Finding people to date

[sodapopx]

Hello everyone,

I'd just like to share an experience that i've been having which is really frustrating me a lot. After dating a few people non-seriously and finally being done with them this past year, these past few months i've been wanting to meet someone new to date and hopefully become more serious with. The thing is I don't really meet any new guys in real life often, and if I do they're usually already in a relationship or they're already part of my social circle and we're just friends (one of my girl friends likes them, etc).

For the past year i've tried a few dating apps and other apps for more specified interests, but the only people i've met on there that I really like live in other cities. There has been a couple that live here and that I am interested in and we have just started talking, but they don't seem to be interested in anything very serious or building a relationship.

After going through some awful experiences with dating/guys i've liked in the past, I do want to take it a bit slower and know someone a fair bit and establish a basic sense of trust before meeting up. After my experiences i've also built some strong boundaries for myself, but I don't feel like anyone fits into these boundaries and it's becoming a disadvantage in really connecting with anyone.

I've also never been in a proper serious relationship before and I feel like sometimes I don't know how this is suppose to form. I do want to experience and have this with another person but I also don't know where to meet guys in real life. (my uni course and hobbies are quite female-oriented and don't meet a lot of guys there.) I've been told by guys that i'm very attractive, but I don't feel like guys really approach me often in real life to talk in general, so I sometimes find it hard to believe. I can be quite shy with people when first meeting them, but I've been getting a lot better with this and most times when I do meet new people and they're friendly I feel quite comfortable to have a conversation with them.

Any tips to meet new people will be much appreciated:)

[quirkywords]

Sodapopx,

Welcome to the forum and thanks for starting your own thread. This place is full of friendly and caring people.

Meeting someone at any age is hard so I am always interested in asking people how they met.

It is fascinating to hear about people who met by chance, and if the had caught a later bus or ferry, or decided not to go to a party they would not have met their life partner.

I know you are busy with your studies but Universities often have clubs for sporting, debating, drama or musical activities, and maybe you could join one of them.

Maybe some males of your age are not that interested in serious relationships have you thought of dating men a bit older than you.

I am sure people with more recent experience will give better suggestions but I wanted to welcome you.

Quirky

[Lilly18]

Hi Sodapopx,

Your a step ahead of me, I have only just signed up to some dating apps. Any adice for me?

I'm really awkward so I don't think I have the guts to actually meet anyone after chatting online 🙁

I hope you find what your looking for 💕

[sodapopx]

Hey lilly, thanks for your nice post. In my opinion you don't have to meet anyone if you don't want to. Using the apps just to get use to talking to new people and getting to know different guys/girls is helpful too. It's definitely helped me to understand what other guys are looking for in a relationship/dating and that everyone is looking for different things.

My advice would be to have a good understanding of what you want /what kind of person you're looking for, and don't accept anything else. Most girls who use the app do encounter some creeps and some guys can be pretty mean esp if you're not interested in them. My advice for that would be to just block them:) There are some nice, good people on them for sure who want to have nice conversations and are understanding.

Lots of people say there aren't any people on there looking for anything serious, but there definitely is and I know a few friends who've found their partner by using dating apps. I find it's really no different to how dating goes in real life honestly, especially with young people. It's like a really huge bar where people aren't hindered in any way to talk to each other. For that reason, there are definitely a lot of other guys/girls who are more introverted/shy and find it easier to meet and talk with people without the added anxiety they get in real life.

I hope you enjoy using them! It's a good way to talk to new people even if you don't plan on meeting them.

Sodapop

[sodapopx]

Thank you for the welcome Quirky 🙂

I always like asking too and am fascinated by stories of chance meetings. It's also very rare that I am very attracted to someone, but it still does happen.

At the start of my uni studies I did join a few clubs and go to a few of the meet-ups, but I didn't really click so much with anyone there and ended up forming more friendships with people in my uni course, and after a while stopped going altogether to the meet-ups and lost a bit of interest. I would love to join a sports team, but I'm pretty horrible at most team sports haha.

I would be open to dating a man older than me but I don't really meet older guys that often. Most of the time it is guys of similar age/younger than me that I've found are most often attracted to me.. and are the ones that approach me. Not sure why that is, maybe because I do look considerably younger than my age.

Thank you for the suggestions nonetheless.

Sodapop