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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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nogo17 Drinking husband
  • replies: 7

I posted about a year ago - I kicked my husband out due to his excessive drinking, hiding alcohol and isolating me in the kids. He would drink and sit outside from the time he got home from work untill bed time. I went to al-anon, lost my family (par... View more

I posted about a year ago - I kicked my husband out due to his excessive drinking, hiding alcohol and isolating me in the kids. He would drink and sit outside from the time he got home from work untill bed time. I went to al-anon, lost my family (parents sisters) they didn’t believe me he had a problem as he was so good at hiding it. Anyway long story short- he agreed to give it away - he got sick Withdrawls- then it was he would only have a few beers on a Friday and sat night, now he is isolating himself out side again and I noticed a beer in front of him (thur night)! I’m stressing it’s going tostart again. He sits outside by himself watching TV that didn’t really change even when he came back. I told him how it makes me and kids feel- yet he said he likes sitting out there. Im thinking I may have just wasted another year of my life hoping things would change. I’m ready to end this once and for all. Last time I had a nervous breakdown.. He is depressed, snappy, angry. If I mention alcohol he snaps at me.. is the drinking going to increase again? Last time it was 5 cartons in 10 days and spirits on top of that..

Irishcailin Alone and confused
  • replies: 4

Hi, I'm a first time poster. I am married with 2 kids (6 and 2). Im a stay at home mum, as hubby landed a really well paid job 3 years ago, which meant I didn't have to work. This suited us well, as I was looking to retrain (couldn't face teaching an... View more

Hi, I'm a first time poster. I am married with 2 kids (6 and 2). Im a stay at home mum, as hubby landed a really well paid job 3 years ago, which meant I didn't have to work. This suited us well, as I was looking to retrain (couldn't face teaching any more). Hubbys job is quite stressful. For the first 2 years he worked away all week, coming home on Fridays. The past year, hes been home every night. He's developed type 2 diabetes, and has been hospitalised for stress related issues twice. He wont talk to me. He says hes stressed at work, and comes home to the kids being noisy, to a messy play room, to me wanting to talk to him, expecting him to pitch in with the kids showers, bed time, etc. He's been shutting himself in his workshop for hours after work each day, only seeing the kids at meals and to say good night. We don't talk any more, about anything, we have had no sex life for 18 months. I am constantly in tears over the way he puts me down, expects me to pick up after him - theres 5 days worth of laudry and wet towels at the end of the bed - and I'm expected to pick it up. I have so little self esteem left, but I REFUSE to pick up after a grown man. I don't think I'm expecting too much for my husband to respect me enough to not leave his dirty socks on the loungeroom floor for 2 days. I've asked him to tell me what to do to help his stress, his response: leave me alone. I'm really struggling here to know what to do. I love this man and my kids adore him, despite his short temper and the fact he never plays with them any more. His idea of parenting is putting on the TV. I live in Australia, my family are in Europe, and I've only a few friends. I guess what I'm wondering is, do I stay in this loveless marriage for the sake of my kids, or do I leave for the sake of my own mental health, which is suffering? Is there a way around this? He got up this morning and acted like everything was fine - after telling me his ill health was all my fault - and refusing to acknowledge that my (diagnosed) depression is partily a result of him shutting me out, and leaving me to deal with our enitre life. I would really appreciate some advice. Sorry I was so long winded.

Lpo12 Is it me or is what he did a red flag.
  • replies: 5

I've been married to my husband for 8 months, together 7 years in total. He has been perfect, supportive, loving and understanding, where as I feel over the past year I have angry out bursts at him when he goes out with his mates and drinks. The late... View more

I've been married to my husband for 8 months, together 7 years in total. He has been perfect, supportive, loving and understanding, where as I feel over the past year I have angry out bursts at him when he goes out with his mates and drinks. The latest he came home and i screamed and yelled at him. He fired back but this time with harsh words saying im physco etc. I got extremely fired up and punched his chest, but for the 1st time ever he went to grab me. He let go immediately and tried to turn away but i hit back. He grabbed me again. I knew that time I needed to get out of there. I have been told that by my family I can be unreasonable at times and angry unecessarily. My husband was also victim to abuse by his mother's partner as a child. I feel like this may come from me and i need to seek help. I don't want this to end our marriage. I think I've got a point where I need to see someone about my anger. Am I the abuser and he has finally had enough? I'm confused as he has never touched me. I wish I could say the same about me to him.

