Immediate support
Immediate support

Relationship and family issues

Anything to do with managing relationships and family, including parenting, separation, loneliness, divorce, family and friendships.

Start a discussion

FAQ

Find answers to some of the more frequently asked questions on the Forums.

View the FAQ

Forums guidelines

Our guidelines keep the Forums a safe place for people to share and learn information.

View the guidelines
Jump to
Start a discussion

Pinned discussions

BeyondBlue Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about
  • replies: 0

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a ... View more

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a negative way. As always, we want to hear your story and how it impacts you and encourage everyone to support each other with kindness. There are a few things to consider when posting in this section so we can all get the most out of it: Everyone’s situation is unique. We all do our best to share what is important in our story but we can never share it all. Let’s be mindful we can’t know all of everyone’s story. Anonymous but public. These posts are available to everyone and while the moderation team will keep it anonymous, its still up for everyone to read. Have a think about what you want to share to get the best support for you. Please stay safe. This space is an amazing way to seek support from others who might understand what you are going through. We want to hear how you are going and what is happening for you. Please also consider 1800RESPECT if you don’t feel safe or 000 if you are in danger right now. You deserve to be safe. Thank you again for joining this conversation, your contributions are worthy and important to us here. Beyond Blue

All discussions

Start a discussion

Caspar Don't know where I stand with childhood Best Friend
  • replies: 2

Hi, I am absolutely awful at gauging my relationships with other people, and am anxious to reach out from fear of being rejected by some of my favourite people. And so I have this friend in my life, probably one of my favourite people in my life. We ... View more

Hi, I am absolutely awful at gauging my relationships with other people, and am anxious to reach out from fear of being rejected by some of my favourite people. And so I have this friend in my life, probably one of my favourite people in my life. We have known each other since pretty much birth, and were absolutely inseparable during preschool and primary school. We grew up together and were each others only real friends. Then high school rolled around, and as he went off to a private school, I went to a selective one. We still somehow managed to keep a pretty solid connection until at least year 11, messaging regularly and meeting every fortnight or so. But somehow, as if in an instant, we just kinda stopped talking, with no bad blood or drama. But then after about 9 months of practically no contact since our last meetup, he messaged with the whole "its been so long! we should go out". And we went out and had the most fun I have had in a long time. We instantly connected with our old spark, and somehow it had felt like no time passed, and we kept asking each other why we don't ever see each other anymore, and we expressed intentions to resume a consistent friendship. We were both exactly the same as we had been in the early years of high school, and he knew about events that had happened in my life. I know that the feeling was mutual as we both talked about it the next day. And then it stopped again, for about 10 months and here we are today. We exchanged birthday messages but that's about it. I am currently extremely in my head about what his true opinions of me are. Is he still a true friend to me and does he enjoy my company? Because I sure as hell do. I am currently really desperate to reach out as he was technically the last one to do so, but there is a fear in the back of my head that my favourite person will tell me he just doesn't feel the same anymore. It's kind of a crushing anxiety and is trickling into my ability to make new friends at uni. We are both 19 and studying at uni 3 days a week, but I know he sometimes has time to hang out with friends as per social media. I tend to overthink everything. Always. But this person is so important to me that I don't want to damage anything. You can't be rejected by someone if you never reach out, right? Thank you all x

Still_in_limbo 8 year roller-coaster
  • replies: 3

I met my partner 8 years ago and he told me very early on that he suffers from depression, for which he is medicated. We moved in together after 3 years of dating. He is the most exciting, considerate, generous, and intelligent man I know when he is ... View more

I met my partner 8 years ago and he told me very early on that he suffers from depression, for which he is medicated. We moved in together after 3 years of dating. He is the most exciting, considerate, generous, and intelligent man I know when he is healthy. When he is ‘down’ he is cruel and goes into flight mode. He is also a workaholic, especially when he is avoiding anything he doesn’t want to deal with (work or personal). We have grown further apart in the last 6 months and have not been intimate for the last 9 months ago. Over a month ago he essentially moved back to ‘his’ home for ‘some space’. He is unsure about what he wants and whether he wants a relationship. I have booked a couples counseling session but he does not want to come. He is currently avoiding discussions about ‘us’, yet has happily attended social events together. He is 57 years old and 8 years is his longest relationship. I am 51. I love him but I’m hurting; he says he hates hurting me. I don’t know how to get him to open up to me, or to at least get professional advice. Any suggestions?

