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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Gabby97 Is preferring to be alone all the time a bad thing?
  • replies: 6

Hi, so ever since i was a kid i've liked having my own space and used to being by myself just because of how i was raised. I do like hanging with my friends and seeing my family, but only when i want to (this doesn't include birthdays, plans ive agre... View more

Hi, so ever since i was a kid i've liked having my own space and used to being by myself just because of how i was raised. I do like hanging with my friends and seeing my family, but only when i want to (this doesn't include birthdays, plans ive agreed to etc). i was just talking to one of my friends who likes to hang out with his friends all the time to show he cares, and the way the conversation (and others before with other people) has made me feel is that i am not a good friend. like im selfish. i like being needed and wanted, but i really enjoy being by myself most of the time and i feel if i have to hang out with someone to show i do care about them than that makes me feel like its a chore and i feel ughh about it and i would want to avoid that person. i really do care about my friends and if they need me im there, but i dont like owing anyone anything and i feel like i should be able to have my own time. But then i'm like well thats not a good friendship at all, but what do i do? force myself to hang out more so everyone else feels ok and i feel shit? i dont know. its not that i never miss them or never want to hang out, it just takes me longer to reach that feeling i guess.

m3456 Boyfriend and depression, im feeling lost and devasted
  • replies: 2

My boyfriend and I are in a long distance relationship. We really missed a lot each other, but we managed really good for a year, the time we needed apart. Everything seemed so righ, and going okay, we have a very intense and close relationship. He w... View more

My boyfriend and I are in a long distance relationship. We really missed a lot each other, but we managed really good for a year, the time we needed apart. Everything seemed so righ, and going okay, we have a very intense and close relationship. He was just about to come visit, and after that, I was to be moving to his place, so we could finally be together. One week ago he broke down, he said out of blue that needed to talk to me, that things were umbearable, he started doubting our relationship and us. I was crushed, trying to understand. He started saying of maybe not coming to see me, and my life just became a nightmare. I was trying to understand and show that he was wrong, that we were so close to see, that we should do it, it would made things better and insecurity would fade away. Through conversantions, he started to change his narrative, and told me he thought something was wrong with him, that he felt lonely and sad all the time, that his life was miserable, that he did not love himself anymore, that he felt numb, apathic and could feel nothing for anything. He said it was not me, or our relationship, but him. I know his going through difficulties in his med course. Now, he is slowly driving me away, and asking for space, and being distant. When I asked, he said he did not know if he want to breakup. It is being really hard to give him space.He would go to the psychiatric friday, and we went three days without talking. He did not told me how was with the doc, which upseted me, but I tried to keep the space. Monday I send him a generic message, just saying i hoped he was ok, and he engaged conversation like everything was normal. The problem is that I was not good because of the distance too, so I had a horrible breakdown of depression and anxiety. I went to the doc, and im currently on meds, which are in the beginning and making me feel worst. So latter, I went to talk to him again, but asking stuff. It was much better conversation, it seems his already better, and he told me his doc said he needed this week to try to find himself again, the things he liked before, the things he likes alone, and he has some sort of homework to do alone, to discover something. I feel desperate about it, that he might be trying to see his life without me, that he will discouver its mine and the relationship fault, and that he must end everything and just forget me. I dont want to loose him, he is really important, and an amazing person, like ive never seen before.

Terry73 A big concern regarding my children
  • replies: 32

Hi, Some of you may know my situation so I am not going to repeat it right here again, but there is a further issue in slight relation to that same topic, and it is in relation to my kids. I love my kids dearly, I miss them so much, but I am also ver... View more

