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BeyondBlue Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about
  • replies: 0

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a ... View more

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a negative way. As always, we want to hear your story and how it impacts you and encourage everyone to support each other with kindness. There are a few things to consider when posting in this section so we can all get the most out of it: Everyone’s situation is unique. We all do our best to share what is important in our story but we can never share it all. Let’s be mindful we can’t know all of everyone’s story. Anonymous but public. These posts are available to everyone and while the moderation team will keep it anonymous, its still up for everyone to read. Have a think about what you want to share to get the best support for you. Please stay safe. This space is an amazing way to seek support from others who might understand what you are going through. We want to hear how you are going and what is happening for you. Please also consider 1800RESPECT if you don’t feel safe or 000 if you are in danger right now. You deserve to be safe. Thank you again for joining this conversation, your contributions are worthy and important to us here. Beyond Blue

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Chulito Mi wife left me to go with his lover
  • replies: 2

After 14 years of marriage she cheated on me. I gave up my country, my career, my family, my life for her. She wanted to come back to live to Australia. I am now left with my 3 children. She said she is in love with someone else and still love me but... View more

After 14 years of marriage she cheated on me. I gave up my country, my career, my family, my life for her. She wanted to come back to live to Australia. I am now left with my 3 children. She said she is in love with someone else and still love me but the desire for being with the other guy is stronger than her desire to stay with me and the kids. She said she loves the kids, although I am not sure because she always regretted having them, she loves them but doesn't have a connection with them. First time she left she didn't even wanna be with the kids. She call me and she felt guilty and wanted to come back, I let her back but she just last two months and she is left again.

Duesentrieb Silent treatment and communication issues...
  • replies: 2

My wife and I are married for 18 years. Since the beginning of the marriage, we have had a problem with conflict and communication because she does not like to talk about problems (she is from Singapore) and she likes to use Silent Treatment. At the ... View more

My wife and I are married for 18 years. Since the beginning of the marriage, we have had a problem with conflict and communication because she does not like to talk about problems (she is from Singapore) and she likes to use Silent Treatment. At the beginning of the marriage, these things were not so bad. Her Silent Treatment was pretty short and we were quite busy. Moved twice between two continents, job, our son, house and therefore relationship problems were never really a topic. Since 5 years, we are more established and now these problems are getting worse. I under her silent treatment, which can take up to 5 days. I was always patience, have tried to approach her, but she was often cold as ice. So, I started researching and found that she may have narcissistic tendencies. I think she's pretty dominant in our relationship. After another silent treatment episode (6 months ago), I told her that I would not pursue or approach her anymore during these episodes. Then I did some more research and today I think I may be too weak, as I have never learned to fight for my interests, needs, etc., and that's the reason why she seems so overpowering. Admittedly, my love for her has changed and today I see her differently. I have also changed, trying to be more assertive and I feel better now. But often I react more aggressively than I want. She has been very unsettled since those 6 months. Tells me often I would not love her anymore and she is quickly irritated and more aggressive, too. I think that we are totally in a circle and really do not know how we get out of it. Often the mood at home is toxic and cynical. When I look at our relationship I become quite sad and I feel helpless. Any ideas?

Girlani Feeling as a bad person for my family
  • replies: 1

Hi, I just had a fight with my 13 years old son, following my fight yesterday with my husband. I told my husband to leave or I would. My son yes... fighting with my son, what kind of mother I am. My son in the past always destroyed the presents/cards... View more

Hi, I just had a fight with my 13 years old son, following my fight yesterday with my husband. I told my husband to leave or I would. My son yes... fighting with my son, what kind of mother I am. My son in the past always destroyed the presents/cards that he made for me from school, when he’s mad at me. I don’t have any of mothers’ day card, birthday card to keep anymore, all have been ripped. It’s school holiday and I am at work, but he’s been playing XBOX non stop for 6 hours, I warned him since last week, I will took the keyboard away that he uses if he is not taking a break every 2 hours, but he ignored me. So this morning, I took the the XBOX controller first, the. he got mad, kicking the walls and start swearing. He then cut and torn a birthday card for me from him, his brother and my husband. Things got uglier the thrown and damaged our family photo album. I can’t go to work. I feel I am to blamed for this mess, as I am a bad tempered person, i cannot control my anger, and I am too arrogant to admit my mistake. I am pushing everyone around me and I treated my family worst. Other people think I am a nice person but I think I treated my own like garbage. I need help, before I harm my family emotionally or even physically. I feel ashamed of myself now, and really don’t know what to do. Thanks for reading.

