PTSD and Trauma

I crave the innocence of my innerchild

replies: 3

I've been waking up in sweat lately, I find myself crying over the past as if it would change the outcome of today. I mourn for my innocence, I yearn for my childhood & desire peace in lonliness. I look at my family and a sea of nothingness washes ov... View more

I've been waking up in sweat lately, I find myself crying over the past as if it would change the outcome of today. I mourn for my innocence, I yearn for my childhood & desire peace in lonliness. I look at my family and a sea of nothingness washes over. I HAVE 0 Love left in me. Cutting ties and connections have felt like the equivalent of having open wounds then squeezing lemon juice on top to bring instant and quick relief from pain that didn't have to be there to begin with, however I have no ability to release this emotion in a healthier way because of that patterns that came embedded in me its all i know.STAY quiet.Dont Complain.Its In the PAST.WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO DO ABOUT ITNOW? Your still not over it?I Called my dad when my brother inlaw forced himself on me. I cried a pool of tears as I trembled and voiced my fears. "DAD, I left in such a rush because I was so scared, I forgot to take my keys can I come stay with you? What if he comes here?". .. I was met with a response that only tore my already broken pieces into crumbs. "well! Who told you to go there? That's what happens when you don't stay put!. You'll be fine". I gripped that phone as if I had dug my hands into my chest and were pumping my own heart physically. I called my mum and her first response? " Why would you call your dad? Now he's gonna think less off me? He doesn't deserve to know our family buisness. This is so embarassing". I Apologiesed to my mother... for not being considerate enough. My sister; She chose to stay with that vile creature. She went on to justify that he had been heavily intoxicated. INTOXICATION DOES NOT EQUATE TO RAPE. Yet sure... let's blame the alcohol. In light of all of that. My family still chose to put a blanket over these disgusting acts, tuck it in and proceed with the facade of "Happy family". It's ironic really, people know us for being a 'big happy family' yet my fear of touching people STEMS from Those very seeds known as "Family". First it was my uncle - My mum called me a liar; My grandfather. - I was labelled 'young a naieve" My older sister - She claimed I was insane - My brother - No one believed me & now my brother in law. putrid ! I hate my skin, I hate that when I sleep I need to barricade my door despite living alone. I scrub my skin till I am red because the thought that there is a trace of their skin that lingers on mine, repulses me. ?The ONE other sister I confided in, used me as a pawn in her attempt to reconnect with her ex husband as she belittled me. " WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO, Your such a winer,WHY ARE YOU SCARED? Your so DRAMATIC".she said all of this in the car as I begged her to take me home running out of My older sisters house 2am in the morning barefoot abandoning everything i had arrived to her house with. I couldn't collect my thoughts fast enough I just cried. After she dropped me off to my house claiming she couldn't let me stay at hers because of a house guest I cried and stayed hidden in my wardrobe... the next day I've awoken to angry texts and calls & that same sister who claimed I had nothing to worry about is now saying"I texted [exhusband] let him know what happened because who else am I meant to call to protect us?".

When you can’t avoid your triggers

replies: 5

I know that in 24 hours I will have to be at the scene that triggered a trauma response. I’m anticipating that I will be triggered again and that it will add to the current trauma response I am experiencing. Has anyone been in a similar situation or ... View more

I know that in 24 hours I will have to be at the scene that triggered a trauma response. I’m anticipating that I will be triggered again and that it will add to the current trauma response I am experiencing. Has anyone been in a similar situation or had to regularly do something that triggers them?I am concerned that even the most minor thing will send my spiralling. Has this been anyone’s experience?

Hello

replies: 3

Awake and saying hello

Muscle-skeletal Pain from Trauma Question

replies: 6

Dear All, After suffering trauma this year, my body had started to tense up and lock up. I was given a muscle-skeletal relaxant and that worked for a while,as I was in alot of pain. But now the pain has returned. I still take the medication. My Psych... View more

Dear All, After suffering trauma this year, my body had started to tense up and lock up. I was given a muscle-skeletal relaxant and that worked for a while,as I was in alot of pain. But now the pain has returned. I still take the medication. My Psychiatrist has suggested physiotherapy for the pain. Massage specifically. Has anyone else had pain of this type and what techniques or strategies did you use to manage it. I mostly feel the pain strongly in the base of my neck, my spine behind my belly button and where my spine meets my tailbone. I am starting to get regular headaches too. I feel like The Princess and the Pea, where I can feel everything underneath me when I sit. Any edges on fabrics and so on. Any replies would be appreciated.Thank-you,ABC01

