Relationship and family issues

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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

All discussions

Jem22 BPD breakup
  • replies: 5

Hello, I broke up with my BPD partner two weeks ago. I have seeked counselling and read a lot of forums online and I know no contact is the best way forward for both of us. However, we work together. We see each other every day and I've spent the las... View more

Hello, I broke up with my BPD partner two weeks ago. I have seeked counselling and read a lot of forums online and I know no contact is the best way forward for both of us. However, we work together. We see each other every day and I've spent the last week with him trying every opportunity to speak to me, corner me in the lunchroom, follow me outside, constantly at my desk, asking me for one last chance... I felt like everyday was Groundhog Day. Whilst the relationship has been over in my head for quite some time, I am now feeling very anxious. I'm afraid of his reactions. I have to keep things professional at work but I'm suffering with just "taking" whatever abuse or hurtful comment he wants to throw at me. That's what the relationship has been. He knows I would never jeopardise my career or make a scene at work, so he can do what he wants. I'm worried about leaving the house. I don't feel my work is qualified to deal with the severity of the situation, I also don't know if I should tell work that he suffers from BPD so they understand it's not a "normal" breakup. I have had several heated comments with him to explain the I feel harassed and he has said he will stop. But I've heard that before and he never does. Any suggestions how I can move forward and survive this in one piece? Thanks

jords22 support
  • replies: 1

My parents have been divorced for close to 15 years. They think they have a good relationship but from my point of view they don't. I live with my Mum since my dad left my mum for another women. After he left he didn't want anything to do with us chi... View more

My parents have been divorced for close to 15 years. They think they have a good relationship but from my point of view they don't. I live with my Mum since my dad left my mum for another women. After he left he didn't want anything to do with us children (i have an older sister and younger brother). After a couple of years of being MIA he decided he wanted back in our lives and Mum didn't object to that. He saw us every other weekend but his girlfriend was still in the picture. I never liked the girlfriend, she always tried to be my mum and i had no interest in her taking on that role. Dad and i had a big blow up over my dislike for her but we worked out our issues. A couple years passed and they broke up anyways. Dad was single for maybe a year or so then moved on to the next girl. Whilst he was single he was much more present in our lives and actually enjoyed spending time with us. His current girlfriend didn't start off too bad, but as the relationship has continued she has brought her daughter into our lives. I didn't have an issue with this initially but as the daughter got more involved in my dad's life my hate for them grew. Dad was a much better father to her than he ever was to us. Dad never came to any school events and even missed my sister's graduation because he couldn't be bothered. This started to drive a wedge between my father and I. I had always hated watching dad be with other women cause all i remember of him being with my mum was him treating her terribly, verbally abusing her almost every night of the week. But then i see him with these other women; being very sweet and romantic, and i wonder why he wasn't or couldn't be like that with my mother and maybe if he was then they would still be together. As i wanted to have a relationship with my dad, i always make the effort every second week or so (when we both have time) to have a lunch with him. Our most recent lunch ended terribly. It ended with him saying to "F*** off and that he never wants to F***ing see me again". He shouted at me for over an hour, dropping the F bomb every second word calling me a names in the middle of a restaurant. I don't know what i am supposed to do or how i am supposed to bounce back from this. What if that is the last time i ever see him again

JuliaB Irrational Boyfriend-confused
  • replies: 2

My boyfriend and I have been dating for almost 5 years and in the last few months things have been quite difficult and a lack of communication has been a huge factor. He suffers from depression but doesn't talk about it very much. Out of the blue he ... View more

My boyfriend and I have been dating for almost 5 years and in the last few months things have been quite difficult and a lack of communication has been a huge factor. He suffers from depression but doesn't talk about it very much. Out of the blue he broke up with me but still wants to see me every week and talk every day. The break up was very irrational and his reasoning was about me kissing someone else almost 4 years ago, which he can't seem to get over even though he forgave me and I did everything to make the situation better. He keeps telling me that I did nothing wrong and that he himself can't deal with it. I am confused why this was suddenly brought up again when we put it in the past. I have offered everything I could to help with him coping after finding out such as taking time apart, talking about the issue, etc. He tells me he still loves me and wants me in his life but he can't be in the relationship. I feel like he is too scared to talk about the real reason he can't be in the relationship and is taking something from a long time ago as an excuse. Every time I talk to him I notice that he hasn't thought about the consequence of the break up- he doesn't realise that we can't be talking or seeing each other anymore. We both still love each other and I want to be with him, but I don't know how to go about this? I am scared if I distance myself from him too much that he won't want anything to do with me anymore. Should I give it time and let him know that I am always going to be here waiting or is that too forceful?