Envision How we can make life long friends
  • replies: 2

Ok so this is something different to my other posts and I just watched this TedX talk and it has opened my eyes and I have realised why I have no friends. Go watch this talk and then come back to this or none of about I’m going to say is going to mak... View more

Ok so this is something different to my other posts and I just watched this TedX talk and it has opened my eyes and I have realised why I have no friends. Go watch this talk and then come back to this or none of about I’m going to say is going to make sense. [Mod note: we have embedded the Youtube clip into this post] If the link doesn’t work you can just search “Frienticemy TedX”. Ok assuming you have watched the talk now relate the 3 things in the triangle to every happy friend group you have seen. 1. Are they mostly possitive? 2. Do they always spend time together? 3. Do they share their thoughts, feelings or who they want to be with their friends? Ok, for the mojority of that the answer should be yes and me who has no friends can be a comparison. I’m 80% positive. I don’t drive nor have a job at the moment so I don’t see anyone that often (I’m 15). I have never shared anything of how I feel. To put that in perspective 1/3. Now test it against me, reply below if you would be friends with someone like me disregarding my age and gender. Someone who is mostly positive but only sees you lets say once every one or two weeks and only goes out with you once every two months. Is always there for you (over text) always replys to you within a day (over text), is loyal and generous. Also this “person” doesn’t talk about how they feel, but is open to talk about anything else no matter what it is. So to sum up that, basically an online friend who you see on occasion and do things togeather rarel, someone who is always there for you and willing to talk about anything. For the most part positive, loyal and generous. Doesn’t share their feelings but will share anything for the most part and will talk to you for hours. Ok just awnser yes/no with why you chose this. Apart from that now use it with you and your relationship with your friends and see how you have compared. If you know of some really close people compare it to them and if your willing to share say what you got out of 3. For example I got 1/3 comparing it to my one friend who I have been friends with for about 9 1/2 years. Thanks for any replys, if this was helpful for you to adknowledge what good friendships all have in common than I hoped this was worth your time reading.

Soberlicious96 He hasn't yet said "I Love You"
  • replies: 5

Hi all, I have a little issue that circles around in my head a little bit. A bit over a year ago I met a wonderful man via an online dating site, and we have been together as a monogamous couple since our first date. From our first meeting I felt saf... View more

Hi all, I have a little issue that circles around in my head a little bit. A bit over a year ago I met a wonderful man via an online dating site, and we have been together as a monogamous couple since our first date. From our first meeting I felt safe and secure with him, and indeed feel very much loved by him. He opens doors for me and is affectionate and pays for everything when we are together. We live 100 kms apart though so we do only see each other a couple of times a week. I mostly travel to his place because of our work rosters; he works Monday to Friday with a 7am start time, and I work a widely varied roster, with lots of weekend work. He usually insists on paying for my fuel every time I see him! He is honestly so lovely and selfless. He's into healthy eating and exercise, as am I. We seem to be the perfect match! We have both been married before though and are both divorced. 'So what's the problem?' I hear you ask. Well, like I said we've been together for a year now, and not once has he said those three magical words: "I Love You". And neither have I ....... well, not directly to his face anyway. I have put it at the end of the odd text message and voicemail, written it on cards and at the end of notes, and even quickly said 'love you' at the end of a phone call, but he has not once said it to me. And yet he acts so lovingly toward me and I FEEL very loved by him. Should I be concerned? I mean, I am happy with a slow-moving relationship because we've both been hurt before by others, and it's only been one year, not several. And I do most certainly feel love for him. I feel so safe with him, and I can talk to him about stuff and he talks to me about things on his mind too ..... we've got it all bar those three little words. Anyway, over to you, and your experience/thoughts on the matter. Thankyou in advance.

