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BeyondBlue Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about
  • replies: 0

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a ... View more

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a negative way. As always, we want to hear your story and how it impacts you and encourage everyone to support each other with kindness. There are a few things to consider when posting in this section so we can all get the most out of it: Everyone’s situation is unique. We all do our best to share what is important in our story but we can never share it all. Let’s be mindful we can’t know all of everyone’s story. Anonymous but public. These posts are available to everyone and while the moderation team will keep it anonymous, its still up for everyone to read. Have a think about what you want to share to get the best support for you. Please stay safe. This space is an amazing way to seek support from others who might understand what you are going through. We want to hear how you are going and what is happening for you. Please also consider 1800RESPECT if you don’t feel safe or 000 if you are in danger right now. You deserve to be safe. Thank you again for joining this conversation, your contributions are worthy and important to us here. Beyond Blue

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Lennox Narcissistic victim seeking help
  • replies: 5

Researching NPD about 2 years ago I came across this website and a description of narcissistic victim syndrome. It was a revelation. It described my husbands behavior and the effect it has had on my me and our children as if written about us. I am (o... View more

Researching NPD about 2 years ago I came across this website and a description of narcissistic victim syndrome. It was a revelation. It described my husbands behavior and the effect it has had on my me and our children as if written about us. I am (or was) an intelligent woman, naturally caring and empathetic. I have been married for 20 years to a damaged man who demonstrates all the signs of NPD. He came from a broken home and has no real relationships with his family. He left school at 15 and had been very successful in creating his own business but hides major insecurity. He is obsessed with power, fame, control, success, recognition etc and has no interest at all in anyone else. Our first child was born with major developmental problems and I gave up my legal career to become her full time carer. She died aged 8, 10 years ago. We have 2 other girls now 13 & 15. When she died he was devastated but had spent the last weeks of her life out telling everyone she was dying whereas I was at home alone nursing her. He is very generous financially and we have a very comfortable life but I feel so lonely and am in effect a sole parent. I have told him many time that we are scared of him but he just tells me I'm speaking nonsense. Both children are scared of his anger and rages and feel he has no interest in their lives. The dog won't go near him! He genuinely thinks he is the worlds best dad. We have no real family friends as he has burnt everyone he comes across. His staff are scared of him and he treats them badly. I am constantly walking on eggshells afraid to say the wrong thing and made to feel everything is my fault. He has dramatic rages and says horrible things then is all sweet and acts as if it never happened. It is always his way or the highway. He resents my intelligence and tries to crush me.He has succeeded in making me feel worthless. I was diagnosed with brain cancer last year and had surgery to remove a tumour and have to be monitored regularly. I dealt with this with little complaint and tried to get on with everything within a week. He was genuinely upset about the diagnosis but seems to enjoy telling everyone for the drama and attention he receives, whereas I feel it is a very private thing. My family all live interstate. My father died in January which devastated me. My mother is unwell and no support. I need to find the courage to leave but want to protect the children. I don't know where to start. Any help would be appreciated.

johnxx Marriage breakdown
  • replies: 1

Hi All, I really don’t know when to start, but I guess I join this site tonight hoping someone out there can listen without any judgements. My wife and i was dating for 2 years and now marriage for just over a year, i guess the problem start shortly ... View more

Hi All, I really don’t know when to start, but I guess I join this site tonight hoping someone out there can listen without any judgements. My wife and i was dating for 2 years and now marriage for just over a year, i guess the problem start shortly after we dated. We were so in love at the begining. We were so in love at the beginning, she was everything I was looking for, beautiful smart independent woman with values that I loved. Things was going perfectly, both of us couldn’t believe we have found each other. About 3 month into the relationship we hit our first major hurdle, I lost my job just before Christmas. I was devastated knowing that I wouldn’t be able to find another job until the holidays are over, and at this point I had only about few thousand dollar to my name. But not know when I can find a new job, trying to figure out how I’m going to pay me rent and utilities was least of my worries, more importantly I was worried that i’m going to lose this girl of my dream, I my mind all I can think about is she going to think I’m such a loser cant even afford rent and utilities. I guess in my mind I was the man and I need to provide for the people I care about. So for the next few weeks I just shut down completely and close myself of the her, this made her feel neglected and that I didn’t care about her (the funny is this was the complete opposite to what I was feeling inside, I love and care so much and I was so scared of losing her). After the new year 2016 few and I decided to start our own company, I was really reluctant to ask my (wife now) that I need to borrow money for this new business as we not long into the relationship but to my surprise without any hesitation she gave me ten thousand dollars. 3 years later I now have an extremely successful business and financially we are able to do what we want. But once again I’m in the same position 3 years ago with my wife, i need to spend a lot of time and effort on the business and she once again feel im neglecting her. But this is the complete opposite of what I want for her and our family in the future, to me giving my family the financial freedom is what I feel is important.