Hi, Some of you may know my situation so I am not going to repeat it right here again, but there is a further issue in slight relation to that same topic, and it is in relation to my kids. I love my kids dearly, I miss them so much, but I am also very aware of their own happiness and what is best for them above anything I might want. So my dilemma is this, should I just step out of my children's lives completely or not? Here are some facts which make me feel that it may be in the best interest of my children that I do. Around August 2010 was last time I saw my kids, my daughter was 2.5 years old and my son was 8 months old, and due to my (ex)wife not allowing me contact with her or our children, I havent had any opportunity to be in contact with them, because of this, she hasnt even allowed any movement towards a custody order/parental agreement in regards to our children, now, nearly 8 years on, I have serious doubt if our children will remember me, and I have to come to a reality that if they have been informed of me at all by my (ex)wife and her family, then it probably wouldnt be in a good way. The reality is our kids frame of mind, my (ex)wife, despite with-holding our children from me, still is a decent mother to the children (except sharing the parenting), and the few reports I have been able to get about them is that the children are happy and well. My concern is if I was to fight for my rights to see them, will that upset their lives? would it be better I let them live their lives in happiness or risk interrupting their lives? The other side of the coin is when the children grow up and are able to make choices themselves, will they consider me or will they think I had abandoned them despite what I have tried to do to prevent that? My kids health, both physical and mental, are always my number one priority and concern, so if I have to step out of their lives so they can lead as normal and happy a life as they can, then I would do so without a second though, even if it is of great pain to myself to do so. I ask this here as I dont wish to approach it in an official manner until I am fully aware of what would be best, and what others think would be better in regards to this, as mentioning it to the courts could sway them into that direction of no contact, but then not mentioning it could affect our children's lives, Regards Terry

Renee777 Dumped out of no where
  • replies: 5

I’m really reallt struggling I can’t eat or sleep or move for the past 5 days. My boyfriend of 2 years who is my absolute best friend and we loved each other so so much, he dumped me on Monday in the heat of the moment when we were having a fight, ov... View more

I’m really reallt struggling I can’t eat or sleep or move for the past 5 days. My boyfriend of 2 years who is my absolute best friend and we loved each other so so much, he dumped me on Monday in the heat of the moment when we were having a fight, over the phone. He deleted me off everything and blocked me and told me to leave him alone and not talk to him it’s just not going to work and our time lines don’t match up. I tried messaging and calling so much begging for him to stay wirh me and he just said no I have never seen him like this he’s like a robot he just keeps saying sorry Renee it’s over it hurts soo bad. Then to make matters worse last night I did some digging and found out he kissed a girl when he went out on Friday night and he was really drunk. He’s denying it and getting so angry about it and told me he doesn’t want to talk to me but I have proof of the girl saying she did. Now hes blocked me on everything and is out on a bender and I haven’t seen him for any of this. My heart is literally sinking in to my chest I’m so horrified I can’t believe this is my life it feels like such a bad nightmare I can’t srop crying and it’s been days. I don’t want to be single at all I hate it. Do you think that he dumped me out of guilt? And now just wants to shut me out and run away from his problems? I don’t understand but I put in soo much into the relationship and it feels really unfair the way he has gone about it I don’t know what I’ve done to deserve this. I need to know that he is eventually going to come crawling back or at least apologise for how he has treated me to get me through, even though I know I can never take him back now which breaks my heart I just don’t think I could handle him never caring about losing me and just completely forgetting me and wiping me out of his life.

Tonielle Single parenting
  • replies: 3

Hi I’m Tonielle, i have been a single mum for the entire time I have been a mother my daughter is 4. My daughters father only has something to do with her when it suits him. I am just reaching out for some people to talk to that understand the diffic... View more

Hi I’m Tonielle, i have been a single mum for the entire time I have been a mother my daughter is 4. My daughters father only has something to do with her when it suits him. I am just reaching out for some people to talk to that understand the difficulties of being a single parent.

princess_peach1 Is it my depression / anxiety that is making me feel this way or something else?
  • replies: 3

Hi all, Just looking for some support and objective opinions. I've been living with my partner for almost 1 year now. we are a blended family with 5 children. I've have depression / anxiety and have been on meds and seeing a psych for more than 6 mth... View more