ZARA73 My Ex
  • replies: 3

Hi everyone, I’m feeling really depressed after finding out my ex partner of 25years is dating my sisters best friend, I don’t understand why they think this is ok, I am really struggling with this, does anyone else think this is morally wrong? I don... View more

Hi everyone, I’m feeling really depressed after finding out my ex partner of 25years is dating my sisters best friend, I don’t understand why they think this is ok, I am really struggling with this, does anyone else think this is morally wrong? I don’t know how to deal with it, my mother says you need to move on but it’s easier said than done, what can I do?

Dante2k My girlfiriend is depressed, through a complicated relationship
  • replies: 1

Hey guys, ive experienced a tumultuous relations over the past year. We did long distance for the better part of 8 months of our relationship from the beginning, the spark at the beginning was something that I’ve never felt even though I’ve been thro... View more

Hey guys, ive experienced a tumultuous relations over the past year. We did long distance for the better part of 8 months of our relationship from the beginning, the spark at the beginning was something that I’ve never felt even though I’ve been through HEAPS of relationships with women in the past, it felt amazing. Slowly things began to surface between us.. insecurities due to past relationships, lack of trust, lack of support.. even though all the while I was being my best self and all I could ever be as a partner and supportive and loving and kind. Towards the end of the year it begun to be really hard. I continued to try and be supportive and everything but I found I’d built a certain resentment toward the relationship, even though all I want is to be with this person, how do I move past such things that have affected my life so greatly? to begin with due to her past experiences she hated relationships because she’s had some very bad ones. So is it up to me to cure these? As much as I tell her I love her, she will never believe me. And now that I have lost that love.. I’m getting blamed for falling out? I feel as if I’m stuck in a very hard place, and grated I have gotten very frustrated and angry at times when I have merely tried to help and it’s backfired in a very bad way.. like suggesting help or talking with her mother who which she completely cast out of her life after her and I spoke... unsure on what to do as she has also through the very down periods suggested very dark comments which puts me in a very difficult position. It really does hurt as you put so much energy into a relationship and love someone, and after so many hurtful relationships with people you really think you find someone who you connect with and find passion. Through it all, I feel exhausted and out of what I can possibly do to get through. I ask to put her in my mind and only if she could see what I truly and actually feel, then it’d finally be ok! What do I do! Do I leave the relationship? Do I stick by? Please bear in mind that I’ve been blamed for most of the relationship failing, also her study failing, her metal health, her relationship with her Mum, and know that HONESTLY I feel I’ve tried to be nothing but supportive. Bar the last couple of months when things have been very, very hard. I’m doing my best, cheers.

VariMas Going through divorce, need advice
  • replies: 1

Divorse suck.... Especially when you are the one that didn't want it happen... My husband of nearly 5 years (thou we have been together for 9 years) have came to a face the sad truth that he is not happy anymore, we have nothing in common and not enj... View more

Divorse suck.... Especially when you are the one that didn't want it happen... My husband of nearly 5 years (thou we have been together for 9 years) have came to a face the sad truth that he is not happy anymore, we have nothing in common and not enjoying life... The only thing we have in common is our 'child' we are just coexisting as he put it....he said he love me still just not romantically anymore, he just not happy and want out. We tried to give it a try but it just seems worst... There are no intimacy, everything just point to the fact that our path had comes to an end. But why is it so freaking hard for me to accept it? Im ok one minute and then im an emotional mess the next.... It not helping that we still have to live together because of financial situations... In top of it, my in-laws live with us as well. I feel like i cant escape anyway and have no one to talk too. I dont want to burden my parents as mum suffering from depression and I just lost my grandma a month ago so I really dont want to pile this on them as well.... All my close friends are either live oversea or in another state... I feel I have no one at all... Right now i just dont know what to do..

