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Jeriava How do I talk to my doctor?
  • replies: 9

I’ve been struggling with my life for the past 7-8 years but I finally made an appointment with a doctor. I feel really scared though because I don’t ever go to the doctor for anything, and I havent seen this doctor for so many years that I’m really ... View more

I’ve been struggling with my life for the past 7-8 years but I finally made an appointment with a doctor. I feel really scared though because I don’t ever go to the doctor for anything, and I havent seen this doctor for so many years that I’m really scared that they’ll judge me or won’t believe anything I say. I’m really anti social so I feel like I won’t be able to say what I wanna say or I’ll say the wrong thing causing them to just dismiss me and move me along without helping. I’m just tired of feeling alone, depressed and just worthless but I’m really scared to talk to them.

Chris_B Are you looking to support someone else with depression? PLEASE READ before posting
  • replies: 1

This forum is for people seeking support for their own mental health issues. If you're posting on behalf of someone else with a mental health issue that you're concerned about, please have a look at this section of our forums: Supporting family and f... View more

This forum is for people seeking support for their own mental health issues. If you're posting on behalf of someone else with a mental health issue that you're concerned about, please have a look at this section of our forums: Supporting family and friends with a mental health condition It's full of threads from people who have family members and friends going through anxiety, depression or other related conditions. Have a read through the threads there, and feel free to take part in the discussions. Below are also some helpful beyondblue resources you might want to look through first as well: Supporting someone Have the conversation

AGrace SELF HELP TIPS FOR MANAGING DEPRESSION
  • replies: 132

Hi Everyone, Here are some ideas you might like to try for managing symptoms of depression. Of course everyone's different, so let us know what works for you, and please feel free to add to the list... Mindfulness – through breathing or engaging the ... View more

Hi Everyone, Here are some ideas you might like to try for managing symptoms of depression. Of course everyone's different, so let us know what works for you, and please feel free to add to the list... Mindfulness – through breathing or engaging the 5 senses Distress Tolerance – Accepting Emotions and Self Soothing Distraction – Put the thoughts/feelings aside and come back to them when you are ready to deal with them Positive Affirmations – Have some affirmations written down repeat them to yourself daily Sleep/Exercise/Diet – All 3 aspects of our lifestyle can impact the way we think/feel Increasing Pleasurable Activities – Engage in at least one pleasurable activity per day

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Ilovemydog Just when I think the worst is over.
  • replies: 6

It's getting late and I'm tired (always tired). But I just had to say to somebody/anybody, I was on such a high last week, I had so much energy and I was happy and grateful. It is such an unusual feeling for me that it is almost scary, I had the auda... View more

It's getting late and I'm tired (always tired). But I just had to say to somebody/anybody, I was on such a high last week, I had so much energy and I was happy and grateful. It is such an unusual feeling for me that it is almost scary, I had the audacity to think that maybe, just maybe, the worst was over, the menopause was nearing the end, the depression/anxiety and OCD was all going to exit out of my being and leave me in peace to try and live what's left of my life in relatively normality. One week I had that for, sheer bliss for one week. Now I'm back to the "dark place", that is which "normal" as far as I go, the depressed, tired, exhausted, painful, hating, sad, pathetic shell that I am. The worst thing about the rare burst of "happiness" is the fear and realisation that I will and do come crashing back down to here, to this place I'm in again, it always seems worse. I'm so tired I can hardly lift my fingers to type this. That is all I can allow my mind to cope with saying at the moment.

