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A_Tech PTSD for Medical and First Responders
  • replies: 276

Hi, Well obviously this my situation. I was hoping to find others here that might have a similar background to chat with, it can be so hard to talk about this stuff with non-med people (and I mean no disrespect, it's just often graffic or upsetting t... View more

Hi, Well obviously this my situation. I was hoping to find others here that might have a similar background to chat with, it can be so hard to talk about this stuff with non-med people (and I mean no disrespect, it's just often graffic or upsetting to others). Im a 40 year old female that has spent the last 10years in the State Trauma Hospital as an Anaesthetic Technician. My PTSD was brought about after years of exposure to shocking traumas, deaths, and no support from management. I would love to hear from anyone that has a similar story, or just wants to chat. Cheers

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Peter775 Scared for the future.
  • replies: 7

Hi all I wanna thank everyone that responds to this message in advance. I need advice , I apologise in advance to anyone if my story and circumstances are not as bad as yours I just want help, insight and understanding. 7 days ago in short summary th... View more

Hi all I wanna thank everyone that responds to this message in advance. I need advice , I apologise in advance to anyone if my story and circumstances are not as bad as yours I just want help, insight and understanding. 7 days ago in short summary the person living in the apartment next door was found dead. I did think what if that man is dead and i was denial hoping that maybe he was with hes family for christmas or fine. I had heard and seen things I wish I hadn't when the forensics team arrived. He was a drug addict, i saw this coming as a he was lonely old man who would tolerate listening to for 30mins avg each time he saw me because he was talented at gossping about other neighbors and hard to understand from been high. Given he was dead for about 2weeks at most from what police think might of happened. That neighbor later said he was let down I didnt go in with them. Could this be true? Only thing i saw was a strecher the one time i looked out my door. I have plans in place to get help, im going through panic attacks since coming back to my home and pain which seems to have improved from the images in my mind. I want this to go away as fast as possible and dont want it to interfere with my life though I feel with time I will move on from it there is fear I might not. To say i suffer from ptsd makes me feel like its wrong because of others in worse situations then mine. I dont wanna believe it despite proffessionals suggesting it could be so. A few questions I have is whether this really is a form of ptsd and what are my chances of having it not effect me in the future? And has anyone gone through something similar and if so how long did it take them to recover? What if I never recover, this scares me dont wanna have my life ruined over this?

LAC08 First Responder with PTSD and Chronic Adjustment Disorder
  • replies: 6

G'day, I sound like a page of the DSM! I've been a first responder for ten years and been exposed to all forms of shit during this time. However, my trauma history extends way back into my childhood - probably why I do what I do now. I have recently ... View more

G'day, I sound like a page of the DSM! I've been a first responder for ten years and been exposed to all forms of shit during this time. However, my trauma history extends way back into my childhood - probably why I do what I do now. I have recently linked in with support services through work and am now on WorkCover. Yesterday, I received an official diagnosis from a psychiatrist - PTSD (kind of knew that) but also Adjustment Disorder (AjD) with chronic symptoms. Dr. Google isn't really helping me and I don't go back to see any of my support people until after Christmas. Can anyone shed some light on having AjD? Is it really just a case of me 'over-reacting' to stimuli? Cheers, Laura

Coco1696 Past Trauma ruining today
  • replies: 4

Hi there, I am married with four children and my past life is catching up to me. My husband is generous and loving and an amazing father. I am sabotaging our relationship with my controlling behaviour and jealous rages. I was sexually and physically ... View more

Hi there, I am married with four children and my past life is catching up to me. My husband is generous and loving and an amazing father. I am sabotaging our relationship with my controlling behaviour and jealous rages. I was sexually and physically abused for a period of about 6 months when I was nineteen (my first boyfriend). He decimated my self worth and esteem. I thought I had done so much work on myself, reading/understanding/not blaming myself etc but apparently I have a long way to go I still carry that worthlessness with me today and have this completely irrational fear that my husband is cheating on me or is planning to leave me. Every woman is a threat to me because every woman is better than me. I’m angry a lot and so controlling of him that he can barely breathe. My rational mind knows my husband loves me and is devoted to me but lately I’ve been spiraling out of control and accusing him of these terrible things. I’m so ashamed of my behaviour. How can I banish these irrational thoughts (and actions) . I’m lost.

