I believe we should separate because i cannot live with these annually upcoming existential doubts and questions he has, he said that he cannot imagine living without me. I believe depression has left him completely confused but I am also at a point where I wonder whether he has these depressive bouts again and again because he is not happy with the relationship and does not see a future anymore. I wish I could find out whether that is the case but when I ask him, he says he does not know and gets all withdrawn again. He thinks that i am better off without him but in the same sentence, he tells me hurtful and mean things about me, like him missing to be by himself and living his life without having to fake excitement for the things I like. We have a beautiful holiday booked for the end of the year and after seeming genuinely excited for so long, he now tells me that it all just seems like a big chore and effort to him. Even the relaxing part of the holiday which he actually craved is now all of a sudden "too long". I don't know what to do anymore. I have gone through these same things every year since we got together eight years ago. I can't help but feel that he is just not happy in the relationship but for some reason does not find a way out. Or is it the depression that it appears his family has a tendency for? I don't know anymore. Most of all, should I leave for my own sake & happiness?

Ellen67 Family Frustrations
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I will try to keep this brief, background; I am a 50yr old woman, chronic pain, depression for most of my life (medicated) I have 18yo girl & 16yo girl at home as well as husband who also has depression. My younger daughter has anxiety and is probabl... View more

I will try to keep this brief, background; I am a 50yr old woman, chronic pain, depression for most of my life (medicated) I have 18yo girl & 16yo girl at home as well as husband who also has depression. My younger daughter has anxiety and is probably on the outer edge of the spectrum my husband and her are very similar. There is often a lot of stressful moments in our house, I have tried different approaches to diffuse these but have taken to eating every time it starts as I just don't feel like I can cope. I would love nothing more than to have a peaceful home as I have enough to deal with (health issues).

Labrox Friendship problems
  • replies: 2

I need some help, my depressed/anxious friend has around 2 panic attacks a day and she always texts me. I feel like an outlet to her problems, she only tells me half the story of her problems and she constantly texts and says everyday "I'm sorry, I'm... View more

I need some help, my depressed/anxious friend has around 2 panic attacks a day and she always texts me. I feel like an outlet to her problems, she only tells me half the story of her problems and she constantly texts and says everyday "I'm sorry, I'm sorry." I don't understand what she wants from me but she says that she talks to me because she knows I won't leave her... So I kind of feel used. I talked to some internet friends about it and they said to try and use reverse psychology on her so I did. I said to her "I'm sorry." she responded to this with "it's my thing to say sorry for no reason." Then I spoke to her giving her half the story, I waited exactly 10 minutes every text. In the end I told her why I did it but now I feel really mean. I don't even know if she's telling the truth about half the things she says, I don't know if she's actually panicking because she kind of just stares into the distance. She also showed me her wrists as a confession that she'd been self harming so I was nice about it and told her why she shouldn't cut, she said they were almost a year old but they obviously weren't. There's some other things I won't talk about but I feel concerned and mean, I've been wanting to talk to someone like my counsellor but I don't want to loose her trust. I want your opinions on this, what should I do? Also I have anxiety and was previously depressed because of a loss, So i do know about some of the things she's going through, it just seems like she's trying to get my attention rather than asking for help.

sonicjaguar Loneliness eating away at me. Don't want new relationships. Feel like reality is false.
  • replies: 2

Hi all. I have chronic anxiety & major depression, like many of you. The last relationship I had ended at the beginning of 2016, so it hasnt been that long and since then I've been taking the time to try and "fix" myself and make sure I am a person w... View more

Hi all. I have chronic anxiety & major depression, like many of you. The last relationship I had ended at the beginning of 2016, so it hasnt been that long and since then I've been taking the time to try and "fix" myself and make sure I am a person worth loving. However, I find that the idea of starting a new relationship with someone is... not daunting, but revolving around something like "Your sickness will just cause it to not work," or something like that. I have little to no self esteem. I hate myself a lot, for a variety of reasons. I also just can't see the point in a lot of things like relationships. Part of this stems from how pessimistic I seem to have become. I don't see the point because everything ends and everything dies, so why bother? Why bother trying again and again and again to find someone who I work with, who truly enjoys the same things as me, who helps me see the world in a better way, who makes me want to continue to live? Secondarily, I also have a condition that was caused by brain trauma as an infant. The condition causes me to have a delay between what I see and how I process/interact with it. This has caused me years of feeling like my entire existence is false, that I am stuck inside a dream, that everything is not real. Nothing matters because nothing actually feels real to me. Which means I find it very hard to find a reason to try. Why try when this could all (highly) possibly be an illusion? Why try when tomorrow I may wake up from this dream and forget this existence as a passing thought, a half remembered dream... It drives me mad. Like a splinter in my mind that someone placed there, it itches in my soul, nagging at me that something about this life is not right and there must be somewhere else. Sorry for the long winded post. I don't even know why I am writing here. I'm just tired of being tired. Tired of feeling the gut wrenching disconnectedness. Tired of hating myself & thinking that I am worthless, and that everything else is seemingly worthless too. All the best & thank you (even if this isn't real) for your responses.