Aak Relationship anxiety??
  • replies: 1

23 years old Currently been in a relationship for 9 months. My boyfriend knows I suffer anxiety and depression due to the passing of my sister a few years ago. He re assures me that he loves me, he will be there whenever I need him and he will never ... View more

23 years old Currently been in a relationship for 9 months. My boyfriend knows I suffer anxiety and depression due to the passing of my sister a few years ago. He re assures me that he loves me, he will be there whenever I need him and he will never leave my side although, Every time i feel down, I’m afraid to pick up the phone and call or message him telling him how I’m feeling and to reach out for help because I feel like, as much as he re assures me, he will eventually get sick of hearing my problems and leave me. I get upset at him for not realising how much I’m suffering, and when he retaliates I just put on a happy face to avoid him thinking I’m negative but continue to feel weak and lonely. -I’ve isolated myself from my friends ever since my sister passed away, I’ve got 1-2 friends I see here and there. I feel as if though his my only friend, but his not supporting me in the way I need? His words do not match his actions. I don’t know what to do? Every time I mention it to him, he always turns it around and says “I guess I’m a s#!t boyfriend” I start to feel bad, then tell him not to worry about it and end up apologising. One day he says he loves me, the next day he doesn’t say it at all, which makes me automatically assume his over me. Could it be that my anxiety is playing up on me? I don’t know what to do anymore. Any suggestions on how to manage this? Do I have relationship anxiety? Someone please help, only getting worse!! 🥺

Nina_M Should I End This Relationship ?
  • replies: 8

We planned to date on 5 Feb. He asked me for the plan. I said we can went to a temple in the afternoon, then have dinner and go to watch movie or just have a chat. He asked so can’t kiss and do other things or I don’t want it anymore. I said we can k... View more

We planned to date on 5 Feb. He asked me for the plan. I said we can went to a temple in the afternoon, then have dinner and go to watch movie or just have a chat. He asked so can’t kiss and do other things or I don’t want it anymore. I said we can kiss when I feel comfortable. He said this is running out to be a very one sided and selfish relationship. I said I would not feel comfortable to kiss a man if I don’t have enough emotional intimacy with him and it needs time to build the emotional connection. I can be open and relax when we chat online. However, when it comes to real life, I still feel there’s a distance between us. He said I have a lot of preconceived ideas about relationships and I am very ill advised. I didn’t know what to say and just kept quiet after he said that to me. Yesterday, he said what had been very clear is that this is all about me and it’s totally unfair, unless I decide to be a bit fair and considerate, he doesn’t think I will succeed in any relationship. I said I will take the time to think about what he said. I think we were not on the same page at the beginning of this relationship. Obviously, he gets ahead of himself and I am the one left behind. I want to build emotional connections first since I am not that into him, but he always ignores my feelings and my health. He said he loves me and told me love is always unconditional. However, I cannot feel he loves me at all. One day when we were chatting on Wechat, I said I smashed my finger in a door. He just replied Oh dear, then he never asked me how bad it was. Another example is, I said I caught cold and felt very bad. He completely ignored what I said and just told me he found me very very sexy. During the period when we only had work relationship, he was very caring and considerate. After I become his girlfriend, he doesn’t care about my feelings and health any more. Everything is about sex and if I set some boundaries about having sex because of HPV vaccines, he got angry and accused me of being selfish. He had married twice before and he said he was mature. However, I don’t think he is mature since his second marriage only last 6 months and he blamed his ex for everything. I’ve never been in a relationship before, so I am really confused whether he loves me or not. BTW, I don’t think his love is unconditional.

karaokelover Living Arrangements/Feeling Unwanted
  • replies: 1

I’m 21 & haven’t lived in my family home (which was Mum and two sisters) since about 16 months ago. I moved out because I felt like the constant arguing & bickering from my sisters (aged 19 and 15) was destroying me and so I moved out to avoid it all... View more

