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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Dibs so many thoughts
  • replies: 5

the beginning is to far back so I am 62 single female, always been independent & planned my financial security after divorce at age of 30, never remarried & that has always surprised me I loved being married, I belonged, maybe my distrust showed and ... View more

the beginning is to far back so I am 62 single female, always been independent & planned my financial security after divorce at age of 30, never remarried & that has always surprised me I loved being married, I belonged, maybe my distrust showed and I was not aware, never had children as did not want to have them outside a family unit. I never thought I was good enough after the divorce so always found partners who needed support & to be cared for, only to have them run free once they were strong again to face the world both financially &emotionally, so I stopped doing that as it was not good for me I finally realised. Then at 48 breast cancer hit only 6 months after my big sister died from the same disease , she lasted 6 years so I panicked & though I needed to be near my only living relative my brother so sold my little cottage on coast NSW and moved to country QLD , purchased a fixer upper and got done well & truly by the builder financially, I should have stayed in NSW as friends supported me through the breast cancer, my brother did not care where I lived then I realised that I was the same issue to him as I was when I was 15 when our mum died - I was to young to be left alone and to old to be taken in . After 12 years in hot isolated QLD town I sold for a loss , I move back to a coastal NSW town bought a cheap unit and though I would have no problems finding work as I have always worked but over 60 nobody wants you. So 9 months and 95 job applications later using all my savings to support myself I obtain a 6 mth temp job which ends in January, so I have to sell now because I wont have a wage, but now I doubt myself, my capabilities, my worth, my value my decisions ,I have no self confidence, I dont feel I fit anywhere I feel like I have to make excuses for myself - but I dont know who me is, the only common denominator in my life has been me so it must be my fault, I have always lived alone but never felt lonely ,but this past 5 years & especially now I am lonely and scared as I am losing all I worked for bit by bit and cant seem to stop it - I dont want to be 63 & financially insecure and of not value anyone. the thing that saddens me is I could get in the car & drive and I would not be missed only by work & no one would know where to start looking . I have withdrawn more and more as I felt I did not have a place or purpose so I guess this situation is my own doing so I shouldnt complain- sorry for the ramble

kittykibble My mum’s Schizophrenia has triggered my anxiety
  • replies: 1

I’m 27 and mum has had schizophrenia since before I was born. She has been financially looked after and had her behaviour enabled by her mother her entire life, until now. Her untreated behaviour has alienated everyone in her family, but me (includin... View more

I’m 27 and mum has had schizophrenia since before I was born. She has been financially looked after and had her behaviour enabled by her mother her entire life, until now. Her untreated behaviour has alienated everyone in her family, but me (including me at times, but she’s my mum), her only child. It has been a really rough year for both of us. It started in January when we both went to my grandads funeral. My mum was my nanas carerer and my nana and grandad were separated for more than 20 years, but she wanted to go to the funeral, so we all flew there. Nana decided to stay with other family in what was now her house (even though they were separated, the never divorced). Mum was now alone. She flew back and forth to get nana to move back, partly so she could keep her Carers payment from the government, but she refused, then a family member told Centrelink that nana was no longer living with her, so she lost her income. This is the moment I got her to see a psychiatrist for the first time. Unfortunately the psychiatrist couldn’t pay his rent and closed his practice, so she’s no longer able to see him. She can’t afford to pay for a psychiatrist so she has to wait on a list to see a bulk billing one in February. She’s not doing well, she has little money, the family is having to pay for her rent, because she can’t get work due to her mental state; she wants to move in with her mum, but the family won’t let her, she is very lonely. 10 years ago I had very bad anxiety, that I overcame, this whole year has completely triggered it again, I just don’t know what to do, I feel backed into a corner, wishing someone would reach out and save me from drowning in problems. Her expenses are so high and her medication isn’t really working, no one will see her and I’m the only person she can lean on. Her delusions are usually about God and being one of his elect, usually it’s she doesn’t have to take action to fix a problem because God told her the world is ending soon so there’s no point. Due to this problems, especially financial ones, get out of control. I’m still trying to figure out how to balance my own life while dealing with a mum who has schizophrenia. Does anyone have any advice for coping?

Rex_R A not so nuclear family
  • replies: 3

I've a bit of a tale to relate that's long, painful and maybe even a little cliche. About three years ago my partner of five years, with whom I have a child, and I separated after a long stretch of what I can only describe as comfortable misery. Our ... View more