stephanie_qu Navy Partner
  • replies: 2

Hi All! I have a new relationship with a navy officer and after having him 15 min down the road, he has recently moved states and is about to be onboard for the next 3 months. I suffer from anxiety and depression and PTSD after being raped a few year... View more

Hi All! I have a new relationship with a navy officer and after having him 15 min down the road, he has recently moved states and is about to be onboard for the next 3 months. I suffer from anxiety and depression and PTSD after being raped a few years ago. He has been so supportive since I told him but I am anxious about how I am going to cope as I am unsure how much contact we will have. Are there any defense partners who could suggest strategies to make the distance and limited contact bearable?

Beats Depression with a break
  • replies: 2

Alright, this is my first time posting here, so here goes. I am a 27 year old male, and I have been struggling with varying degrees of depression and anxiety for a few years now, mostly stemming from my own opinion of myself. I was always one to kind... View more

Alright, this is my first time posting here, so here goes. I am a 27 year old male, and I have been struggling with varying degrees of depression and anxiety for a few years now, mostly stemming from my own opinion of myself. I was always one to kind of struggle in silence, as I don't particularly like relying on people or asking for help, so I had never really chased down my issues, more than doing my own research on the internet. The one consistent support I have had is my partner, and she is incredible. We have been together for almost 10 years. It seemed like things were going really well about 2 weeks ago. I felt happy, because I finally had most things sorted out. We have just bought a house, which we are waiting to move into; I am getting recognised for my work efforts; and things were good with my partner. But then out of the blue, just over a week ago, she told me she wanted to take a break. And I am not doing so well. Her issue was that I was smothering her. She has a lot of friends, and is generally a social person. We also live with her family, until we move into our place. I, on the other hand, have inadvertently pushed everyone else away over the last year or two, aside from her. We set parameters around the break, and I have been trying to deal with my issues. I am finally seeing a psychologist, although I am unsure if that is going well yet, as we have only had one session. I am working to see my friends and family more. I have been up and down trying to work out where this is headed. There is just under a week till we agreed to talk, but I am really struggling with this on my own. I love her more than anything, and I want her to have what she needs. But I don't know what to do about myself. Nor can I face the possibility that this could be it for us.

Queseyoya Husband left
  • replies: 32

Hi a week ago my husband suffered a mental breakdown. He has anxiety and is trying to get himself better. However he has decided that being away from the home is the best way. He is also unsure whether we will be a family again. He says I have done n... View more

Hi a week ago my husband suffered a mental breakdown. He has anxiety and is trying to get himself better. However he has decided that being away from the home is the best way. He is also unsure whether we will be a family again. He says I have done nothing wrong but is unsure whether we we back together.

Nellsy How could I make my family understand and see that I have mental illnesses?
  • replies: 1

Hello, I've been diagnosed with Anxiety, Depression, as well as PTSD. My family struggles to believe that I am suffering from these mental illnesses which are causing me to feel even more left out and alone than I already do. I am currently going to ... View more

Hello, I've been diagnosed with Anxiety, Depression, as well as PTSD. My family struggles to believe that I am suffering from these mental illnesses which are causing me to feel even more left out and alone than I already do. I am currently going to a psychologist and I am on medication as well. I want to go see a psychiatrist to get me the right medication as it is not as effective as it should be. Since I've been diagnosed about 6 months ago, I feel very exposed because my family know and think I must be weird or seeking attention, in which I am not. Since I mentioned I want to see a psychiatrist my mum commented "But there's nothing wrong with you, you're perfectly normal. It's not necessary" When in reality I've been hiding my emotions from society, crying myself to sleep, acting in secret, contemplating harm or running away, abusing substances to help me cope with all this pain, struggling to go to school and work, and even doing my normal morning routine like applying makeup. I tend to hide everything from my family because I know that if I open up to them they will think I'm crazy, or worry about me at night. How can I open up to them in a correct manner so that I don't feel embarrassed or ashamed about my mental illnesses? There are many nights I wish I could call the ambulance because I wish someone else could tell them how serious this is. Thank you, any advice will be appreciated.

sad83 confused wife
  • replies: 3

I have a husband who has suffered depression, anxiety and I believe undiagonsed mental health conditions for most of his adult life. We have been married since 2011 and have one child together. I have 2 other children and he has another daughter also... View more

