I feel so deeply for you as you face the the level of exhaustion your mental health challenges have led you to. While there can be so many challenges that come with mental health issues, I think one of the most intense would have to be what I'd term as a soul destroying lack of energy. It can be such a torturous feeling.
With depression, there can be such a difference between long term depression and episodic depression. As a gal who's experienced both, I know episodes eventually come with some relief. Long term, on the other hand, is something I'm not sure mental health practitioners, family or friends fully understand the impact of unless they can relate to it and how it feels. It can really wear a person down in so many ways. It comes with little to no relief.
I wish I could offer you some relief or something refreshing, to the point where you could feel it. All I can think to offer is what I personally have found refreshing. I hope at least one of these things may strike a chord
- To be able to find people who can relate to how we feel. With this can also come the freedom to fully express our self, without fear. There's no fear of being misunderstood or judged or degraded. There is only encouragement, empathy and compassion
- To find ways outside the square that actually work in making a difference. When nothing inside the square works, I've found going outside of it can offer some relief and answers
- To be offered a revelation or different perspective that truly resonates in some positive mind altering way. For me, I think one of the greatest revelations or shifts in perspective offered to me involves what I've come to call 'The in between'. It feels like a kind of limbo state, where there's a sense of feeling stuck between who I was and who I'm going to be. This perspective implies I am going to be someone (other than who I was or am now) and I am going to come out of this state. Of course, the problem is not knowing how to get out of it. Much earlier in my life, facing long term depression, I was in that state for 15 years or so. Limbo can definitely feel like hell on earth at times, especially when you're stuck there for what feels like forever
- To find a guide and support that can not only help shed light but also lead the way when we've got no idea where we need to head
Just a handful of things. Amongst all of them, the last one is possibly the most important. Feeling lost and alone and completely in the dark would perhaps be the most challenging of all feelings. I've found, without guidance, life can feel impossible to navigate. I've found some truly brilliant guides on the forums here, ones who have helped shed light for me in truly dark times. I look forward to some of them answering your post.