AussieJovi I don't think I'm after advice, but will accept any
  • replies: 7

I don't think I'm after advice; but will accept any. I just have nowhere to vent without family/friends interfering. I have suffered from depression from as long as I can remember. I have had 3 bad cases of PND; lost my first husband to Melanoma 20yr... View more

I don't think I'm after advice; but will accept any. I just have nowhere to vent without family/friends interfering. I have suffered from depression from as long as I can remember. I have had 3 bad cases of PND; lost my first husband to Melanoma 20yrs ago; left my 2nd husband {& 2 young boys} 5 yrs ago. My ex & kids are now about to move back to our home town {4 hrs away} due to financial pressures. I love my boys dearly & the thought of them leaving is killing me; BUT; I also know that in reality I am NOT capable of looking after them on my own. ATM; their father is an on call casual & I get called to come stay with boys at a drop of the hat....and this sends me into a downward spiral...they don't behave for me {they are 10 & 15}; they are rude & call me names & I get in trouble if I discipline them....damned if I do & damned if I don't. I have a new man in my life {for 8mths}...all started out well; but he doesn't believe in depression & is one of those who say "suck it up & get over it"; which; of course; is making me worse. When my ex & kids leave he will be all I have as all my friends have busy lives with kids & husbands of their own. I have always said that I am too silly to do anything silly to myself; but there are more & more days that I wish I wouldn't wake up or hope something happens to me {I don't want to leave my kids with the guilt of me committing suicide}. I AM SORRY FOR RANTING; JUST NEEDED TO PUT IT SOMEWHERE. beyondblue's clinically-trained moderators often work offline (invisible to you) on issues relating to suicide or self-harm. At the same time, general supportive comments from the community are encouraged. If you have concerns around suicide or self-harm, please phone our support service on 1300 22 4636

fifi Really struggling today
  • replies: 68

having such a horrible day today and here i was thinking that i was having more good than bad well this week has proved me wrong . I am in a major downward spiral sitting here at my work desk finding it hard not to burst into tears and the anxiety at... View more

having such a horrible day today and here i was thinking that i was having more good than bad well this week has proved me wrong . I am in a major downward spiral sitting here at my work desk finding it hard not to burst into tears and the anxiety attack that is going with it has my stomach in knots. my body is aching all over and i am finding harder to function as the hours roll on over the last few days i have had a heap of veins explode and my hands are now all bruised and extremely sore not helping at all . the stupid irrational thoughts are back and i find myself over analyzing everything i have types this post over 5 times just wish everything would just settle down i really dont like where my head is heading praying for a better day

Mal50 Life-long.
  • replies: 8

Hello, I can't remember a time when I wasn't depressed. There have been times when I've experienced happiness but the depression has always remained just beneath the surface. I often have a facade of being a joking and jovial type of person but insid... View more

Hello, I can't remember a time when I wasn't depressed. There have been times when I've experienced happiness but the depression has always remained just beneath the surface. I often have a facade of being a joking and jovial type of person but inside I seriously want to die. All the Depression Self-tests I've done show that I'm in the Very High bracket physically, emotionally, andsexually abused as a child, with a very controlling mother who chose to chain me up like a dog (this is the truth), did not do a lot for my early development. Since about the age of 16 there hasn't been a day that I haven't thought about death and wished it would come quickly. If not for the fact that I'm a gutless coward I would've taken my life a very long time ago. I honestly don't think I can be helped because it's something I've had my entire life, it's a part of me.Thank you for reading my post.beyondblue's clinically-trained moderators often work offline (invisible to you) on issues relating to suicide or self-harm. At the same time, general supportive comments from the community are encouraged. If you have concerns around suicide or self-harm, please phone our support service on 1300 22 4636.

AstroRug How can you be patient with this pain?
  • replies: 2

Hi guys I've written on this forum before - once when I was despairing, once when I thought I was recovering. My recovery lasted about 1 week and then I came down hard. Since then I have been in bad pain. I'm writing again because your kind words rea... View more