Long_journey Marriage impacted by my sexual abuse/complex PTSD/Sexuality confusion
  • replies: 4

Hi all, I have been in the same relationship for almost 16 years (married for 8), I have 2 beautiful kids - which are my true joy. However my life is slowly fracturing. I know that it is my own lived experience more than anything else that is to blam... View more

Hi all, I have been in the same relationship for almost 16 years (married for 8), I have 2 beautiful kids - which are my true joy. However my life is slowly fracturing. I know that it is my own lived experience more than anything else that is to blame. I was raised in a physical/emotionally abusive house - I am the youngest of 4 sons; and by the time I as 6 I was also being sexually abused by an older brother, this abuse continued until I was 14. It became a 'normal' part of life. As a result of this childhood I have cPTSD, and almost all aspects of life give me anxiety - I have become very good at appearing 'happy', when actually under the facade I am broken. I have no birth family now, I have completely escaped - for my own health. My only family now is my wife's family. They know my childhood story, and are somewhat understanding. I have an amazing Dr Psychologist who has helped me a lot. But there are some things that are just not getting easier. My sexuality is confused. I think I am bisexual -but am disgusted in myself, and also fascinated with the idea- unfortunately these thoughts often take me back to my sexual abuse. I am trying to accept that this is me, but I will never know if I am bi because of my abuse that began when I was so young, or if I am this way 'naturally'. Acceptance of myself is the only way I can move on from this. Unfortunately my wife is conservative and when I told her about my Bi thoughts about 8 months ago, she didn't talk to me for several days, and then it took at least a month of pain for us to get back to some kind of normal relationship. My wife can't accept who I am - I did tell her in our first week together when we were young, that I had 'experimented' with a male housemate a couple of years prior (my only MM experience), she was okay with that. I have been monogamous for our entire marriage. But I now find that I need to know (definitively) my sexuality - of course I risk my own life (and impact my wife and kids lives) if it all goes wrong. I want to tell my wife again - I am a very honest person - but am afraid of an even worse response than the first time I raised the topic. The only other option is to have a 'fling' on the side - which would create other awful emotions - guilt, being the main one...and maybe more confusion. I am 42 and still don't know who I am. It breaks me everyday. The clock is ticking, and I have so much regret. I love my wife so much and don't want to hurt her. Thanks in advance.

Jessica1111 Why does smoking Marijuana help with my anxiety
  • replies: 10

Hi, I was in a toxic relationship & was narcissistically abused & I'm suffering from pts,anxiety & panic attacks. I have gone to the doctor & he subscribe anti depressants but they don't work & won't work for 6 weeks, I asked the doctor for anxiety m... View more

Hi, I was in a toxic relationship & was narcissistically abused & I'm suffering from pts,anxiety & panic attacks. I have gone to the doctor & he subscribe anti depressants but they don't work & won't work for 6 weeks, I asked the doctor for anxiety medication & was denied, I asked for light sleeping pills just once off but was denied. My anxiety is so bad I can't stop reliving it & I can't sleep & I'm extremely mad & I will attack u if u even look at me the wrong way doesn't matter where I am I'm filled with rage. The doctor basically cannot help, so I started smoking Marijuana & it's great, I'm relaxed I don't think as much it makes me hungry & I have a great sleep I'm not angry. I feel the doctors do not really want to help & was a waste of time & I now self medicate myself as the doctor was completely useless. I need something that's works today not in 6 weeks. When I feel a panic attack I just smoke & everything stays good. If the doctor had given me something for anxiety I would have not had to do something illegal & find my own outlet for anxiety.

Ayisha Is addiction curable? Is addiction a mind disorder?
  • replies: 5

I am a 53 year old alcoholic. Luckily I am a functioning alcoholic who only drinks in the evening. My research tells me that addiction is an incurable disorder. (I hate the word addict, so I call myself as having SAD...substance abuse disorder). I kn... View more

I am a 53 year old alcoholic. Luckily I am a functioning alcoholic who only drinks in the evening. My research tells me that addiction is an incurable disorder. (I hate the word addict, so I call myself as having SAD...substance abuse disorder). I know that many people have successfully achieved abstinence. But does that mean they are cured? Ayisha

pippab1 Trauma triggers in my intro re suicide
  • replies: 2

Hi i just want someone to chat to when i feel this nothing feeling. Disasociated i guess. i can't think, i can't make decisions very well. i found my 16 year old deceased. The memories and triggers don't stop for long and always hard to know what wil... View more

Hi i just want someone to chat to when i feel this nothing feeling. Disasociated i guess. i can't think, i can't make decisions very well. i found my 16 year old deceased. The memories and triggers don't stop for long and always hard to know what will come next. i feel guilty about her suicide and guilty about failing to save her. Sorry that is just one amongst a world of pain and regret. i recognise the importance of staying alive for my adult son and try for myself as well. i hate these lost blank periods almost as much as the flashbacks and nightmares. Does anybody else get this? i do get psych help and no longer drink cos i needed oblivion so much but it was screwing up me and my son. So prescription only for the PTSD. Wish someone would just take my hand and walk me and my dog around safely. No thinking, just walking or other excercise. i know it helps but my motivation to get myself to the gym is zero. pip

