Relationship and family issues

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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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N- New here, looking for a bit of a vent
  • replies: 2

I lost a dear friend of mine, we hadn’t been close for quite some time, but was a huge part of my life growing up, and was still a part of my life till they were gone. I think I’m almost back to my normal self now, I still think about them every day ... View more

I lost a dear friend of mine, we hadn’t been close for quite some time, but was a huge part of my life growing up, and was still a part of my life till they were gone. I think I’m almost back to my normal self now, I still think about them every day and their memories make me smile. But I cannot for the life of me get a grip on balancing my emotions. I go from feeling fine to crying, or fuming mad. The smallest thing that used to just make me sulk a little and move past brings me to tears. My little pet peeves drives me confronting people. I don’t know if this is me now, where I just can’t hold things in, or if I’m still going through some things.

johnboy_p relationship break up, afraid of being alone, and lonely
  • replies: 11

Hi new to this so not sure how it works i have just gone through a tough few years. first living apart from my wife and kids in different countries, then moved to be with them, then the marriage break up earlier this year after 18 years. Got in a new... View more

Hi new to this so not sure how it works i have just gone through a tough few years. first living apart from my wife and kids in different countries, then moved to be with them, then the marriage break up earlier this year after 18 years. Got in a new relationship which happen quicker than expected, then few months in, got dumped, for no reason and it was all has been going so well. This is my first really reach out for help, i should have asked a long time ago as i have been struggling internally with myself for so long, with feeling useless and alone and scared to ask for help. My story: being new to my location, i have only work colleagues as friends and most are typically younger and not in the same situation as me. as i have kids 50% of the time I dont get out and also dont like partying to much, and the school parents know the ex better due to her being here longer. i guess the dumping today has raised a lot of issues that have been simmering for some time. the lost of my marriage, which i probably didnt deal properly. The lonelness of living away, the worry of life, taking so long to get a job in the new location, the feeling of not feeling good about myself, the I want to hide when i finish work in my house, I also over think things and convince myself of something when sometimes nothings there. Ive go up and down depending on whats happening. i ran and ran when living away, to keep my mind off things, though i am run out now. i do things with people but generally very early in weekend so when its over i have to face the rest of the weekend alone. i am liked (i think) but generally dont do things with others. though i am t scared to ask fo rejection. sorry this is a brain dump, and have been crying all day and have realised i need help and support. i cant do this. i know all this may sound silly and hopefully the right place to start. i dont want to be alone. i dont feel i, strong enough though but i need to learn to be for my two beautiful kids. I need to get out and meet friends. what should i do.

Sunburst Awkward Outsider
  • replies: 5

All my life I felt that I just didn't fit in. I seem to say the wrong things all the time. So I find it difficult to make friends. In fact I don't have any. I find people say that I look lost or tired all the time. I am not very self aware of that so... View more

All my life I felt that I just didn't fit in. I seem to say the wrong things all the time. So I find it difficult to make friends. In fact I don't have any. I find people say that I look lost or tired all the time. I am not very self aware of that so I try and sound cheerful (yes a bungon) but that doesn't last as it gets pretty tiring. I try and be helpful to get someone to like me or acknowledge me but I feel all I do is get in the way. Making small talk to fit in is difficult for me as I never find anything to say. I read alot and being grateful for all the things I can think on has really helped me so I value in life and nature etc. And remembering that God has given me an opportunity for life. I feel that when I am really low though I insult people who are terminally ill by not making the most of mine. I am sorry for that. Work can be so difficult at times. I know most people do not like me at work as I have lashed out at them and complaining about what they have done wrong. And my colleagues appear to leave me out of conversations or they go out and not include me I suppose for good reason as I am the angry one at times. I found a good quote apparently by Winston Churchill... "Don't stop at every barking dog otherwise you will never reach your destination." And I can see that I do look at all the things that go wrong in life and be angry about it. If I am not at work I am in my room watching movies or reading. On a sunny day I see people going on boats together, doing outdoor activities, going to concerts etc. I can even imagine what it would be like to have the zeal to live life that way. I try to imagine that but I never can. I have been this way since I can remember. Is this just me?

