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BeyondBlue Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about
  • replies: 0

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a ... View more

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a negative way. As always, we want to hear your story and how it impacts you and encourage everyone to support each other with kindness. There are a few things to consider when posting in this section so we can all get the most out of it: Everyone’s situation is unique. We all do our best to share what is important in our story but we can never share it all. Let’s be mindful we can’t know all of everyone’s story. Anonymous but public. These posts are available to everyone and while the moderation team will keep it anonymous, its still up for everyone to read. Have a think about what you want to share to get the best support for you. Please stay safe. This space is an amazing way to seek support from others who might understand what you are going through. We want to hear how you are going and what is happening for you. Please also consider 1800RESPECT if you don’t feel safe or 000 if you are in danger right now. You deserve to be safe. Thank you again for joining this conversation, your contributions are worthy and important to us here. Beyond Blue

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Living57 Sick daughter, live interstate, not managing
  • replies: 2

So my depression is up, and my anxiety too, I feel like I have reached the end. My oldest daughter who lives interstate is in hospital. An illness she had as a teenager has come back and now it looks as if she will be confined to a wheelchair for the... View more

So my depression is up, and my anxiety too, I feel like I have reached the end. My oldest daughter who lives interstate is in hospital. An illness she had as a teenager has come back and now it looks as if she will be confined to a wheelchair for the rest of her life and not able to walk. I feel so far away from her and finances do not allow me to visit. I feel so helpless and useless. I asked her do you want me to come and visit and she said no she's fine but as a mother it tugs at my heartstrings. She has a loving husband, two adult children and I know they're supporting her. But it doesn't stop me feeling as if I'm letting her down, after all she is my child regardless of age and I can't do anything to help her. I don't know where to turn or what to do I feel so lost. I have hardly slept alright since this happened it's now almost 6 weeks. I get up and go through the motions everyday but I just worry constantly about her and how she is truly managing. She sounds bright bubbly she tells me she's doing ok but how much of that is just talk. my lack of sleep my lack of eating my depression anxiety and other mental health issues are all building and I'm worried about where he's headed. I've been down to suicide path before I keep telling myself it'll all get better, it'll all work out, it'll all be OK but I don't know. I don't have anyone I can talk to. My fear of going out in public, strangers is so high I am socially isolated. On top of all this my ex husband lives near her and all I hear from him is how I'm not there for her and he and his new wife are. I'm scared not only for my daughter but for myself I just don't know what to do anymore. I know I have to do more for myself than I am but I have no energy. I spent my days worrying constantly. I know she has specialists, doctors and medical care as well as her family but......

JD8 My wife and kids are leaving me and I feel worthless
  • replies: 2

My wife of 14 years is leaving me. I’m absolutely distraught and feel I have nothing else to live for. We began having trouble around 10 months ago where we both identified we had some mental health issues and needed to work on ourselves then work on... View more

My wife of 14 years is leaving me. I’m absolutely distraught and feel I have nothing else to live for. We began having trouble around 10 months ago where we both identified we had some mental health issues and needed to work on ourselves then work on us as a couple. Now she doesn’t want to work on us anymore and has had a wall up between us for months and won’t commit to trying to fix our relationship. I can’t imagine life without her

Poppy66 The man I thought I would marry keeps breaking up with me because of his depression (but makes up a million other excuses)
  • replies: 3

I am currently sitting in a public library absolutely heartbroken and lost. My boyfriend (now....ex I suppose) has broken up with me yet again after going through a series of down days. This is about the fifth time he has done this and each time he s... View more