Hi guys I've written on this forum before - once when I was despairing, once when I thought I was recovering. My recovery lasted about 1 week and then I came down hard. Since then I have been in bad pain. I'm writing again because your kind words really helped last time. I've sought and received a lot of help over the last 10 years. I'm usually able to respond pretty well to treatment and advice and so I used to think my illness was well-managed or at least well-tolerated. But something changed last year. Perhaps because I no longer had the security of a good job, or the comfort of living in my home city or had a very supportive girlfriend, but when another episode commenced in about August, I have never been more frightened. The last 12 months have been a long series of debilitating lows, fused with painful anxiety. Right now I'm in the middle of a horrible low. I have been told to be patient. I'm really struggling with this. How can you be patient with horrible pain? I feels like I'm sitting on a hot plate and being asked to stay still. I have this deep pain in my chest and in the back of my head. It feels both empty and tight, kind of like a black hole sucking everything into nothingness. To give a final analogy, it feels like I am wrapped up in barbed wire - if I stay still it hurts, if I move it also hurts - maybe more. I know I need to be patient, but how can I be patient with this when it just hurts? I would really appreciate any advice you guys might have Thanks guys

BlueJ Over 10 years of feeling hopeless
  • replies: 3

Hi everyone, Just signed up, have been looking for somewhere to vent for a while. I'm a 27 year old male and while I've never been diagnosed I think I have been suffering from depression since I was around 14. It was about 3 years after my parents sp... View more

Hi everyone, Just signed up, have been looking for somewhere to vent for a while. I'm a 27 year old male and while I've never been diagnosed I think I have been suffering from depression since I was around 14. It was about 3 years after my parents split and we moved two states away while my dad moved to another country and I started drinking heavily. Not just the weekend party drinking but drinking at home, hiding alcohol and marijuana which I used almost every night and continued to use to deal with my emotions through university, and I still do today. Sometimes I'm absolutely fine for weeks or months, then something tiny will set me off and I wont sleep for days due to stress and a feeling like I want to tear the world down and sink into a black hole, or get so numb that it doesn't matter how I feel. I've spoken with a GP who was very blase and basically told me that life is sometimes "difficult" i.e. dismissed. I have since moved and changed doctors but haven't yet felt much like taking to my new GP about this kind of stuff. Anyway I've been struggling for the last few days due to some stuff at work and just needed a place other than my girlfriend to vent. Not sure what else to say, just feel like this is all holding me down and pulling all my friends in around me when I'm feeling this broken. But my life is actually pretty damn good, I enjoy my work and my friends. Most of the time. Other times I feel there's absolutely no hope for myself or for humanity or our planet. It's been over 10 years and I still cope by using marijuana, and I try not to drink as much but I still have a drink or two almost every night (sometimes a lot more). I just wonder if feeling this way ever ends or is it something you learn to deal with and overcome over time. If its the latter, that sucks, but ok. Also thanks for creating this space. J

Jo3 Depressed and angry at my "inner child"
  • replies: 9

I've been writing this morning in my book to my psych about my "inner child". I started writing about my childhood and writing myself as a third person. I started writing that I hate my inner child for what I have gone through. How weak I was and sti... View more

I've been writing this morning in my book to my psych about my "inner child". I started writing about my childhood and writing myself as a third person. I started writing that I hate my inner child for what I have gone through. How weak I was and still am and noboby cared about me as a child, She was brought up in a very strict background where she wasn't allowed to go anywhere, have no friends or not even go to a friend's birthday party when invited. She was never allowed sleep overs or even when she turned 18 she was never allowed to go out. She had to stay home and do what her mum would say. And if she tried to say something back to her mum she would be yelled out. She had swimming lessons as a child and clearly remembers not being able to swim so what did the instructor do - push my head down the water. this would happen over and over again. Hence now I hate putting my head under water. She wanted the love from her parents but she was not "smart enough" like the other siblings who would get all the attention. She was punished a week before her wedding because her mum and dad had organised something that she wanted to do but was told not to go ahead with my plan. She was 20 yrs old How lonely it was for her at school, only 1 close friend and not even allowed to go to her house. Everyone at school at groups of friends - I had none. She must have been an ugly child for no one to want to talk to her, no one to walk home with her. She craved to be a good child at school and always "acted dumb" so then she could get the attention from her teachers. Maybe that's what she was wanting - attention and love from someone, just anyone. And all she wanted was a hug, a kiss and a loving supporting parents; all she wanted was to feel loved. Maybe she never got that bond of love because she was born 10 week prem and was left in hospital for weeks and weeks. I'm sorry I needed to vent this I am so emotional today, my thoughts are everywhere some good and some not so good. Just want to be left alone. Lump in my throat, anxiety is high. Why did I write this - I don't really know Jo