Hope_ Feeling alone
  • replies: 11

Hi I am new to this and thought I would give this a try my whole schooling life I've been isolated and left out from my friends which went on up until year 12. My whole group of friends came up with a plan and decided they wanted to ignore me. This w... View more

Hi I am new to this and thought I would give this a try my whole schooling life I've been isolated and left out from my friends which went on up until year 12. My whole group of friends came up with a plan and decided they wanted to ignore me. This went on for months up until I finished year 12. I basically lost all my friends and it was for no reason, I hadn't done anything, just because they decided and used excuses from previous spats we had from years before as an excuse. No one has ever apologised to me for how they acted and put me through and it's been 8 years since. It's a memory that I unfortunately will never forget and the emotional pain still haunts me. ive had a boyfriend for 10 years and he became my bestfriend and was always there to support me through anything. For a couple years our relationship has started to crumble slowly. It's gotten to the point that he has limited time for me at all. I've tried to talk with him about how I'm feeling and he just doesn't have the time to care or even pretend to. He makes me feel so insignificant and small and puts me down when I cry. He thinks it's crocodile tears. It makes it really hard for me because I don't have any friends to talk to, I've only ever had him to turn to for support. I'm tired of feeling alienated and alone and without him in my life I will be completely alone i cry everyday and night, I can't sleep at night and I want and drink alcohol every single night. I know it's not healthy, I don't know how to get my boyfriend to see that I'm faking my feelings and to take my emotions seriously. I want to save our relationship but I feel too tired and whatever I do will be pointless to him

tandia Husband and family issues
  • replies: 3

Hi, first post for me. My husband has suffered from sever depression for many years. He finally went on antidepressants a year ago, which helped to some degree. However, he seems to be seeping back not talking, becoming angry and frustrating. He gets... View more

Hi, first post for me. My husband has suffered from sever depression for many years. He finally went on antidepressants a year ago, which helped to some degree. However, he seems to be seeping back not talking, becoming angry and frustrating. He gets angry over something and holds onto it for a very long time and sulks. We have two children 5 and 2 yrs old which are very wild, amazing but exhausting in nature. They push our limits and sometimes my husband will be too rough when handling our son. It makes me upset and Ihave tried to coach him to speak with a less angry tone, which he has been working on and less strength used. But he is still doing on occasions when he is very stressed. We have had a stressful time recently as I had a fall at work and have mild brain injury about 8 weeks ago, so i am getting better. However, it has been stressful for my husband to cope with this, as I am normally the happy glue that sticks us together. I have suffered mild depression and anxiety from the injury, but it will pass as I get better. Over the years I have thought of leaving my husband, as it gets too much sometimes. 11 years on I am still here. But I feel like I can't go on like this forever. Is it too much to expect him to change to be a better father? A more supportive and warm husband? I have tried to get him to seek counselling, and he won't do it. I'm not sure what to do anymore. We only get one go at this life time and I don't want to waste my life being unhappy. Thank you for reading.

Azura007 How do I get over losing my best friend and love?
  • replies: 7

I was in a long term relationship. We started as best friends, and love gradually came along. We would talk, see each other everyday, laugh and cry together, never fight over things unless there was an actual reason, and never fight for more than an ... View more