I am currently sitting in a public library absolutely heartbroken and lost. My boyfriend (now....ex I suppose) has broken up with me yet again after going through a series of down days. This is about the fifth time he has done this and each time he spirals down and down until I can't help but check on him. I have borderline personality disorder myself and after a past of ups and downs I am finally feeling good and we have been incredibly happy together. I took so many measures to make sure we had a healthy relationship that didn't involve us becoming dependent on each other. We have helped each other so much -wether its being there to talk, driving over to see one another, forcing each other to go to the gym and generally enforcing healthier mental health habits. The only problem is....whenever he gets down/ 'in a rut', he gets paranoid (particularly about my use of social media) and will pick tiny issues then blow them out of proportion until he thinks its enough reason to break up. Eventually he will admit that he's trying to push me away and I deserve someone better etc etc etc. I only want him. I've tried taking him to the doctor, listening to him, cuddling him at any time he needs, calling his mum to check in with him and brining our dog over to play...each time he feels a little better and is super grateful and loving......then it happens again. What can I do? I am madly in love with this man! I've had other relationships before, but this feels like the real deal to me and I can't bear to see him hurting, even if he's hurting the people who love him right now

Tash93 Getting over an Epic Love - What a joke
  • replies: 2

Hi Everyone, I am not usually the type to seek comfort or support online however, since i have been trying to find different coping mechanisms, this is something i wanted to try. Unfortunately, i have had 3 things happen to me in the last month which... View more

Hi Everyone, I am not usually the type to seek comfort or support online however, since i have been trying to find different coping mechanisms, this is something i wanted to try. Unfortunately, i have had 3 things happen to me in the last month which have caused me to spiral. Depression & Anxiety seem to be what i have gained out of the experience, according to professionals. 1. Relationship Breakdown (Main love) Was in a relationship from a very young age (19). Was with my first love for 5 years, broken up for 2, but still in contact. During the 2 year break, we were seeing and speaking to eachother (rookie move) and we even tried again last year in June to be in a relationship. It lasted a whole 3 months before he kicked me aside again. The relationship broke down because we were young, the trust was tested and he played the victim card. What i mean is, he always said i was in the wrong FOR EVERYTHING. If it rained, it was my fault. And i still loved him. Anyways, when i was overseas in November, he was sending me messages saying "Why can't i love again", "i miss you" etc. Sending me love songs. Flash to a month later, i'm back in Australia and he is in a relationship. With someone else! Who is the complete opposite to me! I'm shattered. He keeps saying "Do you want me to be alone forever!" "You did this" "Your fault" "Don't you think sometimes i ask myself what im doing". Classic. I always thought we would find our way to eachother. Make it through. I saw him as my soul mate, but i guess i wasn't his. Now i'm suffering everyday, thinking about him and this new girl. The hardest part of losing love, is seeing them with someone else. That is true pain. Along with that, when i was overseas i had a family health issue. My grandmother had a heart attack and i was the one who found her. I had to hold her head forward while she vomited all over herself. I had to lose a part of my childhood, seeing her suffer. And i have nightmares everyday. It triggered this depression. Because all i can think about is the sadness i feel for her, myself and everything that happened to me last month. Usually, my character is strong and i always manage to get myself through the hard times. In fact, everyone relies on me to give them advice, help them out...but lately i cannot seem to get myself out of this place. I feel sad, angry, depressed, hopeless, confused, torn, stuck. STUCK. I feel all of those things and i can't seem to find joy in anything. Help

Carolyn_Rae Is he controlling or am I just sensitive?
  • replies: 38

My boyfriend and I have been together for nearly 3 years. I used to be scared of him - as in he was quite critical of how I would go about doing certain things for eg how to make dinner. We purchased a second-hand boat and I don't have much experienc... View more

My boyfriend and I have been together for nearly 3 years. I used to be scared of him - as in he was quite critical of how I would go about doing certain things for eg how to make dinner. We purchased a second-hand boat and I don't have much experience with boats. Each time we have taken it out I have found him to be bossy, critical (not having much patience when teaching me the ropes) and if I do something 'wrong' he belittles me by saying things such as, 'As per usual, your doing things half-assed'. I'm dreading the day we get our motor boat back from getting fixed, as I don't want to go out in it as each time we've gone out, I've felt so stupid, small and dumb. The boat has been away for fixing for 3 weeks now, during which time I've resumed training for a 10k fun run and doing yoga. Doing these things has given boosted my self-acceptance and self-esteem....so much so that whenever my boyfriend talks down, gets bossy or insulting towards me, instead of cowering and saying 'I'm sorry', I've gone the other way and have gotten reactionary. My behaviour is now '....and that's another thing I've done wrong' or getting defensive and angry. My question is, is his behaviour deemed as emotional abuse? Also, how can I find a middle ground for myself - by not allowing his behaviour to dictate how I respond?

