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Losing my soul mate

KuriousJ
Community Member

Hi everyone. I had been with my partner for 1& half years and in February we had an argument and split up overnight. I am the one that  suggested the break up but really didn't mean it. I showered her with gifts for valentines day and also on her birthday which was the 20th. I  work away in the mines and stayed at her house during my RnR.. I thought everything was ok. She took a 2 week holiday in the USA with her sister and on her return I picked her up from the airport but it was like her feelings for me had changed. 

We did everything together and now I'm lucky if I get to see her now. I spent the day with her for my birthday which was in march. We were having lunch when she received 3 text messages from a guy called David. She said he was just a friend and she had gone out for drinks with him the week before. That ruined my day so I went home and got drunk. 

I flew in for RnR this Thursday night and stayed at her house over night. Slept in her bed and kissed and cuddled but nothing else. I'm feeling happy then I drove her to work. She told me she was going camping with some new friends she had made and I asked if I had an invite. She told me to bear with her and let her do her thing. I keep thinking she is with this David character. On Saturday she was sending me kisses and cuddles over text message. I don't know what to do. I have been drinking every day for the last 13 days and this morning I have had 4 beers. I know I need to stop but I'm lost.

i am 34 years old and financially secure.

11 Replies 11

KuriousJ
Community Member

Today I feel like crap but last night I made a conscious decision to stop drinking. I haven't  touched one yet.  

JessF
Valued Contributor
Valued Contributor

Oh KuriousJ, I am sorry to have missed your first message, but I am very glad that you have decided to put the drink aside. It can be our worst enemy when we're feeling depressed, but a 13-day bender and drinking in the morning...that makes me very worried for you. You sound devastated and crushed.

You have a high stress job which takes a lot out of your mind and body, and when you are having your time at home you understandably want to feel secure, safe and relaxed, but you are feeling suspicious and perhaps rightly so... but then again, it's hard to know from what you say.

Being away for work must make it difficult to maintain a relationship, and it sounds like you have noticed a change. Maybe it's time to sit down and have a good , honest heart-to-heart.  Trust is at the cornerstone of every relationship, and you don't have that right now.

The fact that you drink heavily to cope with problems is also a worrying sign. This will affect your judgment and the way you relate to other people. What do you think? 

KuriousJ
Community Member

So tonight she told me that she is seeing someone else. I'm devastated and am now drinking to get drunk. I feel it's all I can do right now. I have also called work and told them I can't fly back tomorrow and need some time to deal with this. 

geoff
Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni

dear Kurious, this is a person's worst nightmare to find out that your partner is now seeing someone else, who could indeed be David.

I can't condone that drinking alcohol to relieve the tension is any good, because that's what I had to do, but from a few years on I realise that the harm it can do to someone, as it lacks their judgement, their thoughts and not being able to make a clear decision.

At the moment you are not capable of working as you can make choices or decisions which could endanger your life as well as other peoples.

By her sending you 'kisses and cuddles' still means that she cares for you, or even more that she still loves you, but needs someone to be with her 24/7, but by saying this doesn't give you any recognition, because you are still trying to financially secure your future more than what you have now.

Hopefully she may still keep in contact with you, but this won't solve the point that she wants someone to be with her.

I'm so sorry that this has happened for you, as I am a romantic at heart, so I can feel your pain. Geoff.

KuriousJ
Community Member

Thankyou JessF & Geoff. I woke up this morning feeling lost and started to drink again but a positive is that I spoke to a councilor from EAP that my employer put me onto and had a really good talk. She suggested that I see my GP so I have an appointment tomorrow. 

geoff
Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni

dear Kurious, looks like your employer takes you as a much worthy employee by supporting you, but please let us know how you get on. Geoff.

KuriousJ
Community Member

So I went to the dr 5 day ago and he gave me A week off work which means I have a total of 2 weeks off. Why is it that the days seem longer and all I want to do is sleep or drink. He prescribed anti depressants and sleeping pills. I'm a bit concerned about the pills I've heard a lot of traffic stories of people doing crazy stuff when they are on them. I haven't touched the anti depressants but I did take 2 sleeping tablets one night an hour apart because the first one didn't seem to work and then my body felt stoned and I was having hallucinations and seeing shadows and talking to them. These pills scare me. I still feel depressed and in the last 2 weeks I have dropped 7kilos. I never feel hungry and just drink to feel better. I am talking to a councilor but she canceled a scheduled meeting on Friday until tuesday so I've been struggling in between. I need to talk to somebody now.

i also tried ice on the weekend which numbed my emotions but not keen on that again. 

JessF
Valued Contributor
Valued Contributor
Hello Kurious, I don't know how to put this any other way but... lots of alcohol, no food, meth use (!) and you are worried about the sleeping pills?  Please please go and see your doctor and be honest about the drugs and drinking.  They are a lethal combo when put together with prescription medications and I think that you are in such a depressed state that you may be unable to see the potential consequences of your actions, especially if you are feeling emotionally numb.  If an addiction develops to drugs or alcohol you will only make your recovery that much harder.

Hi kurious. I I know how you feel. I broke up with my boyfriend last year but because I feel so depressed I think I mad a mistake. I'm so lonely. But he has a new girlfriend and is too hurt to be friends with me. I don't drink but I'm also taking sleeping pills and anti-depressants. Not much I'd helping. If you ever want to talk I'd be happy to listen. My name is Gabby.