PTSD and trauma

A space for discussing post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), domestic abuse, sexual abuse and other trauma. Please note some content may be distressing.

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A_Tech PTSD for Medical and First Responders
  • replies: 276

Hi, Well obviously this my situation. I was hoping to find others here that might have a similar background to chat with, it can be so hard to talk about this stuff with non-med people (and I mean no disrespect, it's just often graffic or upsetting t... View more

Hi, Well obviously this my situation. I was hoping to find others here that might have a similar background to chat with, it can be so hard to talk about this stuff with non-med people (and I mean no disrespect, it's just often graffic or upsetting to others). Im a 40 year old female that has spent the last 10years in the State Trauma Hospital as an Anaesthetic Technician. My PTSD was brought about after years of exposure to shocking traumas, deaths, and no support from management. I would love to hear from anyone that has a similar story, or just wants to chat. Cheers

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Darrend PTSD from emergency services career
  • replies: 5

Hi, I have been registered here for two years and I have finally decided to join in. I have lived experience with PTSD. This came about from a career in the emergency services. A few months ago I was feeling miserable and couldn't imagine things impr... View more

Hi, I have been registered here for two years and I have finally decided to join in. I have lived experience with PTSD. This came about from a career in the emergency services. A few months ago I was feeling miserable and couldn't imagine things improving. I have come a long way since then and I am feeling a lot better and more positive than I have felt for ages. I'd love to hear from others that may have been through similar experiences, or anyone else that is struggling. Darren.

NobodySpecial Long post; I want to forget (trigger warning: sexual assault details)
  • replies: 12

Hello, This is my first time posting, second time talking about this. I guess the only way to begin is to just say it. When I was 18 I was trapped in a physically abusive relationship, too scared to leave , terrified on staying. He used to always for... View more

Hello, This is my first time posting, second time talking about this. I guess the only way to begin is to just say it. When I was 18 I was trapped in a physically abusive relationship, too scared to leave , terrified on staying. He used to always force me to touch him, if not I coped it. I didnt think it was that bad, At the time I thought it could always be worse, this was happening for a while. It never esculated past that point. But one day it changed. I dont remember what happened. All I remember was going to his house as told, then waking up on my front lawn feeling disorientated, head fuzzy and completely weak. Being a virgin ,I noticed almost right away I was sore down there, and there was blood. I havent gone to the police, I didnt tell anyone. The only person who knows is my now boyfriend. Even then I couldnt tell him, I just handed him my diary and left him for a few days. If I didnt have the night terrors of my ex beating me and forcing me , I wouldnt have told him. Its been years. I should be over this right? I have no memory of what happend with losing my virginity but I dream of it. I dream of being there, feeling the pain and having no control or strength in my body to move. I dont know what happened. But its all coming to me and I have no idea what to do, how to cope. I just want to forget. I was doing fine, but now if any one even yells near me I panic, I start crying ,tensing and I just want to drop to the floor and cover my head. My boyfriend now has been really supportive ,but pushing me to talk to a professional or at least get him charged. I just cant do it, soon as I go to do something I freeze and I panic ,what happens if he gets away with it, and gets angry again. Or if he finds me. I dont know what to do, but between the event being replayed in my dreams over and over I just cant sleep, I am getting paranoid hes going to be angry with me telling my bf. I should be over this. Its been 6 years. I dont know if I want advice or just to rant. I feel like Im going crazy

Lexo My New story about sexual abuse! Trigger alert.
  • replies: 4

Im new to BB and I feel its time I share my story. Im pleased to feel a mutual respect from people on here already. It means a lot.Growing up by age 5, my mum and dad got divorced, the break up was ugly, dad had become moody and I witnessed violence ... View more

Im new to BB and I feel its time I share my story. Im pleased to feel a mutual respect from people on here already. It means a lot.Growing up by age 5, my mum and dad got divorced, the break up was ugly, dad had become moody and I witnessed violence towards mum.Fast forward two years, mum had met another man and he had moved in. 'John' and mum hit it off, John moving in not too long after that. John had a son Rick who was 12, I was 7 or 8. Things moved so quickly at that stage, Rick was staying most weekend, we got along really well always on our bikes and kicking the footy. I did notice that Rick was a bit of a bully though, he would order me around. I didnt really care much he was older so I was ok with it, I looked up to him. I felt relieved for my mum that she was back to being happy after that divorce. Now Rick was a 12 year old but he was 5'10 huge for his age, one night while in the same bedroom but seperate beds, Rick kept asking me questions about sex.I was 7, I had no idea and got embarassed. Rick persisted and he told me he wanted to show me things, I didnt know what to do. I became uncomfortable yet curious "what was he doing with himself"? He said I needed to keep this a secret if any one found out his Dad would send him back Perth. Then he abused me. I was too young confused and scared at what just happened. Mum and 'John' got married, Rick was almost over every weekend, he did as he wished for two long years until 'John,' mums new husband suicided. No warnings, no suicide note. My poor Mum, Rick had just lost his Dad. The abuse stopped. My bioloigcal Dad is gone, my step Dad is gone and my step brother who I still looked up to had gone. I felt abandoned and ashamed. I'm 31 now I managed lock my past away for some time but I knew I was damaged goods. I tried my best to lead a normal life but my brain shut down. Depression, PTSD and anxiety took over. Im taking anti-depressants which have side effects. I have a really good GP and admitted to him my past for the first time, I didnt get out of bed for three days after that. I know I can beat my darkness to a point. My innocence was robbed. I hope this helps somene out there! Ill be here for you! Thanks

