It all started When I was 5 years old I was molested by my neighbour who
was 12 for almost 3-4 years, to me at the time I didn't under stand what
it was so I let it happen for all those years, but the worst experience
of my life growing up was when I...
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It all started When I was 5 years old I was molested by my neighbour who
was 12 for almost 3-4 years, to me at the time I didn't under stand what
it was so I let it happen for all those years, but the worst experience
of my life growing up was when I was 16 and molested by my nephew who
was older than me.... I cried myself to sleep that night in the arms of
my cousin, she held me and I asked her if she can keep him away from me,
don't leave me alone with him ever again... I didn't tell anyone else I
didn't want everyone to know, how I kept letting things happen to me.
Why I'm writing this is because I'm almost 22 and I can still feel
him/her touching me, forcing themselves on me, I have Flash backs, and
it makes me feel so small, I struggled a lot after that, I hate men,
besides my father. Have friends but never boyfriends, every time I see a
male that stares, I feel as if he is undressing me with his eyes and I'm
back in that dark room.... I have days where I don't wanna leave my room
,I just keep bursting into tears, not wanting to talk to others, felt so
worthless, like an object, that belongs to someone else. everytime I see
another flashback, I think I should talk to someone I realise I have
no-one to talk to, I cried myself to sleep last night trying to think of
one person I could call because my heart was hurting, but I could not
think of one person to open up to...i just need some advice maybe about
what I should do next because i want to do better, I don't want to keep
missing out on work or on events because my sadness won't let me leave
my bed or house, sometimes I actually feel happy when it's a Friday when
this mood kicks in cause then I can spend all weekend in bed without
having to get up and go to work. I mean I do feel happy and generally I
do feel normal some days but IDK what it is? But I fall in to sadness
very easily and stay that way for days. So of you can tell me what I
should do? Maybe givee some tips on how you pushed through?or generally
what you think may help, I'm all ears, I just need to stop this sadness
before I lose my mind again
PTSD for Medical and First Responders