LoveSOS Relationship has reached very toxic levels, but I'm too afraid to leave.
  • replies: 2

I [24M] been with my partner [also 24M] for just over 5 years now, and we've been living together for just over 3 of those. In that time my partners depression and anxiety has escalated to pretty severe levels. He has been seeing a psychologist for o... View more

I [24M] been with my partner [also 24M] for just over 5 years now, and we've been living together for just over 3 of those. In that time my partners depression and anxiety has escalated to pretty severe levels. He has been seeing a psychologist for over 12 months, and has also been taking medication. He also uses daily marijuana to try and curb his anxiety. I have supported him the whole time we live together. I work two jobs, but still don't make enough money to sustain us. I'm in heaps of credit card debt and stressed all the time. The way that stress manifests itself with me is I become very quiet, sullen, and I pull back. I'm also constantly exhausted, and find it hard to stay awake. My partner has noticed this change, and he's reacted negatively. He sometimes says hurtful things about me, which really bring me down, but mainly he tells me that I need to do more to show my affection to him, and often gives me a list of things I should be doing (eg take him on a weekend trip - something I can't do because I have to work). I try and take this feedback on board, and I really try to shift my behaviour to give him the love and attention he needs in his dark times, though some days my stress is too much and I just want to be in bed alone as soon as I get home. I've also started to be more honest about why I'm stressed, hoping it clears things up. Recently he's started to say that my closed off behaviour is emotional abuse, me saying I'm trying to change is gaslighting him, and that I'm guilt tripping him by explaining things. It was never my intention to hurt him ever, or do any of those things, but I understand that my behaviour has and I feel horrible. Over the weekend we got in an argument. I tried to take responsibility for my behaviour but also explain that I'm under too much stress. That set him off in a scary way. He said that I refuse to take responsibility, want to place it all on to him, called me ugly, vapid, privileged, insulted my family, said that I'm solely responsible for his depression. He screamed in my face, threatened to fight me, he stole my phone and tried to smash it, and most distressingly texted my housemate saying that I told him to commit suicide so that if anything happened I would take the blame (I did not and would never). He then broke down crying saying nobody loved him. I do love him. I love him a lot. But I have never felt this low before. I am scared to be in this relationship, but I am scared about what leaving might do.

Mark h Current marriage crisis
  • replies: 2

Hi First of all a little about myself.I am an extremely lucky and fortunate person in that I have the wonderful wife and two perfect boys. Six years ago I had what can only be described as a major meltdown. I own my own publishing company which is hu... View more

Hi First of all a little about myself.I am an extremely lucky and fortunate person in that I have the wonderful wife and two perfect boys. Six years ago I had what can only be described as a major meltdown. I own my own publishing company which is hugely successful however one day when at a local shopping centre I went home and found that I was suffering extreme depression. To cut a long story short I was lucky to find a psychiatrist in Melbourne who after six months managed to find the right medication that I should be on. I am now classed as bipolar with day to day anxiety. Every day life managing a business and looking after my family takes effort but also a great deal of pleasure. I love my two boys and my wife immensely and my business is something that keeps me extremely busy which is a great distractions from sometimes feeling like I can’t cope. After 20 years of being married I feel our relationship is spiralling downwards fast. My 16 year old son is amazing and is fortunate to ride horses which he has done very well with. He is also going through those tricky teenage years. We have always clashed to be honest and we’ve often had highly heated words that result in us shouting and screaming(but never physical). Because my wife is also extremely horse minded, they both travel interstate a great deal together and my son never wants me there as he says I will just be embarrising. I am finding it difficult but for example in the next 4 months they are away from the home and business for at least 60% of the time and all weekends. Yesterday was awful. Our dogs were chasing our horses and my son stormed into the room and told me that it was either them or him. Just a teenage drama which is fine but this escalated, he called me a liar and the next thing you know the screaming was back on again. My wife who has gone through this for many years then snapped. I do find it hard when they go away for long periods but I have also encouraged everything I can to make this dream of theirs happen. My wife told me that I am jealous of everytime they go for trips and that she had now come to the end. She now needs a break and has said that she will talk with me in a week. I try so hard to keep this anxiety under control but sometimes it over powers everything I do. I also drink 4 beers a night and am thinking of giving this up. I see my 16 year old as always trying to over rule what I say and do. Maybe even trying to be the alpha male. I need help mark

mummabear22 Should I stay or should I go?
  • replies: 7

My partner decided in September 2017 that he would start an affair with another girl. After moving interstate I thought this was all over - but have just found out he is still in very regular contact with her (only over the phone but multiple times a... View more