Sandy19 How do I get over the shame of a sexual assault?
  • replies: 5

I feel so ashamed and overwhelmed. 20 yrs ago I was sexually assaulted by 2 men on a night out. I never told anyone because I was so ashamed that it must've been my fault because I drank too much. I was left battered and bruised and had to hide it fr... View more

I feel so ashamed and overwhelmed. 20 yrs ago I was sexually assaulted by 2 men on a night out. I never told anyone because I was so ashamed that it must've been my fault because I drank too much. I was left battered and bruised and had to hide it from my family because I thought I'd get into trouble. I have a very loving and patient husband but I feel so awkward being intimate. I feel like I never want anyone to touch me again. He knows all about my past and wants to support me but I can't seem to break down these barriers. I'm on antidepressants for post natal depression which I suffered after having both of our children. I feel like I'm constantly trying to climb out of a black hole and I'm really exhausted. I'd love any advice. Thank you for reading this.

SandyJG FEELING OVER-WHELMED
  • replies: 2

I have never posted in here before. No-one understands why I get over-whelmed at times and why I cannot cope with noise. I do volunteer work and really love it; it has really helped with my depression/trauma/PSTD. But sometimes when it gets busy or t... View more

I have never posted in here before. No-one understands why I get over-whelmed at times and why I cannot cope with noise. I do volunteer work and really love it; it has really helped with my depression/trauma/PSTD. But sometimes when it gets busy or there is a lot of noise in the office. I find I have to go outside for awhile, get some fresh air then return. Through where I am working I have beenseeing a Trauma Counselor, and at my next appointment with her this is something I am going to really go in depth with her about. I happened to mention at work yesterday how I cannot even listen to music these days, because it brings back bad memories of the past (I did not mention that, just said I cannot cope with noise) and of course no-one understood this. How can any human being say I do not like music etc. ?? But this is part of my past which I am slowly trying to deal with. When I began this volunteer job 4 months ago, it meant there I was now going to be around people, something else that was new for me. I had not worked for a few years, and now here I was with a group of people and I had to learn the art of conversation again, but at the same time, I was able to use skills I had to use for a long time (typing etc.) which I love. Fear if failure is something I am also trying to deal with, plus lots of other fears, which I will not go into. But as this post is about Feeling Over-Whelmed, I guess I have now put this down in writing and that is good for me. Thank you for letting me post in here. [[Oh also, when people (e.g. counselors) ask you if you ever think about suicide, I wonder how many people tell the truth.]]

Tylov12 Having to face the man who sexually assaulted me 5 years ago
  • replies: 8

Hi everyone. I apologise in advance for the mammoth post and info. A number of years ago i was sexually assualted by an unknown male...5 years ago insaw this male working somewhere (i believe he was working there)that i had to deal with on a regular ... View more

Hi everyone. I apologise in advance for the mammoth post and info. A number of years ago i was sexually assualted by an unknown male...5 years ago insaw this male working somewhere (i believe he was working there)that i had to deal with on a regular basis...so basically for the past 5 years i have been anxious..barely sleep when i do i have nightmares or vivid dreams and become quite confused when dealing with the place i believe he works. I fell like i should have gotten "over it" by now..i feel like what happened to me isnt as big a deal as others yet it is affecting my life in so many aspects. I only recently started seeing a gp..prior to that i thought i was stupid to see them and i didnt want to explain my story again and again. But this gp who i broke down with and the clinic as a whole..humiliated me..i felt stupid and belittled..now im to scared to find another and tell them my story. I feel so lost scared and alone. Because of him im now being punished..because of him i get so confused i dont no if im coming or going...i dont no what to do.

girlleastlikely Family member inadvertently triggering PTSD episode (possible trigger warning)
  • replies: 1

Hi all, joined tonight to ask for some guidance. I've bee mostly able to avoid what I suppose is a trigger to a sexual assault I experienced about fifteen years ago. The sound of someone smacking their wet lips/eating food with their mouth open sends... View more