I have a husband who has suffered depression, anxiety and I believe undiagonsed mental health conditions for most of his adult life. We have been married since 2011 and have one child together. I have 2 other children and he has another daughter also that he doesnt see. He and his family dont talk. They had a falling out (one of many) about 5 years ago. We have had ups and downs in our relationship. But something snapped in him about 4 months ago and it has been a living hell, walking on egg shells trying to avoid doing or saying anything that will set him off. He says horrible hurtful things and then blames the person he is mad at for his actions. He got demoted at work because he just cant say things to people in a nice way, despite me me and others offering alternate ways. He never wants to do anything different. because "he should have to" everything is black and white and he cant understand why people dont do everthing the way he thinks it should be done. the same problems we have at home. He has a past history of self harm and major depression. I have tried to get him to go to see a psychologist but as yet I am not succsessful. He threatens to just end it all when he gets like this. One minute he loves me the next I am the worst most putrid thing he has ever layed eyes on. He has this view of everyone. He thinks people only blame him for the things he does because of his depression. Not because of his actions. We have just started building our first house together and jsut about every day he threatens to go to the bank and tell them he doesnt want it. because he doesnt want to do anything with me/ he hates me etc. We have sacrificed so much to get this and spent 3 years saving. I dont know what to do. My kids are scared. one scared that he willl leave, the others scared because they are always in trouble. He is always so worried that no-one is on his side. He loses it if I tell him not to call my kids names because I am on their side and not his. I ask him over and over again to not speak to the kids like he does, dont call them pigs, lazy etc and then doesnt understand why he has people telling him not to say things. "He yells Im allowed to say something" like he is the victim. If I cry Im playing the victim. If my son is scared its because I made him worried. If hes mad its my daughters fault because she always gets him in 'trouble'. He always says I abuse him but in reality I cant even have a converstaion with him because I could never 'win'. Help!

No_Grey_Areas Step daughter showed absolute disrespect
  • replies: 3

We were left with Step daughter's cat when she moved out (about two years) - this was fine and I took the cat as one of our own. He had lived in that house all his 14 year life, so it was fine. I loved him! Out of the blue, it seemed, while Step daug... View more

We were left with Step daughter's cat when she moved out (about two years) - this was fine and I took the cat as one of our own. He had lived in that house all his 14 year life, so it was fine. I loved him! Out of the blue, it seemed, while Step daughter's dad was working away, she came and took the cat. No note on the door for me. No text. Call or advice this was going to take place (I searched for the cat but did think he had gone ""walk about"" like he had previously). I found out only when her dad landed, she texted HIM to tell him she had taken the cat two nights ago. I feel this is total disrespect to us as a couple. Me for looking after the cat. Yes -the cat was hers but no advice she was or did take the cat! Just took him:( Her dad was angry and told her it was disrespectful to which she told him off and even told him off. At the time, she mentioned that she hoped when she has kids that they get to know their grandfather ....... she was NOT wrong for her actions. Well - no apology nothing. Nothing. A month or so later, she visits her dad (when I'm not there) to tell him she was pregnant (three weeks pregnant). Still no apology to him for disrespecting us/ our home. They are now back in good communcation. I am still so angry/ hurt. More so because, at the time, we agreed we would stand firm on her actions and make her see we were a couple...... I am now the person in the wrong. Any comments??

TheHumanSeed I cant stand my brother and mum's enabling
  • replies: 1

I currently live at mums with her, a family friend, and my younger brother, while im at uni. Im here because my younger brother is 14yrs old and still pisses the bed. He doesnt clean it until everyone starts screaming at him (because it smells like h... View more

I currently live at mums with her, a family friend, and my younger brother, while im at uni. Im here because my younger brother is 14yrs old and still pisses the bed. He doesnt clean it until everyone starts screaming at him (because it smells like homeless people). Even then he still doesnt clean it up fully. The house stinks of piss, and I cant even have friends/family, let alone a GF or 'friend' over, because its that embarrassing. Mum does nothing to enforce anything and it just enables him to continue the behaviour time and time again. Futhermore, he abuses my cats (smothers them [hugging] even after they start crying out and clawing). Every time I take them off him he looses it and takes a swing at me, sometimes even has pulled a weapon on me. I know mim tries her best to deal with the situtaion but its not enough. I dont know how much longer I can take this s#!¥. If I didnt have to deal with crippling finances (a $ 5000 loan and centerlink payments of only 270/fn), I would have moved out ages ago. I dont know what to do and its driving me insane, i need advice/help.