PTSD alone and I have No life

replies: 5

Hey it’s been a while since I posted on here. I’m extremely distressed and I’m moving house too in the next week. Everytime I have a clear heart and mind I call my mother. Or people who I reach out too who i usually block. It’s like my body heart and... View more

Hey it’s been a while since I posted on here. I’m extremely distressed and I’m moving house too in the next week. Everytime I have a clear heart and mind I call my mother. Or people who I reach out too who i usually block. It’s like my body heart and mind wants closure so I reach out but these people are narcissistic. Having put me in that moment of distress in the first place. my Mother looks at conversations towards her as a competition. Instead of LISTENING To the words I’m expressing and conveying to her she listens to what she can get out of it and how it affects her. She thinks she’s being attacked so she has her guard up all the time. I could be expressing how much I loved my Country coastal trip and how I was abit worried about my cars Gears, but I had a good trip away, AND SHE’LL FOCUS ON MY NEGATIVE EVENTS. Which is NOT WHAT I WANTED TO TALK ABOUT. im 38 I’ve gone through a few domestic violence incidents one which was very traumatically VIOLENT. Then the other phycological more after he went to the remand centre. writing to people is hard when SO MANY NASTY NARCISSISTIC PEOPLE Have tried to make me react and say things to take from me. What I generally mean by that is that growing up in a single parent house hold even though my dad wanted to be with my mum. I Would always be told to do things I didn’t want to do my Other sister ran off one day when she was 14. And she didn’t come back. She hasn’t spoken to my mother since. shes 39. if I mistaked something I would get punished usually hit. im stressed right now due to strangers like plumbing technicians coming around to my place of rental to fix a plumbing Issue only to forcefully demanding and Outrageous. This happened yesterday. I’m moving out of this property. But it was disgusting. only word I can think of is Apporant. Behaviour. It’s time to go away. It’s time to focus on my own self and thoughts. It’s difficult when I’ve got horrible things my mother has said in the back of my mind. She needs to go away and let me be happy. I’ve always dreamt she’ll go away to live somewhere and let me us be happy. my sister has moved to Canada. She did when she was 28. I had a strong bond with my other little sister but she hasn’t spoken to me since me and my ex finished (she’s 27) I have another sibling who likes to control me. She’s 44. She my halfsister. my mother deposits small amounts into my bank account without me asking. So now I’ve had to block her recipient. I hope things do work for me

I was raped in a small town

replies: 4

Two years ago I was raped while unconscious from drinking, by a close friend. I felt in my small town I couldn't talk about it, for fear of not being believed or honestly I couldn't imagine the rift that would bring n his family (who are lovely), and... View more

Two years ago I was raped while unconscious from drinking, by a close friend. I felt in my small town I couldn't talk about it, for fear of not being believed or honestly I couldn't imagine the rift that would bring n his family (who are lovely), and he is a popular person. I had bruises and people knew he had taken me there unconscious so I should have done something. I told only a couple close friends a month after it happened, and they were unfazed and still talk to him and are friends with him. I struggle to see him around and I have to fake being polite to him even though it kills me. Even my new boyfriend (who knows what happened) will maintain conversation with him. I have so many mixed feelings about this and would love someone to take me seriously when I talk about it.

Feeling extremely anxious, stressed and lost trying to apply for DSP

replies: 3

Hi everyone. So its been a while since i made a post in hopes of getitng some advice and guidance for everyone. So here we go. Since last month (September) I've been trying to apply for the DSP payment. I was on a 6 months medical exemption and it en... View more