I’m 21 & haven’t lived in my family home (which was Mum and two sisters) since about 16 months ago. I moved out because I felt like the constant arguing & bickering from my sisters (aged 19 and 15) was destroying me and so I moved out to avoid it all together. When I say “moved”, I use the term very loosely. I put a bunch of clothes in an overnight bag & started staying in the upstairs bedroom at my uncle’s house. Since then, I’ve gradually brought more things with me to my uncle’s (where there is no storage for me at all), but the majority of my belongings are still in my room at Mum’s house. It was never an official move-out. I want to move home, but my sister’s boyfriend lives there (and has for about a year) & I don’t feel comfortable being forced to share my home (and bathroom) with him. He is a lovely boy & my whole family love him but I don’t want to live with him & don’t feel that I should be forced to, or feel that I because I don’t feel comfortable it’s my problem & “too bad”. Over the past week I’ve been harassed by my sister who wants me to clear out my room so she can use it as a study space. She has the biggest bedroom in the house with a desk in it, & when I questioned her why she needs my room she said that it’s not fair on her boyfriend for her to be in the bedroom studying all the time (he hs a good home why can’t he go back there?). She first brought this up a week ago when we had other family over & it just turned into a big attack against me trying to force me to move all my belongings & furniture out. My issue is that Mum knows I want to come home & that I feel uncomfortable living with my sister’s boyfriend (to which she’s basically just been saying “well too bad”). I feel that she’s choosing the boyfriend over me her own daughter & she’s not seeing or understanding my feelings no matter how often I try to express them. Even tonight, I was over at Mum’s & they were outside talking about me & my sister came in & with a straight-off-the-bat aggressive tone started demanding me to move my things out then & there. I then tried to have a mature conversation with her about it but she was not having it, my mum walked in & tried to “be the mediator” but was on my sister’s side & was not trying to see my side at all. I feel unwanted and extremely stressed and I don’t know what to do. I want to move home, but don’t want to live with the boyfriend, and there’s no room at my uncle’s for my things even if I did clear out the room at Mum’s.

Fishyfishman How do I manage severe trust issues?
  • replies: 3

I'll try keep this as succinct as possible. I've been with my girlfriend for 4 months, we both love each other immensely and have gotten to know each other quite intimately, to the point where we know most of each other's personal histories already. ... View more

I'll try keep this as succinct as possible. I've been with my girlfriend for 4 months, we both love each other immensely and have gotten to know each other quite intimately, to the point where we know most of each other's personal histories already. She makes it clear how much she loves me, how much she's committed to me, and does so daily. Even goes as far as to mention long term things, like a life together, moving out, etc. I've been in a long relationship before this one, which lasted 3 and a half years, where I felt very comfortable as far as any sort of trust issue was concerned, and never felt the worries I feel now of possibly being cheated on, or left. My current girlfriend and I are both in our early 20's and live a short drive from one another. At the moment, on a daily basis, I feel tremendous fear and anxiety based around whether or not her feelings are legitimate, or that me vocalising my worries as much as I do will cause her feelings for me to die down and leave me. For some reason, more than I fear being left, I fear being cheated on. This is a big deal for me, I think if someone were to cheat on me, or do something close to it, that I'd never recover. The problem being, despite all her efforts and the amount of energy she puts into this relationship (far more than is probably even normal), I worry about this on a daily basis. She has gone on a trip with a friend overseas for a little over a week, and I find myself wracked with anxiety that she'll sleep with someone while over there, or go out to a bar and have a few too many and something will end up happening. Every second she's not online, talking to me, I worry about what she's doing and who she's with, despite her being very open about all that. This sort of suspicion I have is borderline paranoid in my mind, since it's so irrational, and I've never experienced it in a relationship before. I think it comes from a place of thinking that she's a bit out of my league, and struggling to believe that she'll settle for me, despite her saying the opposite many times. I very rarely even prompt her declarations of love, they're usually spontaneous, but even then it only serves as a temporary aid to my anxiety. My anxiety is completely gone while I'm talking to her and we're in a good place relationship wise, but a few hours of being completely separate and I'm back in this whole again, so anxious that I can't enjoy anything. What do I do?

Peppa62 10yr relationship over?
  • replies: 8

Seeking advice ... my partner (M27) and I (F27) have been together for 10yrs. We took a break briefly last year as I found out something about him that hurt me and needed space. We are now together again and trying to work through things . However a ... View more

Seeking advice ... my partner (M27) and I (F27) have been together for 10yrs. We took a break briefly last year as I found out something about him that hurt me and needed space. We are now together again and trying to work through things . However a recent/new issue is him and his work mates. I have never met them and he doesn’t want me at events where I might. Eg. work Xmas party, nights out ect. In a recent argument he said he didn’t want to be the guy that always has his gf in tow. This really hurt and made me feel like he’s ashamed of me or embarrassed to be with me. His going out with the ‘boys’ is a recent thing but every known and again I would like to be included/ meet the people he is friends with. Or with all that’s happened recently am I just beating a dead horse... is this relationship over? I’m not sure where to proceed or how to bring it up without him getting defensive . Please help I feel very lost