My partner decided in September 2017 that he would start an affair with another girl. After moving interstate I thought this was all over - but have just found out he is still in very regular contact with her (only over the phone but multiple times a day). We have a 6 year old child together and he tells me he wants more kids - but chats to some other girl daily which rips me apart. It’s been a very long road since I found out he cheated on me - and I thought we were strong enough to get through.....to find out now he is still in contact with her makes me sick - and makes me want to run right now. Hardest part is that we live with and care for his mother, we have given up our family home to do this and now I have no where to go and no money to get out. I am the only one working and work bloody hard and feel like I’m getting no where. I pay our bills, pay back his debts, pay for all things needed for our child and even end up funding his drinking, smoking and gambling habits (Cos if I don’t I’m scared what will happen). He has never been physically violent but I feel he has me on the edge and have no option but to meet his requests for cash for his habits. I get no time to do anything nice for myself (don’t have cash for it any way) and feel so unloved from him. He tells me he loves me (most of the time I say it first and he says it back) but he very rarely kisses, cuddles or shows affection (certainly no sex happening). Most nights he passes out and doesn’t even say goodnight to me or our child. I love him so much and do not want to end our relationship but he will not agree to any kind of help, and I just don’t feel it’s fair that I feel so crap and unloved - I wanna be happy - but wanna be happy with him......and don’t want to raise our child in a broken home. So confused

02patrol Lonely and hurting on the inside.
  • replies: 1

Hi I'm new here and it's hard for me to talk about my problems. I have been without friends or partner for many years now and I'm finding myself struggling to cope with the loneliness I have BPD and depression and on top of the I have OCD so it's not... View more

Hi I'm new here and it's hard for me to talk about my problems. I have been without friends or partner for many years now and I'm finding myself struggling to cope with the loneliness I have BPD and depression and on top of the I have OCD so it's not fun trying to control all the emotions that I deal with ever day. I used to have mates and a fiance but all my mates seem to move away stop talking to me even if I tried to talk to them and I found my fiance cheating on me so that ended the relationship after 11 years of being together I am.also trying to help my mum and dad as they are really sick and in doing so brings back memories of watching my sister die of cancer so that is also hard for me. I'm finding it hard to be motivated or even want to wake up in the morning as I feel there is nothing really left for me.

mpatt My gf left me at my most vulnerable
  • replies: 31

I have been battling depression for four months and one month ago my gf left me. And after speaking to certain people I now know that I was in a controlling, emotionally, digital and abusive relationship, she once physically abused me. Which I forgav... View more

I have been battling depression for four months and one month ago my gf left me. And after speaking to certain people I now know that I was in a controlling, emotionally, digital and abusive relationship, she once physically abused me. Which I forgave her instantly because I loved her. The reason she hurt me was, she went through my laptop “claiming to check my privacy settings” and went straight to me blocked list. I had 50 females blocked because I didn’t want to get screenshots of friends with her asking who they are. When she saw this she got upset and then blamed me for having so many women that I probably slept with blocked. The next day she asked me to explain every person on the list, after 10 people she gave up and said give me your phone. I had always said, no worries you can go through anything as I have nothing to hide. When she went through my phone she worked out I went on 3 dates in 2017 not the two dates I said. I completely forgot about the I had at the start of the year, she then found a message I sent my brother two years ago and accused me of being disgraceful to every women. It was a minor personal joke with my brother. She made me feel so bad about everything, yelling at the top of her lungs, and I’m extremely passive and avoid confrontation. She then proceeded to do a Facebook search and saw I liked a photo of my ex girlfriend two years ago, she was in a photo with my mates wfie ( we broke up 5 years ago). She accused me of being a promicuous man as I was chasing her two years ago while chasing my ex. I haven’t spoken to me ex in 5 years. When she saw this innocent liked picture she walked to me abused me. I laid on the ground in shock and disbelief. I never thought anything like this would come from her.