alina_xo my boyfriend is having a hard time dealing with the loss of our unborn baby
  • replies: 3

I lost my baby. I was 2 months pregnant or even longer when I had a miscarriage, I didn't know I was pregnant until I miscarried and I felt horrible. My boyfriend has blamed himself ever since it happened and I know it wasn't his fault. He thinks it ... View more

I lost my baby. I was 2 months pregnant or even longer when I had a miscarriage, I didn't know I was pregnant until I miscarried and I felt horrible. My boyfriend has blamed himself ever since it happened and I know it wasn't his fault. He thinks it was because I was under a lot of stress at the time and a lot of the stress was from him but it's very unlikely for me to have miscarried because of him but he doesn't believe that, he is so determined to blame himself no matter how much I try and help. He hasn't taken it well as can be expected but its been months and I'm beginning to think he may never grief properly and won't take help from anyone, I just want to help him to stop blaming himself. Any suggestions of how I can help him?

Teagen Boyfriend told to leave me after 2 sessions.
  • replies: 4

My boyfriend and I have been together for over eight years. During this time he has cheated repeatedly but I love him so I have stayed. Over Christmas I found out he had cheated again but decided to try work through it. Then on New Years he cheated a... View more

My boyfriend and I have been together for over eight years. During this time he has cheated repeatedly but I love him so I have stayed. Over Christmas I found out he had cheated again but decided to try work through it. Then on New Years he cheated again and I ended the relationship. We have recently built and moved into a house together and got a dog. I still love him and know that he has some big mental health stuff going on and I want to be with him so I suggested an open relationship with a couple of boundaries which he agreed too. We have been more open and honest with each other than ever. It has not been easy as I am learning a new way of loving him and have become emotional about it a couple of times. My boyfriend also began seeking help for his mental health. He had his second session with a psych yesterday and told me that she said, she thinks he should break up with me or even take a six month break from me because he can't grow if he's worried about me. I am really shocked by this and feel like there is no way this psych could know my boyfriend or our situation properly in two sessions. Is this normal? I know we have our stuff to work through but I don't think it's a toxic situation. Has anyone else experienced anything like this?

Wokka Please help me
  • replies: 1

My ex and I were together for 3 1/2 years and living together for just over 2 years. We have always had a really good relationship, he got on really well with both my kids. My 24 yo daughter was in hospital 2 weeks ago for a serious brain disease and... View more

My ex and I were together for 3 1/2 years and living together for just over 2 years. We have always had a really good relationship, he got on really well with both my kids. My 24 yo daughter was in hospital 2 weeks ago for a serious brain disease and it was a stressful time. My ex is really stressed at work as well. The day started off as normal and then in the afternoon he came home and told me it’s over. He can’t be in a relationship cause he doesn’t need the responsibility. He wants to be single for life. He said he loves me and the kids but just needs to be single. The next day he said he loves me but this is what he does, he gets so far into relationships and then his heart isn’t in it anymore. The next day was he loves me more than anything but he’s not in love with me. So everyday was a new story. He told me he thinks he has bipolar like his mum but I believe he’s suffering from chronic stress or burnout. A few days later he came over to grab some more clothes cause all his stuff is still here. And he sits and has a chat telling me all about work and his weekend. We were laughing and chatting like normal. He then asked how I was coping and I just shrimp shoulders. I asked him how he was coping and he put his head down and started to get teary. I asked him if he ever was going to sit down and explain to me what’s happened and he said yes. But then said he had to go and left in tears. I haven’t heard from him since but he has been talking to my son and they are meeting up this week. I’m so hurt and crushed and I still don’t know what’s going on. I just want him to come home. Has anyone been through anything like this??