Leigh94 What do I do???
  • replies: 1

Me and my bf have been together for 10 months and we live together (started as a house mate), Anyways due to my past I have trust issues which he knew from day one. However, he betrayed my trust on a number of occasions including lying to me and flir... View more

Me and my bf have been together for 10 months and we live together (started as a house mate), Anyways due to my past I have trust issues which he knew from day one. However, he betrayed my trust on a number of occasions including lying to me and flirting with any female that moves. He knows I not approve and am not happy about it, but he doesn't see the issue. I found numerous things he lied to me about on his phone and I just don't know what to do. I love him so much and had very much planned a future with him, but he's terrible at communicating. He unfortunantly is a trigger and is a weakness. He's never physically cheated on me, but I just can't seem trust him. What do I do?

Mal99 Long-term friendship turned toxic?
  • replies: 7

I’m in second year university and I feel like one of my good friendships of 7 years is becoming toxic. We are kind of different people now compared to when we met in high school and don’t have that much in common but we still have a nice time togethe... View more

I’m in second year university and I feel like one of my good friendships of 7 years is becoming toxic. We are kind of different people now compared to when we met in high school and don’t have that much in common but we still have a nice time together. However, she has a lot of issues (abusive parents and partners & other mental health) and nowdays the only times I hear from her are when she needs me for emotional support. She won’t message me for 3 months (she went overseas for a few weeks and I didn’t even know until she got back!) but when she’s having an emotional crisis at 1am I’m the one she reaches out to. Because she deals with so many issues and I’m really the only friend she talks about these things with I of course want to be there for her but it does take an emotional toll on me especially considering I deal with depression myself. It always takes her a few days to reply to any of my messages and it’s starting to get on my nerves that we barely have a friendship anymore but she still relies on me for emotional support. Whenever we catch up she always talks about how she loves that we have the kind of friendship where we can go months without talking but still catch up like nothing’s changed. She’s even stopped being friends with people all together who told her they needed more than that in a friendship, so I don’t know how to confront her about this without loosing her as a friend? I feel myself starting to resent her for it and I know that friendships require as much work an effort as romantic relationships so it annoys me that she doesn’t realize that but I don’t want to loose her all together, and I still want to be there for her if she needs me - what should I do??

luckyl Are they really always cheaters?
  • replies: 8

On the weekend a found out that my fiance had an affair. He's been working away and he told me that in the last five days he slept with the same girl a few times. We've been together for quite a few years and I still really love him. We've decided to... View more

On the weekend a found out that my fiance had an affair. He's been working away and he told me that in the last five days he slept with the same girl a few times. We've been together for quite a few years and I still really love him. We've decided to go on a break for a while and see if we still feel anything for each other but despite how much hurt I feel I still love him. Am I crazy for believing that this is a one time thing that will never happen again? That is was just a lapse in judgement? He's always made me so happy and made me feel like I'm the luckiest girl in the world. I still love him so much and while my family is trying to be supportive of me they're saying things like "once a cheater always a cheater" and "you're so much better off without him" and it's really messing with me mentally. What I really want to know is, am I crazy for wanting to give him a second chance...? ...Or are they always cheaters?

Yellow_Rose Internet gaming -how it impacts on the family
  • replies: 7

I believe my husband has an addiction to internet gaming. He spends a lot of time playing the games, if he was not playing the games he would be watching tv, (so that itself is not an issue), it's the monies being spent on the games, that we do not h... View more

I believe my husband has an addiction to internet gaming. He spends a lot of time playing the games, if he was not playing the games he would be watching tv, (so that itself is not an issue), it's the monies being spent on the games, that we do not have. Last time I brought this up with my husband, approx. 6 months ago, he had a breakdown. It's as though he uses the gaming as a way to deal with his anxieties, depression. Internet gaming is a trap, luring people to spend more monies as they face each challenge, to keep up with the others, at our expense. He is now trying to hide the expense by buying the facebook vouchers when doing the grocery shopping. How do I approach the subject again?

