I'm coming out of a major depressive episode, due to a series of
stressful events beyond my control with work,family,life in general.Been
trying so hard to avoid negativity of others at work and either ignore/
let snide comments slide not to be over-...
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I'm coming out of a major depressive episode, due to a series of
stressful events beyond my control with work,family,life in general.Been
trying so hard to avoid negativity of others at work and either ignore/
let snide comments slide not to be over-sensitive. But today at work,it
was a wierd day anyway.Then I was sent to cover someone for what I was
told would be an hour. Teacher A,whose class I was working in was
annoyed ( though not with me),as she wanted me to do small group work. I
told her I'd be back in an hour . Firstly, I got sent to the wrong room,
felt like an idiot becuase the class was empty. Rang back to check for
the right room number (being a typical depressive?GAD asumed I'd got it
wrong)only to find out that it was the person who'd sent me there had
got it wrong. Feeling very wrong-footed already, went into a class I'd
never been to before, to have that teacher really snap at me in a very
terse patronising tone, about something very minor, in front of a parent
and students. Even when I explained why I'd made the error, she
continued to make a big deal out of it. Then the staff member I was
relieving didn't come back for 1 3/4 hours, so I felt guilty about that.
It was outside my control, but I felt bad, went to apologise to the
teacher whose class I'd left, but couldn't find her. By now, it was the
end of the day.I went back the office I share with a workmate, who I
usually download to. But she was in an intense conversation with
someone, that they quite obviously didn't want me to hear. So grabbed my
stuff, went home and am left feeling really down and with that choked
throat , want to cry , but can't feeling.My Queensland father in law had
a great saying, ( no offence intended to anyone, it's about the
sentiment expressed not the subject) that perfectly fits my mood "Some
days, you could far kick a nun down the stairs" Why is it some verbal
arrows pierce your 'mental armour' ,hurt so much, shatter your self
esteem and carefully reconstructed confidence?? If this was anyone else
I'd be saying ,"Don't worry about it , it's her problem not yours". Why,
can't I believe that myself, Does the self-loathing,feeling of
inadequacy,over-sensitivity ever get better? Is it always going to be
one step forward, two back? I'm just so over the endlessness of '
emotional triggers' at the moment. Am dreading going to work tomorrow,
possibly running into that particular teacheragain, plus having to
explain to the teacher whose class I'd left. Yarnartisan.
How do I talk to my doctor?