Pinky20 Dating a guy with issues and doubts about himself. He’s depressed and needs more time before he talks to me again.
  • replies: 13

Hi all, I’m new to this and I signed up desperately looking for answers. So my story is I’ve been seeing this lovely guy for 6 months and I think is safe to say that I’ve fallen for him. We’ve been seeing each other consistently but suddenly things w... View more

Hi all, I’m new to this and I signed up desperately looking for answers. So my story is I’ve been seeing this lovely guy for 6 months and I think is safe to say that I’ve fallen for him. We’ve been seeing each other consistently but suddenly things went downhill during our weekend together. Admittedly we had arguments during the time we’ll It’s actually kind of petty but something happened the night before he turned cold turkey. Previously, he’s always brought up about his “bad” past and last relationship where his ex cheated on him with his cousin. However for the first time that night he revealed that he was so close to killing himself when he found out about his ex and his cousin and I felt that was the catalyst. Out of the blue he said he just wanted to be friends with no more intimacy but contradicted himself multiple times telling me that he likes me a lot and doesn’t want me to leave. I tried to walk away from him but he wouldn’t let me go. He kept trying to force “don’t decide yet, use time to think” on me when I was very adamant to leave solely because I have feelings for him and is hard to be friends. In the past he’s said that he likes me but just can’t do relationships. Never gave reasons why. The problem is, we are practically in a relationship without the actual label. He would say negative things like, “I will die alone”, “If it makes you feel any better, I will never be in a relationship”, “Don’t let stupid old me be in your way”, etc. He’s really insecure and just not happy with himself. Eventually he admitted that he needs space and time to think before he talks to me again. I agreed to give him space because I needed it too. I broke the no-contact rule because I was ready and realised how much I actually love him and wanted to tell him but then I discovered he spiraled out of control during our short break. He started smoking again (he quit for more than 10 years), got high and drank (when he planned to stop drinking for at least 6 months). I asked him if he’s ok and he said, “I don’t care anymore. I’m losing my mind. I haven’t slept for more than 2 days”. I managed to get him to sleep but he’s still pushing me away telling me he needs more time and for me to not worry about him but concentrate on myself. He assured me we will talk again after I told him that I’m worried and I miss talking to him. He wants another week of space and I really want to give him space but I can’t help but feel hopeless. What should I do?

Pinky20 I rashly confronted the guy I’ve been dating and wanting space and he confessed about his depression. How do I handle this from today?
  • replies: 2

Hi all, I previously posted about dating this guy for 6 months then suddenly he wanted to be friends then needed space. He’s been rather confusing and contradicting with his feelings. He can’t seem to let me go and is leaving me in a dead-end. With a... View more

Hi all, I previously posted about dating this guy for 6 months then suddenly he wanted to be friends then needed space. He’s been rather confusing and contradicting with his feelings. He can’t seem to let me go and is leaving me in a dead-end. With all the replies I got from my last post, it’s been inferred that I may have triggered him about his past and that he has a fear of abandonment. He’s very negative of himself, thinks he’s not worthy enough to be loved. The break has put an emotional toll on me because I miss him and hate not being able to talk to him. During the first week of no-contact, he spiralled out of control and relied on smoking, drugs and alcohol as his coping techniques. He admitted to losing his mind. I became very worried and would message him to see if he was ok. Over the days he would tell me he is not ready to talk to me yet. He needs more time. Unfortunately I couldn’t control myself and confronted him and gave him an ultimatum because I can’t be sitting around waiting for him when he’s never given me a reason why he needs space. I told him that he has til the end of this week to be ready or at least tell me why he needs space or else I will cut all ties because is not fair for me to be left in the dark. As expected, he took it very harshly and became defensive saying he feels pressured everytime I message him when he said he needed space. Fair point. He went on to deny the relationship and said he didn’t need to give me a reason then said he can’t deal with me anymore. He wants to go our separate ways. So things got heated. I was more angry than upset so I told him the hard truth about himself and that was, “I don’t want to stick around waiting if the old (his name) I’ve known won’t come back because you haven’t been yourself. You’re a having a relapse”. The word ‘relapse’ was what got him to finally admit that he has issues. So he admitted that he hasn’t been himself. He doesn’t want to talk to me because he doesn’t want to drag me down with him. He doesn’t like reaching out to people. He wants to isolate himself from everyone. My anger turned into guilt and sorrow. Earlier in the heat of the moment he said making him talk made him angry and he wanted to tell me to leave him alone and he “cbf anymore” but after he opened up about his depression, he begged me to just give him time and reassured me that he will chat to me when he is ready. I feel bad for making him open up and I don’t know what will happen after this?