Buterfly121 How to help
  • replies: 8

Hi, I am in a situation that I need help with. My brother and sister in law have ended their marriage after one of them cheated with a person of the same sex. One party doesn’t want the marriage to end but the other does. Basically I need advice on h... View more

Hi, I am in a situation that I need help with. My brother and sister in law have ended their marriage after one of them cheated with a person of the same sex. One party doesn’t want the marriage to end but the other does. Basically I need advice on how to support them both through this as one party lives away and the other lives quite close. Many advice would be appreciated

phoebej11 Onset of anxiety with guy best friend
  • replies: 3

I have been close with my 'guy best friend' for a while now. We have always had a great, natural bond. Lately I have realised I have developed romantic feelings for him (we are both 24 and single) and it's extra hard to ignore them because I already ... View more

I have been close with my 'guy best friend' for a while now. We have always had a great, natural bond. Lately I have realised I have developed romantic feelings for him (we are both 24 and single) and it's extra hard to ignore them because I already have that friendship with him. He has been a little flirty lately so that hasn't helped - joking about us getting married and having kids, etc. So distancing myself seems impossible as our friendship and simply having him in my life means more to me than a relationship. For the last two or so weeks, I have been getting anxiety/intrusive thoughts which is uncharacteristic of me "what if he wakes up and doesn't want to be my friend anymore" "what if we drift" - even though nothing has changed between us. If he takes more than 10 minutes to text back "he doesn't want to talk to me anymore" which sounds ridiculous I know since I have never been like that. What could be causing my sudden angst? I want to go back to how I was. I have just put together a 'care package' for him just in regards to his studies, which I hope he will like. But all week I have been thinking "what if he doesn't return my call or text when I tell him I have a surprise?" - so generally intrusive/irrational thoughts like that have been dictating my mind lately. Thoughts?

Samias Maybe lonliness is better than rejection
  • replies: 11

I can't make friends, havent since childhood and l'm in my 50's now. So tired of being lonely and pretending l'm a happy balanced person (which l mainly do so my kids don't start questioning themselves and end up like me). I have had a lot of short t... View more

I can't make friends, havent since childhood and l'm in my 50's now. So tired of being lonely and pretending l'm a happy balanced person (which l mainly do so my kids don't start questioning themselves and end up like me). I have had a lot of short term friends, then they see something in me they dont like and they distance themselves so lm back where l started from. I often dont know what l have done to cause a potential friend to suddenly not want anything to do with me as l never had much opportunity to develop social skills when younger so am just left with that ever knowing feeling of sadness and having to accept rejection, a cycle that has been going on all my life. Because of panic attacks and being socially awkward l am aware l can at times come across as arrogant, needy, snobby, vain, or just plain bizzare as l stumble through conversations trying to be liked which of course turns people off me and of course to which they then avoid me. Then there is when l drink to cover up my nervousness or panic attacks then end up blind drunk and whatever l have done l will never know but the predictable avoidance from other people towards me raises its ugly head again! I presently live in a small town and am very aware that most in the town know of me and avoid me by now, so just going to the local supermarket is a struggle as it is humiliating to play the game of saying 'hello' to people who l know at the very least probably feel sorry for me as the 'wierdo' they know me to be, so l mostly stay at home and the lonliness is overwhelming causing more panic attacks and depression, l am presently at home feeling sick to my stomach from the loss of another potential friend by my last actions of getting blind drunk at their place being about the only one drinking (l should have picked up on those social skills, if hardly anyone else is drinking stay sober, but was too caught up in being so desperate to make friends to notice how others seen the situation) and now not having them reply to my msgs of plans we had made..... I really dont want to try anymore, have nothing left in me and have lost all hope. Thankyou so much for listening to me and hoping your day is going well