Hi all, Just looking for some support and objective opinions. I've been living with my partner for almost 1 year now. we are a blended family with 5 children. I've have depression / anxiety and have been on meds and seeing a psych for more than 6 mths. I'm really struggling with life (ft work, family responsibilities, T1D). sometimes I feel ok but then i'm really down again, like a rollercoaster. We argue about money. I support my 3 kids 100% (financially also). We split most bills 1/2 but it leaves me with no money left only days after i've been paid. My kids go to a catholic school so I pay fees but they are not excessively high and they were attending these schools before we met. I've been independent for over 5 years, when we moved in together my expenses increased and I lost all of my centrelink benefits, so i have less money than I did before. I feel like I can't spend any money without him questioning me or saying that i really cant afford it. I feel like its not fair as he has more money than me and we don't have a joint account. One argument he told me that he didnt think that he should have to support my children as it is not his fault that I dont receive and child support (he later took this back). I feel bad that I cant contribute as much as I wish I could, I'm always worried about money. I've been using alcohol to help deal with how i've been feeling. Sometimes when i've had a bad week I will drink too much on a Friday night and get emotional / defensive. I know that this is a problem and i'm trying very hard to avoid alcohol but I sometimes slip up. I dont really drink during the week and i've really cut back on alcohol consumption on the weekend. Yesterday he was questioning me about whether i had been drinking during the day because he saw a beer bottle in the recycling bin. It really upset me as I feel like he doesnt trust me. The bottle was actually from my sister who gave them to my son to claim the refunds. I feel like he doesnt trust me, he gets cranky at me by his tone of voice or body language and sometimes he asks me questions like "why did you leave the garage door open?" when clearly i just forgot to close it and then I feel like i'm getting in trouble. So I am regularly worrying about the things that i'm doing because i dont want to do the wrong thing. Do you think I'm being too sensitive? (I've been in DV relationship in past, wondering if this effects how i respond to things) Suggestions on solving the money issues?

kanga_brumby Eating problem
  • replies: 8

I have just found out that when my boy was living with me. He would some times starve himself. To a point where he would eat paper to stop the hunger pains. Yet there was always food good food he would ask for in the house. Yet he is still going arou... View more

I have just found out that when my boy was living with me. He would some times starve himself. To a point where he would eat paper to stop the hunger pains. Yet there was always food good food he would ask for in the house. Yet he is still going around today telling people how hungry he had been. My story for newbys single dad two kids lost mother too them in 2004I l Looked after them till 2015 health had got that bad for me looking after them. not myself. So there is your warning parents Look after yourself first Kanga

Nico2 Bad relationship with dad.
  • replies: 1

I need some advice on how I should approach situations with my dad. First of, my dad is not a good person. He may think he is but I think he is irresponsible, selfish and arrogant. My dad mostly lives overseas with his other girl my mother doesn't ev... View more

I need some advice on how I should approach situations with my dad. First of, my dad is not a good person. He may think he is but I think he is irresponsible, selfish and arrogant. My dad mostly lives overseas with his other girl my mother doesn't even know about, but probably has suspicions. I live with my family and always hear about how my dad is travelling and doing this and that and having a great time, all while my mum is struggling financially and even I as a 19 year old have to provide her money monthly. He doesn't seem to even care about his family and only wishes to live a more lavish life. He comes home maybe for 3 months in a year and every time he comes all he does is fight with my mum and to me I wish he never comes back. He is selfish in that he demands me and my siblings to provide him financial support when we have full time jobs as a payback to him raising us. But why should I be so giving when he isn't? He never remembers my birthday and I hear from my sister he talks bad stuff about me and my mum. That I'm stupid and have no hopes to succeed and that my mum is fat, ugly and never has sex with him. All he did in his life was drink alcohol and gambled all his money away. He believes that his reponsibilities as a dad was to raise the kids and provide a house and that was it. There were times when we did have father - son moments but those were rare. I've gone through depression because of him and I've heard he is coming back again. I know that I'm going to act neutral to him but in reality I have so many things to say to him. Part of me believes despite all these things he does still have feelings for his family but I'm not sure if I want to accept those feelings after all he has done. He seems to believe that he endured a lot and that he alone should be happy while he still can and when he isn't and too old, he will come back and use us. It just feels like my dad doesn't see having kids as something of love but rather more in a financial investment kind of way. What do I do? Just deal with it?