Hi everyone. So its been a while since i made a post in hopes of getitng some advice and guidance for everyone. So here we go. Since last month (September) I've been trying to apply for the DSP payment. I was on a 6 months medical exemption and it ended so yeah i was hoping I could just apply and thats it - but theres all these damn paperwork requirements that yeah are insanity. So fast forward to this month just before Halloween, ive had countless anxiety attacks, stressed out of my mind, trying to get help and guidance from my GP with no success and I ended up calling helplines multiple times cause im so stressed and triggered by this application process. I'm so done with this entire paperback that I want to rip it up, burn it and throw it in the bin. It's not benefiting me and only making my anxiety worse. So here I am guys - asking for advice and help. I am seriously struggling and I cant stay on jobseeker for the rest of my life, and I cant get a job either - i have serios mental health struggles (complex ptsd, severe anxiety and severe depression). I downplay my mental health because I am a victim of sexual assault and family abuse. I generally shut down due to safety reasons to protect myself. If your an abuse/assault victim you'd understand. It's my protective mode that makes it hard for me to communicate whats really going on. So yeah I know it doesnt help but sadly its my coping mechanism. So guys - what do I do? Cause im at the end of my string, I dont know who to turn to for help, who to call or who to help me with this entire mess. The paperback is literally driving me insane, im done with it. I dont want to approach my doctor anymore, he wont help and is sexist towards my gender. So guys - if your a woman and you've been through this process applying for DSP as a victim who did you turn to for support and help/guidance? Cause i personally cant do this on my own, its impossible. I'm exhausted mentally and physically. I need someone else to do this for me. It's that simple. What do I do guys? Help! (p.s. crying while writing this post).

Confused

replies: 1

My partner and I just went through a breakup, had it’s good and bad times, I was voicing what’s on my mind as we do and I said “thing you do make me feel like an option” the relationship ended the next day and made me the option.. where did I go wron... View more

My partner and I just went through a breakup, had it’s good and bad times, I was voicing what’s on my mind as we do and I said “thing you do make me feel like an option” the relationship ended the next day and made me the option.. where did I go wrong?

Post Neck Injury Trauma

replies: 5

Hi guys, I just wanted to ask if anyone else has had a similar experience. A year ago, I broke my neck and was airlifted to hospital. My injury was extremely serious, I almost lost my ability to walk. A year later I am physically fully recovered, and... View more

Hi guys, I just wanted to ask if anyone else has had a similar experience. A year ago, I broke my neck and was airlifted to hospital. My injury was extremely serious, I almost lost my ability to walk. A year later I am physically fully recovered, and never thought I was effected mentally. The other day a doctor was asking me details about it, and I broke down and I could barely speak about it. I've never cried about it before and now I'm feeling more affected by it than I was originally. I don't know if I have subconsciously suppressed how I really feel, or if I should have moved on by now. I don't know what to do with my feelings and everyone else in my life has moved on.

i know it's a bit dramatic, but i feel traumatized from my losses.

replies: 1

Hello, this will sound like a lot of whining and complaining about my life, I'm very very sorry.Confronting the loss of my older brother has been a very hard thing for me to do. He is two years older than me, and comitted with I turned fourteen. I wi... View more

Hello, this will sound like a lot of whining and complaining about my life, I'm very very sorry.Confronting the loss of my older brother has been a very hard thing for me to do. He is two years older than me, and comitted with I turned fourteen. I will never forget that day when my mother had screamed, crying while dropping me and my brother off to school, grabbing me by shoulders and asking if i was okay to go, ever since then she treats me differently, I can tell she is terrified that I'll do it too.I'm still not over what happened that day, in the next year, my older sister by 4 years had died to muscular dystrophy, this year, my eldest sister is suffering in hospital. The part that hurts the most, they're all my siblings but I never really got to meet them or speak to them properly due to being seperated. My mom promised me all those years ago, we will all get to live together, and as a child with at that time a single mother, the promise of a normal family felt too good to be true. Of course, it never happened because they died, it was terrifying, I keep thinking all the time selfishly if I'm next, if my mom is next, and if the family I now have will dissapear forever and leave me alone. These trash thoughts affect and influence my relationship with others, my depression and anxiety worsens and I feel like it's ruining my mind, and slowly driving me insane. I've never had a proper sense of stability, and every single day that I wake up and go to bed is the day I wonder what will be taken away from me next, what I'll do, how I will react, paranoid with every trip I make to school or go out.I hope one day I'll stop being like this, and I try my best to keep a smile on my face and push through the day.

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PTSD for Medical and First Responders

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I crave the innocence of my innerchild

replies: 3