I've a bit of a tale to relate that's long, painful and maybe even a little cliche. About three years ago my partner of five years, with whom I have a child, and I separated after a long stretch of what I can only describe as comfortable misery. Our relationship before that period was a happy one, although unhealthy in other aspects (I was cheated on twice). She was a self-destructive and often careless individual, whereas I was patient, angry yet ultimately forgiving in nature. We had a child, and things stabilised for us for a time, but over that year we began to drift apart and were both too stubborn, foolish or ignorant to address it and work through it. It ended and we went our separate ways, yet remarkably managed to maintain (and do to this very day) a healthy and active parental relationship for the good of our child. Over the last three years I've had lovers (as I'm sure she has, as is her right) but I've pushed away anyone who has tried getting close to me, feeling more as though I was simply trying to fill a massive void within myself with whoever. The big problem here is that I've never truly fallen out of love with my ex. I have never, and fear that I WILL never, love anyone as intensely as I did (do? Did? I dunno) her. The frustrating thing is that after having a discussion with her about two years ago, it became apparent that we'd both had thoughts of getting back together, but the issue was that we'd had these thoughts at different times and the notions never quite met in the middle. Bummer! Admittedly I've had a tendency in the past to try and get things moving again, but to no avail. Earlier this year I was told that it would be great to be together again, but she simply wasn't physically attracted to me anymore, so it wouldn't work. That's fair enough. (still, though. Ouch!). The next complication is that over a year ago I started actually dating someone and we're still together. She has plenty of her own problems that complicate the relationship,too, but that's another story altogether. The thing is I find it hard to commit myself fully to a relationship, especially this one, while my greatest love exists on the fringes. The MOST difficult part occurred recently when my ex made her new relationship known. It froze my heart and twisted my Rotten guts, to paint a vivid picture. Realising today that she's never likely to reach out to me again as she has in the past is killing me. What little hope I once held is gone. This is rough!

T40 Dealing with Teenagers
  • replies: 5

I have 2 teenage kids age 20 and 18 years. Since its holiday for them they are at home everyday (one works casual job) and just on social media, digital entertainment all day. Occasionally they go out with friends, the trouble is they are in bed unti... View more

I have 2 teenage kids age 20 and 18 years. Since its holiday for them they are at home everyday (one works casual job) and just on social media, digital entertainment all day. Occasionally they go out with friends, the trouble is they are in bed until 10 am every day, eating when ever they feel like and don't want to do any house chores and lots of reminders which is frustrating and causing lot of headache for me. They tell me they should be left alone - the way they want to live their life which I don't agree with. This is resulting in lots of arguments. I would like to hear your thoughts - I am wrong here? Am I being a helicopter parent? or do I just have to learn to ignore their habits and way of living?

Strydz Tricky Parenting Problem
  • replies: 2

Hi everyone i'm new to the site, I joined to further develop my knowledge on many fronts but for now I have what you would call a bit of a predicament. So my nephew is 8 years old and a cheerful character and gets along most of time with other kids n... View more

Hi everyone i'm new to the site, I joined to further develop my knowledge on many fronts but for now I have what you would call a bit of a predicament. So my nephew is 8 years old and a cheerful character and gets along most of time with other kids nextdoor' lately he has really wanted to visit another kid his age down a further area of our street, but the problem is he has spent time with him before and not left best impression. His gran didn't organise it better when she had gone over ..rushed you would say and I hadn't chance to be involved at all. Basically from what I was told by her is that my nephew's mate's mother is kind of stand offish to some degree and I would need to develop a way to fix this. I was thinking I could go over and discuss options but that might look a bit confronting.. so other thought was maybe write a letter on situation and options.. after all I thought at least once every couple weeks I could chaperone my nephew and mate to the nearby tennis court for a game or three- I just don't want to stuff this up and have him end up with next to no one to play with- so any advice with this would be appreciated alot then, Cheers

shiloo I ruined my relationship
  • replies: 3

Hi guys, first time poster, I usually do not post on internet forums but I need help. A little about myself, I am a 21 year old male with anxiety and recently broke up with my girlfriend. My ex-girlfriend is smart, beautiful and incredibly caring, wa... View more

Hi guys, first time poster, I usually do not post on internet forums but I need help. A little about myself, I am a 21 year old male with anxiety and recently broke up with my girlfriend. My ex-girlfriend is smart, beautiful and incredibly caring, was literally perfect. At the beginning of the relationship everything was going fine I would put in effort and she would as well, we were all happy, but it all changed when i approached my second last semester before graduating. Before the break up, it was an accumulation of neglect from my part, for the past two months I prioritised my uni studies over her, making me put in less and less effort throughout the duration. She would always put in the effort throughout the semester by asking whether I wanted to do something and I would either say I would be busy with studying or work. Only now to realise that I should have had a balance or to postpone the date to the following week. She called me over the phone two days ago and confessed that she wanted to end it saying that she has been unhappy and always put in effort and she is getting nothing back from me and that I should see someone else. My anxiety flared up and I was left speechless without fighting against it, so basically I just accepted the break up, she was balling her eyes out and I could not shed a tear and was so emotionless to it . I only realised yesterday morning that I have stuffed up, I was left with pure emptiness, tears and feeling alone, I have lost the love of my life. I have tried to chase her up by handwriting a letter along with flowers and box of chocolates, and personally delivering it in her mailbox. I want to fix my mistakes I have done the past 2 months. She has not responded to any messages I have left, leaving me with constant anxiety and stress. I have no friends I can to turn to for this issue as I fear of disapproval from them for my negligence during the relationship. I have resorted to alcohol only recently to sleep better at night and in the morning I wake up and repeat the break up and mistakes in my head with a feeling of pure guilt & shame. I stuffed up, I feel alone, empty sad and scared as to what I should do next. Thanks guys.