TetherEnd Feedback from dads
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Hi everyone.. i just wanted some feedback from other dads, my daughter is in a beautiful age at the moment, just under 2. However she doesn't like me.. she loves her mum and doesn't want me AT ALL. She likes hanging out with her grandparents more tha... View more

Hi everyone.. i just wanted some feedback from other dads, my daughter is in a beautiful age at the moment, just under 2. However she doesn't like me.. she loves her mum and doesn't want me AT ALL. She likes hanging out with her grandparents more than me. Its been (varying degree) going on for nearly a year. I've been strong but I no longer think that's normal. I more hands on than many of my other friends, but I sit n watch while their kids lovingly dotes on their dads while my daughter is often indifferent at best. She does tell me without prodding that she loves me once a awhile but very rare. I spend time with her, take her to park, been the for primary bath since birth. I love her, but I'm a nobody. i believe it's partially because of the difference in parenting between my wife and I.. she's very care free happy go lucky won't raise her voice, where as I believe in discipline and calling her out when something's not right. We've talked about it many times but inherently I don't think she'll ever be able to support me. im always told, this is a phase and short term, she'll grow out of it. I feel like a year is too long! Any feedback or previous exp from dads or mums?

needtobealone_ Should I be alone?
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Hi, I have been with my girlfriend for about 8 years now, but I don't know if i should be in a relationship or single. I suffer from ADHD and depression/anxiety and have rather rapid mood swings. I constantly think I need to be by myself, and that I ... View more

Hi, I have been with my girlfriend for about 8 years now, but I don't know if i should be in a relationship or single. I suffer from ADHD and depression/anxiety and have rather rapid mood swings. I constantly think I need to be by myself, and that I would be doing a favour to my partner as I don't think she deserves to have to put up with my mental health for the rest of her life. I would not be able to cope if in 10 years time I am still in the same headspace and she is still trying to help me, in my mind I am wasting her life. I just generally think i'm worthless and deserve nothing and no one in my life. I have expressed to her how I feel many times, but I don't know if i'm scarred of being alone or just to much of a coward to break it off. Other than her, I have no friends (other than her friends) and don't see or speak to my family very often (maybe once a year, or even 2 years). I often think to break it off and just live in my car as that is all I deserve.

Qwerty9967 I need advice about my friendship with my best friend
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Me and my best friend are really close (I think) yet sometimes I feel like I am always the one texting him and organising to hang out and sometimes he suddenly bales and I don't know if I believe his reasons all the time. A part of me knows that's wh... View more

Me and my best friend are really close (I think) yet sometimes I feel like I am always the one texting him and organising to hang out and sometimes he suddenly bales and I don't know if I believe his reasons all the time. A part of me knows that's what his personality is like, yet I can't help but feel as if I am much more invested in the friendship than he is. It drives me crazy and I get so anxious thinking about what he's doing and whether or not he really likes me as a person. We do fight every now and then but we always end up saying we love each other. I just don't know what to do. Do I stop texting him and talking to him to see when he messages me, even though I'm terrified he won't message me ever and it'll be the end of our friendship, or do I bring it up to him and (most likely) cause a fight between us. He knows a lot about my issues with trusting people and feeling not good enough, but sometimes it still seems like he doesn't take these things into consideration at all I also have a really bad habit of holding grudges, and so sometimes when we fight it's hard for me to not bring up things that we've already resolved from the past, often just to hurt him. And I know this is terrible, and I'm worried that now this is all getting to him and he's realising he doesn't want to be my best friend anymore. I'm terrified of losing him more than anything, so any advice would be much appreciated. Sometimes my mental state makes it hard to think straight, and I think an outside opinion could really help me

Jec Life changes every 5 months and i have no control over it
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Hi my name is Jess and for the past 4 years my life has a dramatic change every 5 months. Before this i was in a stable job, great boyfriend and lots of friends and family. But after my relationship broke down four years I feel like my life will neve... View more

Hi my name is Jess and for the past 4 years my life has a dramatic change every 5 months. Before this i was in a stable job, great boyfriend and lots of friends and family. But after my relationship broke down four years I feel like my life will never be stable like it once was. Iam confused thinking how can i help myself as i dont known if i have developed a more severe mental illness from this experience. Iv always suffered with manaic depression and i think its one of the reasons why he told me he didn't want children but he got a girl pregnant after us only separating 5 months. This was four years ago and even though i moved on my life changes dramatically every 5month. I brought a house but lost my job when I bought it so i had roommate which completely stolenfrom me so i kicked them out so i do get house mates but double check them. My life went well for a bit but i travel long distance for work and lost my licence a year ago and had to live with my boss until the suspension was over but as soon as i moved there all my room mates decided to leave all of a sudden and left me with a massive financial burden when i almost lost my house so i rented it out through real Estate agent and that was a waste of time because most of it was spending money on maintenance. While i was renting it out i went from families house to another until the lease was up . I was offered a full time job and back in the house but iam worried something bad is going to happen again and i use to be close to my family but now they dont speak to me because of all the drama. My moods go up and down and i dont know why iv had so much drama all the time is this normal