Apollo86 Told her i needed space, actually stuck to my guns this time.
  • replies: 3

3rd time retyping this, i will try to keep it short. I snapped last night and asked my gf to leave to her aunties as i needed space, felt i was drowning and her berating me that day over the phone was the last straw. She has cheated on me while drunk... View more

3rd time retyping this, i will try to keep it short. I snapped last night and asked my gf to leave to her aunties as i needed space, felt i was drowning and her berating me that day over the phone was the last straw. She has cheated on me while drunk and over medicating, attacked and tried to really hurt me while i was driving due to an alcohol induced psychosis episode, been to a psych ward for 3 days and lied to get out, had to be taken to hospital from taking too many bipolar meds - 24 hours of us sitting waiting to be admitted to a mental health ward- and 3 days after she still couldnt remember for more than 10 seconds. So much heartbreak i have endured for this beautiful broken soul but the addict in her is a liar an manipulator. I am no saint but my mental health and self esteem has declined so much since the start of our realtionship, and even worse after she cheated. So much devistation seeing someone i love self destruct and i am helpless to do a thing to heal her or am not a good enough man to give her a reason not to. I feel like have been walking through wet cement for 4 months and told i am being dramatic and over reacting as i try to say- i see you are over medicating please stop- 2 nights ago she was talking gibberish all night and i knew she was over medicating i was so scared i called her aunt and mum and said i dont know what to do its happening again. Next day she called to tell me im so dramatic and who cares if her memory is failing again (the first sign of relapse to me- red alert) and im a bitch for being dramatic. Years of being put down and controlled through anger and threats and i still feel so horrible and scared for her out there without me, it took me this long to stand up for myself and say i matter too and so does my mental health. I feel so guilty and she was so angry and i dont know what to say to her i am the bad guy i betrayed you and i ruined your life and wasted 3 years of your life and gave you fake dreams is what she will say and im terrified she will hurt herself or me or try to ruin what little life i have left. Thank you for reading this i could not write all of what happened in the past 3 years but i know i am not perfect i am flawed man and not that motivated in life i thought trying to be there for someone in need would give me purpose and redeem me for not being a good friend and family member to people, but it only got worse. Feeling lost and hopeless and stupid for typing all this. Sorry this is so long.

Wildflower123 Feeling embarrassed and regretful
  • replies: 1

I recently had a "thing" with a girl who I met through our mutual best friend for about 2 months. The whole time she was very hard to read and would send me snap chats about being single or tell me her ex was staying the night but only told me so I k... View more

I recently had a "thing" with a girl who I met through our mutual best friend for about 2 months. The whole time she was very hard to read and would send me snap chats about being single or tell me her ex was staying the night but only told me so I knew she wasn't interested in sleeping with anyone else. After she told me that she asked if I was angry and that there's nothing to be angry about. The whole time I never said anything about these things she would do because I hate confrontation. It got to a point where I was sobbing and extremely upset so our mutual best friend told me to just delete her off Facebook, and so I did against my own wishes. The girl got really mad at me and when I explained how she was making me feel she didn't really acknowledge it and just made me feel like the bad one who ruined everything. After this conversation I didn't want to talk to her again because I was sure she hated me and she had said well we are just friends now I guess. The next day she was asking me how my day was and acting as if nothing happened so I was extremely confused because she had made it seem like I hurt her really bad and the conversation went back to normal. After a few weeks of this I asked her if we were genuinely just friends because I still like her, and she told me yes just friends. I accepted this and stopped talking to her so much so I could distance myself and try and get over her, but sometimes she would do or say things that made me feel like she still liked me. She would send me snap chats in her bra, and gave me her number to call her when I was out one night if I needed a lift home. I understand these are things you may do for someone who is just a friend, but when you like someone and you've recently been in an intimate relationship with them it can feel like more. A few nights ago I told her sometimes it feels like she is sending me mixed signals and I told her I understand you don't do it intentionally but that's just how I feel because I still like you and I'm obviously reading into it too much. She got really defensive and told me she has done nothing to make me feel that way and she sends pictures like that to other people too. I feel extremely embarrassed & ashamed and think I've ruined the friendship I did have with this girl and maybe even my best friend. I wish I never said anything and I can't shake this feeling of regret and embarrassment and constantly overthinking things. I don't know how to stop feeling this way.