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Separation involving a child

Community Member

So I’ve been with my partner 7 years. I’ve been unhappy most of it because I think he is a bit emotionally and verbally abusive but after a while you just get used to it really. He’s in a high income high stresss job and is an alcoholic with a decent bad back injury which is adding to the alcoholism.

I recently found out he’s been caught cheating on me .. again... yes I have forgiven the last 3 times because he had a great story which I was stupid enough to believe and now this time is different because someone has physically seen him cheating on me.

They are with brothels not with like a girl with an emotional attachment but still...

i believe it’s time to leave but I feel like it’s going to be a horrible legal fight because he will say I don’t deserve anything and I am assuming he will want almost 50% custody of our son of which I’m going to truly struggle with as I’m usually primary parent

should I stay? I know so many supportive friends who I will probably lose because they all think I’m losing myself staying with him. Alternatively though I am going to have to change my life and it will be a tough year ahead...

i work full time in a high stress decent income job as well. My son is in day care full time from 8-6 of which we will I assume, split the cost of...

i have zero family living in nsw as well...

i feel lost and helpless and I have anxiety and can’t sleep. I cry most nights and days too but I’m becoming numb because I haven’t told him and I’m biting my tongue every day and just feeling miserable. I want to tell him and confront him but I fear if I’m not prepared he will drag me through litigation or catch me off guard because he has more money and experience with lawyers...

i just don’t know anymore

1 Reply 1

Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni

Hi Singleat30wchild,

Welcome to the Beyond Blue forums. Thank you for sharing with us and I hope you find the forums a supportive place.

It has to be your decision to leave and I completely understand your hesitation. I would not like to split custody of my child either. It would be really difficult.

It makes sense to be prepared, especially if you think he will go on the defensive. Have you had any legal advice? Goggle 'women's legal services' in your state. Speak to them about your concerns, what rights you have, and custody etc. They can at least give you the information you need to make a decision.

If you do separate, do not assume that you need to stay in the same state for custodial reasons. My parents divorced when I was 3 and after a few years mum moved us all to a different state to be closer to her family. By then my dad had mostly lost interest and was only seeing us kids every few weekends. You can always ask the lawyer what would happen if you moved interstate.

Most importantly, do what is right for you. If your friends are truly your friends they will not leave you for staying for your child's sake.

Kind thoughts, jess