I was in a long term relationship. We started as best friends, and love gradually came along. We would talk, see each other everyday, laugh and cry together, never fight over things unless there was an actual reason, and never fight for more than an hour without making up. We talked about everything and anything, sharing our thoughts, fears and dreams for the world together. I suffer with mental illness due to childhood abuse and surviving cancer. I always made sure i didnt put my burdens on her. We agreed that she would give me space when i needed it, and at first that worked. But she would get upset if i asked for space, and would appear at my door crying. I would always make things right. Apart from the occational disagreement, things were amazing, and i started organising to propose to her. That changed two weeks ago. She spoke of a friend of hers liking her, i wasnt bothered by this, we had had stages in our relationship where we would see other people with permission. I had complete trust in her, and thought nothing of this friend. That was until she told me her friend was falling for her. After explaining to her that this made me uncomfortable, she said i was being unreasonable and she wouldn't change.I told her that it wasn't good for me to stay in such a situation and would leave. She made me stay and sorted the situation out, all is perfect again,or so i though. A week passes and she begins ignoring me when she cancels plans without explaination. 12 hours hours pass she finally answers the phone. She won't tell me what i have done wrong, but says she will see me in a few hours. We argue as she tells me we are toxic for each other, that she has been spending time with the other person behind my back and had cheated on me with another person on 3 seperate occations. Never before in our years together had problems been mentioned, nor had we argued more than an entire day in our lives together. We agreed that we wanted to work it out and go to see a psychologist, and she said she wanted us to work. We kiss goodbye with plans to see eachother later and that was cancelled i was ignored and i broke it off as she was going to break it off with me. I ask if we can be friends she said maybe if she can trust me again and her last words to me were that this other person had helped her realise i am manipulative, because i told her that i didnt know if i could live without her. I am starting to blame myself for everything am i manipulative? I dont know anymore

Sad_Puppy_Dog Venting about the same sex marriage debate
  • replies: 16

This might be a left field subject and tricky to articulate but I will try. Also, I just don't know where else I can say this and predict that I can do so, maybe without a wave of judgment. I'm straight and believe in same sex marriage. I'll vote yes... View more

This might be a left field subject and tricky to articulate but I will try. Also, I just don't know where else I can say this and predict that I can do so, maybe without a wave of judgment. I'm straight and believe in same sex marriage. I'll vote yes when the chance comes. I have a few casual friends and acquaintances who are gay or bi. I have no issue with homosexuality. But the inundation of content (Usually grandiose Facebook posts) by pro SSM people seemingly EVERYWHERE is just starting to get on my nerves. Even though I have consciously cut WAY down on FB, (Largely due to prevalent toxic negativity) I still see these posts all the time and in the media ALL THE TIME. I understand the value of it and I support it. It make me feel a little bad to be negative about it. It is an issue I believe in but I'm not as passionate about it as others. I feel kind of "resentful" for lack of a better word. I'm going through the hardest Hell of my depression/anxiety. I've had 2 traumatic breakups, the 2nd I'm still not over 4-5 months since it finished (Complicated) and I've had to manage the concept of on/off suicidal thoughts in recent times too. I guess I don't have any room in my head to care about this cause even though I support it, I am kind and very, very empathetic. Since breakup no. 1, I have been consciously been working very hard at trying to grow, trying to be MORE kind, empathetic, understanding and even forgiving, even of those who are bigoted, cruel and mean spirited. Easier said than done but really working towards a more peaceful and less reactive self. Perhaps this is my classic overthinking but I wonder if I'm resentful because I'm not getting attention. I want MY problems solved! So am I self absorbed? Is it envy for all the likes (Ugh) my Facebook friends are getting? Do I see it as narcissism? I'd normally be one to cringe when someone uses the term 'virtue signaling', but I kind of find myself silently accusing some straight friends of it, that they are maybe seeking adulation by being crusaders for SSM. Maybe they actually DO genuinely care. That makes me feel dirty, going along with the "virtue signalling" concept. I don't know when the votes are all tallied up. I hope it goes through but there's just only so many cases of people droning on and on about it so aggressively and ubiquitously and declaring "Unfriend me if you vote No" before I think, "Enough already, we get the point!" And now I feel guilty for complaining about it.

ScarlettR Can a person who is mentally ill and low motivated be able to care for another animal?
  • replies: 7

At the age of 29, I have had never had to care for another human or animal 24/7. My live-in relatives are all healthy and capable of looking after themselves. I have had 3 cats growing up but never took an active role in caring for them, with the exc... View more

At the age of 29, I have had never had to care for another human or animal 24/7. My live-in relatives are all healthy and capable of looking after themselves. I have had 3 cats growing up but never took an active role in caring for them, with the exception of two 1-week periods where my mum was in hospital and I was caring for the cats. I am worried that, if I ever move out and decide to own a pet, will I have the mental strength to look after an animal for its entire lifetime. I do love animals and fight passionately against animal cruelty. However, I have severe fatigue and low motivation associated with my mental illness, which I worry would interfere with a daily routine of caring for an animal. I used to play games on Facebook where I own an fictional pet and care for it everyday. I did get into a routine of visiting the site and feeding, washing and playing with it. Then after a year, I got bored and left the game. I know it's just a game and no actual animal was involved. I think sometimes my mind is unpredictable. So long story short: I have never cared for another living being 24/7 for more than 1 week in my life. I love animals and care for their well being. Just feel overwhelmed by the fact that I'd have to care for an animal for at least 20 years.

alovelygirl Lost in Love
  • replies: 6

Hello and thanks in advance to whoever would like to listen. I am a 21 year old female who is currently facing the anxieties that come with graduating university, entering the real world, and finding love. I have always placed a lot of pressure on my... View more

Hello and thanks in advance to whoever would like to listen. I am a 21 year old female who is currently facing the anxieties that come with graduating university, entering the real world, and finding love. I have always placed a lot of pressure on myself to be a high achiever. I was always fairly quiet throughout childhood, so I suppose academic excellence was my way of standing out and gaining respect from others. As time went on, the pressure built and built to the point where I felt as though my self worth was dependent on my achievements, which caused me to develop a lot of anxiety. Recently I have really been struggling in the relationship department as well, and I've been left feeling anxious and alone. A little overview about me. I have a wonderful family and a close knit group of friends who are very supportive, though I've gone from being the optimistic, positive friend to the one who feels dependent on them too much. I like to vent and talk, but I don't want to keep burdening them with my emotions. I was recently in a 1.5 year relationship with a guy who had a chronic illness. He quickly became my best friend, the person I did everything with, though in the first few months of dating his health declined and he was told he did not have much longer to live. I spent the entirety of our relationship being his support. I did absolutely everything I could to make his life better and yes it was my choice, but it ended up becoming an enormous weight on my own mental health. In August last year, he received a double lung transplant and I was there by his side throughout the whole process. I watched him take his first steps with new lungs, I was there to answer the phone at 3am when his pain was too much and he needed someone to talk to, I travelled up to 5 hours per day to visit his hospital accommodation throughout the year. In the end, after he had recovered physically, it all become too much as he developed serious mental health problems that were being inflicted upon me. We ended things earlier this year. Shortly after I met someone new. Very unexpected. Although just as I opened my heart and thought to myself 'you would be silly to not give this a chance', he turned cold after 4 months. He is genuinely scared of being hurt again as he was in his last relationship. But now, just as I fell for him, he can't reciprocate the same love that I am willing to give. And I am left feeling empty, unappreciated and always second best. Just needed to vent. X

gemmi mental game is not strong
  • replies: 3

This is really hard for me, I always talk about how important mental health is and I thought I had mine sorted out and was winning with copying, However, the last few weeks I realise I am losing my mental health and try as I may my boyfriend just isn... View more

This is really hard for me, I always talk about how important mental health is and I thought I had mine sorted out and was winning with copying, However, the last few weeks I realise I am losing my mental health and try as I may my boyfriend just isn't the one I can talk to about it. So here goes. Last year I fell pregnant unexpectedly just after me and bf got back together. I was stoked. Him not so much. What came after was a week of full blown depression, anxiety and a feeling of no control. He didnt want it fair enough but the pressure he put on me to have an abortion was intense. I actually feel like this pressure and pain forced a miscarry. I lost it, I was devastated and I didn't talk about it. He said maybe we can try next year. So being the girl that I am I held onto that 1 year promise. It wasnt a promise it was just his way of helping me deal. But it actually made me count weeks, months, waiting for that. 1 year later he isn'd ready still and I have become desperate. I get a late period, I get a niggle in my stomach and I run out and buy a pregnancy test. All which come back negative sending me into a deeper hole of sadness then I think, maybe next month. I constantly bring this up with him, and he says he can not give me a time frame. But that is all I really need. Just an idea so I can work towards that dream. But he says it would be lying to himself if he gave me one. I long for a baby. But I also long for a baby with him. He is my sole mate and I don't want to do it without him. I do push these thoughts away, they are destruction. How do I be happy for my newly pregnant friends with out feeling jealous. thanks