Simfa Husband is controlling and moody
  • replies: 9

First time poster. My husband can be incredibly moody. I often feel like he treats me disrespectfully, he doesn't listen to what I have to say as he always thinks his opinions/ideas/concerns are far more valid than mine. He gets really angry really q... View more

First time poster. My husband can be incredibly moody. I often feel like he treats me disrespectfully, he doesn't listen to what I have to say as he always thinks his opinions/ideas/concerns are far more valid than mine. He gets really angry really quickly and talks down to me, swears at me, points his finger at me and basically just shrugs off anything I am trying to tell him that I am feeling. He takes exception if I try to tell him what is making me feel the way I do and takes EVERYTHING as a personal attack. Then he shuts off from the entire 'conversation' and gives me the silent treatment for however long it takes him to calm down. He NEVER apologises. I feel that he is a really high conflict person. If we disagree about something to do with the kids (discipline, schooling etc) then he takes it upon himself to email the school without consulting me first or disciplines the kids the way he wants to without discussing it with me (we have very different ideas about discipline). He always wants to be in control, in charge, the boss. I dont fee that he ever takes my thoughts or feelings into consideration. He just pushes to do what he wants. Of late I have noticed that I feel anxious most of the time...I feel like I am always walking on eggshells around him so we dont have another argument about something. I dont want my children to grow up in a broken family. I want to try and manage this, I just dont know what to do. There is NO WAY he will attend any type of counselling because he wont admit to having a problem. I always feel that his wants are most important to him and what I think or want is 'stupid' or doesnt matter. I dont want his irrational mood swings to affect the kids - they are THE MOST important things in this world to me. Can anyone help me manage this?

tevr111 I'm worried about my boyfriends sexual fetish
  • replies: 4

My boyfriend of a year and a half has a sexual fetish. Hearing stories of people who have sexual fetishes don't really affect me, each to their own. But around 7 months ago my boyfriend opened up to me that he had a fat fetish. This concerned me at t... View more

My boyfriend of a year and a half has a sexual fetish. Hearing stories of people who have sexual fetishes don't really affect me, each to their own. But around 7 months ago my boyfriend opened up to me that he had a fat fetish. This concerned me at the time because I was not fat. However, he proclaimed his love for me and for my body then and it wasn't really touched upon much until recent months. Whenever I put on weight he says he's really proud of me and such. He constantly brings it up when we are getting intimate and grabs my stomach and sides and says how hot it is. He even dirty talks by saying stuff like "Are you gonna get fat for me?" I'm now at a point where I'm starting to get uncomfortable when he says it. I don't mind the way I look in certain areas, I actually believe it looks nice. Some areas I'm embarrassed of but my bf always says it looks good and sexy. I've sat down with him and talked to him about how I don't want to be outside my healthy range and he says that's totally fine but then brings up how I would look good with a few more kgs on me. It sends me mixed signals. He gets upset and says stuff like "Well you don't want to lose weight do you?" and that I should put more effort in. If I can't finish a meal he gives me a nudge and says "C'mon you can" even though I could be feeling absolutely full to the brim and if I eat any more I'll be sick. Now whenevr I look in the mirror I see a skeleton. Whenever I don't eat for a few hours I swear it feels like I've lost kgs. I don't want to leave my bf but at the same time I'm so worried I'm never going to be good enough for him.