Dee_is_here I experienced complex trauma, finding help was very difficult
  • replies: 6

A year ish ago I found help in the most unlikely place Next step. A counselor listened to my story and took action. With a few calls and inquiries she directed me towards the right support. For 2 years I searched for help, I was a mess and didn't kno... View more

A year ish ago I found help in the most unlikely place Next step. A counselor listened to my story and took action. With a few calls and inquiries she directed me towards the right support. For 2 years I searched for help, I was a mess and didn't know what I needed, and how to get it, all I knew is that my two children needed me. I have experienced complex trauma, and it manifested into disassociation, poor concentration, intrusive thoughts, anxiety, memory loss, etc. I am a work in progress and my focus atm is healing my mind body and soul. Schema therapy is working for me, but the type of therapist makes a difference. I just started doing new things like open heart meditation; eating and drinking healthy. Sometimes I struggle making positive choices; but I feel good when I do. There is no cure all because every one is different. Keep searching for what works for you because tomorrow is a new day, even if its a simple google search for happy cats and it puts a smile on your face for the day. Intrusive thoughts are horrible, so many simple things are triggers and my brain cycles on repeat. Sometimes my negative thoughts come out in word, I notice it mostly in my texts so I pause delete it and think of something positive to text. Sometimes this takes a lot of effort but I try. The most difficult is my network, I don't have one. Identifying toxic people is not my forte. I was once asked to give an example of an average healthy human adult; but honestly i don't know and google doesn't know either because I searched for hours. Since 2014 I have struggled with leaving the house but I now I feel lonely and bored. Being around other people and having a connection with someone is so rewarding and I miss it. That's what brought me to this thread tonight, its hard to find individuals that can relate to the impact of trauma and recovery. Thank you for reading

Idkme What motivates you?
  • replies: 1

Hi guys... i thought I’d start a new thread about what keeps us going.... for me one of the greatest things is writing here and hearing other’s journeys and discoveries. Often in times of distress or fight/freeze/flight mode we get stuck and need som... View more

Hi guys... i thought I’d start a new thread about what keeps us going.... for me one of the greatest things is writing here and hearing other’s journeys and discoveries. Often in times of distress or fight/freeze/flight mode we get stuck and need something to keep us going. What’s your little way of ‘turning the volume up’ so you can keep moving forward? Those struggling with ptsd are easily stopped in their tracks at times. Sometimes we just need a little bit of a boost, what’s that boost for you. For me it’s also having work to distract me so that I’m not always dwelling on my past. Your turn.

Sherbet Lack of Mental Health Support
  • replies: 5

I have just started seeing a specialist trauma psychologist. I finally feel i have someone i can trust and who can actually help. Just recently i had an admission to hospital as i was totally suicidal and needed help to stop me acting on my thoughts.... View more

I have just started seeing a specialist trauma psychologist. I finally feel i have someone i can trust and who can actually help. Just recently i had an admission to hospital as i was totally suicidal and needed help to stop me acting on my thoughts. When first admitted to my local hospital, the specialist psych nurse was very supportive and even suggested i may need a stay in a psych hospital a few hours away. My local mental health support case manager was removed from my case and i was told that could no longer help me in the community as i was not responding like they thought i should. This was really hard to take. But i was angry and decided that was not helpful. Even the trauma psych said it was not right and i would continue to need community support as she was going on leave after the Christmas break and she was not local and only in town a few days a week. My stay in hospital was helpful until the local mental health team got involved again and without asking how i was, some chick i had only ever met once suggested i go home as i had been there for 2 nights and that was fair enough. I was very upset and told her to get lost. Still i packed my bag and told the ward nursing staff that i was going home. They were concerned for my safety and advised me not to leave and i pointed out to them that the, so called professional told me to go. So they rang the police and not long after i had made the long walk home, the police were at my door and wouldn't leave me alone. i had an appointment organised with the trauma psych and the police rang her and took me their. She took me to the hospital with the idea of advocating for me with the local mental health team. They would not respond to her calls. They also wouldn't give my daughter the name of the mental health person who told me to leave the hospital. Anyway i was once again admitted and told in emergency they were getting a nurse in to special care for me The next day the mental health team turn up again and tell me i am not being admitted to a psych hospital as they don't think i needit. They also wrote in my notes that i could go home. the dr came and they said i couldn't leave. I stated that i no longer felt safe their and had to get out. Soi went home with my daughter. she let me stay at my house alone with my animals. Now i have nowhere safe to go for help.he local mental health team ruined any chance of further assistance and ignored my pleas for help when i was most vulnerable.

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