Marty_w Adult son having problems with my mother
  • replies: 7

Hi All, By way of background, I am a male in my mid-30s and my wife is due to have our first child in 2 weeks. My father passed away 20 years ago and my mum has never remarried. I have 3 other siblings. My mum and I were close in my teens and early 2... View more

Hi All, By way of background, I am a male in my mid-30s and my wife is due to have our first child in 2 weeks. My father passed away 20 years ago and my mum has never remarried. I have 3 other siblings. My mum and I were close in my teens and early 20s, however things changed when I was 23 and had my first serious grilfriend. She was so difficult towards me and made it clear that she didn't approve of the relationship. She made my life extremely difficult during that period and the relationship ended after a few months. Things sort of returned to normal but unfortunately this pattern repeated 2 other occasions when I had serious girlfriends. I met my now wife 4 years ago and things were a little strained between us but we muddled along. However, before the wedding there were 2 blow ups with my mum being offended by 2 fairly inoffensive statements my wife made about the sort of dress she would like my mum to wear. When I told my mum that my wife was pregnant, my mum went really silent and cold. She was good the last few months and even bought us a pram. However, the last week my mum was so awful to me (on my own birthday as well). She said that I was selfish and that my wife & I didn't include her. She then said that I wouldn't treat her this way if my dad was still around and that my 3 siblings are so much more considerate and caring. This argument started when we were 10 minutes late to dinner as we had been visiting my wife's nephew who was just born. This unpredictable and hostile behaviour is so hard to understand. It hurts me so much and I don't think she understands just how bad it makes me feel. My siblings don't cop the same treatment, and the only real difference I can see between them and me is they have all largely been single their whole lives and don't have to juggle so many competing demands. I have tried so hard to be kind and understanding to my mum and always make time to see her once or twice a week just by myself. But it seems like this is never enough and I am not sure how long I can keep this up. Any advice on what may be causing this and how I should deal with it would be appreciated. Thanks.

brightlights18 Partner is almost granted visa but talk of going to UK when we're older
  • replies: 3

Hi all, I just need some clarity on something my partner mentioned a few days ago. I'm Australian and my partner's British, we have been together 4 years and both in late 20's, he is on a partner visa which should be granted in the next few months. W... View more

Hi all, I just need some clarity on something my partner mentioned a few days ago. I'm Australian and my partner's British, we have been together 4 years and both in late 20's, he is on a partner visa which should be granted in the next few months. We had an argument the other night as he thinks he compromises more than I do in the relationship. He started talking about moving to the UK for a 10 year period in or 40's, I was straight with him and said I don't want to live in the UK (that's where we met, he moved here for me), he got upset saying I proved his point right. I don't believe you should commit to someone who lives on the other side of the world, apply for a permanent visa with them and then suddenly say let's go back to England. He continued to say that it was hypothetical and I should be considerate that he could get home sick and want to see his family. I understand if his parent's were sick that he would need to go back for an extended time and if we had children I would stay in Australia with them until he could return, however to expect a whole family to ship their lives overseas for 10 years due to home sickness- I don't think that's right. If the shoe was on the other foot I would understand that I'm making a choice to form a life with someone i love in another country and I would need to deal with issues like that. I explained how I think expecting your kids to move schools for a 10 year period to then move back to Australia is unfair, they're not adults after all but he didn't agree and simply thought I was selfish. Am I selfish or does my partner need to seriously consider what he wants? Please help me shed some light on this?

lilcherub I'm in a rut
  • replies: 6

In 2015 I left an abuse marriage. It's taken a long time but I'm financially stable and have my 2 boys 4 and 6 full time both have autism and ADHD. I work parttime. My parents help with the kids when I work. I tried finding a relationship last year o... View more

In 2015 I left an abuse marriage. It's taken a long time but I'm financially stable and have my 2 boys 4 and 6 full time both have autism and ADHD. I work parttime. My parents help with the kids when I work. I tried finding a relationship last year only to have the guy break my heart yet again. When life got tough everyone except my parents abandoned me. I've just deactivated fb today I find I use it to take my mind of my situation by looking at the happiness of others online. I cant help but wonder why things happened the way they did. I find myself procrastinating all day when I'm not working and I just become snowed under with cleaning. I'm 38 soon the the loneliness and sadness is exhausting.