Hi all, joined tonight to ask for some guidance. I've bee mostly able to avoid what I suppose is a trigger to a sexual assault I experienced about fifteen years ago. The sound of someone smacking their wet lips/eating food with their mouth open sends me back to the painful experience. I have shared it with two female friends and with my family. The odd moment of enthusiastic eating will just stop me, I feel kind of locked in my body for a second and it might just turn me off my food. If it's continuous, I lock in completely and start having a very internalised panic attack. And when I can move, I gather myself and I withdraw. About three years ago, my mature father (heading towards his elderly years) began smacking all his food very loudly. As a family, we all joked at his rude table manners. It abated. He now doesn't care, and eats with noisy abandon. After a while of avoiding meals together I picked a quiet time to ask if his half denture was giving him trouble, or if he needed a new pair. He said they were fine, he was just old and didn't care any more about table manners. I politely reminded him that I am actually triggered by his enthusiastic eating, and if he could just close his mouth while eating I'd appreciate it. He still doesn't. He might try for a minute, but that's about it. So much of our family time is based around food. I'm a chef, we have always all loved to eat together, but I keep having to withdraw. When I'm triggered, I either slink away from the table which looks rude, or if I explain why I'm leaving, he expresses guilt and shame. I feel guilt at asking him to curtail, his eating pleasure, even though it was him and my mum that taught us how very rude it was to eat with your mouth open. So. I feel stuck. I'm frustrated I have to both constantly ask him to be considerate and that I have to ask him to alter his behaviour. I know he hates 'being associated' with my assault experience, though clearly not enough to alter his behaviour. Any guidance or similar experience where a loved one is actually triggering you?

CarlaSurvivor PTSD anxiety and now add grieving
  • replies: 2

Hi All, i suffer from ptsd and anxiety I recently lost my mum after a short battle with cancer I am finding my anxiety is playing up. I am not depressed as such but feeling a lot of sadness because my mum passed away the day to day tasks are a strugg... View more

Hi All, i suffer from ptsd and anxiety I recently lost my mum after a short battle with cancer I am finding my anxiety is playing up. I am not depressed as such but feeling a lot of sadness because my mum passed away the day to day tasks are a struggle at times and I feel like I am lazy. how do I get myself out of this feeling and back to doing the things I love again ?? thank u

Flicka Daughter and PTSD
  • replies: 2

Hi everyone, I am a mum trying to support my young adult daughter who had an unfortunate experience with a client threatening to kill her and a fellow co-worker. This chap was very violent in his words and coming down off Meth. My daughter has since ... View more

Hi everyone, I am a mum trying to support my young adult daughter who had an unfortunate experience with a client threatening to kill her and a fellow co-worker. This chap was very violent in his words and coming down off Meth. My daughter has since had to go on Workers Comp and formally been diagnosed as having PTSD by two (2) Psychologists and due to an non-supportive employer who after several previous incidences didn't implement any changes to the office environment which could've prevented further issues. The Insurance company is now trying to push my daughter back into the workforce despite her continuing to have night terrors, anxiety and a real fear for her life in a mid size town. She is now on anti-depressants and won't go anywhere without someone close by. She has fortnightly psychology sessions and visits her GP fortnightly. The insurance company are now requesting to be present at the next GP session to discuss going back to work which I believe is not appropriate. Her partner and I are trying our best to support her however as we aren't mental health workers it's hard to know what is right and what isn't. The employer has made no contact with her since the incident not even to see how she is travelling and there are currently 5 other staff members on workers comp for similar incidences. I would really appreciate any words of wisdom or advise as to how we can deal with the pushy insurance company and also does anyone happen to know of any forward thinking ideas that myself and her partner could use to support her more? We think it is way too soon for my daughter to consider going back to any form of employment atleast until she can actually leave the house by herself and venture out to the shops which currently is a major block. Cheers

toots74 how do i stop the fear
  • replies: 2

HI im new here just joined i get bad anxiety as i was severley bashed by a man and he said was going to kill me i was supposed to marry 9nov 2014.im on centrelink payments i also suffer from severe depression in which ive struggled since my early 30s... View more

HI im new here just joined i get bad anxiety as i was severley bashed by a man and he said was going to kill me i was supposed to marry 9nov 2014.im on centrelink payments i also suffer from severe depression in which ive struggled since my early 30s im now just over 40.. anyway ever since the dreaded trip i find it hard to be around too many people i get nervous if im in a line like the post office the other day when theres a man standing behind me and hes less than a few feet away get nervous and jittery but i make myself stay there by the time i reach the counter im shaking i find it hard to be in a car with a stranger for example my good car broke down so i was going to purchase a cheap one for time being so the man who was selling the cheap car came and picked me up in which i had no dramas until we were a few kms away from my home i started shaking was nervous i was telling him not to take offence to my nervousness and was explaining why i was like i was by the time we had gotten to where the little car was i felt that anxious i felt like i was going to vomit it took me a good ten mins to calm myself down when i was out of the car with him.I havent had any intentions and im petrified of being close to a man even in a sexual way does anyone have any idea on how to overcome this? ive pretty much had emotional trauma since childhood and ive coped with everything until this it really gets too me