Meep01 Does anybody else deny help?
  • replies: 3

Hi, More than anything I'm just writing to get things out. I dont really feel comfortable or able to talk to anybody, and that's the main problem. I guess I should start by stating I know I'm depressed. I'm a young adult, and I've been in and out of ... View more

Hi, More than anything I'm just writing to get things out. I dont really feel comfortable or able to talk to anybody, and that's the main problem. I guess I should start by stating I know I'm depressed. I'm a young adult, and I've been in and out of depression my whole teenage life and it has been really tough. This time though is one of the most tough, because for some reason I wont speak about it. I don't think I'm looking for advice, more just to hear from somebody who has experienced or is still experiencing this. It's been a few months now since I've started feeling depressed again. I was depressed at the beginning of the year, and ended up going to a psychiatrist. For reasons I don't really understand I cancelled going to any of my appointments and I have stopped taking my medication. The medication made me feel more tired, because I felt like it was 'pushing' me through when I didnt have the energy to do so. People started noticing how I was feeling, but honestly I don' t remember what they said. About a week ago I 'broke down' into tears and confessed how I was feeling to my mother, but she told me that I had too many committments at stake. I then spoke to my sister, who let me stay with her for the evening and cancelled my shifts for the day. The next day though, everybody expected me to be better and continued on. My problem is that I feel like the world wont stop moving, like I am on a conveyor belt and even though I am overwhelmed I can't make things pause so that I can catch my breathe. Each day I need to go to work, be there for my partner, do my study. I feel like there isn't the time to stop and get help, or that if I open up about how I am feeling everything around me is going to collapse.I feel like nobody cares about me, or that it is my fault and I am over reacting and just need to 'grow up'. People have started getting short with me, yelling at me for not talking and calling me selfish. I tried to make an appointment with my doctor but he is on holidays. I'm worried that if I speak up about how I am feeling people are going to make me cut my shifts or make drastic changes. Even worse, they'll tell me they don't do 'crisis care', and that I need to go to the hospital. I know I am walking on glass, but for some reason I just wont seek out the help that I need, I tell myself that I need to keep going no matter what. Has anybody else felt this way, and what did you do? Do you have any advice, or could you relate at all?

lightofday Reading through these posts makes me feel like a failure
  • replies: 10

Sometimes ( most of the time ) reading through these posts makes me feel like even more of a failure. Many of you have, (or had) partners and kids, something I haven't experienced for a long time (partner) or at all (kids). And everyone seems to get ... View more

Sometimes ( most of the time ) reading through these posts makes me feel like even more of a failure. Many of you have, (or had) partners and kids, something I haven't experienced for a long time (partner) or at all (kids). And everyone seems to get their life back on track after not too long. I don't feel like I belong anywhere, not even here. Nobody truly knows my loneliness.

CJ28 Stuck between loneliness and depression.
  • replies: 2

Ok, so right now if feels as though my world is falling apart. My one friend sent me a message about about a month ago with the whole 'I miss you, let's catch up', and I am yet to hear a thing since. I'm lonely, and miss her as well, but the depressi... View more

Ok, so right now if feels as though my world is falling apart. My one friend sent me a message about about a month ago with the whole 'I miss you, let's catch up', and I am yet to hear a thing since. I'm lonely, and miss her as well, but the depression just stupid me from doing anything. It's the usual story though, she gets a new boyfriend and no one else really matters. Being stuck with no friends and depression just makes me feel stuck. I throw myself into my work and do a good job everyday, I bust my guts for the company (even my bosses said I do a great job), and yet last week during end of year reviews I got my bum kicked hard over a trivial matter, and the 2 blokes I work with only work when the boss is in his office and they got raving reviews. I use work as my outlet and now it just seems pointless. Each weekend I am curled up in bed, I don't know what to do. I am over this depression thing. I am at a complete loss with everything.