Forgotten_who_I_am I am a mum, a girlfriend, a sister and daughter? I forget who I really am?
  • replies: 1

Hi there my name is Mandy, I am a mum of 5 gorgeous kids. Been with my partner for nearly 11 years but am still just a girlfriend or mistress as he is still married to his ex wife. I work 10 night shifts a fortnight. I don't have any friends or time ... View more

Hi there my name is Mandy, I am a mum of 5 gorgeous kids. Been with my partner for nearly 11 years but am still just a girlfriend or mistress as he is still married to his ex wife. I work 10 night shifts a fortnight. I don't have any friends or time to make any. I only have my sisters but they all have there own lives. How can I feel so alone when I have people around me I love? I don't even know what I like to do for myself anymore!!

treeguy Why am I so angry when I'm drunk?
  • replies: 6

This is a brand new thing for me, I'm feeling ashamed. I'm 55, have been a family big drinker most of my life, come from a big drinking family. Most of the time I think I can manage this. In the last few years, every say 6 months, I get drunk to a po... View more

This is a brand new thing for me, I'm feeling ashamed. I'm 55, have been a family big drinker most of my life, come from a big drinking family. Most of the time I think I can manage this. In the last few years, every say 6 months, I get drunk to a point where I cannot remember clearly what has happened, and I launch a tirade of verbal invective upon my wife. No one else cops it, just her. In the last few years there have been times where she has been unfaithful, and I felt we had moved on, but maybe I have not. Anyway, last weekend the same thing happened again, out of the blue, I was going over all the previous grievances, but this time in full earshot of our 13yo daughter. She now thinks of me as an abusive partner (well, I am...). I'm ashamed of what I can be. I'm disappointed I can't pluck the courage to talk about things with my wife unless I'm really drunk. I'm scared I cannot do any better.

Hannah-R Stress and Axiety dealing with my Parents
  • replies: 1

Hi guys, So I'm 20 and still living at home, however recently I've been feeling stressed and anxious at home. I feel like every decision I make my parents (dad in particular) thinks it is the wrong decision and while some of the decisions I make may ... View more

Hi guys, So I'm 20 and still living at home, however recently I've been feeling stressed and anxious at home. I feel like every decision I make my parents (dad in particular) thinks it is the wrong decision and while some of the decisions I make may not be the right decisions, I feel that the reactions I get aren't always the right reactions. Now the latest decision that I don't think was out of line, was to do with Christmas Lunch, so both my boyfriend’s family and my mum's family have decided to do a Christmas lunch, and so I said I would compromise and go to my boyfriend’s families lunch first, for at least an hour then I would attend my mum's side of the family's Christmas event. now I don't think that is that bad or anything, I'm making an effort to see everyone just compromising, however my dad seems to think I am choosing my boyfriend's family over my own and that I will be upsetting everyone. It's getting to the point where the constant 'judgement' of my decisions as an adult are stressing me to the point where I no longer want to go home. I pretty much make excuses to stay at my boyfriend’s house for extended periods of time and don't want to go back home. My boyfriend has said to me that I can stay at his house for as long as I need to help and honestly I’m thinking of saying yes, but I still worry what my parents will think and say. I am always on edge when the next phone call or text comes through telling me I'm disappointing and upsetting them. So if anyone can actually help that would be greatly appreciated

Billie123 Struggling
  • replies: 1

Nearly 2 years ago my husband & I separated. Initiated by me due to ongoing emotional abuse - I felt I had given my all & it was never enough, I was exhausted. As a result my ex de ids to punish me & take our children to another state so I would know... View more

Nearly 2 years ago my husband & I separated. Initiated by me due to ongoing emotional abuse - I felt I had given my all & it was never enough, I was exhausted. As a result my ex de ids to punish me & take our children to another state so I would know what I was “giving up”. The past 2 years have been a roller coaster. I have also spent the last 2 years working on myself with counselling etc. 4 months ago I moved to be closer to my children & I started legal action to try & gain custody - I still live 3 hours from my kids. My ex & I stopped speaking at this point. He also has a new partner - approx 6 month relationship. Recently my ex approached me & asked if we could sort out the custody stuff between us. Lately I’ve been feeling more & more that I hate this situation. I don’t feel like I miss my ex. But I miss my children terribly. I miss being part of a family. I never wanted this life for my kids. I wanted them to grow up with mum & Dad together - not have 2 homes with parents fighting over them. I don’t know what I should do going forward. I don’t want to go back to an emotionally abusive relationship but I’m struggling with the separated life. I thought it was suppose to get easier not harder. I don’t want my kids to have step family - I know I can’t control this if I don’t want to be married to my ex. I want to do what is best for my kids. I have arranged to meet my ex in person to talk over everything including kid stuff. I don’t even know if this can be fixed or do I want it fixed? I’m so confused at this point. I don’t even know if this post makes sense.