AspyGirl Hubby doesn’t seem to understand my wants
  • replies: 1

Hi, my name is Mel. I have been with my hubby now for about 16 years and been married just over two. He was awesome, up until recently. We both had stable jobs, building a house but we weren’t happy. I was travelling nearly two hours each way for wor... View more

Hi, my name is Mel. I have been with my hubby now for about 16 years and been married just over two. He was awesome, up until recently. We both had stable jobs, building a house but we weren’t happy. I was travelling nearly two hours each way for work I didn’t have a life, see my son or my hubby. Hubby also works in pubs so we could go weeks and never see each other. Then I got offered a job in Townsville. We decided, as a family, that I should take it and we relocated. Love Townsville. But he took 6 months to get a job and we are now massively in debt - to the point where we’re are now selling our house to save ourselves - and the job he has is only casual. Several times over now, he has been overlooked for a permanent position at his work and he just won’t fight for one. He’s been there over 12 months, with fairly regular shifts, so is entitled to request permanency under a Fair Work ruling. He just refuses to do it. The job I moved for is just awful. The people good but the way it is run is just barbaric. I don’t want to be there anymore. But given that we have a 9 year old and financial issues, I am trying to make myself as indispensable in the job as possible and gain promotions. So far, I’m not sure I’ve succeeded in either task. My contract is up in 5 days, I am under review for a permant position and I’m REALLY scared that at the end of next week, I’m going to be completely out of a job, with a kid, a mortgage, rent, bills and a hubby who can’t see that it is about us not him. I want to leave my job. I want to try to work at other places and find a job I actually enjoy. But while he’s casual, I just don’t feel safe enough to take that risk. This issue caused a fair shouting match tonight and my poor kid is stuck in the middle. Am I being stupid? Or does he just need to stop being so selfish?

Chulito Mi wife left me to go with his lover
  • replies: 2

After 14 years of marriage she cheated on me. I gave up my country, my career, my family, my life for her. She wanted to come back to live to Australia. I am now left with my 3 children. She said she is in love with someone else and still love me but... View more

After 14 years of marriage she cheated on me. I gave up my country, my career, my family, my life for her. She wanted to come back to live to Australia. I am now left with my 3 children. She said she is in love with someone else and still love me but the desire for being with the other guy is stronger than her desire to stay with me and the kids. She said she loves the kids, although I am not sure because she always regretted having them, she loves them but doesn't have a connection with them. First time she left she didn't even wanna be with the kids. She call me and she felt guilty and wanted to come back, I let her back but she just last two months and she is left again.

Duesentrieb Silent treatment and communication issues...
  • replies: 2

My wife and I are married for 18 years. Since the beginning of the marriage, we have had a problem with conflict and communication because she does not like to talk about problems (she is from Singapore) and she likes to use Silent Treatment. At the ... View more

My wife and I are married for 18 years. Since the beginning of the marriage, we have had a problem with conflict and communication because she does not like to talk about problems (she is from Singapore) and she likes to use Silent Treatment. At the beginning of the marriage, these things were not so bad. Her Silent Treatment was pretty short and we were quite busy. Moved twice between two continents, job, our son, house and therefore relationship problems were never really a topic. Since 5 years, we are more established and now these problems are getting worse. I under her silent treatment, which can take up to 5 days. I was always patience, have tried to approach her, but she was often cold as ice. So, I started researching and found that she may have narcissistic tendencies. I think she's pretty dominant in our relationship. After another silent treatment episode (6 months ago), I told her that I would not pursue or approach her anymore during these episodes. Then I did some more research and today I think I may be too weak, as I have never learned to fight for my interests, needs, etc., and that's the reason why she seems so overpowering. Admittedly, my love for her has changed and today I see her differently. I have also changed, trying to be more assertive and I feel better now. But often I react more aggressively than I want. She has been very unsettled since those 6 months. Tells me often I would not love her anymore and she is quickly irritated and more aggressive, too. I think that we are totally in a circle and really do not know how we get out of it. Often the mood at home is toxic and cynical. When I look at our relationship I become quite sad and I feel helpless. Any ideas?