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Feeling rejected

Anne74
Community Member
I have been in a relationship with an man who is an addict for 4 and a half years, and its been like a crazy rollercoaster ride. I have major depressive disorder and generalised anxiety disorder which is challenging for me to live with on a daily basis and then add my boyfriends moods to the mix and its crazy making. things go along great for a while and then suddenly he gets angry about the smallest of things and wont talk to me for days. Im left wondering what the hell happend with no communication until he is ready to talk. this does my head in with my anxiety going through the roof and i feel totally rejected and like he doesnt give a dam. I dont know what to do or how to detach with love as the experts say we should with addicts, can someone help me??
5 Replies 5

Doolhof
Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni

Hi Anne74,

It does sound like you are in a relationship that has a few unsettling episodes now and then. No one likes to feel ignored or neglected. How does this man treat you generally?

Are there things that you enjoy doing by yourself? Both my husband and I have our own interests that we do ourselves and then do joint activities as well.

Have you been to talk to a professional or a counsellor about what is happening? Would you be interested in telephoning the phone support service here at Beyond Blue on 1300 22 4636. The people answering the phone may be bale to offer you some suggestions.

Are you getting any help with your anxiety?

I have asked a lot of questions! You don't need to answer then if you don't desire to do so.

Welcome to the community here. If you have a look at some of the thread titles here, you may well see stories that are similar to yours. Hope you find some answers.

Cheers from Dools

White_Rose
Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni

Dear Anne

Hello and welcome to the forum. So pleased you have trusted us with your story.

I am sorry to learn about the difficulties you are having. Managing MDD and GAD is a tough gig on its own. Having to live with your BF moods and general abuse or bullying makes it all so much harder. I expect you are wondering why I say your BF is abusive and a bully. In both cases he is using you as a punching bag (metaphorically) to relieve his feelings and possibly gain satisfaction that you are hurting as well as him. Bullying is part of demonstrating his power over you, lashing out with his anger and then giving you the silent treatment.

Is your BF an addict to drugs, alcohol, gambling or some other reason? In general it doesn't make a difference and I think it is hard to be around someone who is in the grip of an addiction. My main concern is about him taking, probably, illegal drugs and making your life unsafe and with the risk of being caught up in his illegal actions. Alcohol and gambling are not illegal in themselves, but the consequences of him being addicted to these activities can make you unsafe. Would you think about this and look at how unsafe you are physically. Can you also consider how much of his behaviour is impacting you negatively and hampering your return to psychological health.

Do you have some professional help for your MI? Have you told anyone how distressing it is to live this way?

I do not think there is any easy way to detach from your BF and I have my concerns about your safety in this. Do you have somewhere to go to where you will be safe? If you are considering leaving the relationship then I suggest you think very carefully about how you will do this. You may be saying he would not harm you, and probably when he is not affected by his addiction this will be true. The fact that he can verbally abuse you and then ignore you makes me concerned. I know you have not said you want to leave, though I presume this is your intention.

In reality you can only help yourself, especially when you are struggling with your own illness. Trying to help your BF when he clearly has no intention of changing is a waste of effort, effort you need to put into your own life. I know from experience what it's like to be given the silent treatment. It was dreadful and has taken me a long time to live with the results. Can you think about what you want and for the time being do not think about how this will be accomplished. Please continue to talk.

Mary

Hi White Rose,

Thank you for your response and yes i do feel like a punching bag when he is upset about something and it does feel like he enjoys the pain i feel when he wont talk to me. I really dont know why i bother trying to talk to him about what he is upset about cos it feels like its always my fault anyway. he is addicted to marijuana and likes to use anphetamines every couple of months. We dont live together thankfully so i can get away from him when he is being difficult to get along with. things seemed to be improving between us until this latest episode and i feel like im at wits end. i dont know how much more i can put up with this

When you feel it is all getting beyond you then it is time to say goodbye. You cannot change him no matter how much you try. He must want to change. When/if he decides to change he will need support but be wary of being sucked back into the same old routine. Saying he will change his ways, sometimes, simply to maintain the relationship means there is no desire to help himself.

You can put up with this behaviour or leave, the choice is up to you. No one here will offer any kind of judgement.

Mary

Hi Anne , It might seem difficult now to see yourself leaving that abusive relationship , sometimes we can feel trapped in the cycle . I have lived in that type of abuse and it takes its toll on you ...You only fully understand the affects its has on you when you leave it ...I stayed in the relationship because i was afraid of leaving , afraid of what my partner would do ....afraid of more abuse .... i aways tried to make it right between us ...

If you can find a good support network for yourself ...friend , professionals , family ...use this to gain strength to get away from that life ...Keep talking